Is There A Black Cloud Hanging Over My Head?
Greetings. Well on Tuesday night Little R phoned and asked us to come pick her up like nothing had happened. So she's back home now. I called the police and cancelled the missing person report. But it has not been a good week. I don't know what my child is thinking. She is out of control. And Mr. Man has had trouble holding his temper. I don't know what he is thinking either. They are both driving me crazy. It was a bad week.
I feel the depression setting in again. I am fighting it. But sometimes it's just so much easier to crawl into bed and sleep it all away. I've been sleeping a lot again lately. But I did spend some time and energy cleaning the house yesterday. All that's left is the kitchen. I don't include the bedrooms and basement, that will just never be done.
I invited several people to our bonfire but so far only one couple can make it. So it's going to be a quiet fire. I've even debated cancelling it, for a time when more people can come, but who knows if we'll have any more nice weather for it.
Even when it's nice outside it's cold in the house. I've been freezing for weeks. I don't get out of the house. I used to love fall and even winter too, now I'm dreading it. I used to look forward to all the holidays, Thanksgiving, Halloween and Christmas, now it all seems like a big pain. It looks like we're having a few people up for Thanksgiving, more to celebrate my birthday which falls on Thanksgiving day this year. I'm kind of looking forward to it, but I'm kind of dreading it too. It's been so long, or so it seems, since I had a dinner with guests. I think we had the SW family here for Thanksgiving dinner last year. And I attempted to recreate the Pumpkin Delight dessert that Big R had made the year before. Ah well, I may even try it again this year. I don't like pumpkin pie. But I love this dessert. Or maybe we'll just have birthday cake. I always find it awkward celebrating my birthday. I don't want to get older. And because it's always tied in with Thanksgiving. I wasn't really planning this, then Cathy suggested it and I went along with it. But the way I'm feeling right now, I'm not really into it. When the time comes I will feel more into it I'm sure.
I'm just depressed. I haven't been feeling well lately. I even fainted the other day. I don't take care of myself. I don't eat properly, if at all. It's all part of the depression. I want to feel excited about the upcoming dinner party. One person who is coming is my old friend who I haven't seen in like 20 years. We've been talking almost daily on Facebook. I should be excited to be seeing her. But for whatever reason, I don't feel excited about anything any more. I feel like there's a black cloud hanging over my head. It's hard to go about life like usual when you have a teenager who's out of control. We never know what to expect from her next. Then there's the business with Mr. Man, still unsettled. Life is just turmoil. So I guess it's hard to make plans when you don't know what may be happening in your life when the time comes.
Today is supposed to be nice. I hope to get outside in the sunshine. I've been up since 4 a.m. That seems to be the new wake up time. Hopefully I'll have energy left for the bonfire tonight. I don't feel good right now. Maybe I'll go back to bed for a bit. Have a great day.
I feel the depression setting in again. I am fighting it. But sometimes it's just so much easier to crawl into bed and sleep it all away. I've been sleeping a lot again lately. But I did spend some time and energy cleaning the house yesterday. All that's left is the kitchen. I don't include the bedrooms and basement, that will just never be done.
I invited several people to our bonfire but so far only one couple can make it. So it's going to be a quiet fire. I've even debated cancelling it, for a time when more people can come, but who knows if we'll have any more nice weather for it.
Even when it's nice outside it's cold in the house. I've been freezing for weeks. I don't get out of the house. I used to love fall and even winter too, now I'm dreading it. I used to look forward to all the holidays, Thanksgiving, Halloween and Christmas, now it all seems like a big pain. It looks like we're having a few people up for Thanksgiving, more to celebrate my birthday which falls on Thanksgiving day this year. I'm kind of looking forward to it, but I'm kind of dreading it too. It's been so long, or so it seems, since I had a dinner with guests. I think we had the SW family here for Thanksgiving dinner last year. And I attempted to recreate the Pumpkin Delight dessert that Big R had made the year before. Ah well, I may even try it again this year. I don't like pumpkin pie. But I love this dessert. Or maybe we'll just have birthday cake. I always find it awkward celebrating my birthday. I don't want to get older. And because it's always tied in with Thanksgiving. I wasn't really planning this, then Cathy suggested it and I went along with it. But the way I'm feeling right now, I'm not really into it. When the time comes I will feel more into it I'm sure.
I'm just depressed. I haven't been feeling well lately. I even fainted the other day. I don't take care of myself. I don't eat properly, if at all. It's all part of the depression. I want to feel excited about the upcoming dinner party. One person who is coming is my old friend who I haven't seen in like 20 years. We've been talking almost daily on Facebook. I should be excited to be seeing her. But for whatever reason, I don't feel excited about anything any more. I feel like there's a black cloud hanging over my head. It's hard to go about life like usual when you have a teenager who's out of control. We never know what to expect from her next. Then there's the business with Mr. Man, still unsettled. Life is just turmoil. So I guess it's hard to make plans when you don't know what may be happening in your life when the time comes.
Today is supposed to be nice. I hope to get outside in the sunshine. I've been up since 4 a.m. That seems to be the new wake up time. Hopefully I'll have energy left for the bonfire tonight. I don't feel good right now. Maybe I'll go back to bed for a bit. Have a great day.
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