Isn't August Still Summer?
I did end up having a nice long nap. I've been staying up later again too. Thus this post at 1 a.m. I had a bit of a meltdown last night when I noticed it getting dark at 8:45. That's too early. I spent the better part of the summer sitting in that damn trailer. All of August has been more like fall than summer. Today was ok, there were some hot sunny breaks, but it was mostly cloudy and cool. I missed the summer and that is really bumming me out. I'm not ready for another winter yet. This whole ordeal should make next summer that much sweeter, assuming I survive this winter.
Mr. Man is having no luck with the vehicles. He took the truck to work because the alternator on the car was shot. He had to replace the fanbelt on the truck. Then the muffler fell apart. So he fixed up the muffler and he checked the new fan belt only to discover it was being chewed up and he needed to buy another one. As he was leaving the shop the muffler fell apart again. He ended up having to stop at the side of the road to change the fan belt, in the dark, on his way home from work. He took today off to replace the alternator on the car.
Found empty liquor bottles in Little Rs room. She is 15. She smokes cigarettes, she smokes pot and now we know she's drinking too. I smoked and drank at 15. It's such an awful age. But it's not the path I want her to take. Sure I survived. But I think I'd be a much happier person today if I didn't go down that path. I really don't know what to do about it. I'm pretty sure it was my liquor out of my liquor cabinet. Nothing is safe in this house any more. I haven't even confronted her about it yet, because I don't know what to say.
Finally made the appointment to go have my dentures relined. Should have done it months ago. The thing is, when they do it, I will have to be without them for a couple of days. That could be traumatic. I guess I'll have to hide out in the house and hope nobody comes to the door. And not eat. Guess I'll stock up on those Boost drinks again to get me by.
So things are still weird around here. Nothing is as it should be. Today was a weird day. I'm feeling confused and upset. Always depressed. Mr. Man still isn't allowed to live here. I can't call long distance on my phone. I still don't have a car. My only friend around here is out of town. My dentures are still uncomfortable. My hair is still a mess. But most of the house is clean and I'm trying to keep it up. Still need to do a ton of laundry. Not spending my life at the trailer any more. Trying to enjoy the rest of the summer but the weather isn't cooperating. I'm worried sick about my daughter. Haven't even heard from Big R in ages.
One day last week my father and sister popped in for a surprise visit. Glad the house was cleaned up. They wanted to take us out for dinner. I didn't want to go. So we agreed to make plans to do it another time. I think my not wanting to go really disappointed my father. That's the last thing I want to do. Just have to make sure we do do it some other time. I missed sending my sister a birthday card. Another disappointment I'm sure. I'm just not on top of things. There's too much going on. My life is too much of a mess to think of the little things.
It's 2 a.m now. I'm not really sleepy at all. I took my sleep aid medication. I'm going to try to sleep. Good night.
Mr. Man is having no luck with the vehicles. He took the truck to work because the alternator on the car was shot. He had to replace the fanbelt on the truck. Then the muffler fell apart. So he fixed up the muffler and he checked the new fan belt only to discover it was being chewed up and he needed to buy another one. As he was leaving the shop the muffler fell apart again. He ended up having to stop at the side of the road to change the fan belt, in the dark, on his way home from work. He took today off to replace the alternator on the car.
Found empty liquor bottles in Little Rs room. She is 15. She smokes cigarettes, she smokes pot and now we know she's drinking too. I smoked and drank at 15. It's such an awful age. But it's not the path I want her to take. Sure I survived. But I think I'd be a much happier person today if I didn't go down that path. I really don't know what to do about it. I'm pretty sure it was my liquor out of my liquor cabinet. Nothing is safe in this house any more. I haven't even confronted her about it yet, because I don't know what to say.
Finally made the appointment to go have my dentures relined. Should have done it months ago. The thing is, when they do it, I will have to be without them for a couple of days. That could be traumatic. I guess I'll have to hide out in the house and hope nobody comes to the door. And not eat. Guess I'll stock up on those Boost drinks again to get me by.
So things are still weird around here. Nothing is as it should be. Today was a weird day. I'm feeling confused and upset. Always depressed. Mr. Man still isn't allowed to live here. I can't call long distance on my phone. I still don't have a car. My only friend around here is out of town. My dentures are still uncomfortable. My hair is still a mess. But most of the house is clean and I'm trying to keep it up. Still need to do a ton of laundry. Not spending my life at the trailer any more. Trying to enjoy the rest of the summer but the weather isn't cooperating. I'm worried sick about my daughter. Haven't even heard from Big R in ages.
One day last week my father and sister popped in for a surprise visit. Glad the house was cleaned up. They wanted to take us out for dinner. I didn't want to go. So we agreed to make plans to do it another time. I think my not wanting to go really disappointed my father. That's the last thing I want to do. Just have to make sure we do do it some other time. I missed sending my sister a birthday card. Another disappointment I'm sure. I'm just not on top of things. There's too much going on. My life is too much of a mess to think of the little things.
It's 2 a.m now. I'm not really sleepy at all. I took my sleep aid medication. I'm going to try to sleep. Good night.
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