It Can Still Get Worse

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, guess what, they did. Little R decided she wanted to go live in a foster home. I can't say I blame her. I haven't been much of a mother to her for months now. I've been too wrapped up in my own problems and depression. So a week ago today she left to go live in foster care for three months. I didn't want her to go. I questioned her reasoning. I felt part of the reason was it was a way for her to be in town near her friends and thats all she wanted. I was given the phone number to the foster home and asked to let her contact me first. I was heartbroken. It was one of the worst days of my life. She left me a note in her room. It said she loves me. I know she does and I love her so much. I am just heartbroken. And I'm thinking it just can't get any worse than this. Wrong. The very next day she ran away from the foster home. And she hasn't been found yet. The police are looking for her. Me and Mr. Man have driven around looking for her. The foster mother has driven around looking for her. I didn't get a chance to get over my heartbreak or even get accustomed to her living there. I've been worried sick. It's like a nightmare that just won't stop. Yesterday a warrant was put out on her. I'm not even sure what that means. All I know is I miss her terribly and am so worried about her I can't stand it. The girl has issues. I wasn't even aware of a lot of it. In an effort to find out where she might be, we looked in her messenger history. What an eye opener that was! Also a big fat can of worms. My girl needs help. She is going down the wrong path, fast. We were able to get a few more names from it of friends she might be staying with. But mostly we just got a shocking look into our daughters life. So as of tomorrow it will be a full week that she has been missing. As of today its been a full week that shes been gone and it feels like a lifetime. Of course I'm just a basketcase. Can't sleep, can't eat, can't think. Just waiting for the phone to ring. Waiting to hear that she's been found safe and sound. Meanwhile, there's light at the end of the tunnel for Mr. Man coming home. It might happen next week. My life is falling apart. Thank God for Lorazepam.

No New News

The hell is ongoing. I am hoping for change at the end of July but not counting on it. Meanwhile, SOMEONE put a password on my computer so I can't even get into my user account. That means I lost all my pictures, all my music, all my favourites, etc. Years worth of stuff. What a drag.
Other than that we haven't had too much trouble with Little R lately. She was quite a handful there for a while. Big R was here for a very short visit. She showed up after a wedding at 12:30 at night and basically left first thing in the morning. I was a little disappointed with that. Can't say I blame her too much, I hadn't cleaned up the house at all, it was bad. Little R did some cleaning up but its still a wreck.
My father and sister pulled a surprise visit last weekend. They were unable to get through on the phone so they just showed up. My uncle Jack passed away last week. I haven't heard anything about the funeral, I would have liked to go or at least send flowers. With Little R home, summer vacation from school, the computer is online all day and no one can get through on the phone. So I guess I've probably missed the funeral now. Grrrrrrrr.
Also got the news that my niece with cancer doesn't have much longer. I still haven't seen or spoken to her. I sent her another email this morning hoping she will reply. I want to visit her but I don't want to barge in on her. I have called her a couple of times but got no answer. It did feel awkward after not talking for so long but it doesn't any more. I want to see her before its too late. It was too late for my uncle who had invited us to lunch but we never got around to doing it.
So things are the same around here. I haven't touched my gardens, they look terrible. I didn't plant any of my hanging baskets or planters. The grass still needs to be cut. I made an attempt, got some of it done and now its all grown back anyway.
Without going into detail, all I can say is Mr. Man hasn't been living here since the end of March. The house is falling apart. We are hoping he can come back the end of July. This forced separation hasn't helped my depession, if anything it made it worse. It's a most screwed up situation. But there's nothing we can do about it. I still see him every night and on weekends. But he can't come to the house. That's the hell I'm living in.
So no new news. Going to a friends family picnic in the city in a couple of weeks. Looking forward to that. Missed the annual nieghbourhood bash. Just didn't feel up to going. Little R went though. I don't even have my usual tan. Just staying inside watching tv all day. That's getting old though. Life can be so hard at times. I'm trying to keep it as easy as possible under the circumstances.
Have a great day.