Bored To Tears
Mr. Man didn't make that mistake again, he got me up this morning, at 4 a.m. Here it is almost 7 a.m, he left at 5. I've been sitting here alone for 2 hours. I'm absolutely bored to tears with the computer. I just don't know what to do with it any more. I've tried reading blogs, but no one has updated lately. I turned on the tv only to find the satelite is down, again. Another day in the ghost town of paradise with no tv. I am going stir crazy. I could go read my book, but frankly it isn't that interesting. I like to read in bed, not sure why, but it always just puts me to sleep. I don't want to sleep the day away. I'm not even sleepy. So I've perused all my favourite sites. Now what? It's still dark out. I'm on my third cup of coffee. Even though we paid the phone bill off, I still can't call long distance. My sister is a morning person, if only I could call her. No one is on messenger to chat with. Mr. Man is at work and we've exchanged emails already. He's at work, he doesn't have time to type long drawn out emails. I've posted a bunch of things on Freecycle. Right now the things are all piled on my diningroom table, waiting to be picked up, but so far no takers. I could dig out some stuff to post on ebay. But I'd have to take pictures of it first and this isn't a good time of day to post a listing. It's more of an evening thing. I could think about what to make for dinner tonight, but by dinner time I'll be exhausted and won't want to cook. I used to cook and clean. I used to care about my house. I used to be able to occupy myself all day long. And I was happy. Mr. Man thinks I have the "winter blahs". I think there's more to it than that. I think I'm bored senseless. I used to be happy being a homemaker. And I did all the things I was supposed to do. I now cringe at just the thought of doing housework or cooking. I feel absolutely caged. Trapped in a world of my own making. The other night when I took off, I was thankful the roads were clear. It's been quite a while since I drove, especially at night. That's one thing I really miss, having a car. At least then I would get out of the house. I could go visit the couple of friends I do have. I could go to town and shop or browse. Yeah, I really miss having a car. It's very difficult to live in the middle of nowhere without a car. I'm trapped in the house. There's nowhere to walk to. I have no friends in this town any more. The couple of friends I do have live in other towns. I've lost a lot of friends over the last couple of years. I miss them. It's hard to make new friends when you're trapped in your house all the time.
It's finally light outside. I looked out, and I used to love the view, now it just looks lonely and desolate. It looks like it might snow today. I haven't checked the forecast, so I don't know if they're calling for snow or not, it just looks like it might. I haven't even seen any snowmobilers this year. There are groomed trails all around our place and usually I see them all the time, but this year I haven't seen one. Mind you I haven't spent much time at the kitchen sink gazing out the window either.
I don't even walk the dog any more because of the trauma of him ripping the leash out of my hand and attacking another dog. I just can't do it. Thankfully T takes him out for walks once in a while.
I don't even walk over to the mailbox any more. Maybe once every two weeks I'll go check the mail. And I don't even get dressed to do it, I throw my coat and boots on over my jammies.
I still pretty much live in my jammies. I don't get dressed unless I know I have to go somewhere. Like yesterday, going to the doctor. I was trying to have that appointment rescheduled, I didn't want to go. I didn't feel like showering and getting dressed. But Mr. Man talked me into it. Better to get it over with and find out what's going on with my cervix. So I'm glad I went, it was good news. And rather than have Mr. Man drive T down to work, then drive all the way back up here to take me to the doctor, then drive all the way back down to the city for work, and then drive home again, my good friend SW offered to take me to the doctor. Saved Mr. Man a ton of driving. Thank you SW.
I'm planning a little something for Mr. Mans birthday but because he reads this I can't go into detail. I only hope that when the time comes, he will just cooperate. It gives me something to think about and to look forward to. And I need a little of that.
I'm now on my 5th coffee. It's daylight. Little R is still in bed. I've let the dog out back. I've emptied all the trash cans around the house. I've exchanged a couple of emails with Mr. Man. But the tv still doesn't work. I still don't know what to do with myself. I have no energy. I have no inspiration. I was getting a little upset. I was crying, I do a lot of that. So I took a couple of my pills that calm me down. Now I'm feeling a little sleepy. All I can imagine is going up to bed. But that's really the last thing I want to do. I suppose I could fold and put away laundry. There's always a ton of that to do. But as I've mentioned, my drawers are full. On my way upstairs to make my 5th coffee I noticed there were coats hanging on just about every chair in the diningroom and kitchen. We have a coat closet. But you know what? It's packed full too. We have far too many coats. But we do use them all. But I'm the only one who actually hangs a coat in the closet. There's also tons of shoes and boots cluttered by the front door. From the looks of it you would think eight people live here, not four. I just don't know what to do with them all. So it's just a cluttered mess that drives me crazy. Again with the boots and shoes, we do use them all.
I know it's nearing the end of January and Christmas is long past, but I am still so upset and disappointed. I just can't help feeling like I missed the whole thing. There are no signs of Christmas left in the house. Well maybe a couple of little things here and there, but the majority of it is all packed away until next year. I feel ripped off. I don't think we spent our nice long holiday the way we normally would have. I think having T here with his negative attitude played a big part. I thought having him here would make it more fun, boy was I wrong about that. Things just weren't the same. I'm really hoping to do it right this year.
So these are my thoughts on this desolate Wednesday morning in January. I'm determined not to go to bed today. I want to accomplish something, anything. I want to find something to occupy my brain. I may even cook dinner, out of pure boredom. The laundry is calling to me now. I'm off to start my day, though it really started at 4 a.m. Have a great day and may you not be bored to tears.
It's finally light outside. I looked out, and I used to love the view, now it just looks lonely and desolate. It looks like it might snow today. I haven't checked the forecast, so I don't know if they're calling for snow or not, it just looks like it might. I haven't even seen any snowmobilers this year. There are groomed trails all around our place and usually I see them all the time, but this year I haven't seen one. Mind you I haven't spent much time at the kitchen sink gazing out the window either.
I don't even walk the dog any more because of the trauma of him ripping the leash out of my hand and attacking another dog. I just can't do it. Thankfully T takes him out for walks once in a while.
I don't even walk over to the mailbox any more. Maybe once every two weeks I'll go check the mail. And I don't even get dressed to do it, I throw my coat and boots on over my jammies.
I still pretty much live in my jammies. I don't get dressed unless I know I have to go somewhere. Like yesterday, going to the doctor. I was trying to have that appointment rescheduled, I didn't want to go. I didn't feel like showering and getting dressed. But Mr. Man talked me into it. Better to get it over with and find out what's going on with my cervix. So I'm glad I went, it was good news. And rather than have Mr. Man drive T down to work, then drive all the way back up here to take me to the doctor, then drive all the way back down to the city for work, and then drive home again, my good friend SW offered to take me to the doctor. Saved Mr. Man a ton of driving. Thank you SW.
I'm planning a little something for Mr. Mans birthday but because he reads this I can't go into detail. I only hope that when the time comes, he will just cooperate. It gives me something to think about and to look forward to. And I need a little of that.
I'm now on my 5th coffee. It's daylight. Little R is still in bed. I've let the dog out back. I've emptied all the trash cans around the house. I've exchanged a couple of emails with Mr. Man. But the tv still doesn't work. I still don't know what to do with myself. I have no energy. I have no inspiration. I was getting a little upset. I was crying, I do a lot of that. So I took a couple of my pills that calm me down. Now I'm feeling a little sleepy. All I can imagine is going up to bed. But that's really the last thing I want to do. I suppose I could fold and put away laundry. There's always a ton of that to do. But as I've mentioned, my drawers are full. On my way upstairs to make my 5th coffee I noticed there were coats hanging on just about every chair in the diningroom and kitchen. We have a coat closet. But you know what? It's packed full too. We have far too many coats. But we do use them all. But I'm the only one who actually hangs a coat in the closet. There's also tons of shoes and boots cluttered by the front door. From the looks of it you would think eight people live here, not four. I just don't know what to do with them all. So it's just a cluttered mess that drives me crazy. Again with the boots and shoes, we do use them all.
I know it's nearing the end of January and Christmas is long past, but I am still so upset and disappointed. I just can't help feeling like I missed the whole thing. There are no signs of Christmas left in the house. Well maybe a couple of little things here and there, but the majority of it is all packed away until next year. I feel ripped off. I don't think we spent our nice long holiday the way we normally would have. I think having T here with his negative attitude played a big part. I thought having him here would make it more fun, boy was I wrong about that. Things just weren't the same. I'm really hoping to do it right this year.
So these are my thoughts on this desolate Wednesday morning in January. I'm determined not to go to bed today. I want to accomplish something, anything. I want to find something to occupy my brain. I may even cook dinner, out of pure boredom. The laundry is calling to me now. I'm off to start my day, though it really started at 4 a.m. Have a great day and may you not be bored to tears.
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