Kids, Huh, What Are They Good For?
Good morning.
When I took the dogs out for a walk yesterday I was thrilled to find the sun was making it quite mild. If it wasn't for the footage of snow it would have been like a spring day. I even heard a bird singing and I'm pretty sure it was a robin. I was also surprised at how well behaved the dogs were on their leashes. I came home from it in a wonderful mood. I thought it was the perfect time for Hubby to drag out the snowblower to clear out the driveway etc. He disagreed, and thats when the foul mood started to set in. I couldn't believe he didn't want to be outside when it was so glorious out there. It must be PMS, by the end of the day I absolutely hated him. I felt trapped and enraged. He didn't want to do anything I wanted to do. I hate feeling that way. I'm sure Hubby hates it when I feel that way too.
To add to my foul mood, I called my father, since he is now in a room and has a phone, and he sounded very confused, which upset me. It took him forever to get to the phone and then told me it was beside his bed, so unless he was out of his bed, I don't know what took him so long. Then as we were talking he was saying things that just didn't make much sense. He said he was going home at noon, but it was 3 p.m when we were talking. He thought I was my sister at first until I told him it was me and then he said oh he thought it was me. He was just confused about everything. After talking to him I immediately called my sister but she was on her way to see him. So I didn't talk to her until later when she got back home. She said they are sending him home today. They didn't find anything wrong and are chalking it up to angina. Whatever, omg. I have a bad feeling about this. I have a feeling he'll be back in the hospital sooner than later.
And then the icing on my misery cake was Big R. Apparently no one had told her her grandfather was in the hospital. They are quite close and so she was not happy to find out about it by reading my blog. I just figured she knew. I was under the impression that she calls and visits him on a regular and frequent basis. I guess its not as frequent as I thought. So this is her new excuse for hating me and being evil and mean and hateful to me. According to her I didn't "have the decency" to tell her about it. Honestly, I haven't even heard from her since Christmas. Christmas was a big flop. I basically ended up throwing her out of the house when they were here on Boxing Day because she was being so ignorant and hateful.
I always thought as kids grow up and mature they figure out what's important and what's not. I figured with age and maturity and a little life experience they grow to appreciate their parents more. I guess I was wrong, it wouldn't be the first time. That girl has zero respect or appreciation for me. I don't know how to rectify the situation. I've tried being more involved in her life but she doesn't want that. I've tried giving her things I think she wants, she doesn't want that. I've tried just leaving her alone, she doesn't want that. I'm at the point where I know it doesn't matter what I say or do or don't say or do, she won't be happy with me. I've been told all kids go through this, especially in their twenties. They feel this need to tell you everything you did wrong as a parent. I've been told its a phase, its part of growing up, its part of the passage into adulthood. Well, whatever, I don't know about that. All I do know is, I'm in self-preservation mode. I can't take it to heart when she is hateful. I just keep telling myself some day she will grow up. I've tried talking to her. I've tried explaining my side of the story. I've treated her like a mature person who is capapble of understanding. I've apologized and asked her forgiveness for any perceived wrong-doing. She is my daughter, I love her unconditionally. But I am not a doormat. And I do have feelings, and I do have a brain, and I do have a heart. I have my own issues and problems. I'm tired of defending myself and I don't think I should have to with my own child.
It's kind of funny, I went through a similar scenario with my sister years ago when my father went to the hospital and she didn't tell me. But rather than freaking out on her and accusing her of not having the decency to tell me I just told her from then on, in the future, I would like to be informed. No big deal, and she has lived up to that. In this case, he went in for tests because his regular doctor felt something was wrong. My sister only called me, my brother and my other sister, and only after they decided they were keeping him in the hospital. She didn't think she should be calling everyone because he was in for tests. She told me she wasn't sure who she should call or not. I think my daughter is making a mountain out of a molehill and using it as an excuse for her own poor behaviour. Obviously, if it had been more serious, if he was seriously ill or dying, I would have contacted her about it. If she was as concerned as she is making it out to be, she would have found out when she tried to contact him, or me. We haven't really spoken in a couple of months. It isn't unusual to go that long with no contact. I used to send her frequent emails, they went ignored, so whats the point? I stopped doing it because it just upset me when she didn't reply. She reads my blog and thats how she keeps in touch. Too bad it doesn't occur to her that I don't discuss EVERYTHING in my blog. She has a blog also, and I read it, but once I comment or react to it in any way, she stops posting. It's been so long since she updated it, I'm down to checking it weekly.
Like I said, I'm in self-preservation mode. This is new for me. This is how I have to be to keep my sanity, to not get hurt. I guess it is unusual for me to be looking out for number one. Its true I never used to be like that, but that is exactly what has caused many of my problems. So thats why I've tried to change my ways and look out for myself. Deal with it. I'm not going to let anyone else hurt me or get under my skin. Simple. And that includes my own daughter. Sad but true. True, she still hurts me, but I won't let it get to the point of devestation.
Hopefully today will be a better day. Have a lovely Sunday.
When I took the dogs out for a walk yesterday I was thrilled to find the sun was making it quite mild. If it wasn't for the footage of snow it would have been like a spring day. I even heard a bird singing and I'm pretty sure it was a robin. I was also surprised at how well behaved the dogs were on their leashes. I came home from it in a wonderful mood. I thought it was the perfect time for Hubby to drag out the snowblower to clear out the driveway etc. He disagreed, and thats when the foul mood started to set in. I couldn't believe he didn't want to be outside when it was so glorious out there. It must be PMS, by the end of the day I absolutely hated him. I felt trapped and enraged. He didn't want to do anything I wanted to do. I hate feeling that way. I'm sure Hubby hates it when I feel that way too.
To add to my foul mood, I called my father, since he is now in a room and has a phone, and he sounded very confused, which upset me. It took him forever to get to the phone and then told me it was beside his bed, so unless he was out of his bed, I don't know what took him so long. Then as we were talking he was saying things that just didn't make much sense. He said he was going home at noon, but it was 3 p.m when we were talking. He thought I was my sister at first until I told him it was me and then he said oh he thought it was me. He was just confused about everything. After talking to him I immediately called my sister but she was on her way to see him. So I didn't talk to her until later when she got back home. She said they are sending him home today. They didn't find anything wrong and are chalking it up to angina. Whatever, omg. I have a bad feeling about this. I have a feeling he'll be back in the hospital sooner than later.
And then the icing on my misery cake was Big R. Apparently no one had told her her grandfather was in the hospital. They are quite close and so she was not happy to find out about it by reading my blog. I just figured she knew. I was under the impression that she calls and visits him on a regular and frequent basis. I guess its not as frequent as I thought. So this is her new excuse for hating me and being evil and mean and hateful to me. According to her I didn't "have the decency" to tell her about it. Honestly, I haven't even heard from her since Christmas. Christmas was a big flop. I basically ended up throwing her out of the house when they were here on Boxing Day because she was being so ignorant and hateful.
I always thought as kids grow up and mature they figure out what's important and what's not. I figured with age and maturity and a little life experience they grow to appreciate their parents more. I guess I was wrong, it wouldn't be the first time. That girl has zero respect or appreciation for me. I don't know how to rectify the situation. I've tried being more involved in her life but she doesn't want that. I've tried giving her things I think she wants, she doesn't want that. I've tried just leaving her alone, she doesn't want that. I'm at the point where I know it doesn't matter what I say or do or don't say or do, she won't be happy with me. I've been told all kids go through this, especially in their twenties. They feel this need to tell you everything you did wrong as a parent. I've been told its a phase, its part of growing up, its part of the passage into adulthood. Well, whatever, I don't know about that. All I do know is, I'm in self-preservation mode. I can't take it to heart when she is hateful. I just keep telling myself some day she will grow up. I've tried talking to her. I've tried explaining my side of the story. I've treated her like a mature person who is capapble of understanding. I've apologized and asked her forgiveness for any perceived wrong-doing. She is my daughter, I love her unconditionally. But I am not a doormat. And I do have feelings, and I do have a brain, and I do have a heart. I have my own issues and problems. I'm tired of defending myself and I don't think I should have to with my own child.
It's kind of funny, I went through a similar scenario with my sister years ago when my father went to the hospital and she didn't tell me. But rather than freaking out on her and accusing her of not having the decency to tell me I just told her from then on, in the future, I would like to be informed. No big deal, and she has lived up to that. In this case, he went in for tests because his regular doctor felt something was wrong. My sister only called me, my brother and my other sister, and only after they decided they were keeping him in the hospital. She didn't think she should be calling everyone because he was in for tests. She told me she wasn't sure who she should call or not. I think my daughter is making a mountain out of a molehill and using it as an excuse for her own poor behaviour. Obviously, if it had been more serious, if he was seriously ill or dying, I would have contacted her about it. If she was as concerned as she is making it out to be, she would have found out when she tried to contact him, or me. We haven't really spoken in a couple of months. It isn't unusual to go that long with no contact. I used to send her frequent emails, they went ignored, so whats the point? I stopped doing it because it just upset me when she didn't reply. She reads my blog and thats how she keeps in touch. Too bad it doesn't occur to her that I don't discuss EVERYTHING in my blog. She has a blog also, and I read it, but once I comment or react to it in any way, she stops posting. It's been so long since she updated it, I'm down to checking it weekly.
Like I said, I'm in self-preservation mode. This is new for me. This is how I have to be to keep my sanity, to not get hurt. I guess it is unusual for me to be looking out for number one. Its true I never used to be like that, but that is exactly what has caused many of my problems. So thats why I've tried to change my ways and look out for myself. Deal with it. I'm not going to let anyone else hurt me or get under my skin. Simple. And that includes my own daughter. Sad but true. True, she still hurts me, but I won't let it get to the point of devestation.
Hopefully today will be a better day. Have a lovely Sunday.
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