~Charlene's Web~

Out With The Old, In With The New

2011-04-04T07:44:00.002-04:00

It was a lovely weekend, weatherwise, though I didn't go out to enjoy it at all. All the snow was melted. Yesterday was sunny and mild, the birds were chirping, but I stayed inside. Then we had a blizzard last night, and it was winter all over again. Today is gloomy and rainy. I don't expect the snow to last very long. You know, I do enjoy blogging. The blog I had before this one was very good, much better than this one has turned out to be. It was humourous, witty, interesting and informative. But then again my life was a lot different back then. I was a social butterfly with many friends, and there was never a dull moment. Now I'm a hermit, with three friends, who I never see. I've decided to start a new blog. I have several reasons for this. This blog has just become too dull and lame. There are people reading it who make it impossible for me to be myself. I have to censor and edit everything I say. I just can't be me. I hold back far too much. And it just makes for really bad reading. There are people who I do want to read my blog, otherwise I wouldn't have told them about it. So don't worry, if you are one of those people, I will let you know the new address. It may take a while, as I'll have to think about it some. I'll need a new email address first of all. Then I need a new title. I want to make it so that no amount of searching by my unwanted readers will find it. So a fresh start, again. I'll see you soon in my new place, where hopefully I'll be able to talk about more than the weather conditions. Chow for now.

Baby Shower, Bike Show and Upcoming Weddings

2011-03-28T06:18:00.003-04:00

It's been a very long time since I've been to a baby shower. Put it this way, the last time I went to a baby shower there was no such thing as diaper cakes yet. My friend D is getting her first grandbaby in May, so I went to the shower last weekend. I had a great time shopping for the gift. There is so much cool stuff out there nowadays. The shower was nice, she got tons of stuff. That's going to be one well dressed baby. I sat with D's Mom and sisters, who in all these years I had never met before. It was great to get out for an afternoon and socialize. This past weekend we went to visit T. Haven't seen him since last Thanksgiving. So I finally got to give him his Christmas present, since we didn't even see him at Christmas. He's going through a rough time right now. He's having trouble with an ex girlfriend and with the law because of her. He's also sick. And he's been out of work for 2 months now. I hope things get better for him soon. As soon as I met his ex girlfriend I knew she was going to be a fatal attraction type of deal and I was right. After visiting T we went to the bike show/swap meet at the CNE. Mr. Man didn't find any of the parts he needs. We were expecting beer to be $9 and were pleasantly surprised to find it was only $7. It was much the same old thing, it wasn't very big either. We saw a few old faces. We met up with S there and hung out with him. So it looks like Mr. Man will just have to order the parts he needs and he'll be doing that in the next couple of weeks. I'll be very happy to see the bike getting put back together. A bird slammed into the window here one day recently. Superstition says that's an omen of bad luck or death. Great, just what I need. We seem to have a couple of pigeons making our balcony their home. So I Googled pigeons to find out what to feed them etc. and all I found was ways to get rid of them. It seems pigeons are a common pest lol. I guess they are making a bit of a mess out there. I think they're building a nest. We'll have to get rid of them before they get too comfortable. I'm going to put out my Hummingbird feeder this year and see if I get any here. I never got around to it last year. I miss living in the country and seeing all the wildlife. Oh I forgot to mention after the bike show we stopped in to visit my Dad. He is amazing. He is looking very good for a 96 year old. He's still on the ball. We had a very nice little visit. That reminds me, one of my nephews is getting married in May and his brother is getting married in the fall. So we have two weddings to look forward to this year. I got my dress the other day. I have nothing that fits so I had to get something new. I already got dresses and shoes for Little R. This will be her first wedding. I'm really looking forward to it. Little R is basically living with her boyfriend. I see her once or twice a week. She's not ready to take the leap and move out completely. It's not the best situation and she still needs our assistance quite regularly. Mr. Man is not happy about it at all, but he never says no to helping her out when she needs it. I hope she gets it together soon. That's about it. Mr. Man is working like a fiend. He went in at 4:30 a.m today. But at least his hard work and dedication is appreciated and rewarded. I'm here just trying to beat this depression, lose weight and get my shit together. That's it, that's all, have a great week.

I Love Auctions

2011-02-23T08:44:00.002-05:00

Greetings. What can I say? It's been more of the same since I last posted. As you may or may not know, my niece passed away I think in January '09, then her husband passed in September or October '10. I've been in contact with their daughter via Facebook for a while. We don't talk much but when we do it's comfortable. I love seeing the pictures of her family and her kids which would be my great-great-nieces and nephews. Recently I got an invite from her to participate in an online auction. They were auctioning off their parents stuff. I had very mixed emotions about the whole thing. I began thinking about it, I love auctions, and my niece had some very nice stuff. I imagined the kids had taken what they wanted and had to do something with the rest. Then I remembered that my niece had my parents antique diningroom set. Well the thought of having that really got me going. I found out there was no reserve! So I registered. I looked at everything over and over again for a week before the day of the auction. We went to the preview at the house. I was a little shocked to see my nieces house in such disarray. But the house was sold and it needed to be emptied out. Sure enough the diningroom set was the first three items listed. I can't tell you how excited I was to have the chance to get my hands on that. Also worried sick that it would slip through my fingers. People were already bidding days before the day of the auction. I decided to wait til the last minute to start bidding. Why drive the price up? I was so nervous come the day of the auction. My funds were very limited. There was a good chance that furniture would go beyond my means. So I decided that if it did go too high for me there was a bunch of smaller stuff I'd like to have. Almost immediately the furniture was out of my grasp. It got split up and went to 2 different bidders. Sigh. I had to convince myself that it was a blessing in disguise. I would have had to store it at a friends place for one thing. That's a bit ridiculous. Do I really need a bunch of wobbly old furniture? The answer is no, I don't. So I happily bid on a bunch of smaller lots. I ended up with boxloads of stuff. One thing I did want and got was a lot of dishes which contained a couple of my mothers teacups. Long story but I had given them to my niece because she wanted them. So now I'm faced with going through everything, deciding what to keep or not, and finding homes for all this stuff. Thankfully I didn't get any furniture lol.

The day we went to the preview we stopped to visit my niece and her husband at their final resting place. We couldn't find them. Then we realized we were at the wrong cemetery. There are two of them close to each other. Next time we're down that way we'll pay them a visit. My niece, her mother (my sister, passed in December '08) and her husband, none of them had funerals. So I never really mourned. Just didn't have that closure. It didn't quite seem real. This auction made it real for me as far as my niece. I mourned for a week or so. It was a rough week. Very mixed feelings.

Then after talking to my great niece I decided to go visit my brother-in-law, my late sister's husband. I've known him my whole life. He's up there in Gravenhurst with no family around. He lost his wife, daughter and son-in-law. So Mr. Man and I drove up to see him on the long weekend. It was a little awkward, but not bad. We took him out for dinner. Don't ever go to Boston Pizza in Gravenhurst! Trust me, it was awful. It was noisy as hell, packed, dirty, it stank horribly and the food was disgusting. Live and learn, we won't ever be going back there. I promised myself I would keep in touch with him and visit him more often. When my sister passed I hadn't seen her in a couple of years. So now I'm mourning over her. Going to her house without her there made it much more real to me.

I've decided that when I die I want a funeral. My sisters ashes were scattered throughout Gravenhurst, so there is nowhere to go "visit" her. I've also decided I want to be put in a place where people can "visit". I used to want to be buried, but now I think I'll go with cremation. Mr. Man wants to be cremated, so we may as well stay together.

Yeah, so now the apartment is full of boxes again. Just as I'm getting used to living here, nesting, thinking we're staying, Mr. Man starts talking about moving. Sigh. I've been looking all along, there's nothing out there. I've lived in nicer places but I've lived in worse places too. So, I'm content here for now. With me having no car, it's conveniently located. The building is a little slummy, but our apartment is decent.

Still haven't found skates for Mr. Man. Still looking though. Now it's to the point that he needs to start working on the bike if we're going to ride this year. Maybe we'll go skating next winter. Little R continues to leave a wake of drama everywhere she goes. I think she wants to move out. I can't even talk about her. So I guess that's it for now. My passion for auctions has been renewed. Live is better than online. There's always eBay for that anyways. I expect the bike will be the focus of our life soon enough. That's it, that's all, have a great week.

Winter Has Just Begun

2011-01-29T06:31:00.002-05:00

I used to post much more often, but I used to be much more active. In the last year I rarely leave the apartment. I'm just getting old and fat. I'm not happy with this. If I can get us some skates, we're going to go ice skating this winter. My life pretty much consists of sitting in front of the computer, watching tv and reading. Every once in a while I'll do a little housework. I'm so out of shape, skating will probably hurt me.

There's still no progress in the murder investigation. There sure seems to be a lot more crime and violence here lately. Our local police are now under the microscope. Until that murder I felt totally safe here, now, not so much. This town just doesn't feel the same. I find myself looking at every male I see and thinking yeah he looks like a rape hound psycho killer hiding in plain sight. It's awful. This town is forever changed because of these crimes. I don't know if I'll ever feel safe again, even if an arrest is made.

So I stay home where I'm safe. I must admit I'm getting cabin fever. I'm ready for change. I've taken the first step, again. Getting off the narcotics. It didn't last long the last time I tried. I am more determined this time. I know now that I can't even take one pill, not even a half a pill. It has to be completely out of my system. I think the worst of the withdrawal is over with. It was a tough week. I'm starting to feel like my old self. When I get a full nights sleep I feel great when I wake up. I don't wake up wanting a pill. The cravings are still pretty bad at times, but it's mellowing out. I just have to remember that I got along fine without those pills before I started taking them.

Last Saturday night we went up to visit S. D wasn't there, she was off on a girls weekend. So I got to sit in the shop with the guys having a couple of drinks by the woodstove. I really needed to get out of the apartment bad lol.

We finally took the Christmas tree down yesterday. Little R did all the undecorating. Packing everything away was left for me to do. I promptly Freecycled the tree. I posted it and it was picked up within an hour. So now we have no choice but to get a new tree. Mr. Man said he was going to sneak in a real tree next Christmas. We'll see. We may not even be living here by then. It was supposed to be temporary when we moved in here. We still don't have window coverings because we weren't planning to stay. It's ok, we're on the top floor and there's no other buildings around, just houses. But last weekend I was looking at curtains while we were out shopping. I think I'm getting used to the place. I think we may stay a bit longer than planned, even though that ship has already sailed. I don't know, very undecided right now. The place is just starting to get organized. I hate the thought of packing everything up before we fully unpacked, moving and unpacking and trying to organize all over again. I think we're here for a while.

Another change I want to make is to get more active. I want to get out and do stuff on the weekends like we used to. Lately, our weekends are spent with Mr. Man sitting in front of the tv and me sitting in front of the computer, all weekend. He is so exhausted he doesn't want to do anything. But that is going to change. I can't stand it. So, the ice skating. Since we don't have skates yet (and I had a pair that I carried with me for years and years until I finally Freecycled them not long ago), maybe some darts tonight. Playing darts is much more active than sitting on the couch.

They say the third Monday in January is the most depressing day of the year. I didn't notice any difference. I wasn't any more or any less depressed than usual that day. But I can see how that might be true. And then you have the people who are already looking forward, counting the days even, to spring. I refuse to do that any more. I find the time passes much quicker if you're not counting the days. Winter has just begun.

Well that's it for now. I'm off to start my day. Even though it really started at 3:19 a.m. I don't know why but that's when I woke up today and I couldn't get back to sleep. So have a good day and a great weekend.

Holiday Pictures 2010

2011-01-04T08:28:00.004-05:00

Here are a few of the pictures we took over the holidays. We have none from New Years. Our big day was Boxing Day when we had Mr. Man's family here for a big turkey dinner. Everyone said they enjoyed the dinner, but I was so stressed out and frazzled, it's all a blur to me. This was our first time ever celebrating Christmas with Mr. Man's side of the family. It was great. I do look forward to doing it again. I don't know if i'll do the dinner thing again, but I look forward to spending time with them at the holidays. Then there's a couple of pictures of when we went to see my family on Christmas Day. That was fun too, but I must say, they are the opposite of Mr. Man's family lol. One of my sister's sons and his daughter weren't there, and also my brother and his family weren't there. There are also a couple of my other nephews that we usually see at Christmas who we didn't see this time. Pardon the big gap before the photos, that's just Blogger, I don't have the time to rearrange everything to fit properly. Chow for now.

This is me, after dinner, on Boxing Day.

This is Mr. Man and his niece's boyfriend on Boxing Day.

This is Mr. Man's nephew and his girlfriend, after dinner, on Boxing Day.

This is me and Mr. Man's niece on Boxing Day.

This is Little R and her cousin on Boxing Day.

This is Mr. Man's younger great niece and great nephew on Boxing Day.

This is Mr. Man, his nephew and Little R on Boxing Day.

This is Mr. Man's oldest great niece on Boxing Day.

This is Mr. Man's niece in the middle, her boyfriend on the right and Mr. Man's nephew's girlfriend on the left on Boxing Day.

This is one of my nephews, just waking from a nap, on Christmas Day.

This is one of my nephews on Christmas Day.

This is my sister on Christmas Day.

This is Little R and Mr. Man on Christmas Day.

This is Little R with my father on Christmas Day.

This is Little R opening a gift on Christmas morning.

This is my old friend at Lake Erie and her daughter a week before Christmas when we went to visit.

I Hate When The Holidays Are Over

2011-01-04T07:20:00.003-05:00

I know I say this every year, but I'll say it again, I hate the end of the holidays! Mr. Man went back to work today. It's time to put all the Christmas stuff away. We got a late start, we didn't even put the tree up until a few days before Christmas, so I think I'm going to leave it up until next weekend. I'm not sick of it yet. So much effort and work and emotion goes into the holidays. All the preperation, decorating and shopping and cooking and wrapping and visiting and partying. We did all our shopping in 2 days! The whole thing is just a blur and now it's over. Mr. Man's little vacation went by way too fast. This time of year depresses me. I don't know what to look forward to. It's back to reality and my reality isn't so great these days. I miss Mr. Man when he goes back to work after being home for 10 days. Little R just stresses me out. It's constant drama. It's way too soon to look forward to spring. The winter is just getting started. Speaking of winter, all the snow we had melted over New Years with rain and mild weather, but then on Sunday it snowed all day and everything is white again. They're calling for snow every day for the next few days. I like snow.

I think I'll do a post after this with all pictures. We got a few but not as many as usual. And Mr. Man gave me a new video camera for Christmas. I don't even know how to use it yet. I can do videos with my old camera, I just never think of doing it. I did however get one video on Christmas day of my father trying on the cardigan we gave him. He's been looking for one for a couple of years and we gave him one last year, but he didn't like it, and hasn't been able to find one he likes. Apparently he likes the one we found this time. I posted it on YouTube so Big R and my brother could see it. That's the first time I ever posted anything on YouTube. I didn't even see my brother at all this Christmas. We offered to stop by his place while we were in the area but he had other plans. I really like my old camera. It takes excellent pictures. And I pretty much know how to use it. It isn't even that old. I'm going to try to remember to take more videos with it. I just thought it would be good to have at least one good video of my dad, and now I hope to get more. The last time I posted pictures on here it was a real pain to do and that's why I don't do it any more, but I will.

The holidays always make me miss people who are gone. It makes me remember past holidays spent with them. And of course I can't help but think of the ones who actually passed away at Christmas. I am looking forward to Christmas 2011. I'm going to start planning, shopping and decorating early. I'm not going to do anything to cause stress like put on a big dinner. That usually comes about because Mr. Man gets a big turkey given to him from his work. This time it was a turkey and a ham. Definately going to try to eliminate stress in 2011. We need some good new memories.

I don't want to spend today sitting here crying. It doesn't have to be a bad thing that the holidays are over. So I'm going to post some pictures and then get busy cleaning up. Have a great day.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-03T08:26:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year! 2010 was pretty darn uneventful. We saw more of Mr. Man's family but we hardly saw our friends at all. I've become somewhat of a hermit. I rarely go out without Mr. Man. We've been kind of living in limbo, wanting to move, but not wanting to go through all the trouble of moving. Birthdays were barely even celebrated in 2010.
I think the biggest thing that happened was the murder in Orangeville. The paranoia from that has been intense. Then a couple of months later a woman was attacked in her home and left for dead near Orangeville. It's been difficult to accept that these things are happening so close to home. Thanks to Little R we've had several dealings with the local police. I have little faith in them any more.
2010 was the year we got 5 out of 7 numbers in the lottery. But really, big deal. $1100 is hardly life changing. Mr. Man has excelled at his job. He's been promoted. It's a great place to work. They really treat their employees well.
I don't really have high hopes for 2011. I think it will be much the same as last year. For things to be different I have to make some changes. Now that the apartment is cleaned up for the holidays, I plan on keeping it cleaned up. I'm not going out alone until they catch the killer. We can't get another dog as long as we live here. We're going to be more active in trying to help Little R get her life together. I'd like to spend more time with friends this year.
The holidays were good. Christmas was nice and quiet. We went to visit my dad on the 25th. On Boxing Day we cooked a turkey dinner for some of Mr. Man's family. They are the opposite of my family and the noise level in here from the minute they arrived until the minute they left was just unreal. I was surprised the nieghbours didn't complain. We all had a great time. Then on the 27th Little R went out for coffee and didn't come home. She is out on bail and one of her conditions is a 9 p.m curfew. She had been really good about being in before her curfew until this day. So around 10 p.m I contacted the friend she was meeting for coffee who told me Little R never showed up. I told my husband I had a really bad feeling. Around 10:30 we called the cops. She didn't come home all night. The next day the cops decided to put it in the news. It was in the paper and on tv. This made it more real and I got very upset. Everyone was thinking the same thing, that maybe she ran into the killer. It was a horrendus two days. She came home late at night on the 28th. She had no explanation. She wouldn't tell anyone anything. I will say she came home in rough shape. Because she had broken her bail conditions she spent the night in jail. On the 29th we went to court to bail her out again. That whole thing really put a damper on the holidays. We were supposed to go to a party for New Years, but because of all this we just stayed home. Today is Mr. Man's last day off, back to work tomorrow. He didn't get much rest and he really needed it. He doesn't usually take a summer holiday, but maybe this year he should.
So yeah, I welcome 2011, I hope it is a better year for us. Happy New Year, now back to work!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T08:17:00.002-05:00

Here it is Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas! With the exception of a couple of things, I did all my shopping yesterday. Mr. Man will be shopping today. The tree is half decorated. We have boxes and boxes of decorations all over the apartment. The apartment has been drastically cleaned up but there's still more to do. Nothing is wrapped. T has decided not to come spend the holidays with us, he won't even be here for dinner on Boxing Day. We're having some of Mr. Man's family here for turkey dinner on Boxing Day. We're going to the city to see my father and sister tomorrow afternoon. We're so lucky that Mr. Man is off work from noon today until January 4th. He really needs the break. It makes for a very nice, relaxing holiday. We have about a foot of snow on the ground so it will be a white Christmas, yay. I really look forward to seeing some of our relatives. We don't see any of them often enough. But there are so many we won't be seeing. This year will be extremely toned down as far as gifts go. But we're all older now and it just isn't neccesary. I had fun shopping for Mr. Man's niece's kids. I look forward to shopping after Christmas for things like wrapping paper and cards for next year. Usually get great deals on that kind of stuff. I didn't do it last year so I'm paying full price for that stuff, ugh.
The company party a couple of weeks ago was good. We went to The Old Mill. Our limo was an SUV this year instead of the car we usually get and it had a lot more room in it which was great. The restaurant was very nice, there was a band and dancing. The food was fabulous. But then the restaurant closed early so we all piled into the limo and headed off to a bar. We ended up in a crappy little bar in Mississauga. Mr. Man and I got home around 4 a.m. It was a little strange because there's a couple of new guys at Mr. Man's work so there we were partying with 27 year olds lol. One of the guys girlfriends was obnoxious and gave me a headache.
Last weekend we went to visit my friend who lives at Lake Erie. We had a really good visit. I love going there. I wish my friend and I lived closer together so we could see more of each other.
Well I have a lot to do today. I'll probably be posting again soon. Have a wonderful Christmas!

Christmas Is Looming

2010-12-07T07:58:00.002-05:00

Finally we're getting some snow. There's a snow squall watch in effect. I guess we're getting a squall right now. Yesterday it was snowing all around us and we hardly got any. Mr. Man was supposed to go to London for his infusion treatment but the doctor called and cancelled because they got so much snow in London.

I've barely started Christmas shopping. I ordered a couple of things online, but actually braving my way through the stores hasn't happened yet. The local Walmart is now open 24 hours. That will come in handy the next couple of weeks. At least I have some idea of what I want to get. The hardest person to buy for is my dad. I have no idea what to get him. He's 95 and doesn't need anything. He's legally blind. I'm open to any suggestions.

This Saturday is the company party. Unfortunately the only family gathering is the same day. We'll have to figure something out to see my family. Every year it's something. I'll have to find something to wear to the company party. I've gained so much weight, nothing fits. Ugh. I refuse to buy bigger clothes. I'm sure I can find something in my collection of velour outfits lol. Thank gawd for stretchy velour.

My eye seems to be pretty much healed. I'm almost out of drops. I have an appointment with an Optician this weekend. Then that's it.

Nothing has been going on. We haven't gone anywhere or done anything. It's just been the grind. Mr. Man just wants to rest on the weekends. So that's it for now. Have a great day.

I Can See Clearly Now

2010-11-20T13:02:00.002-05:00

Yeah yeah, I know, it's been a while again. Believe me, it bothers me more than it bothers you that I have no life. Big R was going to visit this month but then changed her mind, so now we won't see her until next summer. I'm pretty disappointed about that. I guess the biggest thing that's happened is I had my eye surgery. I got put to sleep for it but most people don't. I just could not imagine sitting still for it. But it was amazing, as soon as I woke up I could see better. Now my new eye is clearer than my other eye. And amazingly there was no pain. It stung and burned a bit at first but a couple of Tylenols took care of that. I had to wear a patch over it when I slept for the first week. I can't get water in it for 2 weeks. I have to put drops in 4 times a day for a month. And obviously I can't rub or touch my eye. So for now, I have to have someone else wash my hair for me. Little R has been a great help, she's been doing my drops and she washed my hair. Mr. Man gets to do it today.

Little R is spending the weekend with her cousin in Scarborough. They'll be going to the big Toronto Santa Claus parade tomorrow. Me and Mr. Man are going to check out the local parade this evening. I don't know why they started doing it in the evening. That started last year. It was better in the afternoon. Everyone loves a parade lol. Mr. Man said something about wine and darts this evening! He's tough to beat at darts. Last time we played I think it was 7 wins for him and 3 for me. We rarely play any more. We have to rearrange the furniture to do it, so it's a pain. Oh I miss the house. We had the perfect set up there. Speaking of houses, we were going to look at one today and then I looked it up on Google maps and found it was just too far out of the way and wouldn't be suitable for us. The house itself sounded great though, it's a shame. I'll just have to keep looking. Something will turn up eventually. We didn't plan on staying here this long.

Christmas is looming. Haven't even started shopping. Money is tight this year. We're having a dinner for some of Mr. Mans family on Boxing Day. Well that'll be our turkey dinner. I don't know when we'll see my family. And so much for our tradition of seeing a Christmas play at the local theatre. This year they're doing Anne of Green Gables. We don't even have any snow yet. How odd. I can tell already it's going to be difficult getting into the spirit of things. But as always I will try.

Well I'm off to get bathed lol. Have a great weekend.

Stalking, Imagined and Real

2010-09-28T08:19:00.003-04:00

I don't know if I mentioned before that I have cataracts in my eyes. One eye is really bad and the other one is just starting. I've had it for many months now. My sight just got gradually worse until I couldn't see at all out of one eye. So I went to my doctor and he sent me to an Optician and he sent me somewhere else that I've had to wait two months for my appointment. That appointment is finally coming up next week. It is my understanding that when I go next week measurements will be taken and we will set up the date for surgery. Apparently this is very, very common surgery. Many people have it done with a local freezing. I'm going to ask to be put to sleep. Somehow I don't think I could sit still while they peel my eyeball like a grape, even with freezing. It's been a very unpleasant experience losing my sight. And of course I'm dreading the surgery. I'll be very happy when it is done and I can see again.

Also coming up next month is my birthday. I'll be 49!! 40 is the old age of youth, and 50 is the youth of old age. That's exactly how I feel about it. It falls on a Wednesday this year, so that sucks. Usually it's right around (Canadian) Thanksgiving, if not right on Thanksgiving, but this year it's after. We're thinking of going to a show at the Sound Academy on the 15th. Birthdays haven't been that big of a deal this year for some reason.

The other day I was reading Cathy's blog and in it she called me a stalker. She called me a stalker because I read her blog! I don't leave comments, I just read. She has a widget on there which tells her where her readers are from, and I guess I'm the only one from my town. I'm the one who started her blogging! I've been blogging for years and she has read it. I told her she should start a blog and she did. I've known her for 35 years or more. We're not friends any more and in my opinion she never was my friend. I like to read, I read tons of blogs. Why wouldn't I read one by someone I've known most of my life? This just shows her mentality. Unfortunately I know just what it's like to have a real stalker. I have one now. I won't go into detail other than to say it started on Facebook. This is a man I don't know. I'm in the process of collecting evidence and if he keeps it up I will be going to the police. I know he's delved into my life beyond Facebook, but just how far he's gone, I don't know. In light of recent events, ie the gruesome murder of a woman in my town, I'm taking this very seriously. So really Cathy, don't be such a knob. You know I'm an avid reader and you should be thankful anyone reads your drivel at all. And you should really check yourself before you go flinging such derogatory statements around. You're just lucky you didn't mention my name.

There are some things I wish I could unread. Because of this murder I've been reading the news again, which I hadn't done in years. I found the news just upset and depressed me, so I stopped reading it, for years. Now with this murder I want to know what's going on. I won't relax until someone is arrested for it. This led to also reading Facebook pages set up regarding the murdered woman, and other sites regarding unsolved murders and missing people. That's what I wish I could unread. The last thing I need right now is some idiot stalking me. It's a frightening world people.

Drama And Murder

2010-09-22T13:45:00.003-04:00

My my how time flies. The weather was fantastic this summer. But the truth is I hardly left the apartment for the last half of the summer. I've gained so much weight that none of my clothes fit me. I don't want to go out walking around in ill fitting clothes. I've done nothing but sit around playing on the computer and watching tv. Oh but there's been plenty of drama. Little R moved back in a while back. I was happy to have her back here. But the drama started immediately and never let up. She just left again on Monday. Now we don't even know where she is. She just said "I'm moving out now, bye" and left. She did say she would come see me this afternoon, but I haven't heard from her yet. She's 17 and doesn't know what she wants. I think her boyfriend manipulates her. I had just gotten used to being an empty nester when she came back. Then it was chaos. Now I have to get used to her being gone again. I do hope she shows up today so I can at least maybe find out where she is staying. She went back to school and the school wouldn't take her! They told her she has to go to the alternative school and get 4 credits before they will let her attend. I'm not 100% sure but as far as I know she did go sign up at the alternative school. I just want her to be happy and healthy and have a good productive life.

I've really been on edge lately. There was all the drama with Little R of course. Then there was also a murder in our little town. That doesn't happen here very often. I'm pretty upset and paranoid about the whole thing. It happened fairly close to home. This town will never be the same. Until an arrest is made I'll be pretty freaked out. This has kept me in the apartment for the last month. I won't even go down to the laundry room by myself now. It's just disgusting that a woman isn't even safe in her own home any more.

We've been to visit T a couple of times. Met his new girlfriend. It sounds like we're going there for Thanksgiving. You know I got him that computer from Freecycle, it's been sitting on my diningroom table for months. So we were getting ready to take it to him, and when we turned it on, there was the blue screen of death. It had been working fine up until then. So much for that. I know he'll never go out and buy one. I guess we'll just get him another one, unless Mr. Man can fix this one. I want my table back. This whole apartment is more like a big storage closet than a home.

The doctor has sent Mr. Man to a pain clinic. The nearest one is in London. He is getting this treatment called infusion. It's quite new to Canada. Basically they inject you via IV with freezing, the same stuff the dentist uses. I guess it's supposed to freeze your nerves so you don't feel the pain. They are looking at alternative treatments so that maybe he won't have to take so many pain pills. He had his first infusion yesterday. He goes back again in 2 weeks and then monthly after that. I hope it works for him.

So my immediate goals are to turn this place into a home. We won't be leaving any time soon as I had hoped. To lose weight by Christmas. I don't want to be like this at the company Christmas party. And to get my confidence back to be able to leave the apartment without fear.

That's it, that's all. Until next time, peace.

Summer Update

2010-07-29T10:02:00.003-04:00

No I haven't forgotten about this blog. I just read over my last post. "We went, we saw, we had fun, we went home". Uuummmm, not quite. I can only speak for myself, but the night we saw David Wilcox, I got smashed. I don't think I was alone in that. They were selling these vodka coolers and they were POTENT. I was complaining that he didn't play any of his old stuff, only to be told, oh yes, he did! Yeah, it was actually quite the evening. So the following weekend, I was getting dressed to go out, and I don't remember now where we were going, but I was donning my gold, when I noticed my bracelet wasn't in my jewellry box where it should have been. I hunted all over the apartment, it wasn't here. The thing about this bracelet is, it was quite expensive. Mr. Man bought it for me almost 20 years ago and it was costly back then. It's unique, there isn't another one like it. It was made by a jeweller I used to do business with down in the city. Every couple of years, without fail, I lose this bracelet! BUT, I ALWAYS find it again! I'm usually drinking when I lose it. It has the little loops on it to attach a safety chain, which I've done, twice. And twice, the chain broke. For whatever reason, it comes undone and falls off my arm. Now, I have been on the bike, noticed it gone, backtracked, and found it on the road, beside a sewer! I have found it, with a flashlight, in a tiny little hole in the floor of the truck, a week after losing it! I can't remember all the instances, but it's been amazing. So I was heartbroken. I swore I would never drink again. I assumed I had lost it in the bar we went to after the show. Mr. Man said he remembered me fooling around with it, doing it back up, in the bar. He recalled offering to help me do it up and I shooed him off. So, I went to the bar and asked if, against all hope, someone had turned it in. The girl I spoke to said she hadn't heard anything but would talk to the manager and let me know. She basically laughed at me and told me what I already knew, that it was highly unlikely anyone would turn it in even if it was found. I scoured the ground outside the bar. Nothing. I happened to be there a few times in the following days and every time I had a look around, didn't find it. I went to the only pawn shop in town. No one had brought it in and I asked him to keep his eyes out and call me if someone brought it in. I made up a little poster to put up by the elevator in our apartment building. I looked all over the parking lot and in the halls. Anywhere we were that night that it could have fallen off. All to no avail. I was just devestated. I was so disappointed in myself. About a week later, Mr. Man says to me on the phone from work, "what could I tell you that would make you really happy?" I said, "that you won the lottery?" He said, "how about, I have your bracelet in my pocket as we speak, but I have to get back to work now, I'll explain later"! My first thought was that he had spoken to the manager at the bar, who did in fact have the bracelet, because I had asked him to call the manager for me. I had ants in my pants waiting for him to get home, so I could see it with my own eyes, and to hear how he found it. Well, it turned out, he went to get something out of his wallet and noticed a lump in his wallet, opened the little zipper, and there it was! It was in his wallet the whole time! Apparently, when it came undone in the bar, I gave it to him to put in his wallet and neither one of us remembered it!! Jeez, a little embarassing. I'd say, thankfully, losing that bracelet was just not meant to be! From now on, I plan on not wearing it out when I know I'll be drinking lol. What a freaking drama, but I was due, I hadn't lost it in several years at this point.

The bike is still sitting in S & D's shop, torn apart, waiting for new parts. We haven't even been to their place in weeks. But Mr. Man still insists we will ride before riding season is over. I have faith. Meanwhile, we've been having fun otherwise every weekend. I don't remember all that we've done. A few weeks ago was the Founders Fair here in town. On Friday we wandered back and forth a couple of times looking for the beer garden, which didn't exist until Saturday. So we just went bar hopping until we met up with Silke and her new man, who we met for the first time that night and really liked, and then we all went to TJs bar for the rest of the night and had a hoot.

A couple of times we got up early on Saturday, grabbed Timmy's coffee and went yard saleing. At one sale, at the most unlikely house, I got a tub of Red Rose Tea figurines, there was about 30 of them, for $3. I just opened the tub and thought, hmm, these things are collectable. Then I came home and went on Ebay to check it out, and yes, they are very collectable. In fact, it sparked my interest in Ebay all over again. I also discovered I had an almost complete set of the Nursery Rhymes collection. In an effort to complete my set I asked for them on Freecycle and one woman gave me about 50 of them! Then my sister gave me another 20. Now I am one short of the complete set, as well as a few of each of other sets. So that is my new mission, completing my set and selling it on Ebay, and continuing to collect these things. A couple of weeks ago I compiled a list of yard sales to hit, from the paper and the internet, and we spent the better part of a Saturday going to them all. A couple of them were on farms which are absolutely the best ones. A lot of yard sales consist of kid stuff, clothes, strollers and toys. If I had grandbabies I'd have a heyday. Every once in a while you hit a good one. Because our big tv died, and it has a built in DVD player, we didn't have a DVD player, got one for $5. We had a couple of cheap phones that just never worked well. We got 2 retro Bell phones, one with a rotary dial even, for $1 and .50 cents. I know, who wants a phone with a rotary dial? Well, we did, lol. It's kind of useless if you have to press 1 for English etc., but that's ok, the other phone is a push button job. We got a watercolour painting for $15. We can't make out the signature, so we don't know who the artist is to look it up. But that's ok because it fits right in with our collection of snow art. Mr. Man bought a wonderful, huge, carved wood elephant for $1. It's folkart and probably worth something. We got all kinds of mentionable deals, the backseat of the car was loaded with goodies, and we spent about $40. We have no plans for this long weekend so I'm hoping to do it again, it's so much fun. I know, a lot of people just don't see the facination in buying other people's junk, but those who are into it do understand. I'm a collector and I love a good deal. And then there's the whole Ebay thing, though much of what I buy will not find it's way onto Ebay.

Last weekend we went to visit my friend who lives right on Lake Erie. I've known her since I was 4. Didn't see her for 25 years then hooked up on Facebook. She is my Ebay guide, as she has been doing it for 10 years or more. We went on Saturday, it was cloudy, the water was really rough and it was threatening rain. We had a barbecue, played Trivial Pursuit, got drunk and forgot to have a bonfire lol. We spent the night, and Sunday was fabulous. It was sunny and hot and there was no wind, which is unusual there. I saw a dog on a jet-ski! We didn't plan on it but we ended up spending the whole day just sitting on her patio, watching the lake, it was awesome. Her brother popped in, he's a skydiver, been doing it since we were kids. There's a drop zone just down the road from her house. He's up around his 10,000th jump! I wish we didn't live so far apart. When we were kids she lived right across the street from me, then they moved around the corner, until early adulthood. One thing we have in common is a love of old things and collecting. Seeing her only once or twice a year just isn't enough.

My visit with Big R in June was very nice. It was so good to see her, I'm so proud of her. We hung out here, then drove Little R back to her current residence in the country, then went for a late lunch. Big R wanted to go to a pub, so I took her to the Mad Hatter because I like their perogies. This was the first time ever I had a drink with her. We had one drink with our lunch. Not because of the drink, but I think it was the best visit we've ever had. And once again, I forgot to give her the bag of her stuff that I've been lugging around and storing for years. She's coming back in the fall and I can't wait.

I'm sure we've done plenty of other stuff, my memory just isn't what it used to be.

That brings us to this weekend. Other than a drive to Scarborough to pick up some lights, we have no plans. There is a big biker bash, but we aren't going this year. As I said, I hope to hit some yard sales this weekend. Otherwise we'll be taking it easy at home. Probably watch some movies, eat junk food and sleep lol. So until next time, peace.

Blues And Jazz Festival

2010-06-07T04:09:00.002-04:00

This weekend was the Blues and Jazz Festival here in town. They have bands playing all over town all weekend. We saw David Wilcox. We had a really good time. It was our first time seeing him, and there was no excuse not to. Mr. Man bought a CD too. When that was over we went to a bar. We ran into some people we know, had some fun then went home.

Sunday was a lazy day. It was chilly and cloudy. Our big screen tv died so we pulled out the smaller tv. I don't know if we're going to get it fixed or what. It's only a few years old and I would have thought it would last longer than it did. Mr. Man pulled the back off to see if he could find the problem. The thing looks like the inside of a computer in there. So he blew some air in it and then brought out the other tv. Thankfully we have that other tv. But I think we will try to get the big screen fixed.

I fell off the wagon with my addiction. I'm once again weaning off it. It's easier to gradually get off it than to just suddenly stop taking it. Hopefully this time I can stay off it.

Big R is coming for a visit this month. I can't wait to see her. I believe she has a new boyfriend now. I liked the last one but I guess it didn't work out. She's only coming for a few days, so we'll see her for one day. She has a lot of people to visit. Looking forward to this.

Hopefully Mr. Man will be working on the bike soon. It would be nice to get some riding in this season. At least this way I have some time to lose all this weight I've gained before riding.

There is so much I want to do this summer. There are people I want to go visit who live far away. I want to move of course. I want to ride. I want to go to places I've never been before. I want to get this place cleaned up and organized so it feels more like home. We were hoping to get a trailer at the place where our friends are. Doesn't look like that's going to happen this year.

Not much else to say. Have a great week.

It's Summer!

2010-05-30T08:42:00.002-04:00

Ok so basically so far I'm just too lazy to start a new blog. For one thing I can't even think up a new name for it. It all just seems like too much work. So here I am.

The weather has been fantastic. Hot summer like days all week. Including last weekend, the long weekend. T changed his mind on Friday and didn't come. We had no plans. Being empty nesters now we just jumped in the car and took off. Saturday we drove up to Wasaga Beach just to check things out and see what's new. We haven't been there in a few years, certainly not since the fire that wiped half of it out. So we drove around, had a look at our old cottage. It was surprisingly dead up there, not many people at all. I heard later that the rest of the weekend it was packed. When we had the cottage there, on a long weekend, sometimes just to go to the beer store, which should take 20 minutes could take like 3 hours because of the gridlock. So from there we decided to go a little north and see if our friends Mike and Sue were at their trailer. We got there just before dark and Mike was just leaving his trailer as we pulled up. He was surprised to see us since it had been about 2 years since we last saw him. So we partied there all night and spent the night. Sue was at home, long story there but she doesn't go to the trailer much any more. But they only live a few minutes away from the trailer. So we went to their house to get Sue on Sunday and we all went out for breakfast. They took us for a tour of Orillia. Then we spent the day at their house just chatting. Once we left there we went to buy smokes up by Casino Rama. Then it was time to head back to town for a bonfire at S & Ds place. That was fun as always. There was a few people there and they had fireworks. On the holiday Monday we just drove around looking for yard sales and stuff. I bought my flowers for my balcony planters and we got a barbecue. We've been having a barbecue for dinner ever since. The weather couldn't have been nicer, it was a good weekend.

The weather continued to be fantastic all week. Little R visited me every day after school. Of course it was a short week and now it's the weekend again. I live for the weekends lol. We didn't do anything yesterday. Last night we went to visit and have a beer with SW. Haven't seen her in ages except when she drove me downtown to pick up my lottery cheque. We missed a ton of yard sales yesterday. I imagine today will be a lazy day. Mr. Man is on a new medication and he's not feeling too well. It has side effects.

I'm continuing to look for a new place. I really can't stand living here. What I'm hoping to find is an $800 or $900 farmhouse which do come up occasionally. Mr. Man does not look forward to moving again. But if I find the right place we're doing it. This was supposed to be temporary. We still haven't fully unpacked. It's crazy. I'll just never feel at home here. I must admit I thought it would be easier than this to find a place.

Well Mr. Man just got up and he informed me that we'll be spending the day cleaning. Oh the joy. So have a great Sunday!

May 24 Is Here, Finally

2010-05-21T04:28:00.004-04:00

Yeah I know, it's been a while. I've been seriously considering deleting this blog and starting a new one. Or I may just leave this one and start a new one. Don't worry, those of you I know who like to read this will be informed of the new site.

Well where to begin. There's been plenty going on. There was a big drama with Little R which I won't go into and the final outcome of that was that she now lives with her boyfriends parents. It's been a couple of weeks and it seems to be working out. I missed her terribly at first but she has been coming to see me quite frequently so I'm ok. The most amazing thing is, she went back to school! I've never seen her so happy and positive. And she looks great. She looks healthy. She's gaining a little weight which is great because she was too skinny. That awful hair dye is washing out and her hair is more its natural colour again. She's wearing her make up like a human. She's dressing like a human. I am so happy. Let's hope it lasts. She says she's committed to school, going to summer school even. She's definately back on the right track.

And in other news, Mr. Man and I went down to the city to visit my family. We were just planning a quick, have a coffee, hit and run type visit but we were coerced into staying tor a barbecue dinner. Got in some quality time with my great niece. I don't think we got any pictures though. It's really getting hard to have quality time with my dad. He has less of a life than I do at times. He probably does get out more than I do though. I just don't know what to talk to him about these days cause well my life is the shits right now. I'm not gonna sit there and drown him in my troubles. Plus with him losring his sight and hearing, it's just not easy any more.

We finally got to have a bonfire up at S & Ds. Mr. Man supplies them with bonfire wood from his work so it all works out great. We finally had the weather for it. Some bad news though. These wonderful, hard working folks had their house broken into. Yup, someone just kicked in their front door when no one was home and cleaned them out. They have since installed a gate at the end of their driveway and some sort of video suveillance. That was pretty traumatic all around.

Mother's Day was fine. I had a nice peaceful day with Mr. Man. Both my girls called me and that made my day. The next day Mr. Man brought me roses and was very sweet all week. Little R brought me a card and a Tim Hortons coffee. I was happy with that.

It was funny, Mr. Man asked me to make up some lottery numbers for him to play. Within a couple of weeks we got 5 numbers on one of my picks. Five out of six numbers! You'd think that would win pretty large eh? Not so much. We got $1100 for that. What a bummer. Yeah it was a bonus, but jeez, I think 5 numbers should be worth a lot more than that. So now he won't use that number again, though I think he should, and he had me make up new numbers. So S.W was kind enough to drive me down to Younge and Dundas in Toronto to pick up our prize.

Well it's finally here, it's the May 24 weekend. Big surprise the bike isn't done. I didn't really expect it to be. But I do have faith that it will be done before the season is over. As for plans for this weekend, well T is coming to spend the weekend with us. Hoping to attend a bonfire at least. It's times like this I really miss the cottage.

So things have been pretty up and down. The weather this week has been good, hopefully the weekend will remain nice. I'm continuing to look for somewhere to move to, nothing suitable has come up yet. I'm continuing to go out for walks more but still not as much as I should. And that's about it. I don't know if I'll post on here ever again or not. I'm leaning towards a new blog. Have a great weekend.

It's Spring, And It's The Weekend!

2010-04-09T13:41:00.003-04:00

This is normally the time of year I'd be haunting my gardens measuring the growth of all the spring sprouts. Alas I have no gardens now. When I'm out walking I peek at other people's gardens and long for my own. The weather has been pretty good. Then today it was flurrying, ugh. Was looking forward to a bonfire at S & Ds last weekend then the wind picked up and it rained. They had already moved all their chairs and whatnot outside. So there we were, hauling it all back into the shop to sit by the woodstove. Oh well, maybe we can have a bonfire this weekend.

Mr. Man is confident he will have the bike on the road by May 24. I'm not so sure. I'll believe it when I see it. He'll be working on it again this weekend. I can't really say what kind of progress he's making. I hate seeing him tear it apart so I tend to tune it out. As far as him knowing what he's doing, my confidence waivers. He's never let me down before. I look forward to riding again this year more than ever. Life is too short to have a beautiful bike just sitting there not being used.

I've gained a ton of wieght! I couldn't even fit into my fat jeans the other day. It's a combination of things causing the wieght gain I think. When we had the dog I was out walking several times a day. Now not so much. Being off the narcotics I seem to have gained more of an appetite and am eating more. After not being able to fit into my fat jeans I decided it was time to pull up. I'm more conscious of how much I eat and am trying to get out for a walk every day. All that I can fit into right now are velour pants. Mr. Man said "no velour allowed on the bike!" LOL Also we ran out of sweetener and I started using sugar in my coffee, I'm back to using sweetener. It happened over 6 months, since the dog died in October. But it seems like it happened over night. So I guess it'll take a while to lose it too. I'm going to lose the wieght as quickly as possible. I wasn't meant to be a fat chick.

Our lease is up next month. I've been waiting for this. So I'm perusing the paper daily for a new place. I need a house. I need a dishwasher. I need gardens. Haven't found anything yet. Mr. Man doesn't want to move again. He is enjoying having no grass to cut or snow to shovel. Plus he just doesn't want to go through the whole trauma and physical work of moving. His work just moved and that was huge, he still hasn't recovered from that. But I'm sure if I come across the perfect place he'll be happy to move.

I'm kind of enjoying the freedom we have with no dog. But at the same time it really feels like something is missing. I'm torn. Once we do move, I'm not sure if we'll get another dog or not. I'm really torn.

Well, even though it is snowing today, it's just flurries, spring is here. I am really looking forward to a bonfire this weekend and a barbecue next weekend. I'm off for my daily walk. I'm going to the dollar store to see if they have any Hummingbird feeders. They usually do. I'm going to try putting one out on the balcony. I missed the hummers last year. I sold all my feeders before we moved. So have a great day and a gorgeous spring weekend.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2010-03-17T09:39:00.002-04:00

Did anyone watch the Olympics? I've never really watched it before but this time I was hooked. I had to fight with Mr. Man and Little R for the tv a lot of the time, they weren't into it. I was happy to see Canada do well. I was a little sad when it was all over. I particularly enjoyed watching the curling. Never watched it before in my life, not quite sure about how to play and the strategies involved, but it looked like something I'd like to try playing. We just happen to have a curling rink around the corner. Anyways I enjoyed it and look forward to the next one. I watched a bit of the Paralympics last night and it just wasn't quite the same. Apparently not as popular either.

I know I have regular readers. I wish you would leave me comments. Otherwise it's like talking to a void. Surely you must have something to say sometimes? Especially like when I confess to being a prescription drug addict. I know my blog has been really boring, especially the last two years or so, that's because my life has been really boring the last couple of years. I used to get out a lot more and do a lot more. My world has become very small. I like to think of it as intimate lol.

I've realised some things being off those pills. The pills made me do things out of character. They made me be dishonest. I was content to be in my own little world as long as I had my pills. Our life has been going downhill the last couple of years and the pills dulled the pain. Those pills covered up my real feelings. Now that I'm off them, I'm overwhelmed with feelings. Negative feelings. But I am trying my damndest to see the bright side.

Life is not ideal. But it has been and could be worse. I have to believe that things will get better. I have to get off my ass and do my part to help make things better. Sadly my mind wants to obsess over all our losses. Somehow I need to switch gears in my mind to look forward and think about what is to be gained. Sometimes I just feel too old to be hopeful.

Today is St. Patrick's Day. I'm not Irish. I've never done anything to celebrate this day. Unless it happens to fall on a weekend and I happen to be out at a bar lol. One place we used to live (and I kind of wish we never left there) the Super. was Irish and they used to decorate the place up. I'm hoping today for a bit of the luck o' the Irish.

It's another beautiful spring day. I don't know what I'll do today. I'm confused. Anyways, please leave me comments. I would truly appreciate it. I know you're out there. People comment to me in person, so why not do it here?

Have a great day. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Spring And Change Is In The Air

2010-03-16T10:52:00.002-04:00

Old man winter blasted us on the weekend. All night Saturday and all day Sunday it snowed like mad. Then I guess it turned to rain and was all gone on Monday. The birds are chirping and the sun is shining. It's really feeling like spring. This time of year I'm really missing having a house. I miss my gardens. I'm grateful for this apartment because otherwise I could be homeless. As far as apartments go, it's not bad, I've lived in worse. It's big enough and it's cozy. I'm thankful to have a roof over my head at this point. I'm thankful that my family is intact. But to be perfectly honest, I am longing for a house. We have some things to take care of before we can move. It could be a while yet. Meanwhile I am really trying to accept my fate and to not let it get me down.

I'm taking steps to get healthy again. My last visit to the doctor told me I am pretty healthy except I am low on Vitamin B12. So I'm taking Vitamins. I'm going out for little walks here and there. It's just not the same without the dog :-( And the big thing is, I'm beating my addiction. I'm not talking about cigarettes or coffee or sugar. I'm talking about heavy duty narcotic prescription drugs. That's right, I've been taking them daily for several years. Only a couple of people in my life were aware of this. Now everyone knows. I think taking those pills was the reason I basically stopped smoking weed. I used to be a chronic pot smoker. I'm not even sure if it's been a week or two weeks, but it hasn't been long. But I'm doing it. And it's hard. I still have severe cravings for it. I have to succeed. Please pray for me and wish me well. I'll probably go back to smoking pot. I think that's the lesser of two evils. Just being honest.

On Saturday we went up to S & Ds place. We hadn't seen them in a while. Mr. Man and S tore the engine out of the bike. I don't know what got into me, but I was rambling on about all the negative stuff that happened 15 and 20 years ago. So it wasn't one of our best visits there. It left me feeling very negative the next day too. At any rate Mr. Man is confident he will have the bike running by May 24. I'm really looking forward to that. It'll be nice to ride again. And to finally get to ride with S & D. I hope the weather this summer is better than last year.

I can't tell you how many people have told me I just need to get a job. If I ever feel healthy enough I just may do that. But I don't understand why everyone thinks that will solve all my problems. It won't. And I like being home. We'll see. Stranger things have happened.

Well it's a nice spring day, I'm going to walk over to the store. I'm trying to think positive and look forward to the future. Things will change. Happy spring.

It's Finally Over!

2010-03-07T07:52:00.003-05:00

When I got up this morning the birds were chirping, a sure sign that spring is on the way. It's supposed to be really nice today and yesterday was nice also. I notice it's getting light earlier in the morning and staying light later too. The snow is melting away. I'm not fooling myself, I'm pretty sure we'll get one more blast of snow. Meanwhile it's been nice and sunny. I am looking forward to the summer and possibly moving.

Well the lawsuit trial is finally over. Two weeks of court was brutal. I can't say what happened in the end. I'm not at liberty to discuss it here. We are just so glad it's finally over and done with. We spent two weekends not going out to events because of the trial.

We really haven't done much in weeks. Hopefully we'll get out more with the nice weather we've been having. Mr. Man needs to get working on the bike so we can ride this year. We're going up to S & Ds next weekend. That's where the bike is.

So yeah, nothing much going on around here. Today I think we're going to go down and clean out the old car so we can send it to the wreckers. Pretty soon we'll be looking for a new place to live. It's not too bad here, but it's not what we really want. It was meant to be temporary. Our lease is up in May. This place is in a good location. We'll see what happens.

Little R is still out of school and unemployed. It's getting old. She sells minimal amounts of Avon. She has court next month and also another modelling gig. But if the court decides to lock her up she'll miss the modelling. She and her boyfriend are just here every day hanging around. They both need jobs. They both have no goals or ambition. But it can't go on like this much longer.

So I don't know. I'm looking forward to the future. I'm counting my blessings. And I really need to get out of the apartment. Until next time, have a great day.

Friends and "Friends"

2010-02-20T13:12:00.002-05:00

Mr. Man has had several people from childhood and school look him up on Facebook. There was one guy that they used to have combined birthday parties together. He invited us out to celebrate their birthdays. Mr. Man had not seen this guy in many many years. So last weekend we went to meet him. We met at Rock & Roll Heaven. I was more than happy to go there because I had never been there before and it's my kind of place. So it was a nice reunion. We had a really good time.

A funny thing happened while we were out on the patio smoking. We ran into another guy Mr. Man knows from years ago. It turned out he is a top promoter in Toronto. He knows EVERYONE. He just started giving Bill all kinds of stuff. Photos, DVDs, tickets and an invite to his birthday party, taking place tonight, hosted by Kim Mitchell. I am so sad that we won't be able to go. Mr. Man has meetings all weekend. We just can't go. I am so disappointed. The photos he gave us are like him with Slash, one of my favourite people, and Alice Cooper, and Axl Rose and people like that. I now have personal pictures of all these people. He also took a couple of pictures of us and I'm still waiting for them to get posted on Facebook. They turned out great. In one of them I have Kid Rocks hat on. I can't wait to see them. I can only hope we'll get invited to other events in the future that we will be able to attend. It was very exciting.

This weekend is all meetings. No fun this weekend. But on the upside that's because our trial for our lawsuit is about to start after 6 years of waiting. We'll be so glad to see the end of that.

I'm in a bit of a mood today. Someone I thought was a friend has seriously disappointed and confused me. As is her way, rather than hear me out or listen to me she just goes off and attacks me. Somehow she turns it all around so I'm the bad guy. All I did was tell her how I feel about her adding someone I can't stand on her facebook. Someone she wouldn't even know if it weren't for me. Someone who beat the snot out of me. I HATE this person. I asked my "friend" why she would add her. She went off about how dare I tell her who she can or cannot be friends with. There is no earthly reason for those 2 to be friends. She's not the type of person my "friend" claims to want in her life. It makes no sense. So now it seems I've lost my friend. I mean she totally attacked me. I told her any friends of hers are no friends of mine, and that sent her off. Said I was giving her an ultimatum and was being juvenile and childish. Bear in mind, me and this friend stop being friends every few years, then we don't talk for a few years, then we reconnect. I really thought it would be different this time. Oh and if you haven't guessed yet, yes it's Cathy. So I don't know how this is going to turn out. But I'm not going to let her bring people into my life even peripherally. I think it's over. I am so hurt, and disappointed, and confused and angry. Friends don't do that to each other.

It just makes me that much more thankful for the other friends I have. People I can trust and count on. People who know how to be loyal and expect nothing less from me. I do know what it's like to have true friends. I do know the difference. In all these years, 37 to be exact, she's never been a true friend. So why did I expect it this time around? Silly me.

Well I can't let it ruin my whole day. I'm sad enough about missing that party tonight. I have laundry to do. Mr. Man needs clean clothes for court. Have a great day.

Which Came First, The Internet Or Depression?

2010-02-03T06:42:00.004-05:00

I haven't posted anything in a while, mainly because the depression is slipping back, and I didn't want to go on about that. Interestingly I just now read an article about a study done on the association of depression and the internet. It is clear that people with depression spend a lot of time on the internet. What is not clear is which comes first. Does the internet make people depressed or are depressed people attracted to the internet?

In my own case, I was depressed before I discovered the internet, but I do believe spending all my time on the computer makes my depression worse. I spend all my time sitting at the computer. As soon as I wake up in the morning, I'm online before I make a coffee. I watch tv sitting in front of the computer. I go weeks without leaving the apartment. I go weeks without seeing people other than Mr. Man and Little R. I'd say I'm addicted. And it's been this way for years. I think it has progressed over the years. My life was very different before I had a computer. And over the years the computer has become my life.

It was a year or two ago that it suddenly dawned on me that I had literally spent the past 10 years of my life sitting in front of a computer. I was shocked. I knew it was not a good thing. I think I vowed to change at that time, ha. I don't think it's healthy, physically or mentally. The computer never gets shut off, well, rarely. I've developed an aversion to talking on the phone, I hate it now. If you want to talk to me, send me an email. I think it was around 1996 when we got our first computer. It was a novelty then. Now it's my life. Before computers I was a clean freak. My home was always clean and organized. Now, I simply don't do housework. We rarely have company any more, partly because it means cleaning the place up. On those occassions, when we do have people coming, it's a mad frenzy of cleaning the day before and the day of. Before computers, I used to go for walks, I walked for miles, just for the sake of getting out of the house. Like I said, now I go weeks without leaving the apartment. I only go out if I have to, or if there is an occassion. I used to be very social. Now, not so much. In fact now I find social situations a little awkward. I have nothing to say to anyone. I have nothing to contribute to a conversation. I have no life to talk about.

I've learned a lot on the computer, like how to do things on the computer. But there is still so much I don't know how to do. I've often thought I'd like to take some courses to learn how to do useful things with the computer. But I never seem to get around to it. I mean if I'm going to spend all my time on the computer anyway I should try to find a way to earn money at it.

I want to make a change. I'm actually getting bored with the computer. I don't do that much on it any more. It's just a habit or addiction. I want to start living my life again. I want a clean home. I want to get healthy. I don't want to be depressed. I'm not sure where to begin other than turning the computer off and walking away from it.

With this new wave of depression washing over me I've been missing Bear. I still have a little cry just about every day. He's in my thoughts a lot. I've put on quite a bit of weight since he's been gone, which is since the middle of October. When he was here I was forced to get dressed and get out and walk him every day. I have been getting dressed, but not taking the next step of getting out walking. Getting another dog is not really an option right now. The building is not pet friendly. Besides, I don't think dogs should live in apartments. The end of our lease is nearing, but since we only finished unpacking very recently, I don't look forward to packing and moving again. I think it will depend on finding a better place. If something comes up we'll go for it, if not, we'll stay put, for now.

While perusing the newspaper for jobs for Little R, I saw an ad for selling Avon. So, Little R is now selling Avon. I've never sold Avon before so I'm not familiar with how it all works. So far I'm a little leery. I think you have to sell a hell of a lot to make any money at it. So, we'll see how it goes. I'm sure if she applies herself she'll do ok. And it's something she can continue to do even if she does find an actual job. Wishing her luck and doing all I can to help and support her.

Yesterday was Groundhog Day and I didn't hear a thing about it. I don't know what the prediction is. I'm not too concerned about it anyways. I find the winter isn't so bad if you don't dwell on waiting for spring. We've been getting off pretty lucky so far this winter. There hasn't been much deep freeze weather, a lot of quite mild days and not much snow at all. It's snowing right now in fact, and we have had many snowy days, it just doesn't seem to be accumulating, or it melts with all the mild days.

Some things to look forward to this month, well Valentines Day of course. Mr Man is pretty good about giving me red roses and chocolate and sometimes I even get little gifts or jewellry too. He always gets Little R pink roses and chocolate as well. Also this month is Mr. Man's birthday. I won't be trying to throw him a party, it rarely works out. I asked one person a few weeks ago if they could come, and they said they wouldn't be able to make it, so I just gave up at that point. I'll bake him a cake and try to get him a nice gift. There is something I wanted to get him for Christmas but ran out of money, so maybe I can get it for his birthday. Maybe we can go out for dinner or go to a bar or something. I really need to get out. Then there is also this new Family Day holiday. I'm not even sure what day it is, but I believe it's a long weekend.

And so, that's about all I have to say this morning. I am going to walk away from the computer and get some housework done. Until next time, have a great day.

Little R The Model

2010-01-20T12:32:00.004-05:00

What an exciting weekend we had! Above are some of the pictures we got of Little R modelling at the Toronto Motorcycle Supershow. The fashion show was for a leather shop, so what she is modelling is leather clothes. She did very well and we are very proud of her. It took a lot of guts to get up there and strut her stuff. The self-confidence she gained is priceless. At the beginning of each show people crowded around the stage. It wasn't easy getting pictures. I also got some video. I was surprised at the crowds. I didn't think that many people would be interested in a fashion show. There was a band playing between shows and for whatever reason they did one show with the band playing in the background. There were 7 models and each girl wore 3 outfits per show. Friday there was three shows, Saturday there was four shows and Sunday there was two shows. We weren't there on Friday. Little R went with D, who set the whole thing up and who was there to dress the girls. We went on Saturday and we brought Little Rs boyfriend, Andrew, with us. I think he was thrilled. We did some drinking but at $9 a beer, not a lot. However some folks had the foresight to bring their own booze, so I did get a buzz going. There was a beer garden near the stage so we didn't travel far and didn't see much of the bike show. It turned out D couldn't be there on Sunday to dress the girls so I was asked if I could do it. Of course I said yes. I had no clue and had visions of totally destroying the show. But it was nothing more than zipping chaps and boots and tying tops, making minor adjustments, stuff like that. It was actually fun. Because it was the last day a bottle of champagne was consumed backstage. Little R has already been asked to be in the spring show. We don't have the details like where it is, but she said yes of course. She had so much fun. It was a great experience. Something many girls only dream of. She got to keep one of the outfits she wore for doing it. So not big bucks but it's something. Leather clothing is expensive. She also got a necklace. We are all looking forward to future shows. On Sunday, once the last show was over, we walked around and checked out some of the bike show. We bought some stuff. Mr. Man got a new leather vest, which he needed badly and we got some t-shirts, stuff like that. There was still a lot of the show we didn't see. Parking was crazy, the lot would fill up first thing in the morning. It was crowded. And food and drinks were very expensive. We got a great deal on event shirts, $5. Then we came home and chilled. We were all worn out. And now it's back to the grind. Mr. Man actually didn't go to work yesterday. I'm not sure what his problem was, but he didn't feel up to going in. The Christmas boxes are still sitting here waiting to go back down to the locker. Mr. Man keeps putting it off. I think I'll put my foot down tonight. On that note, I'm out of here, have a great day.

I'm Awake At 3 a.m

2010-01-13T01:43:00.003-05:00

Not much has been going on. I managed to get a computer for T from Freecycle. Now it turns out he may be moving, so who knows how long this computer will sit on my diningroom table. Mr. Man had it all set up to make sure it works, he had it online and everything. If T can't find another place right away, he'll likely end up staying with us again. It wasn't so bad at the house because he had his own room and we could get away from each other. But here, we'll be pretty much trapped together. It'd be nice if he could settle down in one place. His job is such that he travels all over Ontario and he only works when there is a job to do. It's not very stable. For example he hasn't worked since before the holidays. No work = no income. I was worried about getting that computer out of here, now it looks like I may have more than that to worry about.

My Little R is going to be a model! It turns out they do want her at the Super Bike Show. She'll be there Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I wasn't planning on spending the whole weekend there, but it looks like that's what we'll be doing. D is going to take her on Friday, not sure about Saturday and we'll have to take her on Sunday. It'll be a great experience for her. It's something she can add to her resume. And it should be a lot of fun for her. I hope she does well. If so, they will use her in other shows too. I don't think she ever aspired to be a model, this just kind of fell in her lap. What a great experience.

I've gained a ton of weight. I was losing weight for the longest time, then all of a sudden I packed it back on. I think part of it is not going out for those daily walks with the dog. Also I've been using sugar in my coffee instead of sweetener. I get no exercise. So I don't know what I'm going to wear all this weekend. None of my jeans fit me. This should be a challenge.

I've been really counting my blessings lately. I've gotten used to the apartment now that it's unpacked. I hated it at first, but now I'm glad to have it. Things could be so much worse. I read a little article on homelessness and I'd much rather live here than be homeless. It made me appreciate what I do have. And really I have all I need and more. It's starting to feel like home and it's cozy. I have a feeling we'll stay here longer than a year. I really don't feel like moving again just yet. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. Our lease is up in May. I feel comfy cozy here now. That's a good thing.

Well not much else to talk about. I guess I'll be back next week with pictures of Little R modelling. It's 3 a.m. I woke up at midnight and was wide awake. I may as well stay up now. Not sure when Mr. Man will be getting up. Could be 4, could be 5. At any rate, I'll be up to make his coffee. I have all day to take a nap and catch up on my sleep. Have a great day.

My Holidays In Pictures

2010-01-05T13:17:00.007-05:00

So there you have it, my holiday in pictures. The first one was taken outside the theater in front of the big town tree. I wasn't quite ready as you can tell by the look on my face. D actually has a better copy of that one where I'm smiling. Then there's a few from Christmas Eve at my nephews house. Then a few of Christmas Day. Then New Years Eve.

I've taken everything except the tree down. We'll do the tree on the weekend. This is pretty good for me, I usually leave it all up way too long. Mr. Man has a new helper at work who started today. I can't wait to hear how it went. I'm really hoping it works out. It would be nice to have Mr. Man coming home from work in a good mood.

It's been cold and snowing every day this year. Even though it's snowed all day every day, it's not really accumulating much because it's a fine snow. Cathy told me there still isn't any snow on the ground in the city. She lives in the south end though, there is snow just north of her.

I haven't heard at all from Big R, not even over the holidays. I sent her messages on Facebook but get no reply. She sent us all cards with gift cards, which was nice, but it would have been good to talk to her. I miss her a lot. I know she's busy, but come on.

We might be able to get Little R into modelling at bike shows, we're working on it. She'll get free biker outfits out of it. She has the right look and caught someones eye. I hope that works out for her. And it will get us into the bike shows for free. If we can drag her away from her boyfriend long enough lol. Those two are joined at the hip these days. Ah, young love.

Well, that's it. I am off to do some housework, willingly. Have a great day.

The Last Day Of The Holidays

2010-01-03T09:57:00.003-05:00

I always get a little melancholy after the holidays. I hate taking the tree down. It's always sad to me. Whenever I see a real tree out at the curb on Boxing Day I always wonder how they can do that. I've always kept the tree up until after New Years. Today is Mr. Mans last day of vacation. Tomorrow it's back to the grind. We'll be taking the tree down next weekend.

The whole holiday flew by way too fast. The month of December seemed to fly by. It wasn't the best Christmas we've ever had, but it wasn't the worst either. T was here for a week. Originally he was going to stay until after New Years, but we just couldn't take it. The last couple of days I've been feeling bad for sending him home early. But really, a week is plenty. No need to feel bad. I didn't think about the dog much over the holidays, but the last couple of days he's been on my mind. I've been getting weepy. I hate the end of the holidays.

On New Years Eve we went to S & Ds place. Little R and her boyfriend came too. We partied in their shop. S had been busy all day getting it set up, he hung the dart board out there and moved the light and set up the tunes and had the woodstove going all day getting it nice and warm in there. It's a shop/garage/clubhouse. It's huge and S has built it all himself. It isn't finished yet, but when it is, it will be awesome. As usual we drank too much, and D brought out some food. We had a great time. Took lots of pictures, and there were some doozies! We went snowmobiling too. It was a good night with great people. It was the first time I ever tried chocolate martinis, had a couple of those. D's older son was there with his 2 dogs, one of them really reminded me of Bear. We rang in the new year and got home around 4 a.m. Mr. Man obviously stopped drinking at some point in order to sober up for the drive home. We danced, we played darts, we snowmobiled, we laughed, S even brought out his guitar, but that was short lived. I couldn't think of anywhere or with anyone I would have rather been.

Friday, New Years Day, we were a little hungover and just laid around watching a movie marathon. Saturday was much the same. Little Rs boyfriend brought me a big bottle of my favourite wine. I thought that was so sweet. It's still chilling, Mr. Man and I are going to consume it today and play some darts, if he ever gets up. He's been sleeping as much as possible, he needs the rest. It pretty much hasn't stopped snowing since New Years Eve. It's been really cold too. So now it's just the long, cold winter ahead. I'm going to try my damnest to not fall into a depression. Mr. Mans birthday is in February and there's a long weekend in February too. Things to look forward to. We can always go up to S & Ds place for some snowmobiling and cozy fires. It's that time of year when I tend to break out a jigsaw puzzle or two. It'll be fine. Sure the holidays are over, but the love and friendship is still there. Last year I found it a lot easier to get through the winter by not dwelling on waiting for spring.

Well, I'm off to enjoy the last day of vacation. I'll do a seperate post of holiday photos. Have a great day.

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-29T07:46:00.002-05:00

Christmas was alright. On the 24th we went to my nephew's. Most of my family was there and there was a huge crowd of people we didn't know. I'm not sure who they were. There was lots of food. We didn't stay long. The roads were bad on the way there. It was strange, it wasn't snowing at all up here but once we got near the city it was snowing and sleeting. So I talked to my dad a bit, Mr. Man ate, I had a couple of drinks, we exchanged gifts and we headed for home. Little R, her boyfriend and Uncle T were here waiting for us. They had baked cookies and made brownies. We hung out here for a while then Mr. Man drove the boyfriend home. Then Mr. Man had to do all his wrapping. Earlier in the day, Mr. Man got off work at noon, with his bonus, and he thought we were meeting at Walmart. He phoned, frantic, "where are you? Why aren't you here?" I didn't know I was supposed to meet him there. So he came and picked me up and we ran around like crazy buying last minute gifts and getting the groceries etc. Then we came home and got ready to go to my nephew's.

Christmas day I think I was the first one up. It didn't snow but I think it flurried a bit. It took some coaxing to get the guys to open their stockings. We cut way back on the gifts this year, but it was still nice. It went quickly. We gave T a bottle of vodka and as soon as he opened it he was off in the kitchen making a drink. After the gift opening, it was time to get the turkey in the oven. It was so big we had to cut the wings off to fit it in the roasting pan. Mr. Man, with a little instruction from me and T chopping the onions, made the stuffing. I have to say, the drunker T got the more obnoxious he got and it really sucked the life out of the day. I don't really remember what we did all day other than try to keep T out of the kitchen and argue with him over silly little crap. Then it was finally dinner time. Little R's boyfriend joined us for dinner. Everything turned out really good. For once the turkey wasn't dry. After dinner we played some euchre. Andrew didn't like it. I even got all the dishes done before the day was over.

On Boxing day Mr. Man and I went to Walmart and I got next years cards for $2. We got a couple of little things, nothing major. We also went to Canadian Tire and got some stuff to put around the dart board. Mr. Man hung the dart board finally. The rest is a blur. Watching movies, and playing darts. We've been staying sober and it has been painful. One day I went out with D and we went back to Walmart. She bought a tree for half price.

The truth is, I've had enough, I want T to go home now. Yesterday we had quite the little snow storm so Mr. Man didn't want to take him home because the truck needs tires. Today we have doctor appointments and I'm hoping he'll take him home after that. It just isn't the warm and fuzzy experience I expected. I would like to salvage the last week of holidays. I've been trying to get T a computer from Freecycle. I've had a couple of people offer but after I email them and say ok thanks I can pick it up today they don't get back to me. I imagine we'll get him one eventually.

So looking forward to some family time and peace and quiet. Having houseguests can get stressful. He's been here a week now, that's long enough. It was a little different at the house because he had his own room. Now he has to sleep on the couch. If there is a God, Mr. Man will be taking him home today.

I don't have many pictures this year. I might post a few later. Meanwhile, have a great day and Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T05:44:00.003-05:00

Here it is Christmas Eve. I woke up at 3:30 a.m and couldn't get back to sleep. I knew Mr. Man was getting up at 4:30 so I figured I'd just stay up and make his coffee. T made his way to Mr. Man's work on Tuesday and came home with him that night. Surprise! He is an industrious little fellow so we spent all day Wednesday cleaning and organizing. I finally got my books unpacked! The place is ready for Christmas. Just have a couple of loads of laundry left to do, but I have a feeling that won't happen until Boxing Day.

Mr. Man got his annual turkey from work yesterday. The thing is HUGE. It's like 28 pounds! Way more than we need, but whatever, we'll have lots of leftovers. The buggers still haven't given him his cash bonus however. Usually he gets that about 2 weeks before Christmas, but not this year. He will get it today, nothing like waiting til the last minute. He gets off work at noon today. That gives us a few hours before the stores close early to get the last minute shopping done and get some groceries and booze. We're going to be rushing around like maniacs this afternoon.

This evening we're going to my nephew's, but Little R has opted to stay home with her Uncle T and her boyfriend. I think they're going to bake cookies lol. I'm actually feeling a little excited. Even though we cut way back on the gifts this year, I'm really looking forward to all the festivities. And Mr. Man will have a nice long, much needed vacation from work. I'm not sure how long T will be staying with us, but for sure until sometime next week. Originally I was thinking until after New Years, but I don't think we could handle him that long. I'm really looking forward to our New Years plans too, more about that later.

Well I'm off to do some wrapping before anyone gets up. Merry Christmas!

Crazy Christmas Chaos

2009-12-21T08:58:00.003-05:00

Good morning. It's snowing again, another surprise. They're not calling for snow until Christmas. Really it's just flurries but it is coming down pretty good. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.

So the other day I was unpacking the tree ornaments and I was looking for one particular ornament. It is a plush pig wearing a Santa hat, a scarf and a leather jacket. It says Harley Davidson on the hat, scarf and jacket. I bought it last year on Ebay for a great price and put it in Mr. Man's stocking. I was so proud of myself for winning the auction on Ebay and getting it for such a good price. Anything that says Harley Davidson on it is ridiculously expensive. Anyways, I had gone through all the boxes and I didn't see it. So I went through all the boxes again and still didn't find it. As I said yesterday, I've been an emotional wreck. Well I had a meltdown. I was crying, I got an instant migraine, I was furious. When we moved, I Freecycled 2 gigantic boxes of Christmas stuff, I thought for sure I had given it away by accident. I ended up taking a Lorazepam to calm down. Then I thought, let me dump out one of the smaller boxes full of plastic ornaments and see if it's in there. Sure enough, there it was! Boy did I feel stupid. I had even briefly, with my eyes, accused Little R of taking it. She takes all my Harley shirts, so I jumped to conclusions. Man I felt bad once I found it. This is a perfect example of what an emotional mess I am these days. I think I'm just getting too old for all the pressure of Christmas.

Speaking of pressure, then there's Christmas Eve. We've been invited to an open house at one of my nephew's places. We were thrilled to go. My whole family will be there. It's not Christmas without seeing your family. So of course we're going to go. We still aren't sure if T is coming here or not. He's being a bit of a dick about it. First he said he might have to work. Now he's saying he doesn't have any money. That's more believable than the work story. So he won't give Mr. Man a definate yes or no, he's hemming and hawing. Well we'd like to know so we can prepare. We really just assumed he would come spend the holidays with us. He has no one else. But it's starting to sound like he'd be just as happy to sit home alone drinking his face off. Anyways, we were planning to bring him with us to my nephews place. Didn't think anything of it. After all it's an open house, and he is family. Then Little R decided she wanted to bring her boyfriend too. She asked my nephews wife if that would be ok. That's when I found out they don't want us to bring any extra people. Well I was just pissed. What is their problem? What ever happened to "the more the merrier"? I couldn't imagine leaving T sitting at our place alone on Christmas Eve while we go to visit my family. A similar situation arose last year and we ended up not going. So I was upset and just didn't know what to do, so I called my sister. Ah the calm voice of reason. She made me see that my nephew and his wife had their reasons for not wanting extra people and I had no choice but to accept that and respect their wishes. She made me realize that yes I do really want to see my family at Christmas and it would be ok to leave T here for a couple of hours, he's a big boy and can fend for himself for a couple of hours. She made me see that not going wasn't really an option for me. After talking to her I calmed right down, my decision was made and it would all be fine. But again my first reaction was purely emotional.

It doesn't help that I'm menopausal. It doesn't help that it's that time of the month for both me and Little R. Thankfully that will be over with before the actual holidays get here. It doesn't help that T is being a dick. It doesn't help that the apartment is in chaos. But I have faith. We will survive. This time of year always gets crazy. But really, I'm old enough to just kick back, go with the flow and actually enjoy myself. And that's my plan. I'm going to sit back with my coffee and watch it snow. Have a great day.

5 Days Til Christmas

2009-12-20T14:09:00.002-05:00

Greetings. Wow only 5 days until Christmas. I'm still not done shopping. We went out yesterday and did the majority of shopping and it was a madhouse out there. There wasn't much left to choose from either. At this point we're still not sure if T will be spending the holidays with us or not. I have never been this unprepared for Christmas before in my life. After shopping all day we hauled all the boxes up from our locker and got the tree put up. We'll finish decorating it today. We've never put it up this late before. It's snowing today, that was an unexpected surprise.

Friday night we went to the local theater and saw A Christmas Story live. We went with S & D. It was pretty good. It wasn't as good as last years A Christmas Carol so I was a little disappointed, but the others really enjoyed it. We're thinking of making it a tradition with the 4 of us going to the theater to see a Christmas play. Our theater is in the same building as the Municipal offices, it's the town hall, there's a courtyard out front and they put up the biggest, most beautiful tree. We took pictures of each other standing in front of the tree. After the play we went to a pub and had a bite to eat and a couple of drinks. It was a lovely night out with awesome people.

I don't know what it is, well, in my case it's that time of the month, but all three of us are emotional wrecks. I've been bursting into tears at the drop of a hat, Mr. Man is crusty as hell and today Little R had a hissy fit and stormed off to her room and fell asleep. Yesterday I saw something in a store that reminded me of Bear and I burst into tears in the middle of the store. Mr. Man has been raising his voice to both of us over stupid little things and of course I start bawling right away. In fact that's what sent Little R to her room in tears today. He's been quite the grouchy bear. I've been just trying to keep everyone calm and happy, not an easy task.

My friend who lives at Lake Erie was going to come here New Years Eve but she had to cancel because she got a new job and will be working that day and it's just too long of a drive after working. Congratulations on the job C. The other night D mentioned having us over there for New Years and I was thrilled about that. I love going to their place! Just hoping she doesn't change her mind. I really like to go out for New Years.

So I'm off to finish decorating the tree and hopefully get started on the gift wrapping. Have a great Sunday.

Karma Is A Wonderful Thing

2009-12-15T16:21:00.003-05:00

A very good thing happened last week. This guy at Mr. Mans work was stealing money out of Mr. Mans jacket. It was a regular thing. Sometimes it was a $20 bill other times it was a couple of bucks in change. At first Mr. Man thought he lost it or was just being careless. Eventually he figured it out. So the bosses installed cameras. They caught him doing it the very first day the cameras were up. Two weeks before Christmas, two days before the company party, they fired him. He owed them money, so much in fact, that he left penniless, and still owing them money. He lost a good job with excellent benefits and probably ruined his Christmas all over stealing $3 that day. It's a really good case of Karma. Everyone was glad to see him go. People were talking about not going to the party if he was going to be there. He was not well liked in the company. They have a replacement for him starting after the holidays. Mr. Man is very happy, therefore so am I.

The party was good. We had the same limo driver as last year. We ate, we drank, Mr. Man and I were the only ones who danced. I think everyone got pretty smashed. The place was cram packed full. The band was very good, but they were playing for all the old people who were there. I got them to play one AC/DC song lol. I ordered champagne and they didn't have any. We all had a good time. Looking forward to next year.

I was planning a little get together at home next weekend. It was going to be us and two other couples. We've all known about this for weeks. Been looking forward to it. I do enjoy having people over. Well at the last minute, this morning, one couple cancelled. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say, it sounds like a big fat excuse to me. I do understand, but I also know there's ways around it. They could come if they really wanted to. So once again I'm faced with the dilemma do I go ahead anyways or just call it off? I am so disappointed and finding out who my friends really are.

I just now got to finally meet Little R's boyfriend. She brought him in to meet me. He seems ok. It could be worse that's for sure. Now if we can just win Mr. Man over lol.

It's been snowing a lot, but then it rains a bit, then more snow. I went shopping with D today and the roads were a mess. I am so grateful to have D driving me around shopping. Now I can say I have started Christmas shopping! Finally. Still got plenty to do though. Next week is going to be busy.

Well I'm off, got tons to do. Have a great day.

Life Is Full Of Lemons

2009-12-07T15:57:00.003-05:00

Hey, look at that, I'm back again and so soon. Two days in a row, wow. After seeing my family I got to thinking. It's always bittersweet at this time of year. Whenever I see my relatives I remember the ones we've lost. It was only a year ago that I lost my second sister. I was grieving at the company party. A niece and a brother-in-law both died on Christmas Eve. It's hard not to think of them when Christmas rolls around. I always miss my mom, especially this time of year. She loved Christmas. She was the matriarch of my family. It's never been the same for me since 1984.

I've lost my mom, 2 of 3 sisters, 2 of only 3 nieces, my parents-in-law, 3 brothers-in-law and a sister-in-law. Not to mention the grandparents I never really knew and various aunts and uncles. I think I have two aunts left and that's it. I'm not even sure about one of them, I may only have one aunt left for all I know. My father, bless him, is outliving a lot of people. I can't even remember a lot of my cousins names, I haven't seen them since I was a kid. I tried looking a couple of them up on Facebook with no luck.

I know I should really be counting my blessings. It's just so damn hard. I don't feel very blessed at this point in life.

I really didn't talk to anyone on the weekend. I spent half the night outside smoking, the rest of the time thinking what do I say to these people? I have nothing to contribute to a conversation, how sad. I see them once or twice a year. Mr. Man talks to them more than I do and they're my relatives.

I'm ready for grandbabies. Hint hint Big R. She hates me calling her that too lol. To her it implies that she is large, which, let me clarify, she is NOT. I just don't like to use names on here, because you never know who is reading. I can expose myself but not other people. I miss her too, now that she lives in a different province. Even if she does have babies, I won't see them unless I go there. And really, my ex-husband and my current husband meeting? Not something I'm looking forward to! I've always known it's likely to happen eventually, say when Big R gets married, but I've always dreaded it. We really like her current boyfriend and hope she does settle down with him. They're too busy working and riding and travelling to settle down and have kids any time soon. Sigh.

From this day on I am going to try real hard to count my blessings. It could be so much worse. Just because life isn't going my way right now, oh well, you can't always get what you want. I'm spoiled. I want what I want when I want it. One thing I want is a happy Christmas. I think we can make that happen, assuming no one dies on us this year. They say time heals all wounds, and that may be true, but you never forget people you've known all your life or people you are close to. I'm not very good at making lemonade when life hands me lemons, but maybe that's something I need to change about myself.

I actually wrote this post yesterday. I began counting my blessings. I immediately felt better and happier. I even laughed. We were sitting here watching a movie and Mr. Man suddenly told me I looked good. I hadn't even brushed my hair all day! He said I looked happy and glowing. Amazing. There really is something to thinking positive. Yeah it sucks that so many people have died, but I have to appreciate the living, life does go on. I really do have plenty to be thankful for. I just need to remember that every day. I'm sure I've said this here before too. I tend to get so involved in my depression I forget about thinking positive.

So that's it. Update on the company party, S and D couldn't get reservations, the place is booked solid, so they won't be crashing the party. That's a drag. I'm glad we have other plans to see them before Christmas. We're expecting snow tonight. I'm happy about that though Mr. Man is not. I don't have to go out in it but he does. K, I'm done. Have a great day.

Family Photos

2009-12-07T11:02:00.017-05:00

Here are some photos from the family get toether. The first one is what's left of my immediate family. My dad, my sister, my brother and me.

Next is my brother's wife, her daughter holding the chihuahua and one of my nephew's girlfriends.

One of my nephews, my sister's middle son of 3, and his girlfriend.

Our hosts, my sister's youngest son and his girlfriend.

My sister's oldest son and his girlfriend.

My sister and her 3 sons.

My late sister Gail's oldest son.

My late sister Gail's younger son and his wife, the blog readers lol. Sadly there were no posed shots of you two.

One great-niece. Look at those eyelashes!

Her brother, my great-nephew.

Another great-niece. Cute AND smart.

Little R and her second cousin. I'm pretty sure these two were up to no good at one point.

Mr. Man in all his redneck glory.

My step-niece and her boyfriend, my Farmville nieghbours.

I think that's everyone, I certainly hope I didn't miss anyone. Well this only took me 2 hours, Blogger does NOT make it easy. There are a lot more pictures but I just don't have the time. See you next week.

A Family Gathering

2009-12-06T21:33:00.004-05:00

Greetings. Yeah, yeah, it's been a while. A funny thing happened. I checked my stats for the first time in many months and I discovered that one of my nephews (and his wife) have been reading my blog. We went to a family gathering on Saturday at another nephews place. Mr. Man asked me before we went if I was going to "confront" my nephew about reading my blog. I told him no, I'm not even going to mention it. So we pull up to my other nephews place and there is the blog reading nephew out on the porch having a smoke. The first thing he says to me is, hey, you need to post something new on your blog! LOL Jeez, I don't know about this. I guess I don't mind, I mean I do put it out there, and I don't know why, but people do read it, I know this. But I never imagined that these guys would be reading it. Oh well, it's weird, but cool at the same time. So, this one's for you Mike and Tam.

As I mentioned we went to a family gathering at one of my nephews places on Saturday. When my sister invited us I jumped at the chance to see my family. (Also got invited to my nephew Mike, the blog reader's place, on Christmas Eve). My family are not party animals, at least not with each other. We didn't even bring any booze, figuring there wouldn't be any drinking going on. I've gotten buzzed in front of my family before and really wasn't up for the disapproving looks etc. Well we were wrong, the booze was flowing. Some folks were visibly tipsy. It's always strange being the sober one lol. So anyways, it was good. It was a potluck dinner so there was lots of different food. Five of my nine nephews were there, my dad, my sister, my brother and his family, and some great nieces and great nephew. Is it great or grand? I don't know. I mooched a drink from my nephew Mike. It did not go down well. It was a bottled Cesar, but the spicy kind. It was too spicy for my taste. So my nephew and his girlfriend just bought this place this year. The house and everything in it was brand new. Mr. Man and I played a game of pool on the brand spanking new pool table. The cues, the balls, the chalk, everything was brand new. I've never seen new pool chalk before. Of course, he kicked my ass. I think I sank 2 balls. It always feels like we spend half the night outside smoking. My family doesn't smoke either, except my nephew Mike. I took a few pictures, but they're not very good. My brother got some posed shots, which he posted on Facebook, so I snagged them. I think I'll post them in a seperate entry because Blogger is just a pain for uploading photos. Mr. Man was there yapping away to my father and I kept telling him to speak up, but he continued to mumble. I could tell my father was just being polite, smiling and nodding, but couldn't hear a damn word he was saying. My dad is losing his hearing and his sight. My brother's step-daughter is blind and her boyfriend is almost blind also. I'm not sure how much sight he has. They just moved in together this year. I just don't get it. I don't know how 2 blind people can function in the world on their own. But I'm very happy for them. They play games with me on Facebook, like Farmville and stuff. I look terrible in most of the pictures. I just can't smile naturally with these stupid, ill fitting teeth and I need a haircut badly. Mr. Man needs a haircut too. We look like the hicks that we are. My nephew and his girlfriend have a chihuahua. I held it. It's not as spazzy as most chihuahuas, but I did end up putting her down because she was climbing all over me and giving me little chihuahua kisses like mad. Man I still miss the dog so bad. Mr. Man has a habit of leaving his t shirts on the couch, and whenever I see them out of the corner of my eye I think it's the dog laying on the couch. Then it hits me. So anyways, it was great to see my family. I really look forward to Christmas Eve, most of them will be there too and I plan on having a few drinks this time. If nothing else, at least I'll be more relaxed for photos lol.

We enjoyed the drive home, it was lightly snowing and there was tons of Christmas lights to look at. I still can't stand those LED lights, they just don't look right, not Christmassy. We got home and threw White Christmas into the VCR. It was around 1:30 a.m, I was sitting on the toilet, too much information I know, and I heard a female screaming outside. There was no doubt in my mind that she was being attacked. I called out to Mr. Man and told him to go out on the balcony. By the time he went out it had stopped. I kept asking him to call the cops and he wouldn't, he doesn't do 911. I was so freaked out, after a few minutes, I called 911. He stayed out on the balcony for quite a while and didn't see or hear anything more. We saw the cops driving around, but we didn't hear anything from them, so I guess they didn't find anything. That's the kind of thing you expect in the city, but not here. It took me a while to get to sleep after that, and I'm still a little creeped out by the whole thing.

I feel bad, Saturday was also D's birthday. She invited us over and I told her we would head up if we got back early enough. But it was around 11 p,m when we got home, too late. After her hosting my birthday party I feel like a heel, but in my defense I did send her a card via snail mail. D and S are going to crash the company Christmas party next weekend lol. They happen to like the bar the party is at. This should be interesting. Poor Mr. Man. His co-worker, the little fucker who's supposed to be his helper but just makes his job twice as hard on him, has been stealing money out of his jacket pockets! Now he's supposed to go party with the guy? Not bloody likely. We're hoping he gets fired this week, before the party. But we've been waiting for him to get fired for months. Mr. Man is somewhat dreading the party because of this. He's pissed. I don't blame him, that's so low. I am just praying if he doesn't get fired it doesn't come to blows. And if that does happen, hopefully Mr. Man still knows how to kick ass lol. Seriously, if things get heated, Mr. Man can just go sit with S. It's the same place we went last year, same thing, limo ride there and back, dinner and the biggest bar tab the waitress has ever seen LOL. What a bunch of hounds.

So that's it. I got some more unpacking done last week. It's almost done! We're having a couple of people over on the 19th, so I have 2 weeks to whip this place into shape. I got one bookcase from Freecycle, still need another one, but one will help. I can at least unpack a couple of boxes of books. It's still in the back of the truck and will likely remain there until next weekend. It's getting down to the wire, it's the same thing every weekend, come on Mister help me, I need REST, it's the only time I get to REST. There won't be much time for resting between now and Christmas. I'm in a panic now, haven't bought a single gift yet. I hate last minute shopping! But what can I do, the bills come first. I asked my sister what I should get for my dad and thankfully she had an idea. I pretty much know what I need to get, fortunately.

It's been flurrying just about every day, but not enough to accumulate. I'm pretty sure we got more snow in the country than we do in town. Despite the unusual lack of snow, I'm pretty confident we'll have a white Christmas. It's snowing right now as a matter of fact. K, I'm outta here. Have a great week. I'll be back after the company Christmas party.

Tis The Season, Officially

2009-11-23T14:32:00.005-05:00

We went to see the Orangeville Santa Claus parade on Saturday. We've pretty much gone every year since we moved up here. Usually they do it in the afternoon. For whatever reason they had it in the evening this year. It wasn't as good as usual. It was shorter than usual. And it was hard to get decent pictures. I posted a few of the better turned out ones. We had a good time anyways. We were hoping to hook up with Little R but she didn't even look for us, she just stayed with her friends. I hope they go back to having it in the afternoon next year.

So it's official, tis the season. We got rid of all our outdoor Christmas lights when we moved. Someone is offering some on Freecycle, I hope I get them. I want to do the balcony. I've accepted that we can only have a fake tree. We'll only be able to use a fraction of our decorations. We're going to have to haul all those boxes up and pick out what we'll use and then haul all the boxes back down to the locker. What a pain.

Mr. Man talked to his brother and it would appear that he will be spending the holidays with us. Everyone should be with family at Christmas. I really want him here, I just hope it all turns out ok. We don't have the room for him to move in with us again lol. Oh well, I'm hoping for the best.

It's been a foggy, gray day. Some Christmas lights on the balcony would really brighten things up. Have a great day.

The Best Laid Plans, Seasonal Chaos

2009-11-18T04:21:00.002-05:00

So much for making plans. Sigh...it never works out. The dinner at T's has been postponed. So we don't know when or if it will even happen now. This is how things started out a year ago when he came to live with us. Anyways, then I was talking to Cathy and we were talking about a Christmas get together. We decided to do it here. We picked a date. I started inviting people. Of course some people can't make it. Ugh. The season is barely on us, I haven't even started shopping yet, and I'm stressed out. I'm stressed out about having to have this apartment cleaned up in 2 days. They want to check our fuse box and lightbulbs. What the hell is that about? I've never had my lightbulbs checked before in my life and I've rented a lot of places. Sounds more like an excuse to get in and snoop around. I'll be glad when it's over with.

Christmas used to be so much fun. I don't know when it became such a stressful event. And it's not just Christmas, it's the whole month of December. Now it's even starting in November. Other than going to my nephew's on December 5th, I have no plans yet to see my family for Christmas. December is already booked up. When am I going to see them? I'm going to have to squeeze them in at some point.

Mr. Man went to hang something on a wall only to find the wall was cement. He used to have drills for all kinds of jobs, but his brother accidentally sold all his drills when we had our yard sale. So now we can't hang anything on that wall. And I'm wondering how many of the other walls are cement too. We're in a corner unit. We still have a ton of stuff to hang. I am overwhelmed at the amount of stuff I need to put away. I just don't know what to do with it all.

I think the next few weeks should be dedicated to unpacking, putting away, getting rid of, and hanging stuff. Mr. Man seems to weasel out of it every weekend. I've got stuff posted on Cheapcycle, it's been there for months, no one wants to buy it. Even though it's good stuff at great prices, no one wants it. I'd keep it if I had somewhere to put it. In a frenzy to get rid of stuff, I gave away things I shouldn't have. It's chaos I tell you.

Last night we drove all the way up to Shelburne to pick up 2 bookcases. I need 2 bookcases for all my books. Even though I got rid of something like 9 boxes of books when we moved, I now have about 6 boxes or more. So we get all the way up there and it turns out they're not really bookcases, they're cabinets. They're like a 2 piece wall unit type of thing. Totally useless to me. I was so disappointed. What a waste of gas. I had asked for them on Freecycle and this person responded. Meanwhile I have boxes of books taking up half my bedroom. At least I'm not keeping them now like I used to. There is a book exchange in the laundry room and I take them down there once I'm done reading them. But I'm always getting more books. I'm an avid reader, but lately I only read when I go to bed. Then I end up falling asleep, dropping the book on my face. I have one tall bookcase but we decided to use it for our movies. I've been asking on Freecycle for months with no luck. It may be time to just go to Walmart or wherever and buy bookcases.

This apartment is set up kind of weird. The layout is ok, but it doesn't accomodate the computer desk etc. It's a decent size for an apartment. We just have way too much stuff. And we have big stuff. We've already moved the computer once from where we originally put it and it looks like we'll be moving it again. We are also challenged with where to hang the dart board. We had the perfect set up back at the house. Mr. Man promises to get the board up soon. I haven't played darts since the spring.

I look forward to the spring because that is when our lease is up and I can start looking for something more suitable. Like a house. We've already lost so much of our possessions, I can't part with any more. We are just going to have to squeeze what we have left into this place for now. It really is overwhelming.

So now I have to make some sense of it in the next day or so. Then I have to start getting it ready for Christmas. It's a hell of a task. What was I thinking, inviting people here? But it's just the motivation I need to get on with it. It just seems silly to get all settled when I know we will be moving again next spring. I don't know. It's crazy.

I went for a little walk yesterday. It was a beautiful day. Very unseasonable for November. Normally we would have snow by now. I hope we at least have a white Christmas. I don't like green Christmases. We have had one or two of those since we moved up here from the city. More often than not we have snow. Now that we don't have to clear the driveway or anything, let it snow.

Well I woke up for whatever reason at 2:30 a.m. It's 5:30 now and Mr. Man is up. He wore Little R out yesterday so she isn't going with him today. I have a lot to do, so I should get at it. Have a great day.

And So It Starts

2009-11-16T23:54:00.003-05:00

We decided not to go to Port Dover for Friday the 13th, then we changed our minds. Mr. Man was getting out of work early for his meeting, so why not. So we got all geared up to go. Then as we were on our way, we stopped for gas, and the conversation went something like this, do you really want to go? I don't know, don't you want to go? Well it's late, by the time we get there everyone will be gone. Yeah it is an awfully long drive just to go to a bar. Let's just stay here and go to a bar and play some pool. Good idea. So that's what we did. We called S & D to see what they were up to, we knew they weren't going to Dover, they happened to be in town already, so we met up, had dinner and went to a bar. We played some pool. There was no band, which sucked. The DJ was not cooperative at all. But we had a good time anyways.

Little R was staying with a friend for the weekend, thinking we were going to be away. That's the new thing, if we go out, she goes out, not leaving her here alone. Saturday we went out for breakfast. Friends of ours took over the little restaurant we like to go to. I haven't been there in a long time. It was good. Then we went grocery shopping. Then we hunkered down and watched all 3 Santa Clause movies.

Sunday we drove to the reserve. They've raised the prices on smokes so we can't get as many as we used to and have to go more often. It was a really grim, gray day. When we got back home, Little R was sitting out in the hall waiting for us. She had been there for 2 hours. I was just thankful she came home Sunday because she had to go to court on Monday. I was just so thankful to see her home.

Monday I woke up with a serious back ache. I didn't go to court with Little R. It got put off for another 2 weeks. She blew her chance with the Youth Justice Committee and now will be dealt with by the court. The other way she would have come out of it with no record. Now she's going to get a record.

My sister called and invited us to a pot luck get together at her sons place in December. I said we'd be there. The company Christmas party is all planned. And so it starts. Running around every weekend, trying to find time to shop, juggling get togethers. We want to go see a Christmas play too, the local theater is putting on A Christmas Story. Actually Mr. Man went there today after work to pick up tickets but it was closed. I'm going to walk down tomorrow to get them. We saw A Christmas Carol there last year and totally enjoyed it.

The local Santa Claus parade is next weekend, we'll be going to that. I hope to get lots of pictures. Living in town now, it's just a short walk. Everyone likes a parade.

We're going to T's for dinner this week. I don't know why it has to be in the middle of the week, something to do with him working on the weekend. We'll be discussing him coming to spend Christmas with us. I think he should.

I'm not feeling too good. This back ache, depression, menopause. I still miss the dog like crazy. I still cry just about every day. I miss him terribly, still.

The apartment is a mess. I don't feel up to dealing with it. Now the super wants to come in later this week to check lightbulbs or some such bullshit. So I'll be forced to clean it up. I have to clean it up anyways, but damn, I don't feel like it right now. Little R is going to work with Mr. Man this week to help him out. It's not going to be a good week. I hope I feel better tomorrow. Have a great day.

Just A Matter Of Time

2009-11-11T16:09:00.005-05:00

Well things have been pretty uneventful. I learned today that Little R would take the last pack of smokes and leave me with none. How nice. It's reached the point of get a job or get out. Things are not going well in that area of our life. Last week she disappeared for 3 days. She does absolutely nothing around here to contribute. She steals from us endlessly. I'm at the end of my rope with her.

I pretty much haven't left the apartment since last weekend. We've had some really nice days, and I just don't go out. If someone was going with me, I might be more inclined to go out. But to just go out for a walk by myself, not happening.

I'm so upset with Little R. And I'm still upset about Bear. We had to drive by our old house the other day and that depressed me. I'm in the throes of kicking my addiction, again. That is no walk in the park. It's been about a week so far this time. It is very difficult. I'm determined to stick to it this time though.

The apartment is a mess again. It's all up to me to clean it up. Some days it's just overwhelming. I don't want it to be like this either. But when you are trapped in it, surrounded by it day in and day out, eventually you just don't see it. I do a little each day, but it makes no difference. I need to do more each day. Honestly I'm just so unhappy, I don't give a shit about anything.

Once the dog was gone, the urgency to find a house was gone. It doesn't matter now. But I'm still faced with trying to fit all this stuff into this small space. Sitting out on a 6th floor balcony is nothing like walking out to your own backyard. I really do still want another house. I must have a dishwasher. I really miss my brand new appliances. Simply put, this is not how my life is supposed to be. And I feel like I have very little control over the whole thing.

Money seems to disintigrate as soon as we get it. I haven't even started Christmas shopping. And where the hell are we supposed to put a Christmas tree in this place? It's bad enough we aren't allowed to have a real tree, but we don't even have the room for a little fake one. We could make room if all the boxes were unpacked, but that is at a standstill.

The weather has been pretty good. It's been pretty mild. It gets chilly some days, but generally I think it's above normal for this time of year. Usually we have snow by now. One day it was snowing but then the sun would come out, then it would get all dark again and blizzard for a while, then the sun would come back out. It went like that all day.

I'm not in a good place right now. I'm depressed. I want to feel better but don't know what to do to accomplish that. I'm sitting around in my jammies all day, watching tv and playing on the computer. I don't even have the motivation to get dressed and go for a walk. I'm ignoring the housework and the unpacking. I'm trying to beat my addiction. That is taking my all. I just don't feel right. It makes me feel sick sometimes. It is out of my system now, but it isn't out of my mind. I still miss the dog every day. I miss having sit down dinners with my family. (The diningroom table is covered in stuff I'm unpacking, and the dishes are really piling up).

Mr. Man works so hard. He deserves a nice cooked dinner when he gets home. I rarely cook any more. Lately he thinks being mean to me will push me into action. It's backfiring. It just makes me more depressed.

I honestly don't know what it will take. Maybe just time. Maybe when I get over losing Bear. Maybe when I get over my addiction. Maybe when Little R gets a job and starts helping out. I just don't know.

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th, Port Dover. I was really hoping to go. Mr. Man has a meeting tomorrow so we can't go. I'm thinking maybe after his meeting we could go for a couple of hours. I'll have to ask him about that tonight. We always have such a good time there. We always run into people we haven't seen in a long time. It's fun, a good night out for us.

Well, not much else to say. Things are the same old same old. Life is just not going our way right now. But things will get better. It's just a matter of time.
Have a great day.

Halloween

2009-11-01T19:52:00.003-05:00

Well yesterday was Halloween. We made the 2 hour drive and went to the party. We did dress up, sort of. My costume consisted of a cape and a wig and a little shading under my eyes. Mr. Man got a mask. The party was great. Lots of people, lots of booze, lots of food, some really cool costumes. I took several pictures. We drank too much and had a good time. We stayed over and we got home around 2 this afternoon. Pretty hungover today. So here's a picture of me and Mr. Man. I'm not going to post a bunch of pictures because it's just such a pain to do.

A Quick Poem and Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T05:50:00.003-04:00

I'll never forget
The day that we met
When you jumped off that truck
I thought, oh man,
Just my luck.
I wasn't expecting
Someone quite so large
I worried you'd move in
and just take charge.
But you were friendly, loving
Playful and smart
From that moment on
You had stolen my heart.
Over 5 years,
Our love just grew,
It was unconditional
pure and true.
You were my constant companion,
Always at my side
You enhanced my life
In you I had pride.
You were such a good boy
Pretty well trained
I hated to ever
see you chained.
We had good times
shared lots of love
I hope you are happy
in fields up above.
The end came too fast
But it was best for you
You were suffering my friend
I had to let you go.
Now you are free
To suffer no more
Losing you hurt me
Right to the core.
I will love you forever
My faithful, furry friend
I will see you again some day
This is not the end.

I just wanted to write a poem to him. I did this quite quickly. It could use some tweaking. The ending could be better. But I tried.

I'm doing better. It's getting easier to deal with. Thank God I have friends who let me talk about it and let me grieve. SW (I guess that's really SL now lol) and D you have been a big help to me in my time of needing you. Thank you.

So I may just leave it as it is. As I say it was done very quickly. Or I may try to do a better one later.

The intense pain is subsiding. I still miss him, but it's getting easier. We did the right thing. It was just his time. He had a good life with us. And we had a good life with him. I know I said I wouldn't post about him any more, oh well, guess I lied. I can't help it. He was a big part of my life.

A poet I am not lol. I received a poem in email, from someone on Freecycle no less! I posted it on Facebook. I just wanted to try my hand at it myself. Well thanks for reading. Comments are always appreciated.

Today is Halloween and I woke up at 3 a.m. Sigh. The lobby is all decorated. I noticed none of the houses on my street are decorated, what's up with that? Maybe they'll do it today. Not carving any pumpkins, not decorating, not dressing up, not dressing the dog up, not handing out candy, I really feel like I'm missing out. We're going to that party, which is a million miles away, and that will be fun. I think we'll pop over to Dollarama and see if they have anything left. We can at least do up our faces and wear hats or something.

So Happy Halloween!! Have a fun and safe time. Have a great day.

2009, The Year Of Loss

2009-10-29T12:24:00.007-04:00

I can't wait to see the end of 2009. This has really been the year of loss. My most recent loss was my Geocities website. Yahoo for whatever reason decided to shut down Geocities. I built that site years ago, I don't even know how many years, but a long time. I thought to snag all the pictures off of it before it disappeared, but it was only yesterday that I thought to go into the files and snag pictures out of there that weren't posted on the site. That's when I found the site is gone. I knew it was coming, they sent me an email warning that the shut down was coming. Still it hit me when it really happened. I don't know if I'll ever build another site, probably though. It was fun to do. But when I think of all the time and energy I put into it, I really feel the loss. And it's just something that's been there, a part of my life, for a very long time, now gone. I sort of thought it would be there forever. So when the mood strikes me I'll be looking for another free website host. There is really no reason for me to have a website, other than it's something to do and I can. It was a fun, learning process. I was quite proud of myself for learning all that I did.

This year I also lost my sister, my niece, my house, my dog and a hell of a lot of possessions. I'm really feeling it today because of finding my site gone yesterday and the super has started decorating the lobby for Halloween today. I keep thinking of all the Halloween stuff I gave away. I was complaining about it to Mr. Man last night and he said "yup, it was 20 years worth of accumulation of stuff, but we'll just have to spend the next 20 years accumulating more stuff." Well Honey, I look forward to it. I will start by browsing the sales of Halloween stuff on November 1st. Yeah money is not plentiful lately.

The last couple of years I was really looking forward to the end of the year and feeling optimistic for the new year. Once again I am looking forward to a new year and I am still optimistic. Even though I've lost so much, and really am depressed, I feel strangely hopeful.

This will be the first year in decades that we won't have a jackolantern. This will be the first year in decades that we won't have a real Christmas tree. (We're not allowed to have a real tree here.) This Christmas is going to be different than what we're used to. But we will adapt. You just have to live with it and accept the changes that you can't do anything about.

Oddly enough, despite my depression, I feel hopeful and optimistic and do look forward to the future. I look forward to moving again next year once our lease is up. I look forward to life as empty nesters. Little R is pretty much self sufficient and with the dog gone we have a lot more freedom. I look forward to accumulating new "stuff". I look forward to trying new things. Once again I have to say, things will be ok.

Things Are Going To Be Ok

2009-10-28T01:57:00.002-04:00

It's 2 o clock in the morning. I laid down around 7 p.m to read, fell asleep and woke up at 11:30. I'm not sleepy any more. There is not much to do at 2 a.m. There isn't much on tv either. I took my night time meds but they're not making me sleepy.

The last couple of days have been long and boring. I've been very lazy. I don't have Bear getting me out and about in the morning. I'm back to lounging around in my jammies all day. It's not healthy. I need to find the strength to change it. I need to get dressed each day and get outside.

I just stepped out on the balcony. I needed air. Lately I've started having hot flashes. They are quite frequent, several a day. Another joy of menopause. Anyway, it's raining. It really smells like autumn out there now. I'm a little surprised we haven't had any snow yet. I'm disappointed with the fall colours this year. It may have something to do with the cold wet summer. There is no red. It's all yellow. I went with Mr. Man to the Reserve for smokes the other day and I brought my camera hoping to get some nice fall colour shots. I got a few good pictures but it was a disappointment. That was nice spending the day driving with Mr. Man. It was a beautiful day for a drive. We stopped for lunch. It was nice.

I'm now able to go longer times without thinking of Bear. It's getting easier. With time he'll just be a lot of great memories. I want to thank everyone for your kind words and understanding. I needed that and it really helped.

Next weekend is Halloween. It's great that it's on a Saturday this year. All I know about what they do here is the tenants donate candy to be handed out in the lobby. I don't know if the supers dress up or if they decorate the lobby or what. We are going to a party. This is the 14th annual Halloween party, we've been a couple of times. It's very far from home. Sadly I gave away all of our Halloween stuff including costumes. I'm kicking myself for that now. We had boxes and boxes of stuff, I just didn't know where we would put it. But we should have kept the costumes, they could be hung in a closet. I'll be going to the after sales again this year to find costumes for next year.

I'm fighting the depression. I'm trying to keep busy. I'm accepting that which I cannot change. I've been doing a lot of reading which keeps my mind occupied. Things are going to be ok. :-)

One Last Post About Strumby, Mama's Guy

2009-10-22T11:48:00.003-04:00

Sadly our computer has crashed a couple of times and we've lost A LOT of pictures. I did save some to disk but now my computer won't read them. So, I'm short on pictures. I posted what I have on Facebook, so I'll never lose them.

It's getting easier. I didn't cry quite so much yesterday, just a few times. So far today I haven't cried. But I'll tell you, I wake up in the morning thinking about him and I go to sleep at night thinking about him.

He really was my reason to get up each day. Since we moved to the apartment in town I had to actually get dressed and take him out first thing each morning. He got me going every day. I had to stay dressed to take him out. No more lounging around in my jammies all day. That's what I used to do at the house in paradise, because I could just open the back door and let him out, I didn't need to be dressed.

He was my constant companion. He was with me all day every day. Even when we went out he came with us more often than not. He followed me around the house all day. If I left the room he was right behind me. When I laid down in bed he was right there beside me. We hugged and kissed and snuggled every single day.

It's a little hard to believe, even I don't believe just how damn much I loved that dog. I knew I would lose it when we lost him. But I didn't realize how intense it would be. We thought we would have him for a couple more years anyway. I knew he was getting old, but I had no idea it was this close. It was so sudden. Everything happened too fast. I did get to say good bye, but I didn't prolong it, it was kind of quick. I did get one last tender little kiss from him. (Now I'm crying.) I told him I love him, but I don't remember if I told him he's a good boy. That's bothering me. I didn't go with him, to be with him for the end. That is driving me crazy. I just didn't want to see him die. But I should have been thinking of him. He needed me to be there. He deserved me to be there. I will never forgive myself for being so selfish.

All his stuff is gone. I Freecycled everything. His toys, his bed, his dishes, the muzzle we never used, his food, everything. All that's left is clumps of hair on the floor. I can't bring myself to sweep them away. Once they're gone, all signs of him will be gone. I just can't do it yet. (Still bawling.)

My most recent pet name for him was Strumby. Don't ask me where that came from, but that was it. He was also Mama's boy, my guy, Bearzin, which turned into Zinny lol. And he answered to these names. Mr. Man said he's going to have to start a new blog because the name of his blog is "The Other Guy", meaning he's the other guy besides Bear, who was MY GUY.

He really meant the world to me. Even I can't believe just how attached I was to him. I'm a little stunned at how intense my grief is. I'm more upset about losing him than I was over losing certain people, simply because I was closer to him than to them. That's not easy to admit. I've actually been praying for the pain to go away or lighten up. I think my prayers are being answered. It is lightening up. I'm just trying to keep busy. And blogging about it is helping a bit. Of course it's just going to take time.

The vet said he was suffering. So at least he's at peace and no longer suffering. He had been sick for a while, exactly how long I don't know. He had slowed down in the last year or so. I hate to think he was suffering all that time. I don't think so. He went quickly and with dignity. He's gone and I need to accept it.

This will be the last post about him, I promise. I just found it therapeutic. It helped me feel a little better. He will live on in my heart and memory.

You were the best dog anyone could ask for. You are loved and missed. Rest in peace Strumby. xoxoxoxoxox

Memories Of A Special Guy

2009-10-21T08:18:00.002-04:00

I hope there are fields in heaven. Bear loved to run in the fields. He would run off every chance he got, and let's be honest I gave him the chance a lot, and he would head straight for the fields. He would run around there for an hour or so then saunter home like nothing happened. That was when we lived in paradise.

I noticed in most of the pictures we have of him he has his Kong nearby. He loved his Kongs. He got a new one every Christmas. He would chew them apart piece by piece. He also loved playing fetch whether it was with a Kong, or a ball, or a stick, or a frisbee, he could play endlessly. He always had a Kong.

He loved cheese. He could be sound asleep but if you opened a cheese slice he would be right there. He loved all kinds of cheese. You couldn't eat any without sharing it with him.

I'll never forget the first time I saw him. A guy at Mr. Mans work had him and didn't want him any more. They lived in a ground floor apartment and Bears life consisted of being tied to a tree all day. This guy was going to take him to a shelter. Mr. Man asked me if I wanted a dog. I said I'd try it out for a weekend and if it didn't work out he would have to go back. He arrived in a big cage on the back of Mr. Man s truck. Mr. Man let him out and I just about shit. That dog is huge! What are we getting ourselves into. But from that moment on he fit right into our family and he stole my heart. He was 5 years old and hadn't had much of a life. He was my constant companion from that day on. I allowed him as much freedom as possible. We had a big yard. We went for walks, we went to the park. I let him roam the nigbourhood more than I should have.

He became an important member of our family. He was treated with love and dignity. I spoiled him whenever I could. He loved Christmas. He got just as many gifts as the rest of us. He opened all his own gifts. He was like a little kid at Christmas. Couldn't wait for his next gift. We had him for 5 Christmases and it was a joy.

He was happy, healthy and smart. He was loving and calm. He was playful and wanted to please. He never once messed in the house. He made a mess shedding, but that wasn't his fault. Every fall he would shed getting in his new winter coat. Every spring he would shed for his summer coat. He had beautiful thick, shiny fur.

He was fearless and intrepid, except when it came to thunder and fireworks. For whatever reason those things scared him. He would tremble like a leaf and look for somewhere to hide. We tried reassuring him that it was ok to no avail. Poor silly guy.

He got sprayed by a skunk twice within a few days. I just bathed him and he was fine. He met a porcupine once. Mr. Man had to come home from work to pull the quills out of his snout. He was fine after that.

He loved affection and was affectionate in return. He was friendly to just about everyone he met. If you played with him you had a friend for life. Everyone who met him, loved him. People everywhere we went would stop to pet him and comment on how beautiful he was.

He was not good with window screens. He shredded every screen in the house in paradise. He just wanted to get outside. He wasn't good with other male dogs. He got into a couple of scraps, but he always came out on top. A little training probably would have rectified that. He pretty much tolerated Eddie, a male Jack Russel who we had for a year or so. He just resigned himself that Eddie wasn't going anywhere. Sometimes they were like best buds. Eddie tormented him sometimes. Eddie was untrainable. Eventually we had to find him a new home.

He would come, sit, lay down, get down, get up, move, sing, speak, drink water, shake a paw and sometimes give kisses on command. He ate a lot of food and drank a lot of water. He liked Snausages too. If it was ok for him to have he got a taste of whatever I was eating. I'd usually save him the last bite or give him my leftovers.

He never jumped up on people or sniffed crotches. He had manners. But if you sat on the couch he would try to be a lap dog and lay on you digging his elbows into your leg. Most people didn't mind.

I thank God we have lots of pictures and even some videos of him. I will never forget him. He was a very special guy. My heart aches with missing him. Our love for each other was complete and unconditional.

I am taking it one day at a time, just getting through the day. It's going to take some time to get used to not having him around. Meanwhile I have my memories and pictures. He will always hold a special place in my heart. Make no mistake, he was a very special guy. I'm sure to some he was just another dog, but to many he was an awesome dog.

Well I'm trying to move on as hard as that is. He was such a very good boy and will always be in my heart. Time to get busy around here and try to get my mind off of it. Have a great day.

I Will Love Him Forever

2009-10-20T23:43:00.005-04:00

Thanksgiving weekend was ok. The weather was chilly. Friday Mr. Man brought his niece up from the city and he brought a truckload of skid wood for the bonfire. We had a nice evening getting acquainted with his niece. Then on Saturday Mr. Man drove to Scarborough to pick up his brother. We stayed here and did girl stuff, like I got my hair cut (butchered) and the niece got her eyebrows waxed. Little R took her on a tour of the town. Then we all headed up to D & Ss place for the bonfire/party. I was disappointed that my friends couldn't make it, but I understand. We had a great time anyways. We had a barbecue. Mr. Man got me a little birthday cake and everyone sang to me, that was fun. D got me a bottle of champagne. Bear was acting funny, like he wasn't feeling well or something. We came home and drank the bottle of Kaluha that T had given me.

The next day, Sunday, Mr. Man had to drive his brother and niece back to Scarborough. Then he was going to the Reserve for smokes. That's a hell of a lot of driving. He left home around 1 and didn't get back til around 9. Meanwhile he was out of pills and I had called the pharmacy for refills. He was going to pick them up on his way home. That didn't work out. The drug store closed at 6 and he called me at 5:30 from Mississauga, there was no way he was going to make it. He really needed his pills. So I had to hustle, hung over, on foot down to the pharmacy. I made it there at 5 to 6. All the way there I had visions of them locking the door in my face. So relieved I made it.

Then on Monday, which was going to be a day of rest for Mr. Man, my father and sister came up to visit. They brought me birthday cards and my daddy gave me a cheque. Very nice. It was good to see them. My father actually fell asleep in our new lazyboy chair and had a little nap. Mr. Man scuttled off to lay down too. So me and my sister watched Jerry Springer together. LOL. Even though we had a turkey in the oven they weren't staying for dinner. They left and we had our Thanksgiving turkey dinner, just the 3 of us. The dog was still acting sick. He just wasn't himself.

Tuesday was my actual birthday and D came on messenger and told me to be ready to go at 11. She took me for my very first manicure. And I liked it lol. It was a nice birthday surprise. By now the dog was throwing up. He couldn't even hold down water.

This went on all week. He wouldn't eat and every time he took a drink of water he threw it right back up. Finally on Saturday I convinced Mr. Man to take him to the vet. Even at this point Mr. Man thought Bear was getting better. I insisted we get him into the vet. The vet took one look at him and said this is one very sick dog. He was jaundiced which meant his liver was failing. She told us he was dying. There was really only one thing we could do. It all happened so fast. I did get to say good bye, but I didn't go in with him, which I now regret. We had him put down. He was suffering. It was the right and only thing to do. We couldn't get out of there fast enough, bawling our heads off.

I have been a heartbroken mess ever since. I loved that dog with all of my heart. I loved him as my child. And he loved me back. Life is going to be quite different without him. I miss him terribly. Every little thing sets me off crying. I can't stop thinking about him. I just hope time will heal my wounds. He was 10, so he was a senior. He was 5 when we got him. He was a joy to have in our family. The love of a dog is so pure. He was such a very good boy. I just hope he knows he was a good boy. Not a day went by that I didn't tell him he was a good boy and how handsome he was and how smart he was and how much I loved him.

My mind is just overflowing with memories of him. That's what I'm left with, memories and pictures. And a broken heart. His pain is over and I'm glad for that. I just can't wait for my pain to stop. He was my constant companion. I was closer to him than to many people.

We've batted around the idea of getting another dog. But I don't think it's cool to have a dog living in an apartment for one thing. My heart belongs to Bear for another thing. Plus I'd like to enjoy the freedom for a while. And I gave away all his stuff on Freecycle. I'm not ready, if I ever will be, for another dog. Besides, he spoiled us. He was such an awesome dog, no other could take his place.

It turns out he had been sick for a while. He had lost too much weight which I didn't really notice because I saw him every day. I thought he was depressed about moving into an apartment. But no, he was sick. The poor guy. And now he's gone and I'm lost without him.

It's a sad time around here. We're all so upset. It'll just take time. I have to learn to focus on other things and move on with my life so I don't just shut down in grief. He was my reason to get up each day. He had a good life with us. Yes there is a doggie heaven and he is there now. I will never forget him and I'll never stop loving him. R.I.P Bear :-(

Happy Birthday, My Ass

2009-10-08T13:07:00.002-04:00

It's been almost a month again since my last post. Really just nothing going on in my life. So many of the blogs I read have come to an end. The people I actually know in real life just haven't been posting. Blogs I've been reading for years are just done, over, gone. What the hell? I'm getting seriously bored with the computer. I spend the majority of my time playing games on Facebook these days. Exciting.

We've been over to S & Ds place for bonfires a few times. That's always fun. Recently we took some furniture over there to store. We just don't have room for it here. And I didn't want to get rid of it just yet in case we get another house in the future.

My birthday is on the 13th. I'll be 48. OMFG. That's 2 years shy of 50! Unreal. It's just hard to believe. I don't feel that old. So I invited my few friends over this weekend. I asked them back in September. That way they can plan their Thanksgiving dinners around it. Then I got all freaked out about having people in my little cramped apartment. D generously offered to host my little get together at her place. Awesome. A bonfire sure beats sitting in an apartment. Didn't all three of my girlfriends cancel this week. Piss me off. Ok, one friend told me from the get go that her family usually has their Thanksgiving dinner on the Saturday, plus she lives really far away. But she would come if she could. Well she can't. Fine. Then another friend told me this week that her family is having Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday also. But this was after she told me she would come. Then this morning I got a message from a third friend that she won't be coming because she's sick. Well fuck me. That leaves Mr. Man's niece and brother as our guests. No amount of planning matters with my friends. What really pisses me off is I go to all their shit. If I said I would be there, I'm there. Even if my family invited me to dinner, I would tell my family I already have plans. I've driven through blizzards to be there. I've gone when I'm not really feeling well. I just wouldn't do this to them. So I'm not impressed. But you know what? We'll have a ball anyways and it's their loss. I didn't mention it was my birthday because I didn't want them to feel obligated to buy me gifts or anything. I just wanted to see my friends. Also it isn't the first time they've done this to me. I've cancelled more than one get together because they pulled this same thing. I could go on and on about it, really. I'm so disappointed, again. But like I said, we'll have a good time anyways, we always do when we go to D & Ss place. So Mr. Man's niece, who we haven't even seen in over 10 years, is coming up here tomorrow and Mr. Man is picking his brother up on Saturday. Then he'll have to drive them back to the city on Sunday. Poor Mr. Man, he gets no rest. I don't know if we're going to bother with a turkey dinner or what. No invitations from my family for Thanksgiving. So we probably will get a little turkey. Man, I hope I cheer up by Saturday.

On that note, I'm thinking I should go back to the doctor about my depression. It is no secret that I'm depressed. It's getting old. I don't know what else to do. Previously my doctor sent me to a counsellor, but I only saw her once or twice before it turned into family counselling. So we never did really address my depression. I think Mr. Man is truly getting fed up with it. He isn't so understanding any more. I thought I would rather be depressed than feel the way the anti-depressants made me feel, now I'm not so sure. I need to feel better and get myself a life.

So it's a long weekend, Canadian Thanksgiving. My friends let me down. At least I have one solid friend. Little R still hasn't found herself a job. She goes out every day, but I don't know where she goes. I'm depressed and Mr. Man is fed up. Not only does he have to put up with me and Little R but he has a helper at work who is useless and drives him squirrelly every day. For whatever reason the bosses haven't fired this guy yet. Mr. Man is extremely frustrated. I feel for him. I need a life beyond the computer. Winter is fast approaching. They've turned the heat on in the building and it's stinking hot in here. But hey, that's better than being cold. I don't know when I'll blog again. If anything interesting happens, I'll blog about it. Time to quit wasting time on the computer and get something done around here. Have a great day. And Happy Thanksgiving!

My 600th Post

2009-09-16T08:29:00.003-04:00

Wow, it's been a whole month since I last posted. The truth is, not much has happened in the past month. This is also my 600th post! Amazing. It was a lot more fun back in the days when I had a bit of a life to talk about. My life has become rather pathetic. Lately it consists of sitting at the computer, not doing much, watching tv and taking the dog out. To shake things up I do laundry once in a while. There is a book exchange in the laundry room, that reminds me, I do read a lot too. The only time I get out is when I go grocery shopping with Mr. Man. We did go to the local fall fair recently. We went to see the demolition derby but then we couldn't get seats so we didn't really see much of it. Little R got to see her friends and go on rides. We had something to eat and walked around. It was an evening out, together. Wow, exciting.

Little R said she wanted to go back to school this year. We paid the registration fee, we got her a bus pass, got her some supplies, etc. This is the third week into it and she's already given up the charade. She's home. Supposedly she's looking for a job. We also found out she isn't even supposed to go to that school since we moved. She doesn't want to go to the other school. So all we can do is hope she finds a job. A couple of weeks ago, she and 3 friends got caught shoplifting at a store here in town. She basically got off again. She had to return the merchandise and write a letter of apology to the store manager. And they are banned from the store for a year. Sigh. But like the police told me, that's it for her, any more trouble and she will be going to jail. No more getting off. I can only hope there is no more trouble.

I've been getting some good scores from Freecycle lately. A lot of times I will reply to a post saying I want whatever is being offered and I won't get it. But lately I've been getting a lot of stuff. I've also gotten rid of some stuff and it went very fast, the same day I posted it, which is good. I got some clothes for myself and Little R. I got her a lovely dress. Now she just needs somewhere to wear it. I got some crafting supplies including a little wreath. I gave away all my wreaths, fall, Halloween and Christmas, decorations, wreaths, costumes, everything and all my craft supplies. So I want to make up an autumn wreath for the door. Or I may just buy one already made. If I do that, I'll just Freecycle the craft supplies I got. I just knew I wouldn't have anywhere to store all this kind of stuff. And I was right. I got a cute set of cannisters. I got a box of books, all by two of my favourite authors. I got something that is going to be a Christmas gift for a friend, it's perfect. There's a couple of things I've been asking for that I'm having no luck getting. We need dressers and a bookcase. I'll keep trying. But we'll probably end up buying them at some point. I love Freecycle.

The unpacking is still at a standstill. The place is a real mess. But now I've gone and invited people over for my birthday celebration next month. That gives me the motivation to get on with it. Living here feels temporary. I just don't see the point in unpacking everything if we're just going to move again. But I'm sure I'll be happy once it is done. Then it won't feel so temporary. In reality I don't know how long we'll live here. So over the next few weeks I'll be working on that, getting unpacked, making this place home and cleaning it up. I should make Little R help me. She's very good at weasling out of it though.

Well that's about it for now. Mr. Man still hasn't picked up his prizes from winning Stump The Chump. We didn't go to the Summer Bash. It was on a Thursday and nobody wanted to go with us. Hopefully some of the prizes like the tickets to Wild Water Kingdom will still be good for next summer. Summer, such as it was, is over. I hope to have more going on in my life in the near future. I hope for some good times. So maybe for my next post I'll have something good to tell you about. Meanwhile, have a great day.

Another Event Spoiled By The Child

2009-08-16T14:20:00.003-04:00

Mr. Man went to pick up our new truck in the morning. It's a beater. There are things wrong with it that he will have to fix. We packed up our bags and the dog and off we went to Lake Erie. It was the worlds longest drive. It was very hot out and we got stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. We were in that traffic jam for an hour and a half. Just creeping along. It turned out there was a major accident on the other side of the road, once we passed that it cleared up. At one point I insisted we get off the highway just to give the dog some water and let him cool down a bit. It was brutal! It was very uncomfortable sitting in the middle between Mr. Man and the dog. We were very late getting to my friends place. We had planned to spend the day there hanging out on the beach. I think it was around 6 when we finally got there. So much for spending the day. The weather, being so hot, was much nicer than the last time we were there. We took the dog down to the beach. This is the first time we have ever taken him to the beach. He LOVED it. He went right in the water, was biting at the little waves as they rolled in, and was jumping around as I splashed him. The water was the perfect temperature. There are a lot of loose dogs around there so we didn't dare let him off the leash. We had a barbecue. The drive was so traumatic I was on a mission and was just sucking back the alcohol. Then the whole thing was completely spoiled by a phone call. I don't know who called who but there was Mr. Man on the phone with Little R and there was some sort of problem at home. Next thing I know he's talking to our super. It was something about letting Little R into the apartment and then there was a carload of boys wanting to get in. So we had to abruptly end the festivities and pack up and leave. We were planning to spend the night. It was a long drive home. I'm still not too sure what exactly happened. I'm so disappointed that we can't even have a night away without some sort of drama. I don't think my friend was very impressed either.

Today is stinking hot again. The dog is limping pretty badly. I'd give anything to be on the beach today. Mr. Man is out working on the truck. It made the drive, I'm sure the car wouldn't have made it, but something is leaking. I tried getting the dog into the shower to cool him off but he wouldn't have any part of it. Little R is acting like nothing happened and went out. No one is online. I imagine everyone is out enjoying the summer weather. So I'm sitting here all alone, bored out of my mind and pissed off about last night. I don't get to see my friend very often, we live so far apart, it really sucks that our visit got cut short. Next time, if there ever is a next time, we are leaving bright and early in the morning. I have a feeling I won't see her again until the fall. And that will only be if I get this apartment cleaned up and unpacked.

Well I guess I'll go out and see how Mr. Man is making out with the truck. Have a great day. Keep cool.

One Prize Down, Four To Go

2009-08-15T06:08:00.002-04:00

It was such short notice. We didn't find out until Monday that the bash was on Thursday. We also thought he only won 2 passes but found out Monday he actually had 4 passes. Nobody would go with us. And how stupid to have it on a Thursday. The car is acting up and Mr. Man didn't really feel like driving it in dowtown Toronto traffic. Besides he couldn't get off work early to get there when the doors open to ensure we got in. So we decided not to go. Also the theme was A Tribute To Woodstock. It would have been a bunch of bands playing 60s music. I wasn't so thrilled about that. Q107 has this party every year. Mr.Man is confidant he will win tickets for it again. Since I was all dressed and ready to go we went to a local bar, had a few beers and played some pool. There was a 2 man band playing. Amazingly they played Boots Or Hearts. One of my favourite songs. I've asked every bar band to play it and they have all said no it's too complicated and yet a 2 man band can play it, go figure.

Last weekend we bought an old truck. Hopefully Mr. Man will be picking it up this morning. It's just a matter of getting a ride to go get it. Well and he has to get the plates and whatnot for it too. We plan on driving it out to my friends place on Lake Erie. Yes we're going back to Wainfleet to see my old friend. I've been asked to bring potato salad again. I like eating it but I hate making it. I should have done it last night but no I put it off til this morning. At least the forecast for today is good. We may actually go on the beach this time. Cathy and her husband are going too. I think Little R is coming with us. This could be awkward with the truck. We'll have to put the dog in the back of the truck. It has a cap on it so it might be hot back there. Hopefully Bear will just relax and lay down. And hopefully the truck is in better shape than the car. It's quite the drive, about 2 hours. I'm excited to be getting a new vehicle, even though it is a beater and I'm excited to be going to see my old friends.

Mr. Man still hasn't had the chance to go downtown to pick up the rest of his prizes. The Playdium and the Wild Water Kingdom will be used for Little R. We probably won't go to the movie, it's a war movie, not interested. The best thing is $100 worth of pizza. You know he says he's only called in a few times and out of that few times he has won twice. So the chances are good that he can win again.

Meanwhile the unpacking is still at a standstill. The apartment is a mess. I spend my days fooling around on the computer and watching tv. I'm a little more comfortable with taking the dog out. I've taken him with me to the store a few times. The day Cathy came up we took him all over downtown Orangeville without incident. I don't know, the fear is still there. We were just lucky we didn't run into any other male dogs.

So today is going to be busy. I'm disappointed that we didn't go to the Q107 Summer Bash, but I'm over it. We'll have fun today. I'm praying there isn't anything wrong with the truck. It'll be nice to see the old friends again. It'll be nice to spend some time on the beach and to take Bear on the beach. I'm gonna go get my day started. Have a great day.

Should We Stay Or Should We Go?

2009-08-12T11:35:00.005-04:00

One day last week Mr. Man was pulled over on his way to work to put water in the car, it was still overheating. While he was pulled over he called in to the radio for the Stump The Chump contest. Didn't he win it AGAIN! He only got 2 questions right this time but that was enough to win. He won $100 gift certificate for Playdium, $100 gift certificate for pizza, 2 tickets to a movie, 4 tickets to Wild Water Kingdom and 4 tickets to the Q107 Summer Bash. At first we thought he only won 2 tickets to the bash. He had to wait for an email with his pass which he just got on Monday. He hasn't been able to go pick up his other prizes yet. It turns out this bash is this Thursday. Everyone we've asked to go with us can't go, mainly because they have to work Friday morning. Now Mr. Man is saying he doesn't really want to go if no one goes with us. It's a gotta "win to get in" event. It's a once in a lifetime thing. I don't want to miss it. Mr. Man doesn't really want to miss it either. I am really hoping we can find someone who wants to go.

The car is a wreck. It could just die at any moment. Mr. Man has done some things to it to keep it going. So far so good. Last week my friend D sent me a link to a truck for sale on Kijiji. We went to see it last Saturday and ended up buying it. We're picking it up this week. It's an old beater but it has low mileage. If it lasts a couple of years it will be well worth it.

On Saturday the rain held off all day. I had high hopes that it would just blow over. No such luck. As we were getting ready to go to the party it started raining. It rained pretty much for the whole night. Eventually it did stop. Thankfully it was just a light rain. We went to the party. There were plenty of people there but I think there would have been a lot more if it wasn't raining. There was a pig roast and other food. There was a bonfire, which was cool it was on an island, you had to cross a bridge to get to it. There was a band. Me and Mr. Man pretty much hung out with S & D the whole time. It was like the 4 of us were in our own little world. We danced. We had a great time. None of us won the bike. We danced and partied in the rain. It was fun. We got home around 3 a.m. We left before finding out who won the bike, but we knew already that we didn't win. We could have stayed longer but Mr. Man wanted to go.

This weekend I have to make another potato salad to take to my friend Celestes. The weather is supposed to be nice this weekend for a change. I'm just hoping it isn't windy like it was when we went there in July. Her house is right on the water. I'd like to be able to take the dog on the beach. So we're looking forward to that.

Looking forward to picking up our new beater truck. The next few days are going to be busy. Oh my visit with Cathy last week was good. We took the dog and just walked all over town. We stopped to eat. We sat in the park for a couple of hours just chatting. She got an excellent deal on baby clothes at the Thrift Store. We had a really nice visit.

I think I have Mr. Man convinced we should go to the bash thing whether someone comes with us or not. That's tomorrow. It starts at 7 so really we can make it an early night if we want to. We've never been to the Sound Academy before, I'm into checking it out. Then Friday I'll be making the potato salad to take to Celestes on Saturday. We'll spend the day there and have a good time I'm sure. At some point before that we need to go pick up the truck. It's going to be a busy few days. At some point we need to make arrangements to go to my sisters cottage with my nephew. Looking forward to that also.

Should we stay home or should we go to the bash? That is the question. Have a great day.

Glad That's Over With

2009-08-05T06:36:00.003-04:00

Things are not so bad today. Mr. Man got his meds couriered to him first thing in the morning yesterday so he wasn't miserable once he got them. Then he found a rad for the car and a ride to go pick it up. He changed the rad with no problems and the car is running again. I was just so disappointed that we had to spend the long weekend sitting at home being miserable. I was really looking forward to getting away and having some fun. This has been such a crappy summer. Being cooped up in this apartment is not doing a thing for me. At least when we lived in apartments before we had the cottage and we got away every weekend. Boy do I miss the cottage now.

After he was done with the car he went to work on the bike. It tried to go but they didn't get it running. Next weekend there's another party which we really hoped to have the bike for but I'm no longer counting on that. It doesn't matter if we go on 4 wheels. This is one we've never been to before, heard about since we moved up here but never been, so looking forward to it.

Mr. Man doesn't want a divorce. Thankfully he kept a sane head through the weekend. Once the car was running again I calmed down. But some truths came out. Like I really am very unhappy living here. I know it could be worse, but really not much. Several people told me I need to get a job. Everyone seems to think I'd be happier if I had a job. I don't agree. As I've done in the past I'll get a job when I feel up to working. Otherwise I'd just resent it. I like being home, it's just this doesn't feel like home. I'm just glad the weekend from hell is over and we can now move on.

Cathy got a new car this week so she's coming up to visit me today. We talk on the computer every day, but since she got the car she's never online, she's out and about. I don't know what we're going to do all day. We can't just sit in this apartment all day. I don't know what we used to do all the time back in the day. I think we smoked a lot of pot and played Nintendo lol. I know when she came to visit at the house she ended up leaving early because we got so bored. I guess we'll go out walking and check out downtown Orangeville.

Well she'll be here in a little while so I should get on with it. I haven't taken the dog out yet or anything. Have a great day.

The Beginning Of The End

2009-08-04T04:49:00.002-04:00

What a terrible weekend! Oh the weather was great for once. It was our life that sucked. On Saturday Mr. Man went to work on the bike and I stayed home doing laundry. They think they found the problem with the bike. So Mr. Man had to go to Canadian Tire. We live right near Canadian Tire so he picked me up to go back with him. I didn't get a chance to fold the laundry, it was all piled on our bed. We decided to pick up a case of beer too. Who knows maybe there will be a bonfire. Off we go and the car starts to overheat, then it stalls. After filling up the rad with water it worked, for a bit. Then he figured out the rad was leaking. So back to Canadian Tire to get some stuff that's supposed to stop leaks. And stopping a couple more times to fill it with water. The leak stop stuff never worked. What should have been a half hour or less drive turned into a 2 hour drive. We finally got back there. Bear was thrilled, it's the one place he can run around free. There were a few people there so it was a party atmosphere. The guys lost a tiny little part from the bike that they absolutely had to have and couldn't fabricate. After a few minutes of looking, with my eagle eyes I found it in the gravel driveway! So Mr. Man went back to working on the bike and I proceeded to socialize and drink my face off. We did have a bonfire. The bikes got put away for the night. And I got hammered. At one point I fell down. Get drunk and fall down, that's always fun. We babied the car home and made it. Then I had to move all the laundry off the bed. I was too drunk to fold it so I just piled it on our boxes/dressers.

Sunday Mr. Man figured we just couldn't use the car. He had to fix it. We walked to Canadian Tire to get what he needed. He fixed the fan but realized he couldn't fix the rad. It needs a new rad. We needed groceries badly. We ended up walking to the grocery store! Keep in mind we were supposed to ride to a biker bash with rodeo games on Sunday. But instead we're walking carrying groceries home. I was not a happy camper.

I just really wanted, no needed, to get out of the apartment and be around people. I was so disappointed in everything. What a time for the car to die. But then again I've been telling Mr. Man for weeks it's time to get a new vehicle and he's been ignoring me. So come Monday this is when Mr. Man realizes he left his medication at work. So now he's in extreme pain and experiencing withdrawls. He only found one place open and they didn't have a rad for him. So now he's going to miss Tuesday at work and have to have his pills couriered to him in the morning. Then he's going to have to find a rad, find a way to go get it, and change the rad on the car.

Meanwhile on Monday there was a lot of laying on the couch moaning and complaining. Not what I had in mind for my long weekend. By Monday night I was just furious. I want a divorce. Our life is just going backwards. I am not happy. I will never be happy living here. I've been years without a car of my own. That was a lot worse in paradise. But still I need a car. And going without a car at all was just too much. The bike should have been fixed months ago. By the time it's done, riding season will be over. I'm not happy with Mr. Man for reasons I can't say here. He takes things out on me. He is miserable to me. I've had enough. I'm tired of waiting for the lawsuit, we're going to burn anyways. All because he went back to work. I'm tired of his pain ruling our life. I do believe this is the beginning of the end.

The Picnic On The Balcony

2009-07-27T10:22:00.008-04:00

Yesterday was Cathys annual picnic. Though they were calling for thunderstorms all day, the day started out promising with the sun shining. As the time drew near to leave it got cloudier and darker. By the time we got down there it was a full fledged thunderstorm with torrential rain. We brought Bear and he was trembling and cowering in the back seat of the car. We decided to go to the park to see if they were there waiting it out. We got there just in time to help them pack up, they were leaving. So we packed everything up and went to their apartment. We partied on their 12th floor balcony. And of course eventually the rain cleared up. We brought beer and potato salad. Celeste brought these coolers that were wicked. I had one and caught a buzz. Cathy had a few and was feeling no pain, she doesn't really drink. The doobies were being passed around one after another and that did me in. I really don't smoke much any more. We had a barbecue and a few drinks and a good time was had by all. Little R took some very unflattering videos. Cathy has a theory about the weather. She just read a book about it. The government is controlling the weather. Interesting. It has been the worst summer in recent memory. It's just more of the same today, cloudy and cool and looks like it will rain any minute.

On Saturday we got all the plates and whatnot hung on the kitchen walls. But not without Mr. Man hurting himself. The stool he was standing on just crumbled under him and he sort of fell, jarring his back. So that was the end of that. That stuff was already unpacked so we didn't do any unpacking. It's crazy how we're living in all this chaos. At the rate we're going we'll be lucky to be unpacked by Christmas.

The police were here this morning. Well it was just one cop. He came to serve Little R papers to appear in court. She is being charged with theft. It all started one day last week, Mr. Man came home from work and asked me if I had taken money out of the bank. No I didn't. Then he asked me where my bank card was. When I looked in my wallet, surprise, it wasn't there. I also had Little Rs bank card and it was gone too. We decided that this just can't go on, we had to do something. So we called the police. At first he wasn't going to do anything, then we told him about all the stuff she's been pulling and he changed his mind. We figured she needs to learn a lesson, she can't keep getting away with everything. She took my bank card and basically cleaned out our account. Thankfully it wasn't a whole lot of money, but it was Mr. Mans gas money for the week. Of course she is denying it completely. We just want the stealing and lying to stop. I just hope she grows out of it and it doesn't turn into a way of life. We're hoping being charged will scare her out of it. It's a horrible feeling not being able to trust your own kid. I feel bad about having her charged, sort of guilty, it just doesn't feel right. But we didn't know what else to do, it can't go on. I mean really, what's next?

So that's all the excitement around here. It's Monday, back to the grind. It was nice to see the old friends yesterday. Though I wish we had done it on Saturday so we would have a day to recover. We have parties to attend the next 2 weekends. But next weekend it will depend if the bike is running or not. If not, we won't be going. Mr. Man is going to work on it tonight after work. The following weekend it would be nice to have the bike for it but we'll still go even if it isn't running. Wouldn't it be nice to actually have some nice summer weather? I keep hoping it will improve. We plan to go back to my friends at Lake Erie at some point in August too. And we also hope to make it to my sisters cottage. So many plans and so much rain. I must say, Cathys conspiracy theory is quite intriguing. She should blog about it lol.

I guess there's nothing left to say so I'll post some pictures from yesterday. I look like an old spaz in most of them. I was feeling pretty old too.

First is Bear chilling out on the balcony...

Me and Mr. Man...

Celeste, me and Cathy...

Little R and Cathy...

This was interesting, just a wall of rain in the distance...

Of course I have more pictures but once again Blogger is being a pain with uploading them. There were some awesome views from the 12th floor. You can see Toronto in the distance.

I'm getting depressed again. I always feel this way the day after drinking. But with this weather too, gawd I can't stand it, I need some sun. And the apartment being such a mess, I can't stand that either. I don't like Mondays when Mr. Man has to go back to work, can't wait for him to take a vacation. SW has been back since Thursday and I haven't even talked to her. Little R went right back to bed after the cop left. Feeling a little lonely today. I have to go check the mail and walk down to the bank this afternoon. So have a great day.

Life Is Going Backwards

2009-07-21T07:55:00.002-04:00

I woke up this morning thinking about all the things we left behind. I'm missing my stuff. We went beyond downsizing. And yet this apartment still feels cramped. Of course we still haven't finished unpacking. We've been here for what 2 months now? I've even gotten rid of stuff since we've been here via Freecycle. It's just the stuff we left behind or sold or gave away was things we had for years. Collections. Things we hung onto for years. And now they're just gone, forever. Some things I didn't mind too much parting with, but some stuff I'm really sorry I don't have. I think I got carried away in the frenzy of it all. I kept silly things and got rid of good stuff.

I'm not getting used to living in an apartment. I don't think I'll ever get used to it. After my waking thoughts, I got on the computer and started looking at photos. Pictures of my gardens and flowers. I miss my gardens terribly. That's what got me outside. I used to spend hours puttering. I barely go out on the balcony at all. It makes me nervous. I keep getting this feeling it's going to fall off the building. It is an old building. And the view just isn't that great. I think in 2 months I've sat out there three times. I find myself thinking I hope this year goes by fast. Once our lease is up we are free to find something else. I really need a house. I need a yard. I need gardens.

We've been taking Bear with us as much as possible lately. We just really don't feel right leaving him cooped up in an apartment. When we first got him, his previous owner told us he doesn't travel well, he gets sick. Well he has never got sick with us. We've been on some pretty long drives with him and he is fine. We've been quite impressed with how well behaved he is when we take him anywhere.

After my waking thoughts, then looking through photos, I really want to get this place unpacked and organized. I just took Bear out for his morning walk and there is someone moving in. Guess what they had on the elevator? A woodstove of all things! Hell we didn't even bring our air conditioners nevermind a woodstove. We still haven't set up the beds. Well Little Rs was set up but then we had to take it apart to move it to have the new windows put in. We still need to put the mirror on her dresser. We still need to get dressers for us. This living with all our clothes in boxes is getting old fast. I did get a dresser from Freecycle but it's huge and has small drawers. I need big drawers. So now I'm trying to get rid of it on Freecycle with no luck. I really want to hang the dart board. But we're going to have to find something to put around it to protect the wall. We have a spot in mind, hopefully it will work out. And hopefully it won't disturb any of the nieghbours when we play. I've lived in many apartments in my life. This one isn't so bad. But I just got really used to being in a house.

One good thing that has come out of this is we're walking more. I'm not lounging around in my jammies all day because I have to get up and get dressed to take the dog out. And living in town there are places to walk to. All three of us are doing a lot more walking. I guess the dog is walking more too. It's just depressing coming home to a cramped apartment. We've been lucky to have friends and family with houses who invite us to barbecues and bonfires. Otherwise I would really be losing it.

How did I get here? I know how I got here. It's sad. Now all I can think about is when can I get out of here? I feel like we really took 2 steps back. Like life is going backwards. I know things will change. I know things will get better again. Meanwhile, I'm not real happy about things. I'm trying really hard not to fall into a depression. But I think I am depressed to a degree. Life is so different here. I don't know, I don't like it. There is just so much I miss about our house in paradise aside from all the possessions we lost.

I really wish I woke up with different thoughts this morning. Now that I have high speed broadband internet I don't get any emails. I had tons sitting in my inbox that I couldn't even open on dial up. Now I get nothing. Bring on the emails people. Dial up is something I'm not sad to leave behind.

So that's my frame of mind today. Don't know what I'll do today. Probably watch tv all day and wish I was somewhere else. Have a great day.

Our Weekend And Pictures

2009-07-20T08:36:00.011-04:00

Last Thursday we went down to the city to meet Big R, my father and my sister for a birthday dinner at the Mandarin. Little Rs birthday was on the 9th, Big Rs boyfriends birthday was on the 16th or 17th, my fathers birthday was on the 19th and Big Rs birthday is on the 27th. It was so nice to see Big R again. I don't think I'll ever get used to her living in Prince Edward Island. But she is getting pretty settled down there. Our visits are never long enough. It was at this dinner that my sister invited us down to her place on Sunday for a barbecue for my fathers 94th birthday.

Friday Mr. Man took the day off work. We didn't do anything. He could have gone up to D & Ss place to work on the bike but that never happened. I don't even remember what we did all day, I think it was a lazy day. Mr. Man has 2 weeks of vacation he can take but he's afraid of the chaos he'll have to return to. I'm trying to convince him to take one week off.

Saturday we walked the dog down to the Farmers Market which happens to be at the end of our street every Saturday morning. There was a very tall guy dressed in a bear costume walking around, when Bear saw it he barked once and then just cowered. He had never seen anything like it. He couldn't get away from it fast enough. We walked over to Timmys and got coffee. Then we jumped in the car and went to a few yard sales. It was pretty disappointing. One thing we did end up buying was a few cassette tapes. Pretty ironic since I just gave away my cassette collection before we moved. I'm pretty sure I used to have all the tapes we bought. They're for listening to in the car. At some point we went to the thrift store. We had some stuff to drop off and I've been looking for a gift for my old friend whose birthday is on the 25th. I'll be seeing her on the 26th. I didn't find anything in there so we went to a different store where I did find something I hope she will like and use. Later in the afternoon again we took the dog down to the park at the end of our street for Marc Emery's Farewell Tour. We met "The Prince Of Pot" himself, listened to him speak, signed a petition, got his autograph on a DVD and I got my picture taken with him. I only learned about his plight the weekend before so I wasn't too sure what was going on or even who he was. I'm more educated now. There was a police presence, when they all marched off to another location we just headed home.

Sunday we headed down to the city to my sisters for a barbecue to celebrate my fathers 94th birthday. I got to see a couple of my nephews who I rarely see and my great niece who I have only seen a couple of times. She's 5 now. Quite the little chatterbox. And not shy at all. We brought Bear too, it was his first time there. He was very well behaved. Even though my father has never had a drink of alcohol in his life, there was some drinking going on. Even my sister had a couple of coolers. It was fun though I didn't really talk to my father much. We were banished to the smokers table. We did make plans to go to my sisters cottage at some point this summer. I've never been there mainly because its on an island and you have to take a boat to get to it. I don't do well with boats. But I'm determined to go this summer. Maybe when Mr. Man takes a week off work.

And now for some pictures. First is Big R and Little R. Big Rs boyfriend was entertained by all the mannerisms these two share.

Next is our little family. This is like one of 2 photos in existence of the four of us together.

This is me and my sister Linda.

Little R and Papa.

My dad with his two youngest granddaughters.

And Big R with her man Glen. We like him.

Here's me with Marc Emery, "The Prince Of Pot".

My dad with his birthday cake.

Little R with my great niece Faith.

Blogger is not making it easy to add pictures these days. So that's it for now. That was our weekend in pictures. Next weekend we are going back down to the city for a barbecue picnic in the park with old friends. That is assuming it doesn't rain. Hopefully we'll get some time during the week to work on the bike. We need to have it running the following weekend. Mr. Man needs to make the time to do it. The summer is slipping away.

Well I'm off to start my day, back to the grind. Gotta get the kitchen cleaned up. SW is on her way back home! I can't wait to see her. Have a great day.

Chit Chat

2009-07-16T08:53:00.002-04:00

One thing I've noticed that I really don't like about living here is, every single morning I hear sirens. Never in the afternoon or at night, always in the morning. I went for 6 years with hearing no sirens at all to hearing them every single morning. I don't like hearing sirens no matter what time of day. Man I miss the peace and quiet of paradise.

Little R admitted to me yesterday that she did not go to get her SIN (Social Insurance Number) card. I had a feeling she didn't. So yesterday I went down with her and got it done. She needs that to get a job. She now has a number and they gave her a piece of paper with her number on it, so technically she can go get a job any time. Yesterday I allowed her to go to a party. Later she phoned wanting to spend the night, which I allowed. I figured it was better than having her tripping around town in the middle of the night. Today I think I'm going to send her job searching.

They arrested a guy for that stabbing. The last I heard the woman was still in critical condition. I'm happy they made an arrest. The police aren't saying much about it all yet. Stuff like that just shouldn't happen in a town like this.

I'm looking forward to seeing Big R for dinner tonight. She is in town for a wedding this weekend. We are meeting for dinner. Mr. Man will have to drive up here to get us then drive back down to the city for dinner then back up here home. He booked tomorrow off work. I'm not sure what his plans are. I promised Little R we would go shopping for clothes this weekend. Kind of a birthday present. At some point Mr. Man has to go work on the bike. We have a couple of events coming up and it would be nice to have the bike for that. He is confident he'll get it going and I really should have faith, he's always got it going before. It's just been so long since we rode. The last time we rode was July 2007. I'm a little bit eager.

I've taken Bear downtown twice now. Both times were uneventful. But we didn't run into any other dogs. I may be getting over my fear of taking him out on the streets. A lot of people brought their dogs to the Founders Fair. There were a couple of incidents of growling and barking. I don't know what it is, he just automatically doesn't like other male dogs. But the other dogs were starting it at the fair. So we're fine as long as we don't come across other dogs.

Well my tiny kitchen is a mess. That's my job for today, getting it cleaned up. Man I miss my dishwasher. Just waiting for Little R to come home, she said she would be home in the morning. Time to start my day. Have a great day.

Our Weekend

2009-07-13T06:55:00.004-04:00

How was your weekend? Mine was ok. This weekend was the Founders Fair here in town. We've never gone to it before. Saturday evening we walked the dog down to it. They close off the main street through town and have a big fair. There's street entertainment. We spent most of our time just at the bottom of our street. There was vendors, street entertainers, midway stuff, rides and a stage at either end. We had a stage at the end of the street. There was bands playing on the stages. We liked the one by our street. We watched them for a while then walked down to Timmys for a coffee and came back to watch the jugglers. They did all kinds of cool tricks. We walked around a bit more then came back for the jugglers to perform with fire. It was very cool. I took a bunch of pictures but they didn't turn out. We were there for about 4 hours. It had been a beautiful day, but once it got dark it got damn cold. I was glad I brought a jacket. When Mr. Man got cold and wanted to go home we left. The dog did not want to leave. We had to drag him away. We got home around 11, it was great free entertainment.

We had been invited to a pig roast party at our old nieghbours place but decided we really shouldn't go. It would have just felt a little awkward partying with all our old nieghbours. We don't live in paradise any more.

No, we live in town now. Where a woman got stabbed Saturday sometime, right around the corner from our place. She is in critical but stable condition at a hospital in Toronto. Jeez. The guy took her car, so the police are looking for that. I just hope she recovers and they find the guy. It happened way too close to home. One year is all I have to spend here.

Sunday was spent just hanging around home doing nothing. S & D went away for the weekend so we couldn't go there to work on the bike. We didn't do any unpacking. We watched a couple of movies. It was a lazy day. We took the dog for a walk and went by the crime scene, the police were still there and had it all roped off. Stuff like that just doesn't happen in this town.

It was Little Rs 16th birthday last Thursday. She didn't want to go to Wonderland. With the way she's been behaving we didn't feel we should be getting her gifts etc. All she got was a cake. I don't think she expected much more than that anyways. Back in the day I wanted to throw her a huge Sweet 16 bash. But for the past year and a half she's done nothing to earn it. Hopefully she'll straighten out soon. We're just waiting for her SIN to come in the mail so she can get a job. But we don't know for sure if she actually went to get it or just spent the money. Time will tell.

Big R will be here on the 16th. She wants us all to go to the Mandarin. She's coming up just for the weekend for a wedding. Going to the Mandarin is all we'll see of her. She's getting pretty settled in PEI. It doesn't look like she'll be moving back here any time soon.

Friday my computer died and I couldn't get it going all day. Mr. Man comes home, smacks it a couple of times and it works. Gawd. I'm missing a lot of photos on it though. Like I open an album and there should be about 20 pictures there but there's only 3. So I don't know what's going on. I didn't know what to do with myself on Friday. I mostly watched tv. When we have the extra money we're going to put the computer in the shop to have it fixed and maybe they can retreive my photos too.

I hope the weather is going to get nicer soon. This is ridiculous. It's only 20 when it should be 30. We had a little thunderstorm on Saturday morning. Was it ever dark out. After not much of a storm it passed and brightened right up. So far today seems sunny. I'm still white as a ghost.

There's going to be a protest at the park at the end of our street. They are protesting Bill C-15. It's someting about making possession of small amounts of marijuana a big crime. We'll be going to that. I don't know too much about it yet, I just found out about it on the weekend. I think marijuana should be legalized. Not have stricter laws.

Well I need to start my day. I'll leave you with a picture of me and Mr. Man sitting on a bench dowtown enjoying the band. Mr. Man took this with his phone camera.

Pictures

2009-07-06T11:12:00.007-04:00

I got Mr. Man up and he loaded the software for my camera. I got all the photos off my camera, going back a couple of years. But I lost all photos from before that. So I'm going to post a couple from our visit to Lake Erie.

This weather has got to go. We haven't had summer yet. Today is cloudy and it feels cool, but I don't know if that's just because I'm up on the 6th floor getting a breeze or what. I sure hope it's going to get sunny and hot soon, before summer is over. I'm still white as a potato. I got a bit of colour on my face this weekend, but that could also just be windburn. We weren't there long before I put on a coat and jeans.

Little R continues to act like nothing happened. My money collection is gone forever. I collected for years and years. She is never going to learn with no consequences. But what exactly are we supposed to do? She's going to be 16 in a few days. She may just get kicked out for her birthday. I was planning to take her and a friend to Canada's Wonderland for her birthday, she's never even been there, but she wasn't eager to do that. Suddenly she doesn't really like rides. She didn't have a birthday celebration last year, for the first time in her life. Not with what was going on then. It's looking like there won't be a celebration this year either.

We're sort of like empty nesters. Little R is pretty self sufficient. The dog is my baby now. I'm not liking it. I miss having little kids around. My days feel so pointless now. Walking the dog is my big responsibility. I'm thinking once Little R is out of the house and we don't need to worry every time we go out, it will get better. The dog is getting old. I'm sure he only has a few more years in him. We've been taking him with us a lot because we don't like leaving him alone in an apartment. It was different at the house, he could go downstairs to keep cool, he could wander around. He's pretty cooped up here. With all the stunts Little R pulls, I am looking forward to truly being an empty nester.

I can't stand living here. The constant noise is driving me mental. Not noise in the building, but outside noise. I think I can deal with it for a year, not that I have much of a choice. But as soon as our lease is up I'm looking for a house in the country.

I've been going with Mr. Man on his marathon dog walks. It's getting easier. And I'm almost ready to take Bear out on the streets myself. As long as we don't run into any other male dogs we'll be fine. Even though I have lost weight, I could stand to lose more. Me and the dog are both out of shape. I look forward to SW getting back from out west, we can walk together. She's gone til the end of the month, sigh.

I've completely lost interest in unpacking. I still haven't unpacked my china. There's about 15 boxes to unpack still. It'll be like Christmas lol. Mr. Man hung a couple of pictures on the weekend, so it feels a little homier. Still haven't set up the other desktop computer either. We have the big ass desk sitting here taking up precious space, but no second computer on it. Now I'm thinking we really don't even need the second computer or the big ass desk. Time to sell it? I think so. We have countless more pictures to hang, not enough walls probably.

Ok, due to the fact that I have no life these days, I have nothing else to say. Here's a couple of pics from our weekend visit to my old friend at Lake Erie... me and Mr. Man...

My friend and her brother whom I've known since I was a very little kid. I hadn't seen her brother in 15 years.

My friends cute little house.

And this isn't the best picture to show just how rough the water was. The wind was just unreal and the water was really rough.

I did take more pictures but Blogger is being a pain with uploading them this morning, so that's it. Have a great day.

It's A Sad Day

2009-07-05T11:26:00.002-04:00

Yesterday we went to visit my old friend who I've known since I was a toddler. We lost contact for many years and then hooked up recently on Facebook. She lives quite a distance, on Lake Erie. I'm surprised the car made it. It was a two hour drive. It was our first time at her house. She was at our house last fall. I did take pictures, but it's a whole other story why I can't post them. She lives right on the beach. It was so windy we never did bother going on the beach. The water was very rough. We brought Bear, and he did great for such a long drive. His previous owner told us he gets sick on long drives, but he didn't get sick. We had a good time seeing her and her brother. Her house is so cute. I look forward to going back. Hopefully the weather will be nicer next time.

We got back around midnight and headed up S & Ds for a bonfire. We were too late. No one was there and the fire was out. Sigh. So we came home to find Little R had rifled the entire apartment and stole my coin collection! And she wasn't here. She came home this morning and I asked her if she spent or sold my collection, I also had some old paper money. She spent it! She would have got more for it if she sold it rather than spending it at face value. I could kill her! I don't know what to do. She needs to learn a lesson. We are thinking about having her charged.

So Mr. Man sat up all night waiting for her to come home. While he was up he decided to fix my desktop computer. Well he got it going and got it online, but I lost everything! All my photos, my camera software, all my favourites, everything, gone. And that's why I can't post pictures. It's a sad day around here today.

It's now been a week that I've been off the pills. I think it's getting easier. I don't know, I can't even think straight today. I am so disappointed. Now Mr. Man is going to sleep all day, sigh. I need my camera software to get the pictures off my camera. I don't know how to do it, I need him to do it. Yesterday was so fun and today is such a drag. My child needs to learn a lesson. You don't steal. It's even worse that she will steal from her own family. Gawd.

Have a great day. Sadly I won't.

Bike Pictures

2009-06-30T08:23:00.007-04:00

Rather than getting easier, it's getting harder each day, to go without those pills. Oh I hope it ends soon. At least there's no physical pain. The trick is to keep my mind off it and keep busy.

Yesterday I went out with my friend D. She had to come to town so she picked me up and we went shopping. I got a new pair of jeans and a really cute top. I need jeans desperately. I only have a few pairs and I've lost weight so they look ridiculous on me. So now I have a pair that fit. And I was shocked at the size. Size 8! Petite even. But all that means is they're short. I'm only 5' 1". Besides more jeans what I need is shorts. I can't believe how white I am. I need a tan man.

The weather's been freaky. One minute it's sunny, next minute it's thundering. There's been a little rain. The forecast keeps changing. It's looking pretty good for our trip to Lake Erie this weekend. I am so looking forward to spending time at a beach. Haven't been to a beach since we sold the cottage. The best part is I get to see my old friend who I've known since I was 4. Didn't see her for many years and we hooked up on Facebook. She's a cat person, I suppose I should ask her if we can bring Bear. So today is cloudy so far and they are calling for rain, but it was the same yesterday and didn't rain until evening.

I have some pictures to post. D took pictures of our bike for me yesterday and sent them to me. It's in her husbands shop. The shop he is still building. He's doing a great job. It's quite elaborate and will be awesome when it's finished. So this is the bike as it sits now. New handlebars, new pipes, new engine stuff that you can't see and S & Ds bikes in the background.

So it does look better with the new handlebars. I had my doubts. I just can't wait to ride again. Soon soon soon. Riding is a great escape. Riding is fun. Riding to events is a blast. I love sitting on the back taking pictures of the people we're riding with and the scenery. Looking forward to it!

As I was perusing the local paper for houses for rent Mr. Man informed me that we have a lease here. We are stuck here for a year anyways. So I won't be looking at houses for rent any more. H e says he hopes to buy again in a year. Cool! Something a little smaller next time.

Speaking of buying, it looks like we may be buying a truck. Our car is going to die any day. We need a new vehicle. We decided we need a truck. We had a truck for years, it's the better way to go. It just so happened that there was a truck for sale at S & Ds place. One of their relatives is selling it. Hopefully we'll be buying it.

Here comes the rain, even though the sun is trying to come out. I'm off to occupy my brain. I'm gonna try to get this place cleaned up somewhat. Have a great day.

Alone With My Withdrawals

2009-06-28T17:53:00.002-04:00

Today is SWs and Ts birthdays. Both of them are out of town. So Happy Birthday you two, hope you had a great day, even without me there lol.

I've been wanting to post photos for the longest time, but I'm forced to use the laptop and all my pictures are on the desktop. Hopefully Mr. Man will fix the desktop soon.

Speaking of Mr. Man he's back over at S & Ds place working on the bike again. I'm home alone and bored silly. It truly sucks to not have a yard. It rained most of the day but the sun is out now. They're calling for rain all week. I'd like to get outside and enjoy the sun while I can. Alas, we get the morning sun and nothing in the afternoon. I noticed yesterday that I am very white. Normally by this time of year I would have a decent tan. The only time I go out now is to walk the dog and that isn't very far, we just go around the property of the building. I'm still too nervous to take him out on the street. Every day I think about going for a walk, but I don't know where to go and I feel guilty leaving the dog at home and I'm not bringing him out on the streets. I hope I'll get over that fear at some point.

The plan was to spend the weekend finishing the unpacking and starting to hang stuff on the walls. Then Mr. Man changed the plan to working on the bike all weekend. Man do I feel ripped off. I wouldn't feel that way if the bike was actually running and we could go for a scoot. First he said we'd be riding in 2 weeks, now he says by the end of July.

God help me, I can't believe I live in an apartment. I really can't stand it. I thought I would try to make the best of it, but we really need to unpack for that to happen. And buy dressers. And get an air conditioner. And hang the dart board. And a million other little things. It isn't home. Not even close. But it could be more so than it is. I'm not impressed with Mr. Man at this point. Meanwhile I keep looking in the paper for houses to rent. We will be stuck renting for I don't know how long. Oh the whole thing is so damn sad. I'm fighting the depression. I mean at least now there is no more lounging around in my jammies all day. I have to get up and get dressed to take the dog out every morning. I have to take him out throughout the day too so it keeps me from getting back into my jammies. This is a good thing. But it's about the only good thing.

We are invited to a friends place out on Lake Erie next weekend. I haven't accepted or declined yet. I think it will be good for us. I think we'll enjoy it. We'll get to spend time at a beach! I might even get a tan. But that is weather permitting. The forecast isn't looking good. So I don't know.

I won't say what it is, but I've been addicted to a certain medication for the last few years. It's all legal. I've decided to get off of it. I've been weaning off the last couple of weeks. Today is my first day without any. I am experiencing withdrawals. I'm having my moments. I know it's the right thing to do. It's just very hard. I just wish Mr. Man would come home so we can get busy and get my mind off of it. Well he should be home soon. Wish me luck. Have a great evening.

Finally, Bike Progress

2009-06-27T14:52:00.002-04:00

Good day. It is an absolutely gorgeous day. I'm over at S & Ds place, sitting out on their porch, enjoying the day. Mr. Man and S are working on the bike. That got real boring for me real quick. D isn't here, she's out on a ride. It's just me and the dogs. I said "gee, I wish I had brought the laptop" and S ran in the house and grabbed his for me, what a guy.

We were here last night too. Had a few beers and started working on the bike. D was here to keep me company. Then we had a bonfire. It is so cool to be back in the country. There was an amazing display of fireflies last night. Bear had a blast, free at last. He couldn't sit still, he was thrilled to be loose again. He was one tuckered puppy this morning. Today he is taking it much easier and just lounging in the shade.

Finally some progress on the bike. We should be riding again very soon. Boy is it ever dusty and dirty though. We didn't ride at all last year. Guess whose job it will be to clean it lol. But I don't mind. It's all part of being the "bitch" lol.

Well I decided to sell my Visions cookware. I'm asking $30 so I'll make $10 and save myself the aggravation of trying to fit them in my cupboards. Buying them was a brain fart.

Little R has been MIA for 3 days. Damn kid. She finally called today wanting us to come pick her up. Her dad is not about to drop everything to go get her so she'll have to wait until we're done here. I'm just glad to know she's alive and well. I've got a lot more gray hair in the past year.

I have absolutely nothing else to say. I'm going back to the shop to visit with the guys and check on the progress. Have a great day.

It's Finally Summer!

2009-06-22T06:29:00.002-04:00

I did call my dad yesterday. He is doing fine. It's getting harder to talk to him on the phone because he is going deaf. He has hearing aids in both ears now. The man is 94! It was good to hear his voice. He still sounds good. He's an amazing man.

Poor Mr. Man didn't get anything for Fathers Day. No card, no gift, no special meal, nothing. He was ok with it though. We had a nice weekend. Yesterday was a nice day for a change. It did warm up. Today is looking good too. So we did do all the laundry. It was surprisingly simple and painless. And now it's done. We had 3 gigantic bags of it. I don't know what these bags are used for, Mr. Man brought them home, but they are heavy duty and huge. It ended up costing like $30. I folded up all Mr. Mans stuff, because you know he has to look decent for work. Now I still have 2 huge bags to fold today.

After doing the laundry we went to Walmart for dirt and flowers. We got three bags of Miracle Grow potting soil and it turned out we only needed two. One bag each filled the pots. I bought two colours of impatiens, two shades of pink. They were six packs so three of each colour in each pot. Impatiens like shade and the pots are mostly in the shade. They are gorgeous when they thrive. I'm hoping they will thrive. We have a wooden bakers rack thing out on the balcony because we had nowhere else to put it. I also bought a hanging basket of pink petunias, took the hanger off and set the basket on the shelf. So yay I'm going to have some flowers this summer. I sure do miss my gardens though. It drives me crazy to think of all the money I spent on plants I now won't get to see. And I used to spend hours puttering, weeding and transplanting. Sigh. Its just not the same. Our balcony is pretty small as far as balconies go too. I don't have the room out there to have a big container garden. Oh well, it won't be forever. I have faith that I will one day have gardens again. What's scarey about that is I sold all my garden tools etc. We'd have to start all over again.

It's nice and sunny out there this morning. I believe it's supposed to be nice all week. I'm going to try to get things done today. Like folding all that laundry. And doing up the dishes which surprise surprise are accumulating. I bought the Visions cookware, not because I needed it but because I always wanted them and it was such a good deal. I looked it up online and just the big pot alone would have cost $60. So I did get a great deal, I mean they are like new. I also found a bunch of articles about how they can explode and break and stuff. Oh great. But with a little common sense it should be ok. But I really have nowhere to put them. My kitchen cupboard space is very limited. I'll figure it out, I'll have to squeeze them in.

SW is coming over for a coffee today. She hasn't seen the new place yet. It's still pretty chaotic. It's funny how we can just go about our life, living in this chaos. As long as the computer is hooked up I'm happy. With Mr. Man buying that old laptop this weekend we now have 2 desktops and 2 laptops. Crazy. I think we should dedicate next weekend to finishing the unpacking and making a home out of this chaos.

Ok I must go take the dog out. Have a great day.

Happy Fathers Day!

2009-06-21T09:13:00.003-04:00

Well it's Fathers Day and I haven't called my dad nor did I think ahead and mail him a card. I'll give him a call later in the day. Mr. Man said all he wants is some peace and quiet lol. So he's snoozing on the couch with some dumb man show going on the tv. We have things to do today, I'm thinking it's going to be a hassle getting him to do anything.

It's finally a sunny day. Still not quite warm though. If it stays sunny it should warm up. The plan today is to haul all the laundry over to the laundrymat. Fun wow. There is an obnoxious amount of stuff to wash. I look forward to getting it over and done with.

Yesterday was good. Mr. Man and I drove to the reserve for smokes. It was a crappy, rainy day, good time for a drive. On the way back we decided to stop for lunch. We went to this place in Elora. They have a patio that we used to frequent. When we got there, in spite of the rainy weather, there was an auction going on on the patio. We went there because I was craving battered mushrooms. So we ate inside and that's what I had. We didn't bother with the auction at all, there wasn't anything that caught our interest. After leaving there we saw a yard sale. They had tents and tarps up. So we stopped. Mr. Man got a laptop for $20 and I got a set of Visions cookware, like new, for $20. What a great score. Now I just need to make room for my new pots and pans.

Little R texted her dad and asked him to go pick her up. That was a big relief. I was hoping she would come home soon. When she got home I was surprised to see she had dyed her hair jet black. It doesn't look too bad but I don't think she likes it much. Prior to that, before she took off, she had cut herself some bangs. So she's looking quite different these days.

Since it's Fathers Day, I'm not going to nag Mr. Man to get up and get moving. At least not yet. I may have to eventually.

I joined Twitter. I don't see what all the hoopla is about. My life isn't exciting enough to have anything to add.

I'm hoping to finally buy some flowers today. I miss my gardens so much. It just won't be the same at all. With gardens there are no limits to what kind of flowers and plants you can have. With balcony planters it's pretty limited. I haven't even been near a garden center this year so I have no idea what's out there. Maybe I can be creative.

Oh well for now I'm just playing on the computer, waiting for Mr. Man to get up and about. Have a great day. Happy Fathers Day!

We'll Be Riding Again Soon

2009-06-20T06:15:00.002-04:00

Yesterday Little R took off. She was grounded but that meant nothing. I couldn't stop her from leaving. Not knowing what to say to her I told her not to come back then. So, she didn't come home last night. We have to get her a Social Insurance Number so she can get a job. Plan on doing that on Monday. Hopefully she'll be home by Monday. It bothers me, it upsets me, but I'm trying to not worry too much. She'll come home eventually.

Mr. Man got some new parts for the bike. One thing he got, a carb kit, they ordered the wrong one, so he has to wait for that now. He was planning on working on the bike this weekend but I don't think that's going to happen now. It looks like we may be riding again in a couple of weeks though. Yay!

I got new batteries for my camera last night so look forward to some pictures on here soon. Views from my balcony and the like. I'm thinking it's going to be nice in the fall when all the leaves turn colour.

I'm thinking today is my last chance to get some flowers for the balcony, so plan on doing that today. I believe we're going to the reserve again today also. And at some point this weekend we are taking all our laundry over to the laundrymat. It's the only way it's all going to get done. It's been many many years since I've done that. Not looking forward to it. We have 2 extra large bags full of laundry. I'd say its about 8 loads. Man I miss having my own laundry facilities in the basement.

I don't know if I'll ever get used to this apartment living. I'm hoping it really is only temporary. But who knows at this point? We could end up living here for years.

Last night we popped over to S & Ds place. Luckily they were having another bonfire, so that was nice. We didn't stay long. We brought the dog with us and he had a great time running free around their property. That's where we're keeping the bike. I think Mr. Man dropped off his parts there last night.

Well I'm off to start my day. Hoping the rain stops. Have a great day.

Where Is The Summer?

2009-06-19T10:46:00.002-04:00

I'm still having trouble accepting that I now live in an apartment. I still cry when I think about my house and my gardens. I am eager to finish unpacking and making this place home. I'll have to remind Mr. Man to bring home his tools to hang pictures. I haven't come up with a place to hang the dart board. I can't imagine not playing darts. It's going to be tricky finding a place for the dart board.

I just can't believe this weather we've been having. It's been cold and rainy and when it's not raining it's overcast. Looks like the sun is out a bit today. But it certainly hasn't been June weather.

I unpacked a box today. It was just bar glasses. I gave away a ton of wine glasses, but I still have a ton. Seems some are missing though, must be in another box. I gave away my bar cabinet. So now I have to fit all the glasses in the kitchen cupboards. I don't know where we'll keep our liquor. Now that Mr. Mans brother isn't living with us we can actually have liquor in the house without it all getting drank in one day.

Well it's Friday, not sure what the plans are for the weekend. Hopefully finishing up the unpacking and hanging pictures. I think we have to go to the reserve again. Last weekend we only got enough smokes to get us through the week. That trip takes up half a day. Sadly on the weekends it's kind of hard to get Mr. Man moving. He gets up and plops in front of the tv and doesn't want to get moving. Oh well I just hope we get something accomplished this weekend. This will probably be my last chance to get dirt and flowers for my planters this weekend too. It's just not the same as having gardens. Oh well, nothing I can do about that. I hope the weather is at least nice for the weekend, haven't checked the forecast.

Well I suppose I should clean up the dirty dishes, my least favourite thing in the world to do. But it has to be done. The kitchen is useless right now. There is just no room in there for dirty dishes. Man I miss my dishwasher. So, I'm off. Have a great day.

Looks Like A Beautiful Day

2009-06-16T06:51:00.002-04:00

As nice as it is to get the morning sun, it's also a pain. I'm up earlier than I want to be. We did rearrange the livingroom, so now the morning sun hits my computer dead on. I look forward to getting blinds for the windows.

I was going to take some pictures of the views off my balcony but of course the batteries in my camera died. I see a trip to Walmart in my future. Still didn't get dirt and flowers either. It's the middle of June, it's probably already too late.

We stopped at a few yard sales when we went to the reserve on the weekend. Guess what I bought? Books! I gave away several boxes full of books after my yard sale. They didn't sell very well. I still had boxes of books that I haven't read yet, so I kept those. And I kept my Stephen King collection. I kept a couple of odd books as well. I kind of wish I had kept all my collections, but we just don't have the room for them. I'm hoping to buy another bookcase soon to store our movies on. I noticed in the laundry room there's a pile of books. I guess it's like a book exchange. That's what I'll do with my books once I read them, rather than hanging onto them for years and years. I rarely read them more than once. That's good to know I have a way of getting rid of them one at a time.

I have a ton of laundry to do. We're considering taking it to a landromat and getting it all done. It sat on the basement floor at the house for weeks. I've done 3 loads of laundry here, it was all Mr. Mans stuff. It's expensive. Not to mention what a pain it is carrying it up and down. But I suppose it could be worse, at least we have an elevator.

The elevator wasn't working for 2 days. Like I say there is mostly old people living here. It's not cool that it took them 2 days to get it fixed. My back ache seems to be letting up, now my calves hurt from taking the stairs several times a day. Such is life in an apartment building. We've had our water turned off, we had the intrusion of getting all new windows and now a broken down elevator. But hey, I don't have to mow the grass or weed any gardens.

We got the livingroom rearranged, but thats about it. We didn't unpack anything more. Mr. Man doesn't have his tools here to hang pictures. Hopefully, he'll remember to bring them home today. It was a pretty unevetful weekend. All I seem to be doing is watching tv. It didn't take long for me to give up on keeping up with the dishes. I'm just depressed and don't want to do anything. The kitchen is so small there is no room for dirty dishes. I'll get on that today.

We still have about 20 boxes to unpack. Mr. Man stacked them so I really can't even get at them. Most of it is dishes and whatnot that goes in my china cabinets. I think it will take a couple more weeks. I think I'm going to have to get rid of the rocking chair. It just doesn't fit. At the house I had about 20 extra chairs. They all got thrown out. Such a waste. But I don't think we'll be needing them here. I don't plan on having any big family dinners.

I'm still confused. Sometimes I forget where I am and think I'm back in the city. Then I remember where I am and it's ok. Population is 27,000. Thats a small city or a big town. I'm getting used to all the noises and sirens etc. I'm sleeping better. I don't venture out much. I walk the dog around the property of the building. I'm still a little nervous walking him and don't go out on the street with him. Mr. Man has been taking him for long walks on the weekends.

Well I should go get dressed and take the dog out. Thankfully the elevator is fixed. It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day. I'm off. Have a great day.

Still Not Unpacked

2009-06-13T06:10:00.002-04:00

I was up early this morning, like 4:30ish. I'm going with Mr. Man to the reserve for smokes today. Its a nice long drive. It still doesn't feel like June. It's been cloudy every day. They're not calling for rain this weekend but it looks like it could rain any minute. Whenever I go out to walk the dog or whatever I wear a jacket. It's June, shouldn't it be like summer?

My plan for this weekend is to get the unpacking done. And to get the livingroom rearranged. Maybe even get some pictures hung on the walls. The sooner we get it done the sooner this place will start to feel like home. I just still can't believe we live in an apartment. I still miss my house. But I guess I'm sort of getting used to it. I like being able to walk to the stores. I do like being in town. Little R really likes being in town. She is gone off with her friends a lot of the time. We got our new windows. It took the guys like 3 hours to do it all. I'm just glad it's over with. I actually liked the old windows better but oh well. I imagine these new ones are more efficient.

A couple of weeks ago we went to a bonfire at S & Ds place. That was nice. I knew I would miss having fires. So it was nice to go to one. I look forward to more throughout the summer. Unfortunately we haven't been back there since. That's where the bike is. Mr. Man needs to go there to work on the bike. He's just been too busy. I really hope he can get the bike running this year. Last year with no riding at all really sucked.

I've hardly been on the computer at all lately. I've been watching tv. We don't get very many channels, certainly none of the good ones. I'm thinking Mr. Man will need to hook up the satellite again. I just don't know how he will do it on a balcony. Where there's a will there's a way. He'll figure it out.

It's funny, every time I open a new box I find something I forgot I had. I recently freecycled a box of cake pans etc. A box full! I had nowhere to keep it. I have several boxes with just junk in them, from junk drawers etc. Well I don't have any junk drawers here. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with all this stuff. I imagine most of it will just get thrown out.

We found out we're not allowed to have a real Christmas tree here. So that's something else I can get rid of, the tree stand. I don't know how long we're going to live here. Mr. Man told me a year. We'll see. Since it's a new stand I'll post it on Cheapcycle and try to sell it. I've posted a couple of things on Cheapcycle and haven't sold anything yet. I'll keep trying.

I had planned to continue with selling on Ebay after we moved but unfortunately a lot of my Ebay stuff got thrown out without my knowledge. Like all my little boxes, my packing peanuts, my bubble wrap. T was cleaning out the basement and he just pitched everything.

I still haven't bought dirt and flowers for my balcony planters. I hope it's not too late. I miss my gardens. I have nothing to take pictures of any more. I spent so much money on plants for my gardens. And now they're not my gardens any more. Depressing.

Well I should go and take the dog out. Have a great day.

Quick Update

2009-06-07T11:31:00.003-04:00

Today is overcast but mild. Last week was rainy and cold. They even turned the heat back on in the building. It's been a nice weekend. This weekend is the Blues & Jazz Festival here in town. There's different bands playing at all the pubs and bars and restaurants and out on the streets and in the parks. Friday night there was a car show, all old cars. We've all been doing a lot of walking. Today there is a Show & Shine at the Legion, not sure if we're going to bother walking over to that. Mr. Man is confident he will have the bike running this summer. We didn't ride at all last summer. We're storing the bike at S & Ds place and he can work on it there. S will be there to help him too. He also rides an old shovelhead. So between the two of them I'm sure they'll get the bike running.

It occurred to me the other day I no longer have a garden to putter in. I brought 2 big planters with me for the balcony. I didn't even keep a trowel though, I got rid of all my gardening stuff. That thought depressed me, I miss my gardens. I got to see one of my Trilliums bloom at the house before we moved. So now I realize I better get my flowers for my planters soon or else it will be too late. It's hard to believe it's June. I think I'm going to plant Impatiens in the planters since they are mostly in the shade. I only brought 2 of my house plants with me. And really there isn't even room for them.

On Monday morning we are getting new windows put in. That means we have to clear everything away from the windows. This is going to be a challenge. The unpacking has come to a standstill. I'm still surrounded by boxes. We have to rearrange the livingroom because of where the cable is. It just seems like an impossible task. We have to move all the furniture, the big screen tv and the computers. I realize the sooner we get all unpacked the sooner this place will feel like home. It's just a little overwhelming.

For the last couple of weeks I've had a terrible back ache. I went to the doctor for it on Friday. It's probably just because I spent 2 years doing nothing, just sitting in front of the computer and now all the sudden activity of walking the dog etc. my muscles are aching. I need to build up my muscles again. But the pain is so unbearable and keeping me awake all night long, I had to go to the doctor. He perscribed some muscle relaxers and pain killers as well as physical therapy and xrays, just in case it is something else.

So I haven't been doing much, been in too much pain. The unpacking stopped. The place is a mess. I think I'm going to try to get some done today. We have to clear the windows. So I'm off to get started. Have a great day.

The Unpacking Continues

2009-05-21T06:06:00.002-04:00

So far all I've seen is old people in this building. Feel like I'm living in a seniors building. The super is super chatty. Every time you see her she yaps your ear off. Mr. Man took yesterday off work. We didn't get very much done even with him here. He took a stack of empty boxes with him this morning. He made shelves for the pantry at work on Tuesday only to discover the walls aren't straight and the shelves didn't fit. He's going to try again today. Without those shelves I have nowhere to put food. As we open boxes I keep coming across stuff I forgot I had. I've been freecycling constantly. For the most part it goes smoothly, but the other day I carted a pile of crap down to the lobby only to be stood up by two people. Sometimes it doesn't go smoothly. The boxes were packed at the last minute and are so mixed up its hard to unpack a whole box at once. It'll be a lot better once Big R comes on Monday and we can get rid of all her crap. We have several boxes of her stuff that we were storing for her. She's going to go through them and keep what she wants and the rest we can get rid of. Little R and I walked over to Canadian Tire yesterday and got me some keys cut. I'm really going to have to build up my strength slowly. It's been a very long time since I did any walking. It's good to have a set of keys of my own. Little R went out the other day and took the keys, I couldn't take the dog out or anything while she was gone. We face east so we get the sunrise. Its nice to get the morning sun. But we do need to invest in some window coverings soon. The windows are huge. We have a small window in the washroom which is very nice in an apartment. There's no exhaust fan though. And there's no hood fan in the kitchen either. There is some sort of exhaust fan in the kitchen above the stove. It's not hooked up to a switch and just goes constantly. It makes all kinds of noise. And I'm only assuming it's an exhaust fan, don't know what else it would be. We're in a corner unit and on the top floor so we only have one nieghbour beside us and one below. Now that I think of it there must be somone on the other side of us too. It's a weird shaped building. Regardless, it's very, very quiet. I hope we don't make too much noise. There's lots of stores and shopping within walking distance. That's a big change from paradise. It took us all weekend to move. It was a long weekend. It was only Mr. Man and his brother. It wore Mr. Man out. It's going to take him a while to recover. I hardly did anything and I'm worn out too. I'm so glad I was ruthless with getting rid of stuff. I can't imagine having all that stuff in here. I ordered cable tv the other day so we should have that next week. It's been years since I've seen Canadian tv. Mr. Man still wants to hook up the satellite out on the balcony somehow. Good luck with that. I can't wait to get my high speed internet. Don't know why we had to wait for it. This has been a traumatic experience. I miss my house. I miss paradise. Unpacking is the biggest job I've faced in a long time. But we will make this our home. And I'll grow to like living in town and all the conveniences. I'm gonna go start my day. Have a great day.

We're All Moved In

2009-05-19T08:32:00.002-04:00

Well we're all moved in. Now the fun begins trying to find homes for all our stuff. Obviously we don't have nearly as much space and storage as we had before. I've got boxes piled to the ceiling. I can't get at anything. I have a pantry in the kitchen with no shelves in it. Mr. Man is supposed to make shelves at work today. I just hope he remembers. I've been freecycling my little heart out. Keep coming across stuff we can do without and post it immediately. Our phone isn't hooked up to the buzzer yet so I have to meet these people downstairs. One person came and when I wasn't there waiting for her she buzzed the superintenant! Jeez. It was only yesterday that the super found out we have a dog. She informed us that dogs are not allowed. As long as we take him out the side door and basically hide him and no one complains its ok. We also found out we do get a locker. Thank heavens! Somewhere to store all our Christmas crap. Unpacking is going to be quite the challenge. Of course I have started, but have a long way to go yet. We even have several boxes of Big R's stuff. She is coming up next week for a wedding or something so she's going to come here on Monday and go through her boxes so we can finally get rid of them. Meanwile they are blocking me from getting at my own stuff to unpack. It's crazy and I don't think I'm going to get much done today. I need Mr.Man here to move stuff around. I need him to hook up the computers too. I've been using the laptop at the kitchen counter all weekend. I got rid of a good portion of my coloured glass collection. I got rid of a pile of Christmas stuff. Got rid of clothes. I've really had to improvise with putting stuff away. I'm overwhelmed. I have 3 poeple coming from freecycle today so far. And I have to meet them all downstairs at differnet times. The dog barks every time he hears another dog bark outside. I'm still terrified to walk him. Little R is going out today so I don't know what I'm going to do while she's gone. Hopefully the dog won't need out. Well I'm getting back at it. Wish me luck. It beats being homeless I guess. There's a lot to get used to. Ugh. Have a good day.

The Move

2009-05-17T02:06:00.003-04:00

It's 2 a.m and I'm sitting in my new apartment wired for sound while everyone else is sound asleep. We were going to use a trailer but then it rained, so Mr. Man rented a truck. We got a late start as there was still a lot of packing to do and Mr. Man had to go pick up his brother. We had another friend who was going to help but Mr. Man cancelled him, not sure why he did that. So we get the truck all loaded up and it got stuck because Mr. Man pulled it right up to the house on the lawn. The rain made it mucky and soft. I have never seen such ruts from the tires spinning in my life! Half my garden got dug up. It was unbelievable. After an hour or more of frigging around and digging the ruts deeper, I said "call a tow truck" so he did. The tow truck came and had no luck pulling it out! He had to go back and get a different truck that was capable of actually lifting the loaded rental truck. They finally succeeded in getting it out and what a bloody mess the front yard is! But the good news is it only cost $100. By now Mr. Man was pretty exhausted and burnt out and we still had to unload. We only brought maybe half our stuff and not all of it got unloaded before everyone was just too burnt out to do any more. So we'll be going back to the house first thing tomorrow and hopefully having a more productive day. We'll be parking the truck in the driveway too! Hell I still have a pile of laundry to do. Man there's a lot of work to do tomorrow. After we were done unloading for the night Mr. Man drove back to the house and picked up the dog. Poor guy just doesn't know what the heck is going on. One good thing about the apartment is the heat. I won't be freezing my butt off in this place, it's smoking hot in here. Have had to have the balcony door open the whole time we've been here. I've got a lot of stuff to Freecycle. Still haven't made it to the thrift store. I'm not bringing the stuff here, so it'll have to be picked up at the house tomorrow. One Freecycler picking up bird feeders offered to buy our trailer. Waiting to hear back from him about that. My computer crapped out on me Saturday morning. I had shut it down Friday night and it just wouldn't turn on again. So I'm on my laptop now. Thank heavens I have a laptop! Well I should go and try to get some sleep, got a big day ahead of me tomorrow. Tons to be done. It's amazing, even though we got rid of tons of crap at the yard sale and through Freecycle and even a nieghbour taking piles of stuff, we still have tons of crap. This place is going to be crammed. I even gave up a whole lot of my coloured glass collection! That killed me. But it had to be done. Ok I'm off. Enjoy the long weekend!

Happy Mothers Day

2009-05-10T00:07:00.003-04:00

I had people here every day all week from Freecycle picking up the leftovers. I got rid of almost everything, I still have a few things left. I've started on the stuff in the house now and furniture. One thing I gave away today was my stereo. I've had that thing for many years. But we just won't have room for it, We have a newer, smaller one. I think we'll be making a trip to the thrift store tomorrow to drop stuff off. I'm going to have to get rid of my kitchen table and chairs which I love.

We're moving next weekend and i haven't even started packing. We are very short on boxes. Most of it will be dishes and my coloured glass collection, books, movies and CDs. There's the dishes we use and the dishes I display in my china cabinet and the spare dishes. Even though I gave a set away and got rid of all the odd stuff to freecycle, I still have too many dishes.

I'm not excited about this move. I love my home and thought we would live here forever. I'm going to miss my fireplace and having bonfires. And now I realize I won't even have a dishwasher at the new place. It's an apartment. In an apartment building. We'll be on the 6th floor. I'll have to haul my laundry down to the first floor one load at a time. And it will cost me $3 a load. We'll have to walk to dog several times a day. It's going to be a lot of changes to get used to. Mr. Man says it's only temporary. I certainly hope so. On the up side we'll be in town closer to everything and people. We'll have high speed internet and cable tv.

I'm really trying to not get too upset and just go with the flow. As long as I know it's not forever I can deal with it. Its been tough getting rid of all my possessions. And with Uncle T helping I think some things got thrown out without my approval. T sold 2 of Mr. Mans drills that weren't even for sale. That was not a good day.

So I probably won't be online for a couple of days while we get situated at the new place. We're going to have to buy all new blinds or curtains for all the windows. The balcony is pretty small. There was no mention of no dogs so we didn't mention that we have a dog. It will be a surprise when we move in. Hopefully there's no problem with it.
Well I should head to bed. Got a lot of packing to do tomorrow. Happy Mothers Day. I actually got a card from Big R this year. Have a great day.

The Yard Sale Was A Success

2009-05-04T08:20:00.002-04:00

I finally had my yard sale. We did it Saturday and Sunday. It was a success, though we still had tons of stuff left over, we got rid of a ton of stuff. Saturday went as expected, people came early and it was over early. All the big and expensive items went right away. We made a few hundred dollars. Then Sunday started out really slow. We only had one guy all morning. Then in the afternoon we had more people, they came in drifts. We made a couple more hundred dollars. Around 4 p.m Sunday I posted on Freecycle to come get the leftovers. I still had people here at 10 p.m going through everything. Like I said, it was a success. We had fun doing it, we made lots of money, and we got rid of a ton of stuff. Now we won't have to move all that stuff. One thing that surprised me was that my books didn't sell well. I had 9 boxes of books. With the people from Freecycle they are slowly disappearing. One guy took a whole box. Come 4:00 Sunday I was giving stuff away. I have people coming back today to get more stuff.

We haven't had much luck finding a new place to live. All we can do is keep looking. A lot of places say no pets and no smoking. I'm not too worried yet, I'm sure we'll find something.

T came up for the weekend. He's still here. He was a big help with the yard sale and helping Mr. Man haul garbage out to the bin. Now moving doesn't seem so overwhelming. The bin is halfway full and we haven't even put any furniture in it yet.

Well I had a great weekend. I guess we should get out there and take down the signs. I'm going to take it easy today. Have a great day.

It's Winter All Over Again

2009-04-07T06:37:00.002-04:00

I woke up yesterday morning to a blanket of white. It had snowed all night and continued to snow all day long. It was even a snow day, no school for the kids. Just the other day I noticed things sprouting in my garden and now it's winter all over again. This morning I woke up to no power. It was off for several hours. The house got damn cold. Of course there is no firewood inside. The power has only been back on for about a half an hour at this point so it's still damn cold in here. But at least I can now have a hot coffee. I'm assuming it was because of downed lines due to the snow and freezing rain. But come on, it's April for crying out loud. Enough already.

We have one of those shade canopies on our back deck. When fall came and it was time to take the canopy off the frame for the winter, Uncle T said he would do it but I said no no let Mr. Man do it because he knows how. It's kind of tricky, you have to take part of the frame apart to get it off. Before Mr. Man got to it the snow came. So we ended up leaving it up all winter. It made it through the winter pretty much unscathed. Then a couple of weeks ago we had terrible wind and it got shredded. It is now literally hanging in shreds. What a waste. Every day I look out the kitchen window at it and am reminded of how foolish and lazy we are and am disappointed.

T is still away working. I spoke to him on the phone once and he told me he misses me too. We actually met up with him briefly this past weekend while he dropped off some material to Mr. Mans shop. He'll be gone for at least a couple more weeks. I hope he does come back eventually. But who knows, he might not.

Nothing new is happening around here. Little R is home with me all the time, she no longer even pretends to go to school. We spend our days playing around on the computers and watching tv. If we end up moving to town she will have to get herself a job. There are no jobs here in paradise.

Mr. Man is grumpy as ever. He works so hard and he feels like he's the only one making any effort. I don't blame him for feeling that way, basically it's the truth. He just keeps taking all his meds and plugging away.

The dog is getting old. The other day he couldn't get up the stairs. He rarely gets out for walks any more. Once the weather turns nice he'll get out more. Meanwhile he spends his days laying around. It's not good for him I know. He must be around 9 years old now. He's starting to show his age. I think he has some arthritis in his hips. Poor guy.

We went to visit my father and sister this past weekend. He amazes me. He is doing so well for his age. I've lost track, I think he is 93. He's still on the ball. When we left, my sister gave me some books. She always gives me books when we visit. I had meant to bring one down to her that I recently read and enjoyed and when I told her about it she said she had already read it and seen the movie lol. I didn't even know it was a movie. I had never heard of the book. I have stacks and stacks of books waiting to be read. I just happened to pick that one a couple of weeks ago and really enjoyed it. It's called The Ruins. I forget who the author is. Over the last couple of summers I've bought a ton of books at yard sales and whatnot. I have enough reading material to last me another year. And I read all the time. Mr. Man likes to read too but he hardly has the time for it. Little R also reads but not so much. I really hope she turns into a reader. I can't imagine life without reading books. And I find people who don't read to be strange.

Well I'm off to start my day. Just trying to get warm at this point. I probably won't do much just like every other day. I went tanning with SW 3 times last week. I actually got some colour. I think we're going again this week too. I was hoping it would help me feel better. Just getting out of the house even. But it didn't really do anything for me. But I'm eager to go back. I took advantage of going to town one day and went shopping for Easter treats for Little R and Mr. Man. I'm looking forward to another long weekend. I like having Mr. Man home. I like seeing him get some much needed rest. And on that note, have a great day.

Life Is Scarey

2009-03-19T17:28:00.002-04:00

I'm thinking spring has sprung. The snow is pretty much gone and we've had some nice days. The sun is shining. Today is still cold though. I haven't been out to look around and see if my spring flowers are starting to sprout. We'll still probably get one more blast of winter before it's truly spring.

Well, as predicted Little R has dropped out of school. She reminds me of myself at that age. She just won't listen to reason. She is screwing up her life but can't see it. She's coming and going as she pleases and won't tell us where she's been. Mr. Man is pretty fed up and frustrated with her. He is tired of worrying about her. I just keep thinking, I did the same things when I was her age and I survived.

I'm getting used to T being gone, but I do miss him. Mr. Man talks to him on the phone. I miss my dart buddy. Mr. Man never feels up to playing darts any more. Last week was our 11th Anniversary. Mr. Man bought some beer and we were going to have a few beers and play darts to celebrate, it never happened. A week later and the beer is still in the fridge untouched. That certainly wouldn't happen if T was here lol.

I've been somewhat confined to the house and pretty much confined to bed. I've been to the doctor. I'm bleeding so heavily and having such cramps I'm just best off laying in bed. I'm faint and weak. The doctor says I'm starting menopause and this is part of it. I had a Mirena put in. It is supposed to regulate me. But it may take a couple of months to work. There's a chance it won't work at all. In that case the doctor suggests a hysterectomy. It is a miserable experience.

I'm still addicted to euchre. I hadn't played at all in the longest time, then all it took was one game with Cathy and I'm right back into it. I was addicted to it for years before. You just keep trying to get your rating up. Then you have terrible losing streaks. It's addicting.

So that's why I haven't been blogging. There's nothing to talk about. Things are not good. But it's the same old stuff. I've been bleeding to death for months. Little R has been out of school for months. T has been gone for weeks. Mr. Man is miserable. We're all miserable. And it looks like we'll be moving soon. I don't want to leave here. I can't even imagine packing this place up. I really should get back on Ebay and start trying to sell stuff off. I haven't bothered with it since before Christmas. You just have no idea the amount of crap we have accumulated here. It's unreal. There's no way we could move all this stuff. I just keep hoping we don't have to move. I'm in denial. The truth is we may lose the house. One more thing to be miserable about. We are not prepared. Like I say I'm in denial and keep hoping. Meanwhile I should be getting ready to move. But I'm in no condition to do anything. It's scarey. Life is scarey right now. So I don't know if or when I'll be back blogging. Meanwhile have a great day.

T, I Miss You Already

2009-02-27T05:10:00.002-05:00

Greetings. Wow, it's been 2 weeks. I've just been spending all my computer time playing euchre. I'm obsessed with it all over again.

We got some more snow last week. This morning it's raining. I'll be glad to see spring.

Uncle T left us this morning. He has been working at his old job this week. Now he's got some side job for the weekends. So he's going to stay in the city. It's supposed to be temporary, he says he's coming back, but we'll see. I miss him already lol. He asked me to play darts with him last night and even though I really didn't feel like it, I figured it's my last chance before he goes so I should and I did. It took getting used to having him here, but I did get used to it and now I'm going to miss him.

Valentines Day was sweet. Little R and I got up and went to town in the morning. We got gifts for Mr. Man and Uncle T. Later in the day they went to town and got gifts for us. Mr. Man gave me chocolates and roses, the standard stuff and a sweet card and a set of Little House On The Prairie books! I was thrilled. T gave me a Shamwow! We all just wanted to see if they really work as good as they do on tv lol. We then had the long weekend ahead to just hang around and enjoy.

Little R has been skipping school the whole time again. We have a meeting at the school on Monday. I think she's going to end up dropping out. Nothing we say to her matters to her. We just can't seem to get through to her. I don't know what else to say about her. She's headed down the wrong path.

Well I'm off to start my day and to play some online euchre. Have a great day.

TGIF

2009-02-13T03:57:00.002-05:00

The weather has been mildish. It was sunny for a couple of days, then it got rainy and foggy. The snow is all melting. It snowed a bit yesterday, but it didn't amount to much. I'm sure we'll get another blast, this can't be the beginning of spring already. It's been so mild I haven't had a fire going for a few days.

Since we can't possibly afford any kind of tropical vacation, I think I should start using up my tanning time. I've had it for 2 years and only gone once. Mr. Man bought me 100 minutes for our anniversary or something. I'm thinking I'm going to go this weekend. This is a long weekend too thankfully. Gotta love Family Day.

Well Little R is back in school and Uncle T has been working with Mr. Man all week. So I've been home alone all week. What do I do to occupy myself? I play euchre online of course lol. I used to be obsessed with online euchre. Then I didn't play at all for the longest time. Now I'm back into it. It's been a couple of weeks that I've been playing again and it is getting old again already.

Here it is 4 in the morning. I've been up since 2 a.m. I don't know if I'm having hot flashes or night sweats or what it is, but I just get so hot I have to get up. Yes I am entering menopause. So I did a little work on my personal site, updating with pictures of T. The whole point of that site was to find him. And it worked! Someone who knows him found my site and told him about it, and that's when he contacted us via Facebook. So it was worth all the effort.

Mr. Man is still talking about moving. In some ways I'd like to move to town. I miss the conveniences of city living. But the one thing I can't wrap my brain around is no more bonfires. Previous to living here we had a cottage at Wasaga Beach. We could go there on weekends and have bonfires. We have since sold the cottage. We have awesome bonfires here. I can't imagine life without bonfires. I'll miss my fireplace too. It isn't set in stone. We will try to stay here. But financially it's just getting to be too much. And the commute for Mr. Man is too much. I imagined growing old here. That's why we picked a place with not a lot of stairs. I didn't imagine giving this place up until I was really too old for it. The thought of leaving breaks my heart. We'll see what happens in the next few months. We may have no choice.

It was Mr. Mans birthday last week. I was going to have people over and stuff. But then some of the people went to Cuba, so that killed that idea. Instead I just baked him a nice cake and actually made dinner. His boss gave him a card with a $100 restaurant card in it, that was mighty generous and a nice surprise. His brother gave him a card with lottery tickets in it. It's hard for me to get to town with no car to actually shop for gifts for him. And now we have Valentines Day tomorrow. Sigh. I could sneak off to town in the morning and get him something. Yeah that's what I think I'll do. It's a Saturday so the car will be here and he can sleep in. Because I really do love him a whole lot. I don't show it as much as I should.

I hope the weather stays mild and we really do get an early spring. One can always hope. I never did hear what the groundhogs had to say. We're running low on firewood, but that 2 bush cords will do us the whole winter. Who am I kidding? I know we'll get blasted again before it's all over. But it's ok, it's almost over. I've kept busy trying not to think about wanting spring. And it's working. I don't feel like I did last year where I just couldn't wait for it.

TGIF. Have a great day.

Changes Are Coming

2009-02-02T06:28:00.003-05:00

Well after my last long rambling entry about nothing, I did end up going to bed and sleeping for 4 hours.

Not much has been happening. We got a ton of snow. It snowed steadily for like 4 days straight. A nieghbour gave us his old snowblower this weekend. I guess he got a new one. We haven't used it yet.

Mr. Man decided we were going to have a little Superbowl party. We never watch football but T does. So we humoured him and watched it with him. We were eating and drinking. I don't even remember going to bed, but I did go to bed early, before the game was over. Then of course I was up at 3 this morning.

Little R is going back to school today. We also have family counselling today. I guess she's going to miss it. It's going to be strange without her here. She was home for months.

My niece passed away. I never did get up the courage to go see her. There was no funeral, just a little service at her house and it was for the immediate family only, so we couldn't go.

Other than that and all the snow, not much has been happening. Been playing a lot of darts. Kept a fire going pretty steady. We aren't using the furnace. We've got these electric heaters. So a tank of propane is lasting for months. The hydro bill is through the roof though. The difference is that Hydro will let you make payments where the propane company wants it all up front. And I haven't been freezing all winter like I used to be. It's been comfortable in the house. Only 2 more months of winter.

Mr. Man managed to get a ticket for the light over the license plate being out. I never even noticed those lights. Since he got the ticket I've noticed them, every car has them. What a silly thing to get a $110 ticket for. He was not a happy camper about that.

Well that's about it. Have a great day.

Bored To Tears

2009-01-22T06:52:00.003-05:00

Mr. Man didn't make that mistake again, he got me up this morning, at 4 a.m. Here it is almost 7 a.m, he left at 5. I've been sitting here alone for 2 hours. I'm absolutely bored to tears with the computer. I just don't know what to do with it any more. I've tried reading blogs, but no one has updated lately. I turned on the tv only to find the satelite is down, again. Another day in the ghost town of paradise with no tv. I am going stir crazy. I could go read my book, but frankly it isn't that interesting. I like to read in bed, not sure why, but it always just puts me to sleep. I don't want to sleep the day away. I'm not even sleepy. So I've perused all my favourite sites. Now what? It's still dark out. I'm on my third cup of coffee. Even though we paid the phone bill off, I still can't call long distance. My sister is a morning person, if only I could call her. No one is on messenger to chat with. Mr. Man is at work and we've exchanged emails already. He's at work, he doesn't have time to type long drawn out emails. I've posted a bunch of things on Freecycle. Right now the things are all piled on my diningroom table, waiting to be picked up, but so far no takers. I could dig out some stuff to post on ebay. But I'd have to take pictures of it first and this isn't a good time of day to post a listing. It's more of an evening thing. I could think about what to make for dinner tonight, but by dinner time I'll be exhausted and won't want to cook. I used to cook and clean. I used to care about my house. I used to be able to occupy myself all day long. And I was happy. Mr. Man thinks I have the "winter blahs". I think there's more to it than that. I think I'm bored senseless. I used to be happy being a homemaker. And I did all the things I was supposed to do. I now cringe at just the thought of doing housework or cooking. I feel absolutely caged. Trapped in a world of my own making. The other night when I took off, I was thankful the roads were clear. It's been quite a while since I drove, especially at night. That's one thing I really miss, having a car. At least then I would get out of the house. I could go visit the couple of friends I do have. I could go to town and shop or browse. Yeah, I really miss having a car. It's very difficult to live in the middle of nowhere without a car. I'm trapped in the house. There's nowhere to walk to. I have no friends in this town any more. The couple of friends I do have live in other towns. I've lost a lot of friends over the last couple of years. I miss them. It's hard to make new friends when you're trapped in your house all the time.
It's finally light outside. I looked out, and I used to love the view, now it just looks lonely and desolate. It looks like it might snow today. I haven't checked the forecast, so I don't know if they're calling for snow or not, it just looks like it might. I haven't even seen any snowmobilers this year. There are groomed trails all around our place and usually I see them all the time, but this year I haven't seen one. Mind you I haven't spent much time at the kitchen sink gazing out the window either.
I don't even walk the dog any more because of the trauma of him ripping the leash out of my hand and attacking another dog. I just can't do it. Thankfully T takes him out for walks once in a while.
I don't even walk over to the mailbox any more. Maybe once every two weeks I'll go check the mail. And I don't even get dressed to do it, I throw my coat and boots on over my jammies.
I still pretty much live in my jammies. I don't get dressed unless I know I have to go somewhere. Like yesterday, going to the doctor. I was trying to have that appointment rescheduled, I didn't want to go. I didn't feel like showering and getting dressed. But Mr. Man talked me into it. Better to get it over with and find out what's going on with my cervix. So I'm glad I went, it was good news. And rather than have Mr. Man drive T down to work, then drive all the way back up here to take me to the doctor, then drive all the way back down to the city for work, and then drive home again, my good friend SW offered to take me to the doctor. Saved Mr. Man a ton of driving. Thank you SW.
I'm planning a little something for Mr. Mans birthday but because he reads this I can't go into detail. I only hope that when the time comes, he will just cooperate. It gives me something to think about and to look forward to. And I need a little of that.
I'm now on my 5th coffee. It's daylight. Little R is still in bed. I've let the dog out back. I've emptied all the trash cans around the house. I've exchanged a couple of emails with Mr. Man. But the tv still doesn't work. I still don't know what to do with myself. I have no energy. I have no inspiration. I was getting a little upset. I was crying, I do a lot of that. So I took a couple of my pills that calm me down. Now I'm feeling a little sleepy. All I can imagine is going up to bed. But that's really the last thing I want to do. I suppose I could fold and put away laundry. There's always a ton of that to do. But as I've mentioned, my drawers are full. On my way upstairs to make my 5th coffee I noticed there were coats hanging on just about every chair in the diningroom and kitchen. We have a coat closet. But you know what? It's packed full too. We have far too many coats. But we do use them all. But I'm the only one who actually hangs a coat in the closet. There's also tons of shoes and boots cluttered by the front door. From the looks of it you would think eight people live here, not four. I just don't know what to do with them all. So it's just a cluttered mess that drives me crazy. Again with the boots and shoes, we do use them all.
I know it's nearing the end of January and Christmas is long past, but I am still so upset and disappointed. I just can't help feeling like I missed the whole thing. There are no signs of Christmas left in the house. Well maybe a couple of little things here and there, but the majority of it is all packed away until next year. I feel ripped off. I don't think we spent our nice long holiday the way we normally would have. I think having T here with his negative attitude played a big part. I thought having him here would make it more fun, boy was I wrong about that. Things just weren't the same. I'm really hoping to do it right this year.
So these are my thoughts on this desolate Wednesday morning in January. I'm determined not to go to bed today. I want to accomplish something, anything. I want to find something to occupy my brain. I may even cook dinner, out of pure boredom. The laundry is calling to me now. I'm off to start my day, though it really started at 4 a.m. Have a great day and may you not be bored to tears.

My Miserable Day

2009-01-21T13:23:00.003-05:00

I went to the doctor this morning. I had a pap test and he checked my cervix. According to him it looks fine. What the other doctor saw was marks from my previous biopsies. I am entering menopause. I went 8 months without a period and then they started up again. The doctor says once you go 12 months you shouldn't have any more. So after that 8 months, in December I had one hell of a period. It was heavy and the pain sent me to the hospital. Since then I've had 2 more lighter ones. That's 3 periods in like 6 weeks. So he gave me a scrip for Progesterone I think it is and this is supposed to even out my periods. I go back in a month. I'm just thrilled that my cervix looks ok. I've been convinced I have cancer.

Things have been a little rocky around this house lately. I've just been in a depressed state. But I've been bitchy too. Mr. Man is almost always miserable. We clashed last night and it wasn't pretty. I ended up jumping in the car and leaving. The only problem was I really had nowhere to go. At that moment, in my mind, I wasn't coming back. After a couple of hours of driving around and parking here and there, I decided it was best to come back home. By then everyone had cooled off. But you know, the damage is done. I feel all out of sorts today. Part of that is from waking up to find Mr. Man already gone to work. I hate when he doesn't wake me up before he goes. Part of it is hurt feelings from last night.

I have mixed feelings about his brother staying with us. Sometimes I'm ok with it, sometimes I'm not. Obviously I won't kick him out, I'm not going to see him be homeless. But damn sometimes it's hard to have someone staying with you. I keep going back to the fact that I didn't even have a say in it. Though I probably would have agreed anyways. He is working now, so that's a good thing, but it doesn't sound like he plans on staying with this job. I just find it causes tension around here at times, and that we don't need. Mr. Man is stuck in the middle. And he's not doing a very good job of that.

And there's all this talk about selling the house and moving to town. It's really upsetting me. Just the thought of the actual act of moving drives me into depression. There is so much that needs to be done first before we could sell this place. And I'm not sure I want to move. It's driving me crazy.

It's bitter cold outside, so it's a little chilly in the house. I am having problems getting a decent fire going today. Not sure why, but I'm really not feeling well. The last thing I want is to feel cold in my own house. I didn't get enough sleep last night, no one did. But I really don't want to crawl into bed either. I just want a good fire.

Little R goes back to school the beginning of February. I think she's been slacking on the home course. We had to pay for this course. What a waste of money if she doesn't complete it. Supposedly she's working on it right now up in her room. I have my doubts.

Big R is moving out of her dads into her own apartment. I found out by her status on her messenger. I had hoped she would just move back to Ontario. Doesn't look like that's going to happen any time soon.

It just feels like nothing is going right. It feels like everything is wrong. I feel like a complete failure as a wife and as a parent. Nothing is as it should be. And now I'm edging into being a failure as a sister-in-law too. Oh and lets not forget I'm a failure at being a friend also. I'm just a big fat failure. That's how I feel today. Tomorrow may be different, but I doubt it. Something has to give. Something has to change. Our luck has to change. I feel like I'm getting some really bad karma, but I don't know why that would be. Will the good times ever come back?

I'm so scrambled today, I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm tired of the computer. I have nothing to do on it any more. I have nothing to take pictures of. I have no hobbies or crafts to do. I feel trapped in this cold house. I feel so bad about last night, but at the same time, I wish the car was here so I could take off again. And maybe this time I wouldn't come back.

Have a great day.

Morning Rainbow

2009-01-16T09:35:00.003-05:00

Good morning. It is damn cold this morning. We've been in a deep freeze for a few days now, temperatures around -20C give or take. The house is chilly this morning. I made a fire but it hasn't been going long enough to warm up the room yet. There is a super fine snow falling and it created a rainbow around the morning sun. Here's one half of the rainbow...

I wasn't about to step outside to get a picture of the whole thing! So this is what I got from peeking through the door opened a crack.

A bit of good news, T got a job yesterday and he started working this morning. Hopefully this will uplift his spirits. I'm happy about it anyways. It's nice to have my house to myself again. Come February when Little R goes back to school, I'll be completely alone all day again. I'll probably miss having her around, but I'll get over it.

Mr. Man has been surprising me all week and playing the Game Cube every evening. We're making progress in the game and I may even take a stab at playing it myself today. We've had the Game Cube for a couple of years, or maybe it was just a year ago for Christmas that we got it, at any rate, I haven't played it. I prefer the older versions of Nintendo. So I'm not familiar with the controller, which has a lot more buttons on it than the older ones. Maybe I'll figure it out today, or maybe not, we'll see.

I'm really blocked for blogging ideas. Can't think of a thing to blog about. I live in this cocoon. I rarely even get out of the house. I rarely see people other than Mr. Man, Little R and T. My life revolves around sitting at the computer mostly just reading, keeping the fire going, doing the odd load of laundry and watching soaps on tv. I actually have it pretty good. When I'm feeling ambitious I sweep the floors and run a load through the dishwasher. Yup, I have it good. And I feel pretty good today. Don't feel depressed. Maybe just because it's Friday. This week went by fast. Time in general is passing fast. You would think time would drag for me with no life and all, but it flies by.

Well, I hope I can come up with something of interest to blog about in the near future. Meanwhile, have a great day.

Christmas Day In Pictures

2009-01-14T13:15:00.014-05:00

As promised, here's some pictures from our Christmas. It was pretty slim pickins.

A little late, but better late than never. We really didn't take a lot of pictures this Christmas. So that was a quick look at our Christmas Day. Have a great day.

It's Bitter Cold And A Few Pictures

2009-01-14T10:57:00.006-05:00

I woke up this morning crying. I'm so sad and I don't know why. Well, I was thinking about moving from paradise. I can't make up my mind if I want to stay or move. It is a bitter cold morning. We're supposed to be in a deep freeze for a couple of days and then get some more snow.

I kept busy yesterday. I had my shower and actually got dressed. I undecorated the tree down to the lights. Mr. Man or T have to remove the lights. So there it sits, waiting. Meanwhile I have 3 large boxes of decorations waiting to be taken down to the basement. Again I need one of the guys to do it. I did a load of dishes. I puttered. I kept a roaring fire going all day. Today we really need the fire. When I first woke up I couldn't be bothered getting one going. But when I got up the second time I started one. It takes a while to get it going well enough to really put out heat. By this evening it will be blazing.

I managed to convince Mr. Man to play the video game last night. I had tried it during the day with no success. He gets so into it he doesn't like to play during the week, it cuts into his sleep time. But the satelite wasn't working so he did play and he made some success. Weird as it is, I do enjoy just watching him play and helping him with hints along the way. We like the Zelda games which are adventures. There's all kinds of hints and clues and missions.

So it is bitter cold. I refuse to think about spring. Doing that drove me crazy last year. I'm taking it one day at a time. Trying to enjoy each and every day. That way spring will be here before we know it. I'm not looking at the long cold winter ahead. I'm just getting through each day.

I'm thinking about Mr. Mans birthday. It is fast approaching. I want to do something special. I want to have a party for him. It's been a couple of years since we had a party for it. It's been a while since I even baked a cake. Since I don't think a party is really going to happen I think I'll get him a nice bottle of whiskey and a stack of movies, bake him a cake and make a nice dinner. Then play some darts and try really hard to beat him so he doesn't get bored with winning. Once again, can't make up my mind, I'd like to have people over and have a little party for him. Oh well it's something to think about. It usually serves to break up the winter blahs.

I'm trying really hard to not think about spring. Instead I'm trying to think up ways to break up the winter. We used to do jigsaw puzzles in the winter. But we have nowhere with adequate lighting to do them here. Since we switched the diningroom and livingroom there is no overhead light in the diningroom. I still haven't learned how to do cross stitch. But I'm thinking of family activities anyway. We aren't the outdoorsy, sporty types. We did have a snowmobile but found it too expensive for insurance and a trail pass, so we sold it. None of us has ice skates any more. I don't know, we need a pool table. Hey, that's an idea for Mr. Mans birthday, we could go out to a bar and shoot pool. We haven't done that in a while. I'll end up discussing it with him and he'll shoot me down on everything. He doesn't like a fuss over his birthday, but when I do make a fuss he enjoys it.

Well the fire is coming along nicely, it'll be toasty in here soon. I'm bored out of my mind. I have nothing left to do on the computer and frankly I'm getting tired of sitting here in front of this thing all day, every day. I still have some clean laundry to put away, I think I'll do that today. It's just so cold in the basement, I hate going down there, especially when it's bitter outside, it's that much colder down there then. But that's where all the clean clothes are. I have to fold them and then bring them upstairs to put away. I don't know where I'll put my clothes though, my drawers are packed, can't squeeze another thing in. I really should weed out my clothes. I should also get a bin and pack away my summer clothes making room for the winter stuff. I used to do that, years and years ago. I used to be so organized and I was a neat freak too. Whatever has happened to me?

Sorry for the lack of pictures lately. All through the holidays I didn't post any pictures. I haven't been taking as many as I usually do, but I did take some. Any time we went anywhere I forgot my camera so we ended up using Mr. Mans phone. Now I feel that I should post a few from over the holidays. Here we go...

Here's S & D at Jakes Boathouse a couple of weeks before Christmas, we were celebrating D's birthday and we were there to see the band...

Here's me at a Christmas get together a few days before Christmas, looking happy...

Here's me and my old friend C at the same get together...

Here's Cathy and C, same get together, preparing the munchies...

I'm pretty sure I posted pictures of the company Christmas party already. In the next post I'll have pictures of Christmas.

Have a great day.

Wearing Out My Jammies

2009-01-12T22:48:00.002-05:00

It seems I haven't gotten dressed since New Years. I've been in my jammies for 12 days. I know I must have got dressed to go to counselling and to go grocery shopping and stuff like that, but I must have slipped right back into my jammies as soon as I got home. Part of my therapy is making the effort to get dressed each day. Guess that isn't going so well. It just seems pointless to get dressed when I know I'm not going anywhere and I know no one is coming here. Why bother?

This morning was weird. The sun was shining but it was snowing. I took a few pictures of it and in not one of them can you tell it's snowing. I wanted to capture the flakes glinting in the sunshine, but it just didn't work.

I'm back on track with my resolution, it's been 2 days. I can't really say what it is I'm giving up. But it's not easy. Today was a long day. Here it is 11 p.m and I'm feeling all weepy. Little R and Mr. Man have both gone to bed. That leaves me and my brother-in-law. He is hogging the tv, in fact he's been hogging the tv all day. I'm not yet used to having to share things like that. And I'd rather have him up hogging the tv than sleeping all day. But I'm down here in the computer cave, all by myself, without the tv for background, with a fire going that I have kept going for days, and I'm feeling lonely. All the Christmas stuff has been removed from this room. The Christmas packing boxes are scattered all over the place though. We still have to take down the fake tree upstairs. In a way I'm glad I only did minimal decorating this time. It makes it that much easier to take it all down. I usually leave it up for a long time so I'm pretty on top of it this year.

But I'm not sure what is making me all weepy. Little R hopped on the school bus and went to town again this morning. At least she let me know she was going this time instead of sneaking out. And she did come home on the school bus rather than having us pick her up later. I told her we wouldn't pick her up, she better take the bus home or she would be stranded in town. I don't know how well she's doing with her homeschooling course. It's a course I just don't understand. Hopefully she will have it finished before she goes back to school in February, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I was pretty upset at her leaving this morning. That could be part of why I am weepy.

I'm sure I'm in withdrawal, that is making me weepy. I really don't like Mondays, that makes me weepy. I miss Mr. Man when he goes back to work on Mondays. I used to love Mondays, I used to enjoy the peace and quiet, not any more. In fact I start feeling the anxiety on Sunday nights now. Living here has really changed, with no friends and no car. I'm thinking more and more about moving to town. Yesterday I looked outside and the only word to describe it is desolate. Nothing but snow. Sure there's other houses, but no cars, no people. It can make me cry. I'm crying now just remembering how it made me feel. I'm beginning to think moving to the country wasn't the best thing for us to do. I still love it here. I'm just feeling so isolated and lonely. I hate the city. But I miss the convenience of it. I'm just really confused. I don't know what I want. And I think all of it boils down to my depression.

Because if I wasn't depressed I could see the beauty in things. I would enjoy my own company again. I could think clearly and know what I want. I wouldn't be anxious and weepy.

Oh I wish I knew how to beat this thing. I really do try, believe it or not. I thought it would go away when Mr. Man was allowed to come home. But lets face it, it was there before any of that happened. I just don't know what nudge it will take. Therapy doesn't seem to be helping. I know it's all up to me. I have to make changes.

I don't know. So I'm plugging along. Weepy and depressed. Isolated and lonely. Confused. Even though it's the middle of the night, I think I will take a shower and put on different jammies. Tomorrow I will tackle taking down the Christmas tree upstairs. Then I can get T to help me put away all the boxes. Then I can invite H from nextdoor over for coffee. They are the new neighbours and she has expressed an interest in getting together for coffee. We'll see.

All my posts lately have been about me being depressed. It's the center of my life. I don't want it to be. It is what it is. I wish I had something else to talk about. I spent the weekend watching Mr. Man play a game on Game Cube. I took turns but he is much better at it than I am. I enjoyed just spending that time together in our own little world. The game is so addicting he will only play it on the weekends.

Well on second thought, something just came on tv that I want to watch, it's kind of late for a shower. I'll shower tomorrow. And get dressed. And try to keep busy. Well it's late so I'll sign off. Have a great night and a good day tomorrow.