Do You Think Food Might Elevate My Mood?

I went to bed super early last night so of course I was awake super early this morning. Like 3:30 a.m early. I tried to go back to sleep but not a chance. So I got up, made a coffee and came down to the computer. I started going through my photos, thinking this would be a good time to continue adding pictures to the photo album on my personal website. There was a particular picture I had in mind. Do you think I could find it? I have hundreds of photos on this computer. They are somewhat disorganized. Mostly they are stored by the date that they were loaded onto the computer. But at some point I had tried to organize them. Ha! All I managed to do was make a mess of it. Also there are some that are on the other, older computer. I thought I had transferred them all but maybe not. So I've just spent an hour trying to locate one lousy picture, with no luck. I have a feeling I posted it here on the blog though, at the time it was taken. I may have to scan through my archives, just to satisfy my compulsive desire to find the damn thing. Unreal. It's funny how looking at photos conjures up feelings. I can look at a picture and remember how I felt at the time it was taken. I can remember the day and what was going on and who was there and all of that. But without the photo I may not remember it at all. I have a feeling I'm going to obsess all morning until I find that picture, ugh.

Yesterday was a mixed day. I felt the usual depressed and lonely, but I really tried not to feel that way. I had Little R here with me all day, which is different. I hardly see her lately with her job at the fry wagon and the 4-H, and when she's not doing that she's out with her friends. I felt overwhelmed with the house. I felt isolated with no wheels. I felt highly emotional with PMS. But I did do a little puttering, baby steps. I couldn't cut the grass because there's no gas in the lawnmower and I have no way of going to get gas. I couldn't do laundry because there's something wrong with the dryer and I don't need a dryer fire. We had one of those with our last dryer, no thanks. I was limited in what I could do, even though I finally felt like doing something. At one point I let the dogs out back and Edwad immediately bolted. Usually I carry him out and hook him up to the tether, but once in a while I just let him walk out on his own and usually he'll come to me without incident. Well he bolted, and he wouldn't come to me. Eventually he found his way out to the main road. He was very lucky he didn't get hit or run over. I ended up standing at the back of the yard shaking a box of dog cookies to get his attention and to get him to come to me. It worked. He won't be getting the chance to do that again. He'll be carried out or on a leash.

All in all in was a weird, crappy day. I did however cook dinner which I haven't done in ages. For months its been fend for yourself or eating out or Mr. Man cooks. I don't like cooking at the best of times, so you can imagine when I'm in a funky depression. My poor starving family. I honestly think that's part of my problem, not eating right. I basically live on potato chips, microwave popcorn and fruit (and coffee and cigarettes). Now that I've said it out loud, it's time to address the situation. I need to start taking care of myself as in eating properly. I'll probably feel a lot better for it. Duh. Some days I'll eat nothing at all, basically. The last couple of days I've been forcing myself to eat something, even if its just a peanut butter and jam sandwich. But I have noticed I do feel a little better when I eat something. In an effort to feel better I promise to start eating better.

Thank God it's Friday. This has felt like a really long week. Little R has a 4-H show today. I just had a panic about her whites. I haven't washed them (because of the dryer), I hadn't really thought about it. I missed this show last year because a) I just had all my back teeth pulled and b) I had bronchitis. I don't know why they insist on having it on a Friday, many parents work, some parents don't have cars, why can't they just do it Saturday or Sunday like everyone else? So I just woke her up to locate her whites and it turns out she cleaned them herself (which may explain why theres suddenly something wrong with my dryer!)...end of panic. This is the last long weekend until Thanksgiving, ugh. So many plans and so little time.

Here's a couple of pictures of a hummingbird, the best I could do...

Have a lovely day. I'll be busy hunting down a lousy photograph.