I'm Cold

I'm freezing. We ran out of propane on Friday. We called the fuel company Friday and they said they would try to make it out that day, but of course they didn't. So I have to wait until Monday for heat and hot water. It's been cold and rainy. Very rainy. Today was supposed to clear up and be nice but so far it doesn't look like it. It's still cold and rainy. I can't wait for summer. I am so tired of being cold. I suppose I could make a fire, but we don't have a lot of firewood and by the time it heated the place up we would run out of wood. It's not worth the effort. Have I mentioned that I hate the fuel company? I'm sure I have. I have frozen too many times because they wouldn't deliver propane. It hurts to be cold, my body aches. Bastards.

Haven't done much of anything to talk about. The hell that is my life continues. As I said it will be at least another month before there is any change. We're supposed to go down to the city again today to pick up Big Rs stuff that she left behind with her ex-boyfriend. I don't think that's going to happen though because we haven't been able to get a hold of him. We're going to have to store it in SWs garage since there's no room here for it. I'm not even sure how much stuff there is. I know there's a queen size bed, other than that I'm not sure. This is going to be a chore at any rate. It may have to be put off til next weekend. I kind of hope so, I need a shower and with no hot water, well, no shower.

So it looks like my azalea bush didn't make it through the winter. It looks dead. But I have a lilac bush which I planted from shoots from my bigger lilac and it looks like its going to bloom this year. It only took about 3 years. I'm not sure, 3 or 4 years. Thats good to know. I can take more shoots from the bigger bush and spread them around the place. I love lilacs. I loved my azalea too. I have another azalea that hasn't bloomed once since I've had it. Mr. Man bought it for me for Mothers Day one year and it has just never bloomed. Maybe this year.

Oh how I wish I could vent about what happened. Yes something happened. And it has made life very hard on the whole family. It is hell and I can't talk about it. I've been doing a lot of crying lately. I can't help it. I just feel so beaten down. I hope I can make it through this month without some kind of breakdown. Some days are harder than others. Being cold isn't helping. And nothing can help. It's just something we have to go through. Please Lord give me strength.