Once Again...Samaritans Purse Operation Christmas Child

Greetings...

This has become so boring and lame it's ridiculous. I know I say I like my life to be boring, but come on. My life isn't really THIS boring. It's just that I've reached a point where I am almost paranoid about what I post here.

My horoscope today says "if it isn't fun, it isn't right". That could pertain to a few things. Having no heat is definately no fun and certainly isn't right. Those fuckers at the propane company keep blowing us off. The part hasn't come in yet bla bla bla. I can't wait to be in the position to either change propane providers or just do away with the whole thing altogether (my personal preference) and go back to electric heat or whatever. These homes were all electric heat originally. Some still have it, some have been "upgraded" to oil or propane. All have supplemental wood stoves or fireplaces. We had electric heat at our last place and I loved it. Sure we got killer hydro bills, but, at least they let you make payments, unlike these fuckers, who won't even come out to deliver propane unless you have a minimum order, and then usually want immediate payment. They won't come out for anything under $300. It costs about $700 to fill the tank. A full tank only lasts a month or so in the winter. And how long has it been that we've been waiting for this part to arrive? A month? Give me a break. It's COLD here. They don't care. Not sure what their problem really is. They don't want to fix our furnace until they know we can pay them right away I guess. Jeez. At any rate, I feel like I'm getting sick all over again, just from being cold all the time. Bummer. If they don't show up today, then it won't be until Monday at the earliest because they don't do weekends. It's so bogus. We're going to run out of firewood before it's even winter!
My horoscope also told me to make a phone call or send a nice email, to end the "game". LOL I don't think so!
So, as I've mentioned, I've been reading this blog lately, that my daughter told me about. The author doesn't update very often now, but there are archives going back years and years. So that's what I've been reading, the archives. I seriously can sit here for hours reading this thing. Every now and then, I'm like "OMG, this could be ME talking!" It's just bizfuckingarre. Last night I'm reading around Christmas 2005 and he mentions how every year his wife does this thing called "Operation Christmas Child". I'm like "wow, I did that this year for the first time". It was a pretty funny entry, talking about the lame stuff his wife was putting in the shoeboxes. Explaining why it was not a good idea to put pixie stix and glow sticks in. It was hilarious, but oh so true. Those would not be good choices of items to put in these gift boxes.
After reading multiple websites on the subject, from the official website, to seperate church websites, I became a little confused about what to pack in my boxes. The different churches, who have been doing this for years, all had their own little versions of whats ok or not. Sooooo, I called the 1-800 number to ask for myself. Particularly, regarding sharp objects. Now the official site says school supplies and hygiene supplies are good, but one church site said no sharp objects. I'm thinking scissors are school supplies, but they could be sharp objects. I'm thinking manicure kits are hygiene supplies but sharp objects. You get the idea... So I call and I ask specifically about those 2 things. The reply was scissors are ok, but manicure kits....these folks wouldn't know what it is or what to do with it. OK then. Upon thinking about it, I realized, yeah, I'm sure these folks have more pressing matters than manicuring their nails huh.
I think I did very well, within the guidelines. I did 6 boxes. There's 3 age groups for boys and girls. So I did one for each age group of each gender. I spent a heck of a lot more money on it than I had originally planned to, but thats ok. I got it done much sooner than I planned to, but thats ok too. The drop off dates aren't until the middle of November. They finally posted the drop off locations, and luckily one of them is a church in Orangeville.
I have a pile of stuff left over too. It was not an easy task fitting all the stuff I bought into a shoebox let me tell you. Some of them burned for one thing or another because I simply could not squeeze it in. So now, I can either put the left over stuff away for next year, and hope I remember where it is, come next year, or I can go out and pick up more stuff and make up a few more boxes. I'm opting for putting it away for next year. I don't have any more shoeboxes big enough to make it worthwhile. Its so hard to choose what stuff to pack with such limited space, ugh. We have so much cool stuff for kids and you know this is going to kids who have nothing. You just want to give them EVERYTHING. Actually, its amazing how much one can cram into a shoebox when you put your mind to it lol. But the main thing is, you're giving these kids HOPE. And letting them know that they are loved and not forgotten.
It is a Christian organization who does this, but you don't have to be Christian to receive the gifts. It goes wherever the need is greatest. Apparently millions of shoeboxes are sent. All these shoeboxes have to be shipped to their destinations right. So you must also enclose money to help cover the cost of shipping. Thats cool, its not a lot, like $7 per box.
I had first heard about this a few years ago when I went to visit S.P at her now closed store. She was sitting there packing a shoebox, I asked her what she was doing and she told me, but couldn't tell me anything about it, except that she was doing it for her church. Had she of told me about Operation Christmas Child, I would have started doing it then. But, she's funny like that. I finally did a search online and found out all about it. Yay me.

I guess no news is good news right. Haven't heard from Palmerston Hospital, so I'm assuming I don't have cervical cancer. Then again, I'm not the easiest person to reach via telephone, unless you're special enough to know my cell #. But yet again, given my somewhat remote location, I don't always have service, ugh.

Ok, I'm thinking I should get outside and mow the front yard, if not to warm myself up with activity, at least to get it done before it gets as bad as the back was and then takes me 2 days to do it. The other day, I wanted to do it but after the torrential rain, the ditch was full of water. Gotta mow the ditch, thats where the grass is most lush. Which reminds me, yesterday I said to myself, enough is enough, this place is a mess, time to start cleaning it up. So, I started puttering, putting stuff away, throwing stuff away, and I came across a box of books I had completely forgotten about! Out of sight, out of mind. However, I have nowhere to put them lol, so, they'll stay where they are, in a box, hidden away, gawd. I've currently got like 4 books on the go. One is about Bill Cosby, one is about Marlon Brando, written by an ex-wife or some such shit, one is about how to make money online in Canada and another is a true story murder mystery. So, yeah, I would still rather read Uncle Bob! LOL
Have a great day.

Sweet Dreams

And good evening...

It was so mild today yet I did not get any yard work done. I had an appointment in town at 4:30. It was around 1:30 when I happened to notice the weather warning. Calling for severe weather, thunderstorms, damaging winds, hail, heavy rain and possible tornados. UGH. It started around 3. It wasn't so bad.
Meanwhile S.W was on messenger saying "you HAVE to come over here and see what I got!" I'm like, is it a living thing? Is it an inanimate thing? She says, "are you outside? Can't you see it from there?" NOW she's got me going. She will not answer any questions, I just have to come over and see it. For me to be able to see it from here it would have to be something like an inflated hot air balloon. My curiosity is piqued. Ok, fine, I'll stop there on my way to town around 4 p.m.
Thankfully the storm had come and gone, or so I thought, by 4 when I had to head into town. So I stopped there enroute. She had a great big St. Bernard! She also has 3 Jack Russells, it was a little bizarre. His name is Bubba! What a droopy face on that massive head of his. I walk up to Bubba, she has him on a leash, I put my hand out for him to sniff me out and he GROWLS at me! Shit! Turns out, he is there temporarily, his owners are breaking up and along with abusing the wife this guy abused Bubba too, poor thing, so she couldn't have him with her wherever she went to get away from the abuser, so S.W stepped up and brought Bubba home with her. He was growling at everyone, but didn't get aggressive. I just stayed back away from him. He is HUGE.
I went to my appointment, it was uneventful, lasted about 10-15 minutes, I was back home in 45 minutes. Then it started raining. Once Hubby got home from work, I don't know, I was suddenly very sleepy and went to lay down. I was having a dream that I caught a hummingbird, which was white with blue, and had set it free inside my sisters house (analyze that!) when I was awakened by earth shattering thunder. Then I found my guy at the foot of the bed trembling and panting. That was around 8:30 p.m. I got up and there was no more thunder or anything, sigh. Now I'm wide awake and everyone else is sound asleep.
I did get a couple of pictures of my blooming Easter Lilies...








So that's it.
Sweet dreams...

Bla Bla Bla

Good morning.

Its freezing inside the house, the thermometer says its about 24 C outside, which is not cold. Too bad this house doesn't hold heat the way it holds cold. Its also horrible, icky fly season and theres just millions of them. The more you kill the more you get. Don't know how that works. Its so GROSS. They get in the house and then try to hang around anything that's warm, like, my cup of coffee, my computer, lights, my face...I can't bring myself to smack my monitor with a fly swatter or hit myself in the face with it.

My poor Hubby had to go into work early this morning, which meant getting up at 4 a.m. I tried to stay up until then so as not to disturb him climbing into bed. I made it to 3:30 lol, could not do it. His job is killing him. The lawyers and insurance people need to get on with it here. His boss has been quite understanding, patient and accomodating thus far, but I think he's starting to lose patience. He should keep in mind that if he loses Hubby, he will lose his business. My Hubby made that place what it is, customers go there because of HIM. Which really, puts a lot of pressure on Hubby. Now that we know surgery is not an option for him, we need to do something else, he can't go on like this much longer.

I went to the dentist last night. He had these wax molds I had to try on. We picked the colour for my denture teeth. Its quite the process to making dentures. I had no idea. Even though we have already paid out about $3000 so far, it will still cost another $2500 or so. Gawd. That's stressing Hubby out too. Why don't I get a job too you ask? Well, I couldn't get a job that would pay enough to make it worth while thats why. For what it would cost in gas etc. it just isn't worth it. I cost less just staying home.

So there is now actually a word for getting fired because of your blog or website? DOOCED? Correct me if I'm wrong, there is a website called Dooce and this person experienced losing their job because of their website? Something like that. I am finding out, it is way more common than I would have guessed. Holy shit! I'm thinking its not right. What employees do on their own time, is their own business. I'm also thinking its all the bitching about co-workers, bosses, etc. that people tend to do on their blogs that creates problems? Even though most folks do it anonymously. Crazy!
Speaking of losing jobs...Big R got laid off from her new job, and I know it had nothing to do with her blog because she hasn't posted anything on it in ages. Its a fuckin crazy world out there. Another reason I don't really need/want to go out there and get myself employed.

After a summer of very limited socializing, we are invited to 2 doos this weekend. Sadly we won't make it to either. Hubby will be working and I still don't feel up to it. Eating with 10 teeth, all in the front, isn't pretty, and not something I want to do in public. I'm still having trouble breathing too. After Hubby missing a month of work, we are in a financial black hole. Going to work on Saturday, driving all the way back home, cleaning up and then going out to party is just too much for him. Even though the doctor doubled the milligrams of his powerful pain meds, he hasn't got the new ones yet. He will get them the next time he gets his prescriptions filled. Meanwhile, he is just getting by and suffereing. It's a shame, the one party is very exclusive and any other time, we would have been there with bells on. The other one is a surprise birthday party with people we don't know well but were looking forward to getting to know. We've missed most doos and events this year, why stop now? Gawd.

My Easter Lilies are opening, pictures coming soon.

I still have no furnace! WTF? Another case of a business treating customers like shit. They are not the only propane company around. But they sure act like they think they are the only propane company around. I KNEW propane was bad news. Hate to say "I told you so", well not really, but, man, my kingdom for electric heat. My personal favourite saying, "live and learn", buying this house was a big fat brain fart. But I can't help thinking it would have been so different if Hubby wasn't crippled soon after moving here. He would have had the physical and financial ability to do all the renovating and upgrading we had planned upon buying it.

Was just outside with my guy and it is quite nice out. I guess I'll get my shit together and get out there to enjoy it and get the front yard done.
Have a good one!

Friggin Cats

The other day. I was sitting downstairs at the computer, big surprise there eh, and Bear was laying at my feet as always, and Little R was laying on the couch nagging me about one thing or another, as always, and all of a sudden there is a screaming ruckus going on outside the window. We are in the familyroom which is half below grade half above grade, so the windows are at ground level outside. Its those dam cats, at it again. It was hilarious watching Bear listening. You know how dogs cock their head from side to side and flip their ears and stuff? And then there was a THUNK! on the window, one of the cats actually flew into the window, and thats when Bear lost it and started his barking and running around. I don't know why those cats have chosen my house to hang out at and to have their scraps at. They've been spotted on the roof several times now. Knowing there is a dog living here, you would think they would find somewhere else to hang out.
No I didn't go cut and edge the front lawn today ugh. It was too cold. I had a daylong nap instead. But now I feel like doing it, but the troll is out there doing his. Not in the mood for the big 'I can ignore you better' thing.
Little R knocked her Daddys bike over in the garage trying to get at her own bike! Oh Boy! Hopefully he will handle it well and not freak right out. We stood it back up, yeah it took both of us to do that ugh, but it looks like its going to tip right over again. I called him and told him and he seemed ok with it, just glad to be on his way home, hopefully he won't spend the rest of his drive brooding and getting properly pissed off. Man oh man, KIDS! She still couldn't get at her own bike anyways sigh. I guess Daddy has it buried so that no one can just snag it. Sure glad the alarm on the bike wasn't on because I don't know where the keys are to turn it off.
The dentist office has been calling me for days. I finally called them back, I have to go tomorrow evening to try something on. Since I've never had dentures before, I don't know what it is they're talking about. I have a feeling its going to be painful though. Man I HATE going to the dentist. They're all sadists.
Ok it sounds like the troll is done, I'm going out now.
Later...

I Love My Dog

Good morning!
I woke up this morning thinking about this, not sure why. But here goes.
At the 4-H show on Saturday, I was standing with S.W and another one of the moms. There were goats at this show and they make the weirdest sounds. Sometimes it almost sounds like a baby screaming or something. The other mom was saying she could never raise goats for slaughter because of that. I said I could never be a farmer, I couldn't raise anything for slaughter. I couldn't handle Little R being in the beef cattle club, those calves are CUTE. I'm glad she's in the dairy club. At which point S.W mentioned the first time she took me in the barn, back in the spring, and I was a little mortified that these poor cows were all tied up etc. I wanted to know WHY they weren't out in the field...grazing...like the happy California cows lol. I had to be assured that once the weather outside warmed up they would be put out in the fields. (I wanted to set them all free).
Then there is the whole thing of hitting the calves. At the shows you see kids punching and smacking their cows. Little R was told how and where to hit her calf. I was not happy about that. Little R was not happy about that. Supposedly this makes them do what you want them to do. I was not impressed. I didn't think it was right. I didn't believe it was neccesary. So I told Little R if she didn't want to hit her calf she doesn't have to and in fact I would prefer it if she doesn't. She agreed with me. Abusing animals was not something I wanted her "learning" or being comfortable doing. It just so happens I was reading that Laura Ingalls Wilder book, "The Farmer Boy" at the time too. In it was a part about exactly this. In this book, the mentality was, in order to get an animal to co-operate and do what you want, its much easier if the animal trusts you. If you hurt or scare it, it won't trust you and won't co-operate with you. Made sense to me. I mean we don't hit our dog and he is pretty well trained. So thats what I told her, just think of your calf as a dog and treat her accordingly. Talk to her and pet her etc. Guess what? It seems to have worked out fine. I don't think they would have done any better in the ring if she was smacking it around. It is acceptable practise among the 4-H crowd apparently. I'm not talking about beating the cows silly or anything, just a smack here a jab there. But, you don't boof your kid (or dog) in the face to make it co-operate, so why do it to a cow? S.W grew up on a farm and was in the 4-H Club as a child herself. She is used to it, (though I don't think she likes it either). I'm not bashing anyone here, I'm just saying, its not for me.
I have never been a big meat eater. This just boggles Hubby's mind lol. But even as a child, I just didn't like it. I think it boggled my parents minds too. I don't think it really had anything to do with the fact that meat is a dead animal. I just don't like the texture of meat and it doesn't taste all that great to me either. My life is complete without eating meat. I just don't have a taste for it. I'm not an extremist about it or anything, I DO eat it ocassionally, I LOVE cheese and eggs and most dairy products.
So yeah, I would not make a very good farmer. I'm just figuring this all out about myself, that I am very much against animal abuse and cruelty. It didn't really affect my life before the 4-H thing. I can't stand those Humane Society commercials on TV. I bawl every time I see one. In my mind animals are innocent creatures.
I love my do-og, oh yes I do-oo. LOL. He's like another kid to me. The grandchild I never had (yet). I'm just glad Little R stuck to her guns, even when being laughed at, and avoided hitting Gem. I think it also proved, that it isn't neccesary. But you should see some of these kids, usually boys, giving the cow a punch. Like JEEZ, I usually cringe, verbally, but they don't hear me, and would likely think I'm just a crazy old woman. I just don't understand how some people can just rationalize it, I can't.
And thats my thoughts this morning.
Looks like its sunny out there, yay.
Have a lovely day!

Who Invented Grass For Lawns Anyways?

Good evening.
After my grass cutting extravaganza last night, I looked out this morning and had to groan. There was still a ton to cut. But hey, at least the sun was shining. So I plopped in front of the computer to read some Uncle Bob with my morning coffee, before heading out to hopefully git er done and finish the dam mowing. When I'm ready to go out, who is out there but the nieghbour on my left, cutting his grass. So I puttered around making another coffee to take outside with me, looking for my shoes, the dogs collar, whatever, taking my time getting out there. He was raking when I finally went out. There we are, like 3 feet away from each other, and he won't look at me! I'm like fine, I won't look at you either! It was too silly for words. I couldn't even believe it. I mean, I can believe it, but holy hell. Had he of looked at me I probably would have just smiled at him, the little midget troll freak. So, his loss I suppose.
It took me hours to finish the back portion of the backyard. The grass was so long and wet, the lawnmower kept stalling, every few feet I had to tip it up and try to eject all the wet crap stuck inside of it. I never did learn the metric system, so even though I am Canadian and do live in Canada, I still measure in feet and inches etc. But I swear it took HOURS to do. Normally it wouldn't take so long ya see.
It was sunny but windy when I started, there were plenty of clouds moving very fast overhead. Every once in a while a particularly dark cloud would spew a bit of rain on me and then the sun would pop back out. I did finish it, and now need to start all over again. The first parts I did are ready to be cut again! You can literally watch the shit grow!
Anyhow, once I was done, I wasn't ready to come inside, so I got out my big tree trimmer dooey and went nuts on the blasted "rose" bushes that grow all over and through the fence on the right side of the yard. Its THEIR fence and its THEIR bushes and weeds which grow through it. These things attack me whenever I am trying to cut the grass along the fence. They poke me in the eyes, they get caught in my hair and clothing, they scratch my skin, they get caught up in the lawnmower. And they block the sun from my gardens along the fence, which I actually try to keep the weeds out of and have actual flowers and shrubs growing in. So today I said thats IT, you are history! I tend to trim them up every spring, trying to keep them under control, but this seems to be backfiring and making them grow more. This year they did actually bloom, thanks to my trimming I'm sure. Those folks don't touch them. I was ruthless.
Until today, I didn't want to be a bad nieghbour. I didn't want to piss them off by trimming their overgrown crap. But, these are the same people who have complained about our motorcycle, our dog and gawd only knows what else, and I honestly don't think they would even notice, for all the "gardening" and yard work they do. So fuck em I say. I don't care about being a good nieghbour any more really. None of my nieghbours worry about such shit, so why should I?
As soon as I was done, the rain started for real.
Hubby must have worn himself out yesterday because he slept all day long. However, once I was done, he got up and cooked dinner while I took a nap lol.
My Easter Lilies out front look ready to open any day. Hopefully we won't get a frost before they open. I still haven't even attempted to find out if I'm supposed to dig them up for the winter or not, sigh.
There is only one more fall fair 4-H show and it's not until Thanksgiving weekend, which actually isn't that far off. Its only a couple of weeks from now. After that there is an achievement dinner thing in November, which we are looking forward to.
And then its the dreadfully long winter. UGH. But on the bright side we have a snowblower now. Its pretty decrepit, needs some Tremclad paint, has a flat tire, but it works and the price was right, $0. And besides, Hubby is "mechanically inclined"! Motivated? Not so much.
So, my plan for tomorrow is, cut the lawn in the front yard and edge the grass along the driveway. I have never done this before in my life, but will figure it out. Hopefully it won't rain. Because that will just completely ruin my plan for tomorrow.
Interesting little note...M.P stopped by Hubbys work last week to pick up tires he had ordered while Hubby was off work for a month. He gave Hubby the new address and phone number! Also, he informed Hubby that they found the shelves which belong to the cabinet we bought from them back in March? April? May? I mean, wtf? I had sent countless emails asking about said shelves. I told S.P we were going to end up cutting the shelves we got with it to fit. Um, we did cut them, MONTHS ago. She never ONCE replied to my emails about it. What the heck was I supposed to do? She never even acknowledged that we were given the wrong shelves. Just NO RESPONSE. And now he tells Hubby he found the proper shelves? Crazy. So we have the wrong shelves, cut to fit, which still don't quite fit perfectly, but they found the proper shelves, after never even acknowledging they gave us the wrong shelves in the first place? I was happy about that purchase, in the beginning. It was something I really wanted and was happy to buy. But it has turned into a regrettable purchase. I hate when that happens.
So yeah...good night.

My Guy...

Oh and here's MY GUY....he is just TOO CUTE...

Hell Ya I'm A Redneck Yeehaw!

Good evening.

What a day!

I pulled an all-nighter again, OMFG reading "Uncle Bob" FFS. This dude has been doing a blog for like 10 years and I am now at August 2004. Its like reading a book, I couldn't help myself. The guy is talented, and leaves you wanting to know what happens next. So, rather than laying in bed reading a book, I sat here at the computer reading Uncle Bob until about 3 a.m. Eerie as it is, I find myself thinking "shit, this could be me talking! Sounds just like something I would say. Sounds like MY BLOG!" LOL. Once I did go to bed, as usual, I couldn't turn my brain off, and thus, tossed and turned until 5:30 a.m when I had to get Hubby up for work. After I did that, I crashed.
Little R got up and went to the 4-H show without waking me up, that would have been around 7 a.m.
Around 9 a.m someone knocking on the door woke me up. It was S.W seeing if I was coming to the 4-H show. She brought me a Timmy Ho's, how could I refuse? I knew this was the second last show of the year, I really wanted to go, I was a bag of shit, still feeling pretty ill, but forced myself to get up and shower and GO.
I'm so glad I did, because I had a great day. And I don't feel quite so ill any more.
The day started out all gloomy, cloudy and rainy, but brightened up later. We got there just in time to see the girls do their thing. Little R took 5th in Showmanship and 3rd in Conformation.
I'm sitting by myself in the bleachers having a smoke (no I haven't quit), S.W joins me, and along comes this dude in a Mickey Mouse costume. I'm thinking I should get a picture of this, but whatever... I say "DUDE!?!?" S.W says "LOL, too bad Bill is missing this!" I'm thinking what the heck is she talkin about? Why would Hubby give a shit about this? Well DUH ME, it's this guy Hubby and I met at the beginning of the 4-H season, but since I haven't been around for the last few shows, I don't recognize him. Apparently he and Hubby have become quite the buds. So dam, I missed the photo op. He was actually coming over to say HI to us, duh. So once I was informed, I tried getting a decent picture from across the ring and they all turned out blurry. It was a really good costume and it turns out he does this every year for the parade as a Lions Club member.
This was my first time attending the Grand Valley Fall Fair, what do I know? They had a good midway, good rides and games, AND a BEER GARDEN, AND a DEMOLITION DERBY, along with all the other usual fall fair stuff.
I have never felt like such a redneck before! The place was crawling with bonafide rednecks, it was great!
Hubby showed up after work. We hit the beer garden, where Mickey Mouse showed up, sans costume, and we discussed how I didn't realize it was HIM dammit.
This is the first time in my life I have ever watched a demolition derby... This is where the true redneck in me came out. Hubby says I'm a natural, LMAO. We are already making plans to enter next year. Gawd, could I ever vent some rage driving in that shit! Look out motherfuckers, BAM!
We had a blast. We actually know people who live in Grand Valley too, so that was cool, seeing peeps and socializing. Meanwhile, Little R ran into some friends too and was off doing her own thing, going on rides etc.
There was also a little exotic zoo thing, where they had a little zebra, a big ass parrot, a little kangaroo (I think it was really a wallabee, too small for a kangaroo) and shit like that.
Honestly, it was the first time for a few things, first time I've drank alcohol in months too. So when we got home, I began to finish cutting the grass and Hubby slayed himself splitting firewood. It was way dark by 8:30 p.m , but I could still see the lines and just kept going. Call me crazy, but I just wanted to git er done. Still isn't finished GDI. What the heck were we thinking we need a 1/2 acre backyard for? Its not like we play football or baseball or anything, sheesh.
But YAY I feel better. Yahoo! Yeehaw! And all that jazz...
So....heres some pics...





Here's Deb, who placed 2nd in Showmanship? I think. I should mention, as I have mentioned before they sometimes get cool gifts for participating...today they got jackets and splash pants, free lunch and work gloves, woohoo. The jacket and pants are nice though!



And theres Little R...




And thats about the clearest shot I got of the Mickey Mouse dude, who is actually John and yes I got his permission to post this.



The girls, sporting their new jackets on the "Tilt O Whirl"








And apparently it is customary to just hack off the back of a car in preperation of the next round!





So, yeah, had a great time, the best fall fair yet!
Have a good night y'all!

I'm Freezing Here

Good morning.
The house is cold this morning. We still have no furnace. The fire has gone out and I haven't bothered starting a new one yet. How long does it take to get a part? I think I'm catching a cold. How ridiculous to recover from that bronchitis only to catch a cold.
I got part of the backyard mowed yesterday. I did about a third of it before I had to come in to rest. Being cold all the time is not motivation to do anything, other than climb into bed and snuggle under the warm covers.
Tomorrow is the Grand Valley 4-H show. Hubby has informed me he'll be working tomorrow...great. The last thing I want to do is sit outside and freeze all day. It isn't supposed to be this cold in September.
I pretty much have absolutely nothing to say. I've been doing nothing. All this month has been spent being sick and trying to recover. Trying to keep warm. Worrying.
I think I found the perfect house for me, in a nearby town. I am really hoping it will still be up for sale if and when we get a settlement. I kind of want to just stay here and renovate. We'll see. I've always wanted a Victorian house. No amount of renovating could make this place anything like a Victorian. I think I would still keep this place and rent it out. It could be an investment if the values ever go up around here.
I would still like to get my business off the ground. That's been kind of put on hold for a while. It seems like everything has been put on hold. All because of a car accident 3 years ago.
Ugh....I'm going to make a fire now.
Have a great day!

I Still Need Sleep

Good evening.
Its been a long day. I should sleep well tonight. So, the student doctor was there again and when he asked me if I have any questions I said "what are you like 18?" LOL he said actually I'm 24. Not that far off. Cripes I have a 23 year old daughter. They were very kind and understanding. They allowed Hubby to be there for the whole thing. As we followed them deeper into the depths of the hospital to the operating room!! That momentarily freaked me out, it was actually cool, we got to watch the whole thing on tv. It wasn't long before I had seen enough and had to look away. Yes there is a little pain involved, but nothing drastic. We will hear back if they find anything, otherwise I just go back in 6 months and do it all over again, yippee.
So then Hubby and I had a lovely afternoon driving around different towns looking at houses for sale.
I managed to get a nice fire going tonight, but am too tired to stay up and enjoy it.
Have a good night.

I Need Sleep

Good morning.
I'm burnt. Half the night was spent reading Uncle Bob (for those who don't know, its a blog), the other half was spent tossing and turning, dreaming up my next blog post, wondering why Uncle Bob says some of the things he says and generally thinking about ANYTHING BUT today. Yes, today is the day I go to the Palmerston hospital to endure whatever torture is involved in a biopsy. Hubby, the doll, the love of my life, the best husband ever, has taken yet another day off of work to take me there and be with me. Like I said before, I am not a good sick person. I hate hospitals. I hate not feeling well. I get really really bitchy and I cry a lot. I cry when I'm scared. I've always been pretty healthy or very lucky. But now I just feel like hell. I prefer being healthy thank you.
It looks like our vegetable garden got some frost. None of the other gardens were affected, just the veggies. Still don't have a furnace. I spent about 3 hours trying to get a fire going with wet wood ugh. Ended up just smoking the place out and wasting all the kindling. We have a pile of free firewood, some of it is seasoned but some of it is still a little wet. There is a lot to still be cut and split. With Hubbys back he can only do a little at a time. Not sure theres enough to make it worthwhile to rent a splitter. I'm thinking its a good time for a trip to his "source" of free firewood.
You know whats strange? I was a chronic pot smoker until this summer. I used to have one under my belt by the time Hubby left for work in the morning. Now, I can't even remember the last time I smoked. I never thought I would see this day. I don't know why it happened. I hardly miss it. Weird, very very weird. Must be because I'm sick. I mean I was CHRONIC. Hmmmmm.
I am dreading this winter. The last one seemed way too long. I so looked forward to this summer, like never before, and then it sucked. And now its over. We had like one or two decent rides all summer. BURN. This has been the worst September in recent memory, cold and rainy. Was kind of hoping today would be nice so we could ride to Palmerston, but then again the bike isn't running right anyways. It sounds like a fuckin deisel. No offense, but Hubby is kicking himself for letting ANYONE ELSE touch it. She's old, she probably needs a complete overhaul, but, she has never sounded so sick before. Hubby really needs to just talk to the dude who worked on it to figure out wtf. He's just been too busy.

Dave? WTF dude? Why would you do that? Why talk to Wayne instead of going directly to my Hubby? Or me for that matter? Its not gonna be that easy, sorry. Do you think this is what we wanted? Get it through your heads, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU. And you know what else? You may eventually get through to my Hubby, but I won't be there. I've had far too many people in my life just like yous. It will never be the same. Currently, this situation SUCKS, we're not enjoying it any more than you, BUT....still, it'll never be the same. I have made it no secret, that if you fuck me up, you'll only do it once. Man, YOU AND ME, we talked about this shit, many times. We talked about people and their triggers and you can't be inside someone elses head and bla bla bla. I NEVER turned my back on YOU dude.
Your old lady is a piece of work. She uses an illness as an excuse for being a total ass all summer, before and after. Puleez. I do not need friends like her. She never was a friend to me. The funniest part of all that is, MY ILLNESS probably does have a lot to do with everything! But I still won't use it as an excuse. I know what I did, I know why I did it and I knew what I was doing when I was doing it. No excuses. No apologies.
You know where we live, you have our phone number, you have our email addresses...
Such is life...it goes on. For better or worse. I guess y'all expected me and Hubby to split up after that shit eh? Well, if I had had anywhere to go that day, yeah, I would have gone, but I would have come back too. I don't have a Mommy to run home to. I have NO ONE to run to. That is why I need my friends. I don't need friends who are out to get me, who jump on the bashing bandwagon, who turn their backs on me. My Hubby is my best friend in the world, thats why we're married. We've been through worse than that day. None of you folks live in our marriage. Things aren't always what they seem. I'm not stupid and fortunately my Hubby knows that, and he trusts that I have my reasons for anything I may say or do. And that goes both ways. Trust is a beautiful thing. It didn't take him long to figure out my reasons that day. You know what? That was ONE DAY, out of a lifetime of days. I don't know what else to say about it.
Except maybe, if you have something to say, say it. Don't bother with third parties, that doesn't cut it. I'm not self righteous, I'm not judgemental, I'm not irrational. But, I am stubborn, I do believe in what I believe. I take loyalty, trust and friendship seriously. If you trust me, I don't take it lightly and abuse your trust. If I trust you and you blow it, I don't take it lightly. Pretty simple, Simon.
Have a great day!

Swamp Thing

Why can't I sleep? Two hours ago I was exhausted, went to bed, fell asleep, had a weird dream, woke up and could not get back to sleep. I cannot shut my brain off. And I find it way hot! That's ODD. I'm usually freezing and can't get warm, my gawd is it a hot flash? UGH. I felt a little better today I guess, spent most of the day outside. Yesterday was horrible, I was horrible to my Hubby. I don't know what came over me, but I HATED him. Today I just wanted to make it better, mend the wounds. That man, my Hubby, is an incredible dude, he is the best father and husband anyone could ask for, he does not deserve my shit. He must really love me.
I smoked too much again. I'm on cigarette 20 or so right now.
So we tried to go for a scoot. There is something wrong. Don't ask me. Made it to town, had a coffee and made it back home. Too bad 'cause it was actually a lovely warm day and we were planning to go to Tottenham to check out that doo there. Sigh, oh well, theres always next year.
Prior to the attempted ride, we had drove to other town for gas. On the way there we came across a big old turtle in the middle of the road. Hubby picked it up to move it over to the side it was headed to, so it wouldn't get run over, and this thing HISSED at him as well as snapped. He put it back down. Of course we didn't have the camera with us. On the way back, it was still there, but had made it across the road and was now safely at the side of the road. We whipped home, it wasn't far, grabbed the camera and went back, it was still there. On some roads there are actually turtle crossing signs, but not this road. This is the second time we've seen one in the 3 years we've lived here. But the first time when we came back with a camera it was gone. It looked pretty old, it was big. It had huge claws and like a sharp beak. Snapping turtle maybe? Anyhow, heres some pictures...













No wonder I can't sleep LOL. Isn't it cute?

She Won 2nd Place Again!

Good morning...
Ok, I am not a sickly person. I am not used to being ill. I don't like it. I'm not good at it. It is making me so much more miserable than usual. I just want to feel better but I don't. This is just knocking the hell out of me. I have never been so sick before in my life. I am not handling it well.
I didn't even go to the 4-H show yesterday. I stayed home and slept. Hubby went, he even rode. He had trouble with the bike. He will be calling the shop he had it at. Anyhow, Little R came in 2nd again! Way to go kid. She's a natural. Actually it was in the conformation round which is really all about the calf. But still...
There was a really good event this weekend, which I really wanted to attend, but there was no way. Didn't get much riding or event attending in this year at all. It's depressing.
So the other day, was it Friday, when I took one of Hubbys pills in the morning, I ended up way overdoing it and feeling twice as ill the next day, yesterday. I cut the front lawn, I went to town with Hubby, we did lunch and some shopping. I should have been home in bed, resting. So then yesterday, I felt just as bad as before I got any medication. And I am smoking more, when I can breathe at all. I knew I would. But I've still cut way down on how much I smoke. I haven't really been counting because it was upsetting me. Today I'm gonna count.
It looks all cold and foggy and miserable out there again. Though it did warm up yesterday, it didn't look warm.
Well, enjoy your day!

ugh

Good morning?
My gawd I am in agony!!
Woke up around 3:30 basically having contractions, but wait, I'm not pregnant! So here we go again...when this happened a few years ago it was endomitriosis. Took a couple of Tylenols and came down to check my email while I wait for them to kick in. They never did kick in. So woke poor Hubby up to get one of his heavy duty pain killers. Speaking of Hubby....he FINALLY got to see a spinal surgeon yesterday and guess what? Surgery won't help him! GDI. So he's a mess for life, thanks to the car accident which was completely NOT HIS FAULT. I guess he'll be sharing this info with the lawyer and hopefully we can get on with this settlement. Thats just this whole other story, he's not the same man he used to be and its not his fault and it screwed up our life, our plans, our dreams...
He hasn't even had the bike out, we haven't even opened the garage, hardly left the house except to go to doctors and hospitals and to pick up neccessities of life like food. He hasn't been to work for a month! We're screwed again.
The grass is more like a meadow than a lawn now lol. The poor dog is really confused, he just doesn't know what the hell is going on around here. He took off on me again when I first woke up and took him out thinking a little walk might work out my pain, didn't bother with the leash and he just totally ignored me little bugger. He was gone for a good hour, I'm pretty confident he just goes for a good rip through the field, but its always in the back of my mind that he may venture the other way out to the road. It never ceases to just blow my mind how much I LOVE that animal. He just melts my heart.
The furnace guy came yesterday, with a bunch of tools and parts. I was like don't come near me, you do not want this. The house is absolutely embarassing, piles of laundry all over the place UGH. And then, holyfuckinifitwasn'tforbadluck...he had the WRONG PARTS. Sooo, I STILL have NO FURNACE sigh. I'm too weak to make a fire....but it isn't too bad, my fever seems to be keeping me warm enough.
I think I'm past the delirious stage and just in a weird twilight zonish state. I really have nothing to say, nothing to talk about, but to bitch, moan, whine and complain....sorry.
Yesterday was meet the creature night at the school. Thankfully Hubby made it back from his appointment in time to take Little R over to it, they have a barbecue too, so they had some dinner. Poor things, its not like I'm gonna cook anything for them.
Basically I'm only posting this because there was something wrong. My blog wouldn't load, internal server error, whatever the hell that means, so I thought maybe a new post would do something. I have no clue.
Yay, the pain killer is working. But I've already had like 4 smokes grrrrrrr. I kind of knew as soon as I could breathe again, I'd be smoking again. But I am determined to do this. Sitting at the computer is when I smoke the most I think. Our friend C.G, was here once this summer, hadn't seen them in ages, in like a year. She was diagnosed with emphyzema and HAD to quit smoking. Thats why we hadn't seen or heard from them, she had been quite ill. Like myself, she spent a lot of time at the computer chain smoking. She told me that was the hardest part about quitting, was when she was on the computer, so shes staying away from it more. I don't know if she even reads this, and I really should send her an email...but if you are reading it, hope you're ok. Gawd I've been soooo self absorbed this whole summer, a downright selfish hag. I know one person who would say thats just normal, but really it isn't. And I DO beat myself up over everything I do wrong.
K...I'm done. My pain is gone and I'm flying at 6 a.m wheeeeeee.....what a life.
Have a grrrrreeeeat day!

Biopsies and Butterflies

Not sure if I feel any better yet or not. I did get the call from Palmerston...so I go next week, the 19th, for a biopsy. Don't think I feel any better yet, kind of still in the twilight zone here. Breathing a little easier. Haven't been smoking. Hope I can stick with it after I start to feel better. Went from about 50 a day, basically chain smoking, to 5 yesterday and 3 so far today. Its a start.
Waited all summer to catch a photo of a butterfly on a flower. Of course, got my chance yesterday but was so sick couldn't hold the camera still, just a trembling I was. So Hubby tried too. We managed to get a couple of half decent shots, but most of them were very blurry and out of focus.

I Have Bronchitis

Yeah...

So after typing out this long sob story about my bitchin PMS and how sick I feel and how its weakening me, body and mind....I went to the hospital and, Big R you were right, I have bronchitis. WTF?? But the good part is, I think this may be just the thing to make me quit smoking. Because holy shit I could not breathe today! The smokes are just grossing me right out, the smell, the taste and the choking on it. I think I can do it. I think I finally want it bad enough. And I don't want to die, not yet. And man the last few days I've felt pretty dam close to death. So they took chest xrays to check for pneumonia, which is honestly what I thought I had, and luckily there was none. Oh yeah, and for the first time in my life, I have high blood pressure. The nurse said it could be just because I feel so shitty and the doctor kind of didn't mention it, except to say it was pretty high. WTF?? So I got me some heavy duty antibiotics and a puffer, yay...

And the motivation to quit smoking...gonna go look up some shit on the topic...have a good night.

September 11th

Watching all the stuff on tv today about 9/11 has reminded me of all that. Thought I should post something about it. To be honest, I haven't thought too much about it in quite some time. Its one of those things thats just too terrible to think about.
I do remember where I was, not exactly what I was doing, but, I was home, it was about 9:30 in the morning and my sister phoned me and she told me what had happened and to turn on the news on my tv. I turned on CNN and was glued to it for the next couple of days.
I stayed on the phone with my sister for hours. At first I thought it must have been an accident and I kept asking my sister was it an accident or what and she didn't know any more than I. Then we both saw the second plane hit, and we knew then it was no accident. We saw the people jumping from the buildings, we saw both towers collapse. It was the most horrible thing I have ever seen. I was in a state of shock and panic. I thought if this can happen in New York, this can happen anywhere. I felt sure it wasn't going to stop. I thought it was the end of the world, North America anyways. I thought my God someone has declared war on the States! How can this be? We are screwed. I can tell you I have never before or since felt the way I felt that day. I was trembling uncontrollably. I was bawling. At some point I spoke to Hubby on the phone too. His work is near the airport, the airport was shut down, he said there was nothing so eerie as the silence. I know I wanted him to just come home, but to be honest I don't remember if he did or not. I think I went and picked up Little R from school. I was so afraid something was going to happen in Toronto or Misssissauga that I wanted to pack up and go up to our cottage at Wasaga Beach, thinking nothing would likely happen there. I was panicking.
It was a horrible, horrible day. It was an eye opener to the world. It has changed our world. And yes my heart goes out to all who lost loved ones.
I wish we could just go nuke all those crazy bastards! Just blow up those parts of the world! But thats a little Hitleresque. Its a crazy world.
I did a lot of crying Sept.11/01 and I did a lot crying Sept.11/06.
Good night.

Doctors and Furnace Guys

What a bullshit waste of gas and time. Like I am sick as a dog here, the last thing in the world I wanted to do was get out of bed, get in the shower, get dressed and drive to Fergus to see a doctor!
I believed I was about to be put through another 'poke n feel' so I took 2 Lorazapams, not one mind you, but 2! All the while Hubby is screaming at me to hurry up, if not for him I would never make any appointment on time, dontchya know. He took the day off work to go with me, he is also sick as a dog. I go there with wet hair and all, I'm sure that will help this cold/flu/bug/virus whatever the hell we've got.
Don't we end up sitting in the waiting room for half an hour! I could have at least dried my hair or something. Well then a guy comes out and calls my name, I think he's awfully young for a gynocologist, he introduces himself, he's a STUDENT doctor....ok, but, wheres the REAL doctor?? Oh he'll be along shortly, you can just talk to me, I'm going to take a bit of history notes here. (I'm thinking "dude, your like 18, I'm gonna sit here and talk about my PMS and menstrual cycles and c-sections, with YOU? What could you possibly know about it?") So I tell him my cycle goes like this...for 2 weeks I hate the world and want to kill everyone in it, then for one week I bleed to death and REALLY hate the world and would just love to kill everyone in it, then for a week I'm quasi human and sane. So then I say is the doctor not here or what? Oh he's here, I'm going to fill him in on your history a bit then he'll come in and see you. By now the Lorazapams are kicking in and I'm having trouble staying upright, kind of slouching in my chair with my head on the examining bed thingy. The doctor comes in and explains to me that I have to see him again in Palmerston (he works there too) and they have a certain equipment he needs to SEE better and take a biopsy. Yay...When we're done dealing with THIS, then we'll take a look at my PMS issues! HAHA...YAY.
My question now is why didn't we just make the appointment for Palmerston in the first place then?
Anyhow, I end up pretty near hysterics, bawling and such, because I just want to KNOW and I really don't want to die! I watched my sister die from ovarian cancer. Can't we just get on with this? This is like torture all the waiting for another appointment. Meanwhile its GROWING and SPREADING..like HELLO????
So I psyched myself up for the 'poke n feel' which never happened, and now I have to wait for a phone call from the Palmerston Hospital (didn't even know they have a hospital there) with my new appointment.
Hubby and I have been at each others throats all day because we both feel like hell and our house has no heat and its getting chilly and I am PMSing. The most solid thing I've eaten in over a week is a banana! Like I'm STARVING here.
We came home and I guess I slept most of the afternoon. Woke up just as Little R got home from school.
The guy finally showed up to look at the furnace...it needs a new power unit and burner which is gonna cost us over $400! Yippee. I'm leaning towards selling and moving, oh yeah.
Have a peachy evening all...

Thanks For The Pics...

Good morning.
Today is the day I go for "further testing" and I am scared, even though I know I won't likely find out anything today.
The other day S.W asked me which email I check more often and I told her. So last night while I was sitting here waiting for some pictures from her, I kept checking the email I told her I use, thinking, she knows this is the one I use because she asked me exactly that. This morning I checked the other email and sure enough there was the pictures! Why would she do that? Thank you for the effort S.W. Most of them are so unclear and/or distant you can't even tell who is in it though. Live and learn, I won't be letting Hubby go anywhere without the camera again lol. I guess he didn't think about it because its usually me who throws it into my purse every time we go anywhere. Anyhow, it looks like they had a nice setup there and smaller classes. The ring looks huge. I'm sorry I missed it.

I think one of those photos might be her getting second.

OMG I Am So Clueless

I did a bit of surfing this evening while waiting for some pictures to arrive via email from S.W who was also at the show today and did take some pictures which Hubby said she said she would send to me. I discovered several new worlds on the net. Even on the internet, my world is so small! One thing I found was the blog Big R has been reading for years. It was funny and entertaining and I am now a new follower. I just saw tons of sites and read tons of articles about tons of topics and I am amazed. Just kept clicking links from one site to another and doing searches which I NEVER bother with usually. I don't think I have ever done random searching before tonight! The only time I do a search is when I want to find something out and I rarely have any luck with it.

One article I read, I think it was a blog, was about how hard it is to keep track of favourites lol, even if you bookmark a page, you may want it on a different computer like at work or to show a friend on their computer etc. I read several very interesting articles on this page actually and then drifted away from it clicking links and do you think I will ever be able to find it again? Not likely lol. Even if I go into my history, I don't think I'll be able to find it. I am so daft.


There is such a bigass world out there that I am clueless of. There is sooooo much information to be absorbed. I'm like a sponge, I love learning new things. One thing I read about tonight, that I think I will remember, is about building birdfeeders and keeping those big pesky blackbirds from raiding feeders. Did you know those birds will eat dry dog food and its good for them? Its cheaper than birdfood also. I had no idea! So if you put out a big platform type feeder with the dog food and gradually move it further away from the other feeder until its on the other side of the yard, the big birds will go to it and leave the other feeders for the smaller birds. Good theory, and of course I WILL test it lol.

Its too cold outside tonight. I had the dog out but after we came in he kept bugging me to go back out. So, I let him out back and soon forgot he was outside and went about my business. He must have taken off because he was nowhere near the house when I finally remembered he was outside an hour or so later. I put on my parka and went out calling him and whistling to no avail. A few minutes later he came in the back door and he KNOWS hes in trouble, he looks guilty, he looks at me as if to say "I just couldn't help myself mom, I'm home now, its all good...right?" I just tell him hes a bad boy and he runs off to his bed, end of story. It wouldn't even be an issue if our yard was fully fenced. But its open and hes just a dog, which is just like a little kid, and he will do whatever he can get away with and he doesn't remember hes not supposed to leave the yard, he wanders. I leave the backdoor so he can just push it open, its not like hes locked out or anything. He has a dog house out there, but he doesn't use it. Anyways, its too cold. It shouldn't be so cold this time of year. Hubby will HAVE to call the furnace people tomorrow. Turns out the guy we know who works with this stuff, couldn't fix it. The fireplace does a lovely job heating the familyroom, but thats it. The rest of the house is freezing. It just shouldn't be this cold in September! On top of it, we're sick. We have fevers. On top of that I have PMS, my mouth is still killing me from all the pulled teeth, I'm slowly starving to death because I still can't eat anything but ice cream, soup and bananas. I can't sleep. Every time I doze off I have nightmares and/or I wake with a start and/or in tears. Very uncomfortable in all respects.

So I will sign off now and try again to get some sleep. The book I'm reading now is kind of creepy and could be contributing to the waking with a start etc. Good night and sweet dreams.

It Figures...

Well it figures today would be the day she wins Second Place! And it turns out Hubby did not take the camera, so no pictures for me. Piss me off. I feel like crap. Me and Hubby both obviously have some kind of virus or bug. Brutal. Never did cut the grass today. Didn't do much of anything today, just sat or laid around feeling miserable.
Until next time...have a good night.

All Alone On A Sunny Sunday

Good day.
I was up way late, like til 4 a.m ish, talking to Hubby's demented nephew on messenger. Then I was up again at 6 to help Little R get ready for todays 4-H competition. I am really really not feeling well. I went back to bed, found it impossible to get up again until about 1p.m! The house is empty, hubby has gone down to the Caledon Fair to support our daughter. Hope he gets some good pictures. At least he did have a fire going in the familyroom, though I seem to recall yelling at him about how cold the house is and I'm the only one who ever makes a fire, during one of my awake moments this morning. We still have no furnace. Not sure what we're waiting for. Pneumonia maybe.
Little R and her bad attitude and big mouth did not encourage me to go today. I'm sick of the whole thing to be honest. Its supposed to be fun and I haven't seen any of us have any fun with it yet. Its supposed to be teaching our daughter how to be a better person and I see absolutely no evidence of that either. I am tired of every time I ask a question I get my head bit off or I get attitude or I get a bullshit answer that doesn't answer the question. I grew up in the city. I have no experience with cows or with the 4-H club. Why wouldn't I ask questions? Why is it such a problem when I do? I don't understand. But I'm tired of it and I don't feel up to it today. I'd rather stay home and rest. If Little R's little attitude doesn't disappear, she won't be going to any more of this stuff herself.
Again I am just in a foul mood. Must be partly PMS. Tomorrow I go for "further testing". I'm scared shitless. Very weepy.
One of my neighbours is obviously cutting firewood or something and it is this incessant whine of a saw, it is REALLY getting on my nerves. Need to crank some tunes and block it out.
So...talking to hubby's nephew, just another thing in life to be upset and pissed off about. First of all his messenger name, was it meant to shock, frighten, worry, or what? Obviously looking for attention. So I gave him my attention last night. He made no sense half the time. He is obsessed with his mother and all the mistakes she has made with him. I don't think he has any real sense of right and wrong. He seems obsessed with hating his mother. He seems to use it as an excuse to do whatever he wants and be totally irresponsible. If we could have gotten involved sooner, when he was younger, we could have made a difference, I know it. We could have turned his life around. We could have given him a chance in life. From what I've seen and heard, I don't see him going anywhere but jail or death. He won't talk to me on any mature, honest level. He doesn't know me really. We really thought it would all work out when we were trying to get him up here through the proper channels as in CAS. It is Hubby who is stubborn, who wants it all HIS way. He doesn't want to make any sacrifice or go too far out of his way to help this kid. At first he was gungho. We were warned at the get go to expect some rejection, but Hubby didn't take it well when it happened. He didn't want me carrying on with it behind his back either. He says we gave him a chance and he blew it so to hell with him. Thats all well and fine, but I can't see it that way. It burns my ass because he isn't even my family except through marriage, and I seem to be the only one who cares about it at all. I'm certainly the only one who does get upset about it and still wants to try to help him. He stopped contacting us. He used to phone. We used to know where he was. I think he is 17 now, so certainly old enough to have some maturity. Ah well, I gave him our contact phone numbers AGAIN and asked him to send me email. We'll see what happens.
It looks like a beautiful fall day, sun is shining for a change. I may head down to Caledon on my own or just go out and cut the grass.
Enjoy your day!


P.S TODAYS HOROSCOPE

Daily ExtendedSeptember 10, 2006

Your experiences have taught you a lot about who you want to be, and
today someone else in your life could use this type of insight in their
own life. Of course, your path is not the same as theirs, but sharing
your past experiences with them might go a long way toward giving them
a new perspective on their journey. A casual conversation with someone
else might veer into deep territory soon ... if it does, just go with
it. Open up and divulge a little of your history. They'll find it
helpful.

Daily OverviewSeptember 10, 2006

You can provide emotional rescue for yourself. Acknowledging (and
dealing with) feelings gets short shrift in this culture, because
people think it means being out of control. You know that's far from
the truth.

Arthur Fall Fair

Did not realize how late it is! 1:40 a.m, sheesh. Oh well, I'm here now. Poor Little R...in the first round which is for Showmanship, she came in like 11th out of 21, which is a lot of kids for one class. Then in the Conformation round, there were signifigantly less kids and the judge had her in 4th but then bumped her down to 7th! I think I was more upset about that than she was. I wasn't really upset just disappointed. Thought she was gonna get 4th...and then....sigh....

It was way too cold for an outdoor show today. Tomorrow is the Caledon Fall Fair. Same thing, different town. I should mention Little R got a nice camp chair at the show today and I forgot to mention the nice duffel bag she got a few shows back lol. On top of the cash and ribbons they seem to get these gifts too. Its great!





So there they are, Little R and Gem.
Funny thing with this fair, they also had other animals like sheep and dogs! We watched a bit of the dog show and all through it I kept saying "Bear could do that!" I tried looking the club up online and couldn't find it, but apparently there are lots of them. Its something to look into I think. It looked like fun for both the pet owners and the dogs! Something I could see me and Bear doing! LOL




And then the sheep...they were in these pens between shows. The saying "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" applied here LOL.

I'm Not Completely Boring...

TGIF!
Much of this afternoon was spent surfing through blogs. As my dear Hubby slept, I surfed. I read some interesting stuff, some silly stuff, some very funny stuff, some truly stupid stuff and much talented stuff. Again, it only made me realize how deeply boring and lame my own blog has become.

How did this happen? Well, I would guess it was brought on mainly by fear. The fear of offending someone, fear of criticisim, fear of keeping an audience? A certain man once said to me "they may not all like me, but they will never forget me". His goal was not to be liked, but to be remembered. I'm not saying that's my goal, because to be honest, I do prefer being liked as opposed to being disliked lol, but that isn't my goal with my blog. My goal is to be heard, to hopefully be understood, to entertain, to amuse, to share my thoughts, feelings and opinions and to vent.

I recently asked my daughter why she hasn't posted anything on her blog since June. Remember she lost her job because of her blog. Her answer to me was, she is afraid of losing her new job. Well, I don't have to worry about losing my job, unless my husband divorces me, which he won't, so I have nothing to lose. My job is being his wife. His is the only opinion that really concerns me. I don't feel any great devotion, appreciation, admiration or respect from anyone else, can't lose it if I don't have it to begin with.

In fact, some of the people I used to praise and thank and show my appreciation of, on here, are the same people who have turned their backs on me. They judged me, criticized me, abandoned me and hurt me. They also don't even know what a blog is, or don't have computers (which is incomprehensible to me!) and knew nothing about my blog. I spend much of my time at my computer, doing many different things. I have taken a lot of criticisim for that too. I prefer communicating via the computer. I dislike the phone, only use it when I HAVE to, which is rare. I've learned so much and have learned how to do so much via the computer. It boggles my mind how anyone can criticize that. Now I sound like a broken record (whats that??). I've had people come out of the woodwork, people of the past, due to my blog. And all in a relatively short period of time.

I keep coming to the same conclusions about it all. People, in general, are idiots. In my life, in my experience, I have come across precious few people I can even tolerate, much less appreciate. The good news is, I am always meeting new people. I haven't given up hope, yet, that there are honest, decent, intelligent people out there. I have met a few...there has to be more, lol.

So, to hell with you all. If you can't differentiate between annoyance and rage, thats YOUR problem, not mine. I am not inarticulate. I express myself just fine. Maybe you are just argumentative? Maybe you are just dense? Again, not my problem.

SATURDAY NOW...

There are those from the past who just can't let go. They keep checking up on me, keep offering unsolicited advice (usually really bad advice at that), keep sharing their negative opinions. They continue to try to hurt me, to put me down, to drag me down. Give it up.

Then there are the others from the recent past who continue to look down upon me, judge me, criticize me and spread their negative opinions. They too try to hurt me. Don't you realize you can't hurt me? You did me a favour. You spared me from wasting years on you before seeing your true colours.

And whats with the clowns nextdoor sending my daughter home with cucumbers out of their garden? If it wasn't so silly I would have sent them back. I don't want anything from you and besides I have my own garden. But seriously, there are plenty of other people you can give them to. How neighbourly...how unlike you. I know you guys do check in and read this now and then, so its not a waste of my time addressing you on here. You are folks who need to learn how to count your blessings. And gain some appreciation.

And so, life goes on. There is always a new adventure around the corner. There is always a new face in the crowd. The road through life is full of twists and turns and hills and obstacles. Maybe some folks have a roadmap, not me.

I will try to get back on track here, no more mind-numbing monotony and boring posting. Though really, thats my life, boring. But again, thats how I like it. Thats how I want it to be. I don't need drama, chaos, constant upheaval.

So todays excitement is the 4-H competition at the Arthur Fall Fair. We went to the Arthur Fall Fair the first year we lived here, it was pretty lame, but it did have a midway with rides. The kids have already left, Little R was picked up at 7:15. They go with the calves or meet the calves there. Then the morning is spent washing and brushing and clipping and fluffing the calves. Todays show is at 12:30. Sometimes they stay and go on rides after packing the calves and gear up. I guess that depends on the adults. We usually take off right after the competition. Its not a very nice day out there so far. Quite damp and cool. There are 3 other adults involved, sometimes 4. There's our friends who's daughter is in it also (the ones responsible for getting us involved lol), the uncle who is the trainer of the girls and the calves, who works on the farm the calves come from and then sometimes the guy who owns the farm and the calves is there too. One of them has to drive the trailer with the calves in it. I'm ready to head out any time, but Hubby is still sleeping. I don't know what kind of night he had, if he got any rest. He was pretty sick yesterday. So, I'll leave him be for now. I have a good feeling about today. I think Little R is going to do well. I think she will place in the top 3. If so, that would really boost her confidence and regenerate her interest in the whole thing. I'll be interested to see how sharp my psychic abilities are lol, I used to be quite psychic you know.

I haven't been reading my horoscope at all lately. That was fun. I probably do believe it a little more than I let on too lol. I also still believe most of it is just cleverly crafted wording that could pertain to just about anything.

I just looked outside and it is even drearier than I thought. Doesn't look like it'll clear up any time soon either. Its pouring rain and the weather network isn't calling for rain at all. Sigh.

Ok, I'm off to start my day, there's a ton of laundry waiting to be folded. You have yourselves a fabulous day now!
XOXOXOX

I'm sick ugh

Good afternoon.
Wow, I do not feel well. Apparently neither does Hubby, because he called work this morning and said he couldn't go in and has been in bed ever since. I'm not sure if we've caught a bug or what. I know I was pretty upset after my visit with my dentist, but now I just feel downright ill. And we both have this horrible cough. Its hard to breathe. S.W was over here last night saying the same thing. She has asthma and was carrying one of her inhalers everywhere. On top of this very sore mouth, this just sucks. Even the dog is coughing once in a while.
Every time, and I do mean every time, Hubby takes a holiday from work, he gets sick. He only takes a break once in a while, like every other year, and when he does, he will end up starting to feel sick in the last couple of days. Then he ends up missing more time at work after going back because it turns into a full blown sickness. Bizarre.
Very interesting, to me anyway, that S.P has sold her house and moved, as far as I know, and I haven't heard a word from her. Maybe the move didn't work out. Her hubby did call my hubby at work a few weeks ago, looking for a deal on tires, and mentioned their moving date was Aug. 28th. Thats the last we've heard from them. I thought for sure she would at least want to brag about her new place. Oh well. Nothing I can do.
Ok, I'm off to get some rest. Have a great day!

Dentists UGH

Well good morning. Back to the old routine. I am lucky that Little R enjoys school. This will be her last year at this school, then its off to high school. She likes her teacher this year, another good thing. Her friend D.W is in her class this year which is nice for them. I think it will be a good year.
Thursday now...

But it turned out to be one of those days. I must be PMSing again. I was very weepy and emotional all day. Had an appointment at the dentist for 10 a.m. Didn't it start thundering and pouring at 9:45? During my drive, which at some points visibility was zero, I had knocked the light off my smoke. I could smell it burning somewhere and ended up pulling over to find it. There is construction going on all over the place, making the drive into town very unpleasant. I finally get there, in the nick of time and they are all asking me if I'm alright, saying I look upset or something. Gawd. I just said "it was a bit of a hairy drive", then I was asked where I live, where I drove from, UGH, and I thought to myself, they must not have had any thunder/lightening or rain here lol.

Because of the confusion over my previous changed appointments etc. no one seemed to know what is going on. I was so happy with this dentist. I was happy that he agreed with me that I need dentures, no more trying to save my teeth. He always explains everything, he tells me what hes about to do, he discusses finances, hes just been great. I trusted him. Hes never hurt me, always concerned with my comfort. Some how that all changed yesterday. I just had 10 teeth pulled a few days before and I found him to be quite rough with my tender mouth. He didn't explain anything. He more or less laughed at my pain and basically called me a suck. Then he lectured me about smoking. Basically he really really upset me and then accused me of being too upset. If he had ever acted this way before I would have never gone back to him. I'm going to have problems going back after this. I found they do have a website, I was going to send him an email just to let him know exactly how I feel before he forgets what happened, but of course there is no email option. It has been their mistakes causing all the confusion and yet I got the feeling he was blaming me for everything. I don't know, it was brutal, and thinking about it again now brought a flood of tears again.
A big part of my problem now is, the chance that I may have cervical cancer. My sister died from ovarian cancer, her daughter died from breast cancer and my oldest sister has had cancer. The doctor said if thats what it is, we caught it early which is a good thing. But I keep thinking just because he saw and caught that, doesn't mean thats all there is. We could find more and it could be more advanced. I go for testing on Sept. 11th but won't likely find anything out then, have to wait for the results. So I feel really confused about all this dental crap. I feel like what a colossal waste of money. I'm going to die with a nice smile?? I think my Hubby may need the money for my expenses. Don't get me wrong I am thinking positive, I am hoping its nothing, but that doesn't do me any good. I'd rather be prepared for the worst than expect the best.
So I just found the dentist to be very insensitive yesterday. I had myself convinced that I would let him pull the remaining 9 teeth with just freezing, rather than get knocked out and he blew that by telling me I was too nervous and upset. He TOLD me I just don't like anyone working in my mouth. But the truth is no I just don't like feeling like I'm choking, can't breathe and I was in pain. He was very arrogant about it. And he didn't explain what he was about to do, he just crammed this thing in my mouth and it hurt. I really need to talk to him and get an apology and be sure he understands (like he seemed to before) before I can proceed. It was almost like, he has my money so he doesn't need to be nice to me now.
I've only told a couple of people about this possibility and the reactions have been pretty blase and unconcerned. That doesn't help me feel better. It makes me feel like no one gives a shit about me, once again. I'll never forget my sister dying from ovarian cancer, she was a nurse! How did this happen? Everyone so far seems to have the attitude that its no big deal. Well for me, it could very well be a very big deal. Until I know one way or the other, I find it difficult to keep spending thousands on my teeth.
I know part of these feelings are PMS because this morning, my hubby was the most annoying person on earth lol. He wasn't doing anything in particular, nothing different, just his presence was enough to drive me up a wall. I could not wait for him to leave for work and then was upset when he left without the usual hug and kiss and goodbye have a good day routine.
These mood swings and extreme emotions only bolster my belief that there is more going on than just cervical cancer. I'm glad I finally got to let some of it out on here though. Now I can think about other things for a while and get on with my day.
Have a lovely day...looks like it may be clearing up.

The Peace and Quiet

It is eerily quiet here this morning lol. Not entirely unpleasant. I can think again! The only sound is the crackling of the fire in the fireplace, and the low hum of my computer.
I have my work cut out for me. The whole house is a wreck. At least getting the dishes done is no longer an issue. What was that tv show I used to watch, where they cleaned out a house and sorted everything into 3 piles, keep, toss and sell, and then they have a yard sale at the end? Thats kind of what I'm trying to do without the tarps laid out all over my yard to pile stuff on lol. And I have no intention of doing it all in one day! I also don't have the luxury of a carpenter on-site just waiting to build me shelves and cabinets lol.
I finally heard from Big R, she's been too busy to call her mother and it looks like they may be coming up for Thanksgiving dinner! That will be nice, its been a few years since we've been able to all get together for that. She also wants to see her sister in a 4-H competition lol. Big R got a puppy! Not sure if I mentioned it here before or not. Penelope the Peekapoo...
If nothing else, one thing Little R is gaining from the 4-H experience is self confidence. It takes guts for a kid to get out in front of that many people, and with an animal twice the size as yourself. She has been told considering she came from the city, not a farm, and has no previous experience, this is her first year, she is doing awesome! She's doing better than some kids who do come from farms etc.
Well, I'm off, time to get some work done around here.