I Am Thankful And Blessed

I know I've been awfully whiney lately. Part of the reason behind blogging is, for me anyways, venting. It's therapeutic. Sometimes it helps to just let things out. Some posts are done out of pure boredom. Those would be the painfully boring entries. But hey, that doesn't stop people from reading it all. So how come no one comments? Is it because they don't want to encourage me? Obviously the lack of comments doesn't deter me, because basically, I do it for myself. Sure, Mr. Man and S.W and Big R comment to me in person, just saying, it would be nice to see actual comments on the blog sometimes. I had hoped to connect with people through my blog.

There's a lot of stuff in my life which I can't blog about. Not everything is fit for public consumption, and scrutiny. Other than that, my life is quite empty and boring. I spend my days at home, alone, reading blogs, watching television, and wishing someone would come and clean my house. I used to have a social life. I used to have friends. I used to keep in touch with my family. I used to feel blessed. Then I fell into a funk. It became a deep depression. If you've never experienced depression then you probably don't understand it. It's not something you can just snap out of. It's not something I can control, it controls me. But I think I'm learning to fight it. Or it could just be that I'm not PMSing this week. PMS and depression together are deadly. Lately, I've read enough blogs to see that I'm not alone. Lots of people out there suffer with depression and PMS. That helped me too. I'm starting to feel the depression lifting.

And then of course I have to get sick. I can barely breathe. I have an appointment at my doctors office with a nurse practitioner on Thursday. I don't know if that is going to help me. I hope so. Last year when I had bronchitis I was so sick I went to the hospital rather than wait to see my doctor. I'm hoping this isn't bronchitis again, but have a feeling it is. And yeah I had to have chest xrays. So will the nurse send me for xrays? Then how long before the results come back? Now I'm thinking I would have been better off just going to the hospital again. But I do feel lucky to have got an appointment on Thursday, because on Thursday I have an afternoon appointment to get my health card renewed. This way Mr. Man will only miss one more day of work rather than two. He seems to miss a lot of days for all our various appointments and that's not cool with a new job.

Back to my depression lifting. Part of it seems to be all about how one thinks. You think negative and pessimistic and you feel depressed. You think positive and optimistic and you feel less depressed. So that's what I've been trying to do. I used to think positive, not sure what happened, why the pity party started. But I've been trying to think good thoughts. Trying to think about things other than how crappy I feel. Looking for things to look forward to. Counting my blessings. I used to feel so blessed because I was able to be home surrounded by the things I love, doing the things I love to do. Somewhere along the way over this summer I lost sight of all that. And now I'm starting to see it again. I am blessed. I have it pretty good. Nothing is perfect, including me and my life. But it's pretty good. I just need to remember that every day.

I don't know what happened to me this summer. I don't know what made me stop counting my blessings and start feeling self pity. I know I became very lonely when Mr. Man went back to work after being home for several months. He really is my best friend and I enjoyed spending all my time with him. I really missed him when he went back to work. It's funny because the first little while he was home I felt all messed up having him home all the time. But I sure did get used to it. I now think that's all it was. The upheaval of first suddenly having him home for many months and then suddenly he was gone again. And now I'm getting back into the swing of being home alone.

I have plenty to be thankful for. Again, nothing is perfect, but nothing is drastically wrong either. Mr. Man goes to work each day and I miss my best friend, but I still see him every morning and every evening and every weekend. He goes to work to earn money so that we can live our life. Even though he isn't making as much per hour as he was at his old job, he is happier with this job, less stress, less physical pain and once the benefits kick in that will make a difference in our finances, not having to pay for all of our prescriptions. It's all working out and falling into place. It was a positive change.

So even though I'm sick, I'm feeling better emotionally. I'm ready to get back on track. I'm ready to blog about good times. I've gained some inspiration from other blogs. I would really appreciate some encouragement from the people in my life who read this, in the form of comments. So come on people, won't you bless me with your comments please?