Life Is Going Backwards
I woke up this morning thinking about all the things we left behind. I'm missing my stuff. We went beyond downsizing. And yet this apartment still feels cramped. Of course we still haven't finished unpacking. We've been here for what 2 months now? I've even gotten rid of stuff since we've been here via Freecycle. It's just the stuff we left behind or sold or gave away was things we had for years. Collections. Things we hung onto for years. And now they're just gone, forever. Some things I didn't mind too much parting with, but some stuff I'm really sorry I don't have. I think I got carried away in the frenzy of it all. I kept silly things and got rid of good stuff.
I'm not getting used to living in an apartment. I don't think I'll ever get used to it. After my waking thoughts, I got on the computer and started looking at photos. Pictures of my gardens and flowers. I miss my gardens terribly. That's what got me outside. I used to spend hours puttering. I barely go out on the balcony at all. It makes me nervous. I keep getting this feeling it's going to fall off the building. It is an old building. And the view just isn't that great. I think in 2 months I've sat out there three times. I find myself thinking I hope this year goes by fast. Once our lease is up we are free to find something else. I really need a house. I need a yard. I need gardens.
We've been taking Bear with us as much as possible lately. We just really don't feel right leaving him cooped up in an apartment. When we first got him, his previous owner told us he doesn't travel well, he gets sick. Well he has never got sick with us. We've been on some pretty long drives with him and he is fine. We've been quite impressed with how well behaved he is when we take him anywhere.
After my waking thoughts, then looking through photos, I really want to get this place unpacked and organized. I just took Bear out for his morning walk and there is someone moving in. Guess what they had on the elevator? A woodstove of all things! Hell we didn't even bring our air conditioners nevermind a woodstove. We still haven't set up the beds. Well Little Rs was set up but then we had to take it apart to move it to have the new windows put in. We still need to put the mirror on her dresser. We still need to get dressers for us. This living with all our clothes in boxes is getting old fast. I did get a dresser from Freecycle but it's huge and has small drawers. I need big drawers. So now I'm trying to get rid of it on Freecycle with no luck. I really want to hang the dart board. But we're going to have to find something to put around it to protect the wall. We have a spot in mind, hopefully it will work out. And hopefully it won't disturb any of the nieghbours when we play. I've lived in many apartments in my life. This one isn't so bad. But I just got really used to being in a house.
One good thing that has come out of this is we're walking more. I'm not lounging around in my jammies all day because I have to get up and get dressed to take the dog out. And living in town there are places to walk to. All three of us are doing a lot more walking. I guess the dog is walking more too. It's just depressing coming home to a cramped apartment. We've been lucky to have friends and family with houses who invite us to barbecues and bonfires. Otherwise I would really be losing it.
How did I get here? I know how I got here. It's sad. Now all I can think about is when can I get out of here? I feel like we really took 2 steps back. Like life is going backwards. I know things will change. I know things will get better again. Meanwhile, I'm not real happy about things. I'm trying really hard not to fall into a depression. But I think I am depressed to a degree. Life is so different here. I don't know, I don't like it. There is just so much I miss about our house in paradise aside from all the possessions we lost.
I really wish I woke up with different thoughts this morning. Now that I have high speed broadband internet I don't get any emails. I had tons sitting in my inbox that I couldn't even open on dial up. Now I get nothing. Bring on the emails people. Dial up is something I'm not sad to leave behind.
So that's my frame of mind today. Don't know what I'll do today. Probably watch tv all day and wish I was somewhere else. Have a great day.
I'm not getting used to living in an apartment. I don't think I'll ever get used to it. After my waking thoughts, I got on the computer and started looking at photos. Pictures of my gardens and flowers. I miss my gardens terribly. That's what got me outside. I used to spend hours puttering. I barely go out on the balcony at all. It makes me nervous. I keep getting this feeling it's going to fall off the building. It is an old building. And the view just isn't that great. I think in 2 months I've sat out there three times. I find myself thinking I hope this year goes by fast. Once our lease is up we are free to find something else. I really need a house. I need a yard. I need gardens.
We've been taking Bear with us as much as possible lately. We just really don't feel right leaving him cooped up in an apartment. When we first got him, his previous owner told us he doesn't travel well, he gets sick. Well he has never got sick with us. We've been on some pretty long drives with him and he is fine. We've been quite impressed with how well behaved he is when we take him anywhere.
After my waking thoughts, then looking through photos, I really want to get this place unpacked and organized. I just took Bear out for his morning walk and there is someone moving in. Guess what they had on the elevator? A woodstove of all things! Hell we didn't even bring our air conditioners nevermind a woodstove. We still haven't set up the beds. Well Little Rs was set up but then we had to take it apart to move it to have the new windows put in. We still need to put the mirror on her dresser. We still need to get dressers for us. This living with all our clothes in boxes is getting old fast. I did get a dresser from Freecycle but it's huge and has small drawers. I need big drawers. So now I'm trying to get rid of it on Freecycle with no luck. I really want to hang the dart board. But we're going to have to find something to put around it to protect the wall. We have a spot in mind, hopefully it will work out. And hopefully it won't disturb any of the nieghbours when we play. I've lived in many apartments in my life. This one isn't so bad. But I just got really used to being in a house.
One good thing that has come out of this is we're walking more. I'm not lounging around in my jammies all day because I have to get up and get dressed to take the dog out. And living in town there are places to walk to. All three of us are doing a lot more walking. I guess the dog is walking more too. It's just depressing coming home to a cramped apartment. We've been lucky to have friends and family with houses who invite us to barbecues and bonfires. Otherwise I would really be losing it.
How did I get here? I know how I got here. It's sad. Now all I can think about is when can I get out of here? I feel like we really took 2 steps back. Like life is going backwards. I know things will change. I know things will get better again. Meanwhile, I'm not real happy about things. I'm trying really hard not to fall into a depression. But I think I am depressed to a degree. Life is so different here. I don't know, I don't like it. There is just so much I miss about our house in paradise aside from all the possessions we lost.
I really wish I woke up with different thoughts this morning. Now that I have high speed broadband internet I don't get any emails. I had tons sitting in my inbox that I couldn't even open on dial up. Now I get nothing. Bring on the emails people. Dial up is something I'm not sad to leave behind.
So that's my frame of mind today. Don't know what I'll do today. Probably watch tv all day and wish I was somewhere else. Have a great day.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home