Midnight Ramblings
Greetings....
Its 1:30 a.m, I just can't sleep again. Its too hot even with the a/c going. I was asleep...I think the dog woke me up. I took him out. Another thing about living here which I never experienced in the city is the stars! Its unreal. Who knew there were so many? The Little Dipper is right there in your face when you walk out the front door. Also, the quiet! It is so quiet and peaceful out there, its surreal. I LOVE it. I only wish it was a weekend so I could go wake the Hubby up, make him a cup of coffee and drag him outside with me. Why have it if we can't enjoy it once in a while?
Little R did come home with Hubby today. I'm glad. Its a little hard to believe the summer is half over. Why does winter seem to last forever and summer is gone in a flash? I must admit I like the fall. Or I used to anyways. I guess really I like all the seasons. How boring it would be without the changes of seasons.
I am so fucking depressed, all I can do is cry. Anything I think about brings on a flood of tears. Nothing, absolutely nothing, not one single thought, brings a smile or a feeling of joy or happiness. Nothing feels 'right'. It feels like my universe is off, slanted, everything is slightly atilt. Its bizarre. I HATE it. Is it just PMS? Sometimes I believe that. Maybe its menopause... As if to prove it isn't just my PMS but really the universe, my cd holder keeps popping open, out of the blue, all on its own, for no apparent reason. And then it won't close. Maybe its the heat and humidity. I seem to recall humidity making one of my old computers act up. And really, this computer isn't new. Sigh.
Well God bless Lorazepam...it keeps me calm, it helps me sleep. I think I'll take one right now and go lie down and read. I picked two tomatoes from our garden today! I wasn't sure if it was too soon or what, they are almost ripe. Hubby says put them in the dark and they will ripen. Can't wait to eat them. My very own fresh homegrown tomatoes...Again amazing the silly little things that do excite me sometimes. I'm insane.
Did I mention we got this spray from S.W (Thank You!) for removing skunk odor? I've been putting it on the dog, but his face still reeks. When you get a good whiff of it, its nauseating. He must have got it directly in the face, poor guy. On the bottle it tells you to put it in his nostrils too. I'm going to put it on him again tomorrow. It says it may take a few applications. Amazingly no one could smell it in the house the other day. Its just when you get close to his face that the smell is strong.
I guess its easy to feel depressed in the wee hours, alone. I already feel a little better just thinking about things to look forward to. There is plenty to look forward to! Little R finally received her 4H Club membership card in the mail today. That is her free ticket into all the Fall Fairs. That is really something to look forward to isn't it? It will be awesome to see her showing Gem. I hope she does well. I hope she enjoys it! Then theres back to school to look forward to. My favourite part is the shopping! Hard to believe she is going into grade 8! When I was a kid, my life did not seem to go as fast as my kids' lives have gone. And then theres Thanksgiving, where I will try to put together a big family doo and my family will not co-operate and I'll be all hurt and upset and missing the good old days and fall into a depression. My birthday falls around the same time as Thanksgiving, getting old, something else to get upset about. Then comes Halloween. We like to have a good time then, but Little R is nearing the age of too old for trick or treating. I think this will be her last year for that. We like to decorate the front of the house and dress up and have a good time with it. Its been strange here. We get plenty of trick or treaters, but we always end up with a ton of candy left over. I don't think we get as many as we thought we get. I think after this year, we'll let Little R have a party rather than going trick or treating. And maybe put our efforts into more elaborate decorating. Then comes the dreaded Christmas. That used to be my all time most favourite time of year. It has become the biggest pain, stressful, depressing, emotional, disappointing time. I used to get manic. I shopped until the very last minute. I wanted my kids to get everything they could possibly want or need under the tree. But I found I was always surrounded by people who are miserable at Christmas. It didn't used to be that way. I used to be around people who wanted to celebrate and share the peace, joy and love. Not so these days. Again, too, because my family has dwindled down so much, there isn't much family to be around. I really miss having Big R. She comes up, but doesn't stay long enough. It breaks my heart every year when she leaves. That I do not look forward to. I have had this obsession around Christmas of 'traditions'. I think its time to try something new. Of course I always go through this big thing of missing my Mom at that time. She loved Christmas. I still remember the big family dinners. None of those people are with us any more. I'm not sure what I'm going to do differently this year, besides try to tone down on the money spent. (Somehow I can't even imagine that really happening). I don't know....sigh. Here it is the beginning of August and I'm thinking about Christmas already. I like to be prepared! LOL.
Ok I think I'm done babbling, my pill is kicking in nicely. Hope you're all having sweet dreams. Until later....
Its 1:30 a.m, I just can't sleep again. Its too hot even with the a/c going. I was asleep...I think the dog woke me up. I took him out. Another thing about living here which I never experienced in the city is the stars! Its unreal. Who knew there were so many? The Little Dipper is right there in your face when you walk out the front door. Also, the quiet! It is so quiet and peaceful out there, its surreal. I LOVE it. I only wish it was a weekend so I could go wake the Hubby up, make him a cup of coffee and drag him outside with me. Why have it if we can't enjoy it once in a while?
Little R did come home with Hubby today. I'm glad. Its a little hard to believe the summer is half over. Why does winter seem to last forever and summer is gone in a flash? I must admit I like the fall. Or I used to anyways. I guess really I like all the seasons. How boring it would be without the changes of seasons.
I am so fucking depressed, all I can do is cry. Anything I think about brings on a flood of tears. Nothing, absolutely nothing, not one single thought, brings a smile or a feeling of joy or happiness. Nothing feels 'right'. It feels like my universe is off, slanted, everything is slightly atilt. Its bizarre. I HATE it. Is it just PMS? Sometimes I believe that. Maybe its menopause... As if to prove it isn't just my PMS but really the universe, my cd holder keeps popping open, out of the blue, all on its own, for no apparent reason. And then it won't close. Maybe its the heat and humidity. I seem to recall humidity making one of my old computers act up. And really, this computer isn't new. Sigh.
Well God bless Lorazepam...it keeps me calm, it helps me sleep. I think I'll take one right now and go lie down and read. I picked two tomatoes from our garden today! I wasn't sure if it was too soon or what, they are almost ripe. Hubby says put them in the dark and they will ripen. Can't wait to eat them. My very own fresh homegrown tomatoes...Again amazing the silly little things that do excite me sometimes. I'm insane.
Did I mention we got this spray from S.W (Thank You!) for removing skunk odor? I've been putting it on the dog, but his face still reeks. When you get a good whiff of it, its nauseating. He must have got it directly in the face, poor guy. On the bottle it tells you to put it in his nostrils too. I'm going to put it on him again tomorrow. It says it may take a few applications. Amazingly no one could smell it in the house the other day. Its just when you get close to his face that the smell is strong.
I guess its easy to feel depressed in the wee hours, alone. I already feel a little better just thinking about things to look forward to. There is plenty to look forward to! Little R finally received her 4H Club membership card in the mail today. That is her free ticket into all the Fall Fairs. That is really something to look forward to isn't it? It will be awesome to see her showing Gem. I hope she does well. I hope she enjoys it! Then theres back to school to look forward to. My favourite part is the shopping! Hard to believe she is going into grade 8! When I was a kid, my life did not seem to go as fast as my kids' lives have gone. And then theres Thanksgiving, where I will try to put together a big family doo and my family will not co-operate and I'll be all hurt and upset and missing the good old days and fall into a depression. My birthday falls around the same time as Thanksgiving, getting old, something else to get upset about. Then comes Halloween. We like to have a good time then, but Little R is nearing the age of too old for trick or treating. I think this will be her last year for that. We like to decorate the front of the house and dress up and have a good time with it. Its been strange here. We get plenty of trick or treaters, but we always end up with a ton of candy left over. I don't think we get as many as we thought we get. I think after this year, we'll let Little R have a party rather than going trick or treating. And maybe put our efforts into more elaborate decorating. Then comes the dreaded Christmas. That used to be my all time most favourite time of year. It has become the biggest pain, stressful, depressing, emotional, disappointing time. I used to get manic. I shopped until the very last minute. I wanted my kids to get everything they could possibly want or need under the tree. But I found I was always surrounded by people who are miserable at Christmas. It didn't used to be that way. I used to be around people who wanted to celebrate and share the peace, joy and love. Not so these days. Again, too, because my family has dwindled down so much, there isn't much family to be around. I really miss having Big R. She comes up, but doesn't stay long enough. It breaks my heart every year when she leaves. That I do not look forward to. I have had this obsession around Christmas of 'traditions'. I think its time to try something new. Of course I always go through this big thing of missing my Mom at that time. She loved Christmas. I still remember the big family dinners. None of those people are with us any more. I'm not sure what I'm going to do differently this year, besides try to tone down on the money spent. (Somehow I can't even imagine that really happening). I don't know....sigh. Here it is the beginning of August and I'm thinking about Christmas already. I like to be prepared! LOL.
Ok I think I'm done babbling, my pill is kicking in nicely. Hope you're all having sweet dreams. Until later....
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