2009, The Year Of Loss

I can't wait to see the end of 2009. This has really been the year of loss. My most recent loss was my Geocities website. Yahoo for whatever reason decided to shut down Geocities. I built that site years ago, I don't even know how many years, but a long time. I thought to snag all the pictures off of it before it disappeared, but it was only yesterday that I thought to go into the files and snag pictures out of there that weren't posted on the site. That's when I found the site is gone. I knew it was coming, they sent me an email warning that the shut down was coming. Still it hit me when it really happened. I don't know if I'll ever build another site, probably though. It was fun to do. But when I think of all the time and energy I put into it, I really feel the loss. And it's just something that's been there, a part of my life, for a very long time, now gone. I sort of thought it would be there forever. So when the mood strikes me I'll be looking for another free website host. There is really no reason for me to have a website, other than it's something to do and I can. It was a fun, learning process. I was quite proud of myself for learning all that I did.

This year I also lost my sister, my niece, my house, my dog and a hell of a lot of possessions. I'm really feeling it today because of finding my site gone yesterday and the super has started decorating the lobby for Halloween today. I keep thinking of all the Halloween stuff I gave away. I was complaining about it to Mr. Man last night and he said "yup, it was 20 years worth of accumulation of stuff, but we'll just have to spend the next 20 years accumulating more stuff." Well Honey, I look forward to it. I will start by browsing the sales of Halloween stuff on November 1st. Yeah money is not plentiful lately.

The last couple of years I was really looking forward to the end of the year and feeling optimistic for the new year. Once again I am looking forward to a new year and I am still optimistic. Even though I've lost so much, and really am depressed, I feel strangely hopeful.

This will be the first year in decades that we won't have a jackolantern. This will be the first year in decades that we won't have a real Christmas tree. (We're not allowed to have a real tree here.) This Christmas is going to be different than what we're used to. But we will adapt. You just have to live with it and accept the changes that you can't do anything about.

Oddly enough, despite my depression, I feel hopeful and optimistic and do look forward to the future. I look forward to moving again next year once our lease is up. I look forward to life as empty nesters. Little R is pretty much self sufficient and with the dog gone we have a lot more freedom. I look forward to accumulating new "stuff". I look forward to trying new things. Once again I have to say, things will be ok.