Drowning In Depression

I am even more depressed now than I was before. I was hoping with the new year I'd have a new start. Nothing has changed. Except that maybe I feel even worse. I can't explain it. There is no real reason for it. I feel stir crazy without a car, very isolated. Mr. Man went out to work on the truck yesterday, finally, and now it seems theres something wrong with the alternator. So he'll be taking it to get it fixed today. As soon as that truck is ready, that means I can have my car. It's been way too long.

The house is a shambles. It seems any effort I make to clean it up goes unnoticed. Its that time again that I am looking forward to having a yard sale in the spring. I believe that will make a world of difference just getting rid of some clutter. After the yard sale we're getting a dumpster and getting rid of a lot of stuff. I think the cluttered condition of the house is a major factor in my depression.

I seem to be surrounded by negative people. Thats never a good thing. People who want to treat me badly. People who have negative life experiences going on in their lives. I'm about to lose my only friend left in town. She is moving to town. So she won't be right there for me any more. I feel so lonely and isolated its killing me.

I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've taken the dogs for a walk in the last few months. Ever since the incident where Bear went ballistic on that other dog, I've been afraid to take them out. I've hardly left the house myself at all, except to go grocery shopping with Mr. Man and things like that. It seems like every time I leave the house I have some neighbour wanting to tell me what a menace my dog is. Last night is a good example. There I was minding my own business, putting out the garbage. I had Eddie with me as he had snuck out the door behind me. I figured it wouldn't do any harm to have him out there with me. Next thing I know I have a neighbour telling me how Bear "came after her" and that she would be happy to buy him a muzzle. And of course she brought up the incident of him going after that other dog saying he bit that lady. No he didn't bite her, her own dog bit her. There was just no arguing or reasoning with this woman. She said she was trying to be a good neighbour. I can't even leave the house without these people accosting me. Not even to put my garbage out, never mind actually walking the dogs down the street. That was how that whole incident started. These two women started hollering and yelling at me and Bear reacted, he pulled the leash right out of my hand. If they weren't freaking out on me he would have ignored them. But its my dogs who are suffering, they don't get out for walks any more. It used to be every day, now its rarely. And thats why, I get accosted every single time. I enjoy walking with the dogs. I need it as much as they do.

We finally got the Christmas trees taken down. Not bad, late yes, but we've left them later than this before. I really dislike taking them down. There's different reasons for that. I hate to see the end of the holidays for one thing. I hate the hassle of putting everything away again. There's always new stuff to add to the packing away, so this year I'm going to need yet another box for it all. Since I wasn't really into Christmas this time it isn't killing me to put it all away. I'm glad to see it going actually. I'm very sad about all that too. The whole season went by and I didn't feel a thing. That's never happened to me before. So I can only hope this year will be better. I'm hoping for a better year. I'm hoping for some changes. Only I can change myself. The biggest thing is pulling out of this depression.

Guys, plug your ears, cover your eyes. I am now in month 3 without a period. So that means something is wrong or I'm starting menopause. I'm very worried about this and plan on seeing the doctor about it soon. My dentures are still very uncomfortable. I think I need another adjustment. I'm able to eat more things, but some things are just painful to eat. I'm kind of wishing I never went ahead with it. But that's negative thinking, so I try to adjust and accept. I'm trying.

My latest addiction is online Scrabble. I've been playing nonstop. I can't get enough. I've usually got about 10 games on the go at once. Day and night, there's someone to play with. I'm sure the novelty will wear off eventually like everything else.

I've barely touched my new laptop. I think I'll go on it today while no one is home wanting to use the other computers.

So thats about it. I can't even think of anything amusing that has happened recently though I'm sure there is something. I'm just drowning in my depression. That's why I haven't posted anything for so long. I need to get away from all the negativity surrounding me. I need to get away from this house once in a while.

So until next time, have a great day and be happy.