Friends and "Friends"

Mr. Man has had several people from childhood and school look him up on Facebook. There was one guy that they used to have combined birthday parties together. He invited us out to celebrate their birthdays. Mr. Man had not seen this guy in many many years. So last weekend we went to meet him. We met at Rock & Roll Heaven. I was more than happy to go there because I had never been there before and it's my kind of place. So it was a nice reunion. We had a really good time.

A funny thing happened while we were out on the patio smoking. We ran into another guy Mr. Man knows from years ago. It turned out he is a top promoter in Toronto. He knows EVERYONE. He just started giving Bill all kinds of stuff. Photos, DVDs, tickets and an invite to his birthday party, taking place tonight, hosted by Kim Mitchell. I am so sad that we won't be able to go. Mr. Man has meetings all weekend. We just can't go. I am so disappointed. The photos he gave us are like him with Slash, one of my favourite people, and Alice Cooper, and Axl Rose and people like that. I now have personal pictures of all these people. He also took a couple of pictures of us and I'm still waiting for them to get posted on Facebook. They turned out great. In one of them I have Kid Rocks hat on. I can't wait to see them. I can only hope we'll get invited to other events in the future that we will be able to attend. It was very exciting.

This weekend is all meetings. No fun this weekend. But on the upside that's because our trial for our lawsuit is about to start after 6 years of waiting. We'll be so glad to see the end of that.

I'm in a bit of a mood today. Someone I thought was a friend has seriously disappointed and confused me. As is her way, rather than hear me out or listen to me she just goes off and attacks me. Somehow she turns it all around so I'm the bad guy. All I did was tell her how I feel about her adding someone I can't stand on her facebook. Someone she wouldn't even know if it weren't for me. Someone who beat the snot out of me. I HATE this person. I asked my "friend" why she would add her. She went off about how dare I tell her who she can or cannot be friends with. There is no earthly reason for those 2 to be friends. She's not the type of person my "friend" claims to want in her life. It makes no sense. So now it seems I've lost my friend. I mean she totally attacked me. I told her any friends of hers are no friends of mine, and that sent her off. Said I was giving her an ultimatum and was being juvenile and childish. Bear in mind, me and this friend stop being friends every few years, then we don't talk for a few years, then we reconnect. I really thought it would be different this time. Oh and if you haven't guessed yet, yes it's Cathy. So I don't know how this is going to turn out. But I'm not going to let her bring people into my life even peripherally. I think it's over. I am so hurt, and disappointed, and confused and angry. Friends don't do that to each other.

It just makes me that much more thankful for the other friends I have. People I can trust and count on. People who know how to be loyal and expect nothing less from me. I do know what it's like to have true friends. I do know the difference. In all these years, 37 to be exact, she's never been a true friend. So why did I expect it this time around? Silly me.

Well I can't let it ruin my whole day. I'm sad enough about missing that party tonight. I have laundry to do. Mr. Man needs clean clothes for court. Have a great day.

Which Came First, The Internet Or Depression?

I haven't posted anything in a while, mainly because the depression is slipping back, and I didn't want to go on about that. Interestingly I just now read an article about a study done on the association of depression and the internet. It is clear that people with depression spend a lot of time on the internet. What is not clear is which comes first. Does the internet make people depressed or are depressed people attracted to the internet?

In my own case, I was depressed before I discovered the internet, but I do believe spending all my time on the computer makes my depression worse. I spend all my time sitting at the computer. As soon as I wake up in the morning, I'm online before I make a coffee. I watch tv sitting in front of the computer. I go weeks without leaving the apartment. I go weeks without seeing people other than Mr. Man and Little R. I'd say I'm addicted. And it's been this way for years. I think it has progressed over the years. My life was very different before I had a computer. And over the years the computer has become my life.

It was a year or two ago that it suddenly dawned on me that I had literally spent the past 10 years of my life sitting in front of a computer. I was shocked. I knew it was not a good thing. I think I vowed to change at that time, ha. I don't think it's healthy, physically or mentally. The computer never gets shut off, well, rarely. I've developed an aversion to talking on the phone, I hate it now. If you want to talk to me, send me an email. I think it was around 1996 when we got our first computer. It was a novelty then. Now it's my life. Before computers I was a clean freak. My home was always clean and organized. Now, I simply don't do housework. We rarely have company any more, partly because it means cleaning the place up. On those occassions, when we do have people coming, it's a mad frenzy of cleaning the day before and the day of. Before computers, I used to go for walks, I walked for miles, just for the sake of getting out of the house. Like I said, now I go weeks without leaving the apartment. I only go out if I have to, or if there is an occassion. I used to be very social. Now, not so much. In fact now I find social situations a little awkward. I have nothing to say to anyone. I have nothing to contribute to a conversation. I have no life to talk about.

I've learned a lot on the computer, like how to do things on the computer. But there is still so much I don't know how to do. I've often thought I'd like to take some courses to learn how to do useful things with the computer. But I never seem to get around to it. I mean if I'm going to spend all my time on the computer anyway I should try to find a way to earn money at it.

I want to make a change. I'm actually getting bored with the computer. I don't do that much on it any more. It's just a habit or addiction. I want to start living my life again. I want a clean home. I want to get healthy. I don't want to be depressed. I'm not sure where to begin other than turning the computer off and walking away from it.

With this new wave of depression washing over me I've been missing Bear. I still have a little cry just about every day. He's in my thoughts a lot. I've put on quite a bit of weight since he's been gone, which is since the middle of October. When he was here I was forced to get dressed and get out and walk him every day. I have been getting dressed, but not taking the next step of getting out walking. Getting another dog is not really an option right now. The building is not pet friendly. Besides, I don't think dogs should live in apartments. The end of our lease is nearing, but since we only finished unpacking very recently, I don't look forward to packing and moving again. I think it will depend on finding a better place. If something comes up we'll go for it, if not, we'll stay put, for now.

While perusing the newspaper for jobs for Little R, I saw an ad for selling Avon. So, Little R is now selling Avon. I've never sold Avon before so I'm not familiar with how it all works. So far I'm a little leery. I think you have to sell a hell of a lot to make any money at it. So, we'll see how it goes. I'm sure if she applies herself she'll do ok. And it's something she can continue to do even if she does find an actual job. Wishing her luck and doing all I can to help and support her.

Yesterday was Groundhog Day and I didn't hear a thing about it. I don't know what the prediction is. I'm not too concerned about it anyways. I find the winter isn't so bad if you don't dwell on waiting for spring. We've been getting off pretty lucky so far this winter. There hasn't been much deep freeze weather, a lot of quite mild days and not much snow at all. It's snowing right now in fact, and we have had many snowy days, it just doesn't seem to be accumulating, or it melts with all the mild days.

Some things to look forward to this month, well Valentines Day of course. Mr Man is pretty good about giving me red roses and chocolate and sometimes I even get little gifts or jewellry too. He always gets Little R pink roses and chocolate as well. Also this month is Mr. Man's birthday. I won't be trying to throw him a party, it rarely works out. I asked one person a few weeks ago if they could come, and they said they wouldn't be able to make it, so I just gave up at that point. I'll bake him a cake and try to get him a nice gift. There is something I wanted to get him for Christmas but ran out of money, so maybe I can get it for his birthday. Maybe we can go out for dinner or go to a bar or something. I really need to get out. Then there is also this new Family Day holiday. I'm not even sure what day it is, but I believe it's a long weekend.

And so, that's about all I have to say this morning. I am going to walk away from the computer and get some housework done. Until next time, have a great day.