Mourning The Summer Of 2008
It's a good thing Cathy left when she did because it has rained ever since. Every day this week has been rainy, making it impossible to finish cleaning up the yard. I forgot to mention in my previous post that Cathy brought me some gifts. She brought me this really funky plant, I don't know what it is but it's pretty and interesting. She also brought me a hanging basket of petunias and a cake. I never even had any of the cake. Sweets and treats don't last around here. I took a picture of the funky plant...
I seem to have gotten progressively more depressed through the week. I'm sad that I missed most of the summer. Soon it will be back to school time. I'm not looking forward to another winter in this house. In a couple of weeks I'm going to a doctor to be put on anti-depressants. I've tried them before and they always make me feel sick. I'm hoping that won't happen this time and I'm really hoping it helps me.
I just found all my hummingbird feeders. They were put away in a rubber bin. I had looked for them in the spring but didn't look in the bin. I'm wondering if it's too late to bother putting them out. This is the time of year that the hummers get really active, but will they come if there haven't been feeders out all summer.
I missed so much this summer. And I looked forward to this summer like never before. The past few months have just been a blur. A blur of depression and sadness. I got in the habit of laying on the couch watching tv all day. Then watching movies with Mr. Man at night. We spent no time outside. Normally I spend all my time outside in the summer. I didn't put out my feeders. I didn't plant my hanging baskets and whatnot. I didn't weed my gardens. I didn't cut the grass. We didn't ride. In fact the bike is just buried in the garage and hasn't even been looked at. We didn't go to any events. Mr. Man is sort of home now. I want to enjoy what's left of the summer. Now if it would only stop raining. I've hardly taken any pictures, that's so unlike me. I missed most of my flowers blooming. That is, what didn't get choked out by weeds.
Things are going good with Little R back home. She's behaving. But she's still bored senseless. I see moving to town in our future. Paradise isn't paradise when you're 15. CAS will still be involved in our life, but they seem to have given up somewhat. Little R agreed to go to a foster home, the CAS thought it would be so much better for her, but she ran away the very next day. She was on the run for a week. That was the longest week of my life. When they finally found her they brought her back home rather than back to the foster home. Now we're still waiting to get all her stuff back. We are waiting to get into family counselling. I believe that my depression is a big part of the problem. I believe boredom is a big part of my depression.
All through the winter I so looked forward to spring and to having a yard sale thus getting rid of a lot of clutter. Due to the circumstances of Mr. Man being forced out of the house, that didn't happen. I think the spring is the best time for yard sales. It's too late now.
In a way I'm mourning the summer. With all this cool rain it feels like it's over. It can't be over yet, it's only the beginning of August. I'd like to salvage what's left of the summer. But I'm not sure how to do that. It was wonderful to have a bonfire when Cathy was here. That's something else we missed out on this year. The firepit was surrounded by tall weeds. So I'd like to get a few more fires in. And barbecues. It's too late for the flowers and gardens, but there's always next year. So that's all I can do, make the best of the rest of the summer and look forward to next year.
I seem to have gotten progressively more depressed through the week. I'm sad that I missed most of the summer. Soon it will be back to school time. I'm not looking forward to another winter in this house. In a couple of weeks I'm going to a doctor to be put on anti-depressants. I've tried them before and they always make me feel sick. I'm hoping that won't happen this time and I'm really hoping it helps me.
I just found all my hummingbird feeders. They were put away in a rubber bin. I had looked for them in the spring but didn't look in the bin. I'm wondering if it's too late to bother putting them out. This is the time of year that the hummers get really active, but will they come if there haven't been feeders out all summer.
I missed so much this summer. And I looked forward to this summer like never before. The past few months have just been a blur. A blur of depression and sadness. I got in the habit of laying on the couch watching tv all day. Then watching movies with Mr. Man at night. We spent no time outside. Normally I spend all my time outside in the summer. I didn't put out my feeders. I didn't plant my hanging baskets and whatnot. I didn't weed my gardens. I didn't cut the grass. We didn't ride. In fact the bike is just buried in the garage and hasn't even been looked at. We didn't go to any events. Mr. Man is sort of home now. I want to enjoy what's left of the summer. Now if it would only stop raining. I've hardly taken any pictures, that's so unlike me. I missed most of my flowers blooming. That is, what didn't get choked out by weeds.
Things are going good with Little R back home. She's behaving. But she's still bored senseless. I see moving to town in our future. Paradise isn't paradise when you're 15. CAS will still be involved in our life, but they seem to have given up somewhat. Little R agreed to go to a foster home, the CAS thought it would be so much better for her, but she ran away the very next day. She was on the run for a week. That was the longest week of my life. When they finally found her they brought her back home rather than back to the foster home. Now we're still waiting to get all her stuff back. We are waiting to get into family counselling. I believe that my depression is a big part of the problem. I believe boredom is a big part of my depression.
All through the winter I so looked forward to spring and to having a yard sale thus getting rid of a lot of clutter. Due to the circumstances of Mr. Man being forced out of the house, that didn't happen. I think the spring is the best time for yard sales. It's too late now.
In a way I'm mourning the summer. With all this cool rain it feels like it's over. It can't be over yet, it's only the beginning of August. I'd like to salvage what's left of the summer. But I'm not sure how to do that. It was wonderful to have a bonfire when Cathy was here. That's something else we missed out on this year. The firepit was surrounded by tall weeds. So I'd like to get a few more fires in. And barbecues. It's too late for the flowers and gardens, but there's always next year. So that's all I can do, make the best of the rest of the summer and look forward to next year.
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