Resolutions, Depression And Getting Rid Of Christmas
I broke my resolution. It didn't take long, like 4 days. But I'm back on track today. I can do it. I'll be ok.
One thing that hasn't changed is, I'm depressed. I think it's after the holidays blues. I feel like I missed the holidays. It's like it never happened. Now I have to wait a whole year to try again. It's odd that I didn't post any photos of the holidays or my decorating. I actually didn't take very many pictures. The whole thing was kind of a let down. There was no Christmas spirit in this house. Posting pictures usually helps me to relive the good times. It wasn't such a good time. I'm sadder now than I was before the holidays.
The last thing I need is to have a depressed person living with me. That's what I've got. I believe my brother-in-law is depressed. He sleeps most of the day away. When he first came here we kept busy and did stuff together. Now we hardly speak to each other and he sleeps as much as possible. I don't see him all day. There's stuff I need him to do. Right now I'm burning the last of the firewood and I need him to bring some in from outside. I undecorated the real tree and he was supposed to take it out two days ago, but it's still sitting here. I understand he's down about being out of work. But I think the bigger issue is there's no booze. We've run out of booze money. If there was alcohol he would be up. It's so sad. I really don't need this. Things are just getting really tense around here. Mr. Man and I got into a fight last weekend because of his brother. Things have been tense ever since. This morning we were all up and having coffee together, as soon as Mr. Man left for work, T went right back to bed. I know I should just go about my life, but I have no life. And there's glaring things like the undecorated tree waiting to be taken out that I can't do. It looks like I'll end up bringing in firewood soon. But that is a guys job. How did I end up here? A depressed person with another depressed person living in my house. It's just not cool. Mr. Man thought he could get him a job but that didn't pan out after all. I don't know what to do. It's just making me more depressed.
We went to family counselling yesterday. It was snowing quite heavily. The roads were a mess. Mr. Man ended up just taking the whole day off work. He was planning to go in after counselling, but our session took longer than expected and the roads were so bad, it just didn't make sense for him to go all the way down there just for a couple of hours of work. We got quite a bit of snow dumped on us. At least T did shovel the driveway.
My hands are a real mess. Since I got the dentures I can no longer bite my fingernails. They grow quite long and I have to clip them. They were long and needing a clipping and I broke 2 of them on two different ocassions. Then I sliced one of my fingers open while cutting potatoes. So I have blood and cuts and broken nails and bandaids and all my fingers hurt. I clipped them last night. I hate clipping them. But it has to be done.
I have a ton of laundry to fold and put away. After the little flood in the basement a couple of weeks ago, I had to do all the laundry that was on the floor. We had a ton of rain and it was melting the piles of snow and our basement leaked. There was piles of dirty laundry on the floor. It got soaked and had to be done before it got moldy. So now I have piles upon piles to fold and put away. That's something I'll be doing today.
I kind of want all signs of Christmas gone. It just provokes sad memories. My sister died on the 11th and the more time that passes the more I think about her. The more I want to feel the Christmas spirit the more it eludes me. I'm going to go about it in a different way this year. I have a whole year to get myself ready to receive the Christmas spirit. I do not want a repeat of 2008 or 2007. For now I need to move on. I have Mr. Mans birthday coming up. I'd like to do something special for that. But the reality is we probably won't be able to have a party. It's on a Friday. We'll see. Then there's Family Day. That's a welcome long weekend in February. Last year was the first time for this new "holiday". I am looking forward to it this year. I'm hoping the rest of the winter will just fly by. I think it will. Before I know it, it will be spring again. I'm going to take care of my gardens this year. Last year was a write off just with all that was going on with Mr. Man not being allowed to live at home and stuff. I was hardly home all summer. The gardens suffered. Yes this year is going to be different, better. Just thinking about the future has made me feel better this morning.
Well Uncle T is actually up now. I'm going to see if I can put him to work and get some stuff done around here. I really want to get rid of all the Christmas stuff. I have to get to work on that laundry. Have a great day. I'm really going to try to have a good day.
One thing that hasn't changed is, I'm depressed. I think it's after the holidays blues. I feel like I missed the holidays. It's like it never happened. Now I have to wait a whole year to try again. It's odd that I didn't post any photos of the holidays or my decorating. I actually didn't take very many pictures. The whole thing was kind of a let down. There was no Christmas spirit in this house. Posting pictures usually helps me to relive the good times. It wasn't such a good time. I'm sadder now than I was before the holidays.
The last thing I need is to have a depressed person living with me. That's what I've got. I believe my brother-in-law is depressed. He sleeps most of the day away. When he first came here we kept busy and did stuff together. Now we hardly speak to each other and he sleeps as much as possible. I don't see him all day. There's stuff I need him to do. Right now I'm burning the last of the firewood and I need him to bring some in from outside. I undecorated the real tree and he was supposed to take it out two days ago, but it's still sitting here. I understand he's down about being out of work. But I think the bigger issue is there's no booze. We've run out of booze money. If there was alcohol he would be up. It's so sad. I really don't need this. Things are just getting really tense around here. Mr. Man and I got into a fight last weekend because of his brother. Things have been tense ever since. This morning we were all up and having coffee together, as soon as Mr. Man left for work, T went right back to bed. I know I should just go about my life, but I have no life. And there's glaring things like the undecorated tree waiting to be taken out that I can't do. It looks like I'll end up bringing in firewood soon. But that is a guys job. How did I end up here? A depressed person with another depressed person living in my house. It's just not cool. Mr. Man thought he could get him a job but that didn't pan out after all. I don't know what to do. It's just making me more depressed.
We went to family counselling yesterday. It was snowing quite heavily. The roads were a mess. Mr. Man ended up just taking the whole day off work. He was planning to go in after counselling, but our session took longer than expected and the roads were so bad, it just didn't make sense for him to go all the way down there just for a couple of hours of work. We got quite a bit of snow dumped on us. At least T did shovel the driveway.
My hands are a real mess. Since I got the dentures I can no longer bite my fingernails. They grow quite long and I have to clip them. They were long and needing a clipping and I broke 2 of them on two different ocassions. Then I sliced one of my fingers open while cutting potatoes. So I have blood and cuts and broken nails and bandaids and all my fingers hurt. I clipped them last night. I hate clipping them. But it has to be done.
I have a ton of laundry to fold and put away. After the little flood in the basement a couple of weeks ago, I had to do all the laundry that was on the floor. We had a ton of rain and it was melting the piles of snow and our basement leaked. There was piles of dirty laundry on the floor. It got soaked and had to be done before it got moldy. So now I have piles upon piles to fold and put away. That's something I'll be doing today.
I kind of want all signs of Christmas gone. It just provokes sad memories. My sister died on the 11th and the more time that passes the more I think about her. The more I want to feel the Christmas spirit the more it eludes me. I'm going to go about it in a different way this year. I have a whole year to get myself ready to receive the Christmas spirit. I do not want a repeat of 2008 or 2007. For now I need to move on. I have Mr. Mans birthday coming up. I'd like to do something special for that. But the reality is we probably won't be able to have a party. It's on a Friday. We'll see. Then there's Family Day. That's a welcome long weekend in February. Last year was the first time for this new "holiday". I am looking forward to it this year. I'm hoping the rest of the winter will just fly by. I think it will. Before I know it, it will be spring again. I'm going to take care of my gardens this year. Last year was a write off just with all that was going on with Mr. Man not being allowed to live at home and stuff. I was hardly home all summer. The gardens suffered. Yes this year is going to be different, better. Just thinking about the future has made me feel better this morning.
Well Uncle T is actually up now. I'm going to see if I can put him to work and get some stuff done around here. I really want to get rid of all the Christmas stuff. I have to get to work on that laundry. Have a great day. I'm really going to try to have a good day.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home