Life Is Full Of Lemons
Hey, look at that, I'm back again and so soon. Two days in a row, wow. After seeing my family I got to thinking. It's always bittersweet at this time of year. Whenever I see my relatives I remember the ones we've lost. It was only a year ago that I lost my second sister. I was grieving at the company party. A niece and a brother-in-law both died on Christmas Eve. It's hard not to think of them when Christmas rolls around. I always miss my mom, especially this time of year. She loved Christmas. She was the matriarch of my family. It's never been the same for me since 1984.
I've lost my mom, 2 of 3 sisters, 2 of only 3 nieces, my parents-in-law, 3 brothers-in-law and a sister-in-law. Not to mention the grandparents I never really knew and various aunts and uncles. I think I have two aunts left and that's it. I'm not even sure about one of them, I may only have one aunt left for all I know. My father, bless him, is outliving a lot of people. I can't even remember a lot of my cousins names, I haven't seen them since I was a kid. I tried looking a couple of them up on Facebook with no luck.
I know I should really be counting my blessings. It's just so damn hard. I don't feel very blessed at this point in life.
I really didn't talk to anyone on the weekend. I spent half the night outside smoking, the rest of the time thinking what do I say to these people? I have nothing to contribute to a conversation, how sad. I see them once or twice a year. Mr. Man talks to them more than I do and they're my relatives.
I'm ready for grandbabies. Hint hint Big R. She hates me calling her that too lol. To her it implies that she is large, which, let me clarify, she is NOT. I just don't like to use names on here, because you never know who is reading. I can expose myself but not other people. I miss her too, now that she lives in a different province. Even if she does have babies, I won't see them unless I go there. And really, my ex-husband and my current husband meeting? Not something I'm looking forward to! I've always known it's likely to happen eventually, say when Big R gets married, but I've always dreaded it. We really like her current boyfriend and hope she does settle down with him. They're too busy working and riding and travelling to settle down and have kids any time soon. Sigh.
From this day on I am going to try real hard to count my blessings. It could be so much worse. Just because life isn't going my way right now, oh well, you can't always get what you want. I'm spoiled. I want what I want when I want it. One thing I want is a happy Christmas. I think we can make that happen, assuming no one dies on us this year. They say time heals all wounds, and that may be true, but you never forget people you've known all your life or people you are close to. I'm not very good at making lemonade when life hands me lemons, but maybe that's something I need to change about myself.
I actually wrote this post yesterday. I began counting my blessings. I immediately felt better and happier. I even laughed. We were sitting here watching a movie and Mr. Man suddenly told me I looked good. I hadn't even brushed my hair all day! He said I looked happy and glowing. Amazing. There really is something to thinking positive. Yeah it sucks that so many people have died, but I have to appreciate the living, life does go on. I really do have plenty to be thankful for. I just need to remember that every day. I'm sure I've said this here before too. I tend to get so involved in my depression I forget about thinking positive.
So that's it. Update on the company party, S and D couldn't get reservations, the place is booked solid, so they won't be crashing the party. That's a drag. I'm glad we have other plans to see them before Christmas. We're expecting snow tonight. I'm happy about that though Mr. Man is not. I don't have to go out in it but he does. K, I'm done. Have a great day.
I've lost my mom, 2 of 3 sisters, 2 of only 3 nieces, my parents-in-law, 3 brothers-in-law and a sister-in-law. Not to mention the grandparents I never really knew and various aunts and uncles. I think I have two aunts left and that's it. I'm not even sure about one of them, I may only have one aunt left for all I know. My father, bless him, is outliving a lot of people. I can't even remember a lot of my cousins names, I haven't seen them since I was a kid. I tried looking a couple of them up on Facebook with no luck.
I know I should really be counting my blessings. It's just so damn hard. I don't feel very blessed at this point in life.
I really didn't talk to anyone on the weekend. I spent half the night outside smoking, the rest of the time thinking what do I say to these people? I have nothing to contribute to a conversation, how sad. I see them once or twice a year. Mr. Man talks to them more than I do and they're my relatives.
I'm ready for grandbabies. Hint hint Big R. She hates me calling her that too lol. To her it implies that she is large, which, let me clarify, she is NOT. I just don't like to use names on here, because you never know who is reading. I can expose myself but not other people. I miss her too, now that she lives in a different province. Even if she does have babies, I won't see them unless I go there. And really, my ex-husband and my current husband meeting? Not something I'm looking forward to! I've always known it's likely to happen eventually, say when Big R gets married, but I've always dreaded it. We really like her current boyfriend and hope she does settle down with him. They're too busy working and riding and travelling to settle down and have kids any time soon. Sigh.
From this day on I am going to try real hard to count my blessings. It could be so much worse. Just because life isn't going my way right now, oh well, you can't always get what you want. I'm spoiled. I want what I want when I want it. One thing I want is a happy Christmas. I think we can make that happen, assuming no one dies on us this year. They say time heals all wounds, and that may be true, but you never forget people you've known all your life or people you are close to. I'm not very good at making lemonade when life hands me lemons, but maybe that's something I need to change about myself.
I actually wrote this post yesterday. I began counting my blessings. I immediately felt better and happier. I even laughed. We were sitting here watching a movie and Mr. Man suddenly told me I looked good. I hadn't even brushed my hair all day! He said I looked happy and glowing. Amazing. There really is something to thinking positive. Yeah it sucks that so many people have died, but I have to appreciate the living, life does go on. I really do have plenty to be thankful for. I just need to remember that every day. I'm sure I've said this here before too. I tend to get so involved in my depression I forget about thinking positive.
So that's it. Update on the company party, S and D couldn't get reservations, the place is booked solid, so they won't be crashing the party. That's a drag. I'm glad we have other plans to see them before Christmas. We're expecting snow tonight. I'm happy about that though Mr. Man is not. I don't have to go out in it but he does. K, I'm done. Have a great day.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home