~Charlene's Web~

Sunshine, Laughter And Friends Are Always Welcome!

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Location: Ontario, Canada

I'm happily married to Mr. Man. We have 2 daughters, Big R and Little R. I'm a stay at home mom. We moved from the big city to the country, living a dream. I'm a collector and a packrat. I'd rather read a book than watch a movie. I battle depression. I love life, but that wasn't always the case. This is my journal.

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Monday, November 27, 2006

No Friends+No Family+No Snow+No Money=No Spirit

Good morning.
It was a lazy weekend that's for sure. We spent Sunday night watching movies which ended with 4 hours of home movies. Hubby gave me a video camera last Christmas, so we have 4 hours of last holiday season from Christmas day to January sometime. Then nothing until this past Thanksgiving. We sure had a lot of snow last winter.
I think its a combination of things like lack of money, lack of snow, lack of good friends, lack of family, which is just dragging me down about the holidays. All the people I believed to be my friends a year ago have since proved me wrong about that. It looks like we won't be seeing any insurance money until the new year.
I'm having health issues and we don't have the money to finish getting my new teeth. Big R is having health issues which I just found out about this weekend. She has a lump or lumps on her thyroid, not a good thing. Hubby is still crippled with pain. The only time he isn't in pain is when he is spaced out on his pain medication. Not sure which is worse. We've given up any hope of ever reuniting with Hubbys family. My family hasn't changed, at least no one died.
My mind changes from day to day about how we want to spend our holiday. One day I think we'll be best off to have a quiet time hanging out together at home. The next day I think I'd like to make another attempt at having the remaining family up for a big dinner. Another day I think maybe we should trek up to my sisters place in Gravenhurst. Then I think we might venture down to the city to my other sisters place to see my father. Then I think perhaps a party with our remaining friends and family and new friends. Maybe a pre-Christmas party. Or maybe save that for New Years. I just don't know what we should do, which leads me back to, maybe we should do nothing. UGH.
It's not too difficult to go through the motions. But I want to FEEL it.
This coming Friday is the awards night dinner thing for Little Rs 4H Club. I was looking forward to that, now it feels like an imposition. It has become just another one of those things that just depends on who you know. We don't know anyone involved. My disappointment over her not winning that award overshadows all else as far as the 4H Club is concerned.
Worrying about money and health matters is overshadowing my Christmas spirit.
I watched part of the movie "Click" with Adam Sandler, Hubby was raving about what a good movie it is after he watched it the other day, I wasn't impressed. That's why I didn't watch the whole thing. I'll give it another chance though when I'm in the mood to sit through another movie.
Today, I'm going to get busy. I am the worlds worst procrastinator. I have a list as long as my arm of things I want to do around the house. I spend far too much time sleeping and sitting at the computer. I wait for Hubby to do the things I want him to do. It's time to just work around the things he needs to do. Maybe some action on my part will motivate him! I'm mainly referring to the basement. It is so jumbled and full of stuff, but its impossible to find anything. There are boxes still unpacked from moving here over 3 years ago, alongside of boxes of stuff we've bought since being here, and boxes of Christmas decorations, Halloween decorations, some boxes of Big Rs storage, and tools, and old electronics, and countless old computer components. There are no shelves (thats Hubbys task, to put in shelving) so its all scattered and piled all over the floor. I am a packrat.
Oh well, gotta start somehwere. The garage is in much the same condition as well as the spare bedroom and the roughed in bathroom downstairs, which has become more of a walk in storage locker. Jeez. It's bad I tell ya. Where did all this stuff come from?
Ok, have yourself a lovely day.

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