Unloading

I'm a mess. PMS. I feel sick, emotionally and physically. My nerves are fried too. This last couple of months having Hubby home has been like culture shock. I don't really talk about it much on here, but our life is really a mess right now. We're under a great deal of stress. Add to that being caged in at home with Hubby, and all the extra driving going to appointments almost every day. This knee thing has compounded the back thing. The stress of the pending and impending lawsuit. The stress of paying all the bills AND paying for all the medications. The uncertainty of our future is just maddening. There is just so much going on and yet we're in this limbo-like state, paralyzed with uncertainty. Hubby wants to go back to work, but he isn't physically in condition for it, and the doctors are in agreement with that. His boss isn't making it very attractive for him to go back either. Financially, he NEEDS to go back to work. I'm not there when he sees the doctor, or when he's in physiotherapy. I don't hear what's going on. Sure I drive him around, but then I go do my own thing, rather than sitting in the waiting rooms. I'm not in on all the communications with the lawyer. I only hear Hubby's version of what's going on. And he isn't real clear on that himself. We're home together most of the time, just in each others faces. The novelty has worn off. We've never been through any type of lawsuit before, its all new to us, we have no idea what to expect at each turn. It's very hard on the nerves. We can't make any solid plans. Our future is up in the air. It's all very hard.
So I guess the way I alleviate stress is to shop, to spend money. Well that's ONE way. And it's the wrong way. It just adds to the stress in the long run, just compounds everything. I'm constantly adding to the clutter effect. I'm so manic about it. It takes my mind off of the stress, ever so briefly. What else am I going to do while Hubby is at his appointments? Besides, going to town leads to shopping, it's only natural. It's a way of getting out of the house too. I have culture shock, cabin fever and PMS. And my future is very murky at this point.
I've been quite anti-social too. Don't feel like seeing or talking to anyone. It's got to stop. None of my distractions are working for me.
So there, I've unloaded my grief. I try to sound upbeat. I try to relax and count my blessings. I try to see the humour in things. I try to see the cup half full. Sometimes it's difficult to keep doing that. Sometimes it's just overwhelming.
Have a nice weekend.