It Can Still Get Worse

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, guess what, they did. Little R decided she wanted to go live in a foster home. I can't say I blame her. I haven't been much of a mother to her for months now. I've been too wrapped up in my own problems and depression. So a week ago today she left to go live in foster care for three months. I didn't want her to go. I questioned her reasoning. I felt part of the reason was it was a way for her to be in town near her friends and thats all she wanted. I was given the phone number to the foster home and asked to let her contact me first. I was heartbroken. It was one of the worst days of my life. She left me a note in her room. It said she loves me. I know she does and I love her so much. I am just heartbroken. And I'm thinking it just can't get any worse than this. Wrong. The very next day she ran away from the foster home. And she hasn't been found yet. The police are looking for her. Me and Mr. Man have driven around looking for her. The foster mother has driven around looking for her. I didn't get a chance to get over my heartbreak or even get accustomed to her living there. I've been worried sick. It's like a nightmare that just won't stop. Yesterday a warrant was put out on her. I'm not even sure what that means. All I know is I miss her terribly and am so worried about her I can't stand it. The girl has issues. I wasn't even aware of a lot of it. In an effort to find out where she might be, we looked in her messenger history. What an eye opener that was! Also a big fat can of worms. My girl needs help. She is going down the wrong path, fast. We were able to get a few more names from it of friends she might be staying with. But mostly we just got a shocking look into our daughters life. So as of tomorrow it will be a full week that she has been missing. As of today its been a full week that shes been gone and it feels like a lifetime. Of course I'm just a basketcase. Can't sleep, can't eat, can't think. Just waiting for the phone to ring. Waiting to hear that she's been found safe and sound. Meanwhile, there's light at the end of the tunnel for Mr. Man coming home. It might happen next week. My life is falling apart. Thank God for Lorazepam.