Happy Birthday To Me!
When I first started this blog~technically this isn't my first blog btw~there was no intent, no goal, no knowledge. I had no idea what path it would take. To me, I was just learning about something new. I was completely unaware of the blogosphere. I just thought "hey this is neat, I wanna try this". I started out being very open, honest and just babbling about my day-to-day life. It grew, it evolved, I started putting effort into it, trying to be funny, amusing, entertaining, articulate, intelligent, informative. I only have a grade eight education here. I dropped out of school in grade nine because I thought I had bigger and better things to do with my life. In light of that fact, my life hasn't turned out so bad. I gained a small readership, unbeknownst to me for a while. I must admit, I shied away after a couple of negative experiences, negative responses. I deleted everything. Sadly, the truth is, I've had more negative than positive responses. I haven't even checked in the longest time to see how many or who may be reading this. I don't want to know at this point. See, I've never been a "public" type person before. I'm not a writer or a poet or a journalist. I'm just me. A 45 year old (as of today~Happy Birthday To Me!!) housewife, mother of 2 daughters and a dog.
I have had days where I was ... well lets face it ... a total bitch, to people on here. But in my mind, and still, they started it. I have found, since deleting everything and trying to start over, I've lost it. I am more boring than I would have thought was possible.
This whole thing has become the start of a journey for me, the journey into my own mind and soul. I am discovering, uncovering, realizing, understanding things about myself I never really thought of before. In other aspects of my life I have had to be very strong, and proven myself to be so. So why would I run from negative responses to my blog? That's just downright silly. Obviously not everyone will agree with everything. That's life.
It is unfortunate that I have turned into somewhat of a hermit in recent months and so have nothing much to blog about. That's exactly what I've always done when I become depressed (and I did mention at the very beginning, that I have always battled depression). I avoid the world and I sleep a lot. But you know what I've just realized? It's usually brought on by an incident, by a negative experience, by outside forces, by other people. It doesn't come from within me. At least I force myself to continue on and keep plugging away, going out, living my life, just on a lower scale, at a slower pace, quieter. I don't allow myself to become a complete hermit. And, as I know from experience, one day it will just break, and I will be back to my normal out-going, fun-loving, self.
So today is my birthday. It is also Friday the 13th in Port Dover. I've been looking forward to this day all year! What a party we're gonna have! Yeah right. I've once again managed to be up all night long. There is fucking SNOW on the ground out there. Half the people we would have been going with or meeting up with, hate my guts at this point (for no real reason, just their self-righteous, petty little brain farts). I don't feel this need to prove to anyone that I am a "real biker" by suffering such a long cold ride to go be with all the other bikers. I must say, someone out on my street is stupid or brave enough, I hear bikes leaving at 6 a.m. Honestly, it is a blast, and I will regret missing it, but I can't bring myself to do it. I HATE being cold. That was the whole purpose of buying the trailer which sits in our driveway. But, we haven't touched it, it isn't ready to go. We just put it off too long. And who would have expected such cold and snow? Not my idea of a pleasant scoot. I have nothing but the utmost respect for those brave, bold or insane enough to go. After that bout of bronchitis I just had, I do not want to feel like that again. And here I go defending myself again! Sheesh. I'm sorry, I will miss seeing some faces and some bikes, but I will not miss freezing my titties off and coming home sick. I mean it's -3C out there! No thanks, I'd rather stay cozy (thankfully) and bake a cake and sit by a blazing fire and go to town for a romantic lunch with my Hubby and shop. It won't be the first one we've missed nor the last, I'm sure. Besides, I do find the whole thing to be getting a little too commercial and too big, line ups for everything. Am I just trying to talk myself out of it here or what? Nah, I'm just a wimp who hates being cold.
Total change of topic here, my niece's surgery, which I now understand to be a biopsy, was pushed back to yesterday I think. I'm getting all this info from my sister, so not sure. I hope she's ok. I haven't talked to her in so long I would feel like I was intruding if I was to just up and call her now, of all times. We were very close as kids, being so close in age and living near each other. Then we didn't speak at all for many years, just went our seperate ways. One day I decided it was time to put the past behind us and I called her up out of the blue. We started talking more and visiting each other, that went on for a couple of years and then just stopped. Then I only saw her a couple of times at family barbecues and the like. My last contact was last Christmas she sent me a card saying she had had a really rough year and giving me her email address which I already had. I have since sent her countless emails and got no reply. I'll wait a respectable amount of time and give her a call.
This is probably the first birthday where I don't feel the slightest little excitement or anticipation. It's like any other day. Same with the snow. I used to get all excited over snow. One reason we chose here to live, lots of snow. It isn't doing a thing for me. I could do without it even. It used to bring on feelings of joy, thoughts of cozy Norman Rockwell Christmases. Now it's dread of all the shovelling ahead. Oh yeah, I forgot, we have a snowblower now! Yay! However thats something else we've been putting off. It needs a new tire and a coat of paint. Sounds like a good project for this weekend. Speaking of Christmas, normally I would have a big dent in my shopping done by now, not so this year. Don't even have any ideas on what to get for my loving family. However I do have my Halloween goody bags all made up already. Ever since I discovered, well more accurately, was introduced to, Dollarama, I was buying Halloween candy there, the last few years. Then last year I actually ate some of it. It was gross. I asked my daughter why she didn't tell me how bad it was and she just assumed I knew LOL. NOOOOOO...I had no idea, I assumed candy is candy.
Uh-uh. So I vowed to buy real, name brand, tried and tasted candy from then on. And thats exactly what I did for this year. This will be Little R's last year to go out trick-or-treating, and I basically had to talk her into it, well, when I told her we weren't having a party for her instead, she decided she could do it one more year. She is going to be a princess. This will be a first. I have the perfect dress for the ocassion in my closet, not sure where it came from, I think it may have been from my deceased sister's closet, a mother-of-the-bride type of deal. Its pink and covered in sequins and tiny pearls. At any rate, she'll need a tiara, evening gloves, jewels and some make-up and she's good to go. In recent years we've really gotten into enjoying Halloween, doing up the house and dressing up. It's on a school night this year, so that kinda sucks, will make for an early night. But it's all for fun for the kids right. I even got Bear a clown costume. Stay tuned for photos of that in a couple of weeks.
So yeah, I know I have a few faithful readers, and a few lurkers. Hopefully I will get a life soon and have something entertaining to talk about. Otherwise, sorry I've been so boring.
Happy Friday the 13th!
Have a fabulous day!
I have had days where I was ... well lets face it ... a total bitch, to people on here. But in my mind, and still, they started it. I have found, since deleting everything and trying to start over, I've lost it. I am more boring than I would have thought was possible.
This whole thing has become the start of a journey for me, the journey into my own mind and soul. I am discovering, uncovering, realizing, understanding things about myself I never really thought of before. In other aspects of my life I have had to be very strong, and proven myself to be so. So why would I run from negative responses to my blog? That's just downright silly. Obviously not everyone will agree with everything. That's life.
It is unfortunate that I have turned into somewhat of a hermit in recent months and so have nothing much to blog about. That's exactly what I've always done when I become depressed (and I did mention at the very beginning, that I have always battled depression). I avoid the world and I sleep a lot. But you know what I've just realized? It's usually brought on by an incident, by a negative experience, by outside forces, by other people. It doesn't come from within me. At least I force myself to continue on and keep plugging away, going out, living my life, just on a lower scale, at a slower pace, quieter. I don't allow myself to become a complete hermit. And, as I know from experience, one day it will just break, and I will be back to my normal out-going, fun-loving, self.
So today is my birthday. It is also Friday the 13th in Port Dover. I've been looking forward to this day all year! What a party we're gonna have! Yeah right. I've once again managed to be up all night long. There is fucking SNOW on the ground out there. Half the people we would have been going with or meeting up with, hate my guts at this point (for no real reason, just their self-righteous, petty little brain farts). I don't feel this need to prove to anyone that I am a "real biker" by suffering such a long cold ride to go be with all the other bikers. I must say, someone out on my street is stupid or brave enough, I hear bikes leaving at 6 a.m. Honestly, it is a blast, and I will regret missing it, but I can't bring myself to do it. I HATE being cold. That was the whole purpose of buying the trailer which sits in our driveway. But, we haven't touched it, it isn't ready to go. We just put it off too long. And who would have expected such cold and snow? Not my idea of a pleasant scoot. I have nothing but the utmost respect for those brave, bold or insane enough to go. After that bout of bronchitis I just had, I do not want to feel like that again. And here I go defending myself again! Sheesh. I'm sorry, I will miss seeing some faces and some bikes, but I will not miss freezing my titties off and coming home sick. I mean it's -3C out there! No thanks, I'd rather stay cozy (thankfully) and bake a cake and sit by a blazing fire and go to town for a romantic lunch with my Hubby and shop. It won't be the first one we've missed nor the last, I'm sure. Besides, I do find the whole thing to be getting a little too commercial and too big, line ups for everything. Am I just trying to talk myself out of it here or what? Nah, I'm just a wimp who hates being cold.
Total change of topic here, my niece's surgery, which I now understand to be a biopsy, was pushed back to yesterday I think. I'm getting all this info from my sister, so not sure. I hope she's ok. I haven't talked to her in so long I would feel like I was intruding if I was to just up and call her now, of all times. We were very close as kids, being so close in age and living near each other. Then we didn't speak at all for many years, just went our seperate ways. One day I decided it was time to put the past behind us and I called her up out of the blue. We started talking more and visiting each other, that went on for a couple of years and then just stopped. Then I only saw her a couple of times at family barbecues and the like. My last contact was last Christmas she sent me a card saying she had had a really rough year and giving me her email address which I already had. I have since sent her countless emails and got no reply. I'll wait a respectable amount of time and give her a call.
This is probably the first birthday where I don't feel the slightest little excitement or anticipation. It's like any other day. Same with the snow. I used to get all excited over snow. One reason we chose here to live, lots of snow. It isn't doing a thing for me. I could do without it even. It used to bring on feelings of joy, thoughts of cozy Norman Rockwell Christmases. Now it's dread of all the shovelling ahead. Oh yeah, I forgot, we have a snowblower now! Yay! However thats something else we've been putting off. It needs a new tire and a coat of paint. Sounds like a good project for this weekend. Speaking of Christmas, normally I would have a big dent in my shopping done by now, not so this year. Don't even have any ideas on what to get for my loving family. However I do have my Halloween goody bags all made up already. Ever since I discovered, well more accurately, was introduced to, Dollarama, I was buying Halloween candy there, the last few years. Then last year I actually ate some of it. It was gross. I asked my daughter why she didn't tell me how bad it was and she just assumed I knew LOL. NOOOOOO...I had no idea, I assumed candy is candy.
Uh-uh. So I vowed to buy real, name brand, tried and tasted candy from then on. And thats exactly what I did for this year. This will be Little R's last year to go out trick-or-treating, and I basically had to talk her into it, well, when I told her we weren't having a party for her instead, she decided she could do it one more year. She is going to be a princess. This will be a first. I have the perfect dress for the ocassion in my closet, not sure where it came from, I think it may have been from my deceased sister's closet, a mother-of-the-bride type of deal. Its pink and covered in sequins and tiny pearls. At any rate, she'll need a tiara, evening gloves, jewels and some make-up and she's good to go. In recent years we've really gotten into enjoying Halloween, doing up the house and dressing up. It's on a school night this year, so that kinda sucks, will make for an early night. But it's all for fun for the kids right. I even got Bear a clown costume. Stay tuned for photos of that in a couple of weeks.
So yeah, I know I have a few faithful readers, and a few lurkers. Hopefully I will get a life soon and have something entertaining to talk about. Otherwise, sorry I've been so boring.
Happy Friday the 13th!
Have a fabulous day!
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