If I Could Turn Back Time

It's 4 a.m on Sunday morning. We just sat through about 3 hours of home movies. There was one of Little R in a 4-H show last year. Mr. Man did most of the filming and doesn't even remember doing it. That was the time she came in first place three times. Nice to have that on film. The other one was 2 hours of Christmas 2005. Those were good times. I really miss sitting around shooting the breeze with the nextdoor neighbours. We used to do that A LOT. I also noticed Bear has gained a lot of weight since then. He doesn't get out for nearly as much walking, or running around, as he did a couple of years ago. That's my fault. I feel guilty as hell now that I've seen the difference in his lifestyle. Poor thing. I'm going to make an honest effort to get him back out for more walks. I think I'll go nextdoor and invite her over for coffee in the near future too. It's been too long. It was very nostalgic watching those tapes.

I never did hear anything back from the Friday Freecyclers. Jeez. However I did get rid of some other stuff on Saturday as well as drop a load off at the thrift store. Yay me. We finally took down our shade tent thingy and got it put away for the winter. I also planted the lily I bought a couple of months ago. In the process I had to dig up the Easter Lily which I planted in the spring but just started coming up. It must have been in a bad spot to take that long to come up.

Mr. Man went straight to bed as soon as the home movies were over. Here I am still wide awake. What does one do at 4 a.m? I'm feeling all emotional. If I could turn back time...

I miss Big R, I can't wait to see her in November. But then, that's probably the last time I'll see her for a long time. I can't deal with that thought. I can't imagine Christmas without her. Well, I can, but I don't like to. She is down there with her dad and his extensive family. Don't know if I mentioned here already that she got a job. So it looks like she'll be staying. She hasn't been gone that long but it feels like long enough for me. The last time I saw her was the day Bear got into a confrontation. I've been paranoid about taking him out ever since. Because I lost control of him and I'm afraid of that happening again. But it isn't fair to him. He was just being a dog. But it kind of marred our last visit together. That and Little R being late getting home from her first day of high school. It wasn't the best day.

Earlier in the evening we watched Wild Hogs. We had heard it was a good movie and very funny. We were disappointed. It could have been much funnier. And they could have at least used super cool bikes.

Well, I think I should try to get some sleep. Though I'm still not sleepy at all. After an almost all nighter Mr. Man has to go work on the truck in the morning. Come Monday I have to call the dentist and make an appointment to have the rest of my teeth pulled out. I know I'll feel better being able to smile freely again. But I'm just terrified of getting knocked out again and of having all my teeth gone. Once they're gone, that's it, there's no turning back. I guess I just have to focus on the end result, rather than my fear. It's just kind of hard for me to see the positives right now. I need to remember how to do that, how to focus on the good things. I seem to have fallen into the old routine of thinking negative and dwelling on it. Thus the funk from hell. It has let up somewhat the last couple of weeks, but it's still there, lurking, waiting for the chance to envelope me. I know from watching those movies that I have been happy and am capable of feeling happy. That's all I want. To feel happy again. I might be happier after some sleep lol. Good night.