Hopeless And Heartbroken
It all started with a simple question, "How would you feel about me moving to PEI in say..a month?"
The way I would feel about that is hurt, angry, disappointed and heartbroken. She didn't like my answer.
What she doesn't seem to understand is, by her moving that far away, it removes all my hope. It takes away the hope of ever healing and having a happy healthy relationship with her. Which by the way is all I've wanted for years. Now there's no hope of that happening. I feel like I've lost my daughter. I have lost my daughter. Obviously I'm not too happy about that. But up until this, I at least had hope.
She has a very twisted view of me and of our relationship and of her childhood. She had help there. She was brainwashed from a very young age to believe I was doing her wrong. As an adult, she believes it. Nothing I say or do will change her mind. She has it in her mind that I did her wrong. That's it.
This is a dark day for me. I have let her go. I can't take the hurt any more. I can't defend myself any more. I can't fight with her any more. I don't even know what we're fighting about. I don't even know what I'm defending myself against any more. None of it makes sense. I just can't take it any more. I have cut her off. I've deleted her from my Facebook. I've blocked her email. I've blocked her on messenger. She can't reach me by phone. She wouldn't bother writing a snail mail letter. Hell she doesn't even send birthday or Mothers Day cards, never mind letters.
I have to imagine my future without her in it. It's so hard. It's so painful. I lost my mother too soon and now I'm losing my daughter too. I can't take her hate. Her games. Her bullshit. Her twisted views. Her constant accusations.
This has not been normal mother/daughter stuff. Mr. Man is always telling me, it's a phase, or she'll come around, or she'll grow up. He keeps giving me false hope. I can't let him do that any more. There is no hope. I'm out of hope. It's hopeless.
I am so sad. I am heartbroken. I don't know when or if I'll be back here.
The way I would feel about that is hurt, angry, disappointed and heartbroken. She didn't like my answer.
What she doesn't seem to understand is, by her moving that far away, it removes all my hope. It takes away the hope of ever healing and having a happy healthy relationship with her. Which by the way is all I've wanted for years. Now there's no hope of that happening. I feel like I've lost my daughter. I have lost my daughter. Obviously I'm not too happy about that. But up until this, I at least had hope.
She has a very twisted view of me and of our relationship and of her childhood. She had help there. She was brainwashed from a very young age to believe I was doing her wrong. As an adult, she believes it. Nothing I say or do will change her mind. She has it in her mind that I did her wrong. That's it.
This is a dark day for me. I have let her go. I can't take the hurt any more. I can't defend myself any more. I can't fight with her any more. I don't even know what we're fighting about. I don't even know what I'm defending myself against any more. None of it makes sense. I just can't take it any more. I have cut her off. I've deleted her from my Facebook. I've blocked her email. I've blocked her on messenger. She can't reach me by phone. She wouldn't bother writing a snail mail letter. Hell she doesn't even send birthday or Mothers Day cards, never mind letters.
I have to imagine my future without her in it. It's so hard. It's so painful. I lost my mother too soon and now I'm losing my daughter too. I can't take her hate. Her games. Her bullshit. Her twisted views. Her constant accusations.
This has not been normal mother/daughter stuff. Mr. Man is always telling me, it's a phase, or she'll come around, or she'll grow up. He keeps giving me false hope. I can't let him do that any more. There is no hope. I'm out of hope. It's hopeless.
I am so sad. I am heartbroken. I don't know when or if I'll be back here.
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