It's A Marshmellow World In The Winter....Winter Wonderland Photos

There's some photos I took yesterday. There's Bear moseying down the road towards home after taking off. And Bear with a gutted toy hanging out of his mouth. And the garage door, who needs fake snow in a spraycan? And just general winter wonderland photos.

I see we have a freezing rain warning in effect. It's supposed to hit tomorrow afternoon. Can only guess whether it will be an inclement weather day tomorrow or not. We need to go to town tomorrow, so that should be a trip. Oh well we'll try to go before the ice hits the roads.

I got the sewing machine partially set up and read a bit of the manual. It's gonna have to be a daytime activity due to lighting. I plan to start sewing SOMETHING tomorrow, hehehe.

I was just talking to S.W and she is planning to give up her business and be a SAHM like me. She has been making cross stitch squares and plans on making them into a quilt. She too has never made a quilt before. We may be having quilting bees together before you know it! LMAO, can you see it? Heeheehee.

Borderline Personality Disorder, That's Me

When I went to see that brilliant doctor back in December, I didn't know what to expect. I had seen so many doctors over the years and none of them had helped me in any way. This guy asked me a few key questions and then within a half hour he had a diagnosis and prescription for me. I couldn't believe it and had my doubts. It was all too quick and easy. He told me to check out a website when I got home to see what I think, if I agreed with him or not. He told me that the States does a lot more studying on this subject than Canada, so it's an American Institution site. He told me he went to seminars in the States for his work, because they are much more up on this subject than Canada.
The Diagnosis......Borderline Personality Disorder.
The Medication......a very low dose of Risperidone.
The Website.......Personality Disorders Institute.
After reading the website, I absolutely agreed with the doctor. It described me and my life to a tee. I was thrilled to finally know what my problem is and to know it isn't my fault. I was even more thrilled when I found the medication actually works. It does what it's supposed to do, like stabalize my moods for one thing. No more depression, yay. No more beating myself up, yay. No more rage, yay. No more chaos, yay. It's been wonderful. Hubby noticed the difference right away also.
The site discusses therapy, saying perhaps the whole family may need some. My doctor doesn't think I need it, unless I feel I want it. As long as the medication is doing the job, that's all I need. Therapy is open to me whenever I want it. I do have a therapist and have talked to her a couple of times. She works closely with the doctor. I don't see a need for it at this time.
So I've taken a couple of excerpts from the site and copied them here. These are things that jumped out at me and I can particularily relate to.

These people, who were neither insane nor mentally healthy, continued to puzzle psychiatrists for the next one hundred years. It was in this "borderland" that society and psychiatry came to place its criminals, alcoholics, suicidal people, emotionally unstable and behaviorally unpredictable people—to separate them off both from those with more clearly defined psychiatric illnesses at one border (those, for example, whose illness we have come to call schizophrenia and manic-depressive or "bipolar" disorder) and from "normal" people at the other border.

The symptoms of borderline patients are similar to those for which most people seek psychiatric help: depression, mood swings, the use and abuse of drugs and alcohol as a means of trying to feel better; obsessions, phobias, feelings of emptiness and loneliness, inability to tolerate being alone, problems about eating.

And, of course, the effect of the illness upon the life of the patient is equally profound: jobs are lost, successes are spoiled, relationships shattered, families alienated. The end result is all too often the failure of a promising life, or a tragic suicide.

What causes the illness that has come to be called Borderline Personality Disorder? No one cause has been identified. Instead, most cases seem to reflect a combination of contributing factors that include an inherited vulnerability, a particular temperament, early life experiences, and subtle neurological or hormonal disturbances. All of these factors interact with each other and, in turn, produce reactions in the parents and teachers of small children that often intensify the problem.

Still others experience an unusual degree of trouble with their menstrual cycle once they enter puberty.

Two experiences in growing up are very, very common among borderline people. One is the experience of being seen as apparently competent. Because these people often are in fact very competent, very smart, sensitive, clever, insightful, it is extremely difficult for others to take them seriously when they collapse in despair at a minor frustration, burst into rage over nothing, make terrible errors of judgment. When a psychotic person acts that way, people are inclined to be sympathetic--"He can't help it"--but a borderline person is told, "It's not that bad." "Shape up--grow up--don't be such a wimp--you know better." Their behavior is often regarded as wilful, manipulative, "just looking for attention."

The second experience is linked to that of being an apparently competent person--and that is the experience of being invalidated: "It can't be that bad." "Your headache--your PMS--your anxiety aren't any worse than anybody else's--why make such a fuss?" Being invalidated compounds the borderline person's self-hatred. The majority of cases of borderline personality that come to the attention of psychiatrists are women. We don't know why this is, but researchers speculate that it reflects the combined effect of more girls than boys being subjected to sexual abuse in childhood, and of the tendency of males to express emotional instability via violence toward others rather than via self-destructiveness. Borderline men, therefore, are more likely to show up in jails than in psychiatric hospitals or psychiatrists' offices.

There is a lot more on the site if you care to read the whole page. It has been a very long and frustrating journey. I know all about self medicating. I had one incompetent doctor tell me my problem was that I had a drinking problem. Even I knew that my drinking was a symptom of something else. I think I should be able to sue that doctor lol, but that's another story. I have finally mastered the social drinking thing. I used to drink with a mission. I only drank when I was upset or frustrated. I drank to get drunk. I've always been able to go long periods without drinking at all. I'm not one who has to drink every day or even every weekend. I now drink when I feel like it or when in a social situation which calls for it. It's been that way for years. I figured that out on my own, before seeing this doctor.
I know all about anxiety and panic attacks. That started about 5 or 6 years ago. The first time was so random and out of the blue, it was terrifying. I got medication for that from my old family doctor, God bless Lorazepam, and was taking that for a couple of years. Eventually I stopped taking it, because it is addictive, and I didn't feel like I needed it any more. I was fine without it for a couple of years and then again, randomly, out of the blue I had another panic attack. That's when I went to my new family doctor and got put back on it. He also sent me to the wonder doctor, at my request. He agreed with me that the other doctor may be able to help me. Though I should mention my own family doctor had asked me if I had ever been on, or wanted to try, this medication I have ended up taking. So even he had an inkling of what my problem was.
I know all about feeling suicidal. I know all about rage and feeling violent. I know all about worse than usual PMS. I know all about people not understanding. I didn't even understand it myself, but I tried.
My conclusion? These country doctors are worth their weight in gold. City doctors are money-grubbing quacks. I'm finally able to live up to my potential, live my life to its fullest and enjoy my life.
Now if we can just deal with my PMS issues, life would be pretty much perfect. My OB-GYN. will be working on that once we're finished dealing with the cervical cancer issue. Yay.
A guy just now came and picked up Hubbys shirts, yippee! Freecycle rocks! Hubby also got my sewing machine all set up for me. Now I just need to dig out the book to re-learn how to thread it, etc. and I think I'll start by making a couple of little pillows for the dogs or something like that. Practise makes perfect. (Though, we all know, I do not believe "perfection" exists!)
I'm gonna go fool around with my sewing machine now. Have a lovely evening.

Wanted To Share

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Friendship Is Non-Toxic!

Here is my horoscope for Feb. 27/07...

You should continue to withdraw into your safety zone if you are feeling unsafe. But remember, it's not that you've failed. Far from it. You've just reached beyond your normal grasp and are growing from the experience. Keep your wits about you, and your sense of optimism, as you make alternative plans for the weeks ahead.

Here is my horoscope for Feb. 28/07....

You may find it increasingly difficult to work with other people these days. In fact, it may feel as if those same folks who are usually quite supportive are now standing in your way. However, you could be overly sensitive, imagining the resistance to be more serious than it truly is. Instead of shadowboxing with non-existent enemies, focus on your own self-expression and artistic creativity.

So yeah, yesterday I was feeling a little "unsafe", with the psycho dumping more toxic waste into my life. Little did I know she was unblocked from one of my email addresses, so I received another toxic email last night. My "alternative plans" included starting another blog, which I did. But upon further thought, why bother? It just wasn't the same. I like this one. "Imagining resistance to be more serious than it truly is" is what happened to me. Because she truly is a "non-existent enemy" and I should continue to "focus on my own self-expression and artistic creativity". I agree.
I had thought of posting last nights letter on here for all the world to see, and in fact told her I was going to, in my reply (I couldn't resist! gotta have the last word you know lol), but why bother. It's just more of the same. I'm useless, worthless, selfish, demanding, pathetic, a stupid bitch, a fucking twisted freak, a taker, not a contributing member of society, I think the world owes me something, she helped me out so much and I never did anything for her, bla bla bla. Whatever....she is entitled to her opinions, however wrong they may be.
I used to have such low self esteem I would soak up her words like a sponge. Thankfully I have gotten away from her and been able to learn how to let it roll off my back. I've learned that I cannot change her opinions. I've learned that her opinions just don't matter in the big picture.
Knowing you are hated by someone, for whatever reason, is not pleasant. I don't want to be hated. But I can't change it. Getting upset about it doesn't do any good. So why bother? She is the way she is, always was, always will be I think. At least I have grown to the point of being able to let it roll off my back. She doesn't even know me. She knows the insecure, self-loathing creature I used to be, the creature who she contributed to creating. I have thrived away from her hatred, toxic waste, jealousy and bitterness. (I bought a Hazmat suit on Ebay LOL)
What do I care if she stalks me and reads this? It doesn't matter to me. If that's how she gets her jollies, well then, that makes her the fucking twisted freak doesn't it? I was right, she does get pleasure from my "misfortunes". That has nothing to do with me. It certainly has nothing to do with what type of person I am.
But that's what she's done all along, project her own faults, guilts and inadequacies onto me. Accusing me of all the things she is guilty of. It's bizarre.
I was so naive as a kid. I thought when someone called themselves your friend, it meant they were your friend. I had no idea that she had issues of her own which were much worse than my own. She never talked about it, how was I to know? Our "friendship" was toxic from day one. I allowed her to destroy me because I didn't know any better. To hear the things she says about me, you'd think she doesn't know me at all. It's true, she doesn't know me at all. I think she was, and still is, so busy wallowing in her own shit, she can't see anything else.

I read a couple of quotes yesterday that really jumped out at me.

"Drama is life with the dull bits cut out." Alfred Hitchcock

"Only when the power of love overcomes the love of power will the world know peace." Jimi Hendrix

I love Jimi Hendrix, well, I love his music. Another great musician taken too soon.

Yesterday was beautiful. Not too cold. Big fat snowflakes drifting down lazily like feathers. The day before it had snowed all night and day, steadily. I felt a little silly heading out to a town 20 miles away to pick up some free pottery. The roads were an icy mess. But I'm glad we went. I got 5 beautiful pieces of Blue Mountain pottery. Yay Freecycle! I've had some interest but no takers yet for some more stuff I posted. One thing is a big bag of Hubbys shirts. Yes he actually went through his pile of clothes for me, finally. Most of it is unworn, was gifts that didn't fit. Some of it was worn once and shrank when washed. I'd keep some of it for myself, but even shrunk, it's way too big for me. If no one takes it by the weekend, it's off to the Salvation Army.
I partially dragged out one of my sewing machines, oh boy. That's me, intimidated by a sewing machine lol. I need Hubbys help moving it and wouldn't you know he's napping.
Well, I'm going to go see if I can get it set up by myself. It looks like it's going to be a sunny day for a change, yay. So enjoy your day, try not to get hit by any toxic waste.

Moving On

Well, this will likely be my last entry here.
As you can see, I have this hateful, vindictive (for no reason), sad and bitter person reading (stalking) and commenting.
I do know her, but she hasn't been a part of my life for several years. Can you imagine why? Contrary to her uninformed assumption that I won't just start another blog, anonymously, that's exactly what I plan to do.
You see Cathy, I really don't do this for your entertainment. I've told you why I gave you the address. Just wanted to be clear about your misinformed opinion of my feelings regarding Big R.
This business of me NEEDING an audience, just boggles my mind. I've figured out why you are the way you are, (and thank you for once again showing your true colours for all the world to see), but I can't figure out the audience thing. (If you only knew who my audience is! hehehe)
I don't blame you for being jealous and bitter. But you know what? It isn't my fault. You just take it out on me, as always. That's exactly what my problem with you has always been. Nothing has changed, except that we are no longer in each others lives. Well, except when you put yourself in my life via this blog.
You have no reason to be so hateful and vindictive towards me, other than jealousy. I have asked you time and time again, what I did to you, how I hurt you. You have NEVER given me an answer. Why? Because there is no answer. I've done NOTHING to you. You are just jealous and bitter because your own life has been nothing but one big "misfortune".
You are angry because the one time you asked to borrow money I said no. And we both know I could have lent it to you, and said no, just for pay backs. Of all the times, when you called yourself my friend, you could have helped me out, in some pretty desperate times, you said no. And I'm not just talking about money here. There is so much more to life than money. You always put yourself first and the one and only time I did it right back at you, you have never gotten over it. So how can you even 'not get' why I am so bitter towards you? Think about it. I only did it once, you did it countless!
Laughing at and you "couldn't be happier" to read about my "misfortunes"? That's nothing new, that's what you've always done. That would be YOUR bad karma, LOL. I don't see how that has anything to do with me. That's just the type of person YOU are, not me.
I absolutely agree what goes around comes around. That's why I'm here and you're there. That's why I'm happy and you're not. Nothing is biting me in the ass. You're daft.
Really, learn to differentiate between feelings (like, I feel that my daughter hates me) and truth (she has her own issues). Appearances and reality.
I know you like to think I'm stupid, but that's just one more thing you are wrong about. I'm not so stupid to pour my whole life out in a blog on the WWW, duh.
There is so much more to everything, that you have no clue about. Your comments, judgements, opinions are pretty much uninformed and uneducated. No basis in reality.
I'm over it. I have moved on. My life continually evolves. My world grows and expands. You mean nothing. Your opinions mean nothing. I know where they come from. The one thing I've learned from you is to look out for number one. You can't hurt me any more, as much as you may try to. It doesn't matter.
I won't bother deleting this time, because some people may want to contact me via this blog, with POSITIVE things to say. Yes Cathy, it's true, some people are positive. Some people understand. Some people have even had similar experiences to mine. Some people have had people like you in their lives too. So sad. Some people don't need the "misfortune", downfalls or misery of others to make themselves feel better about their own sad existence.
And to laugh and gain happiness from it? Wow. Like I said, human vulture.
I try to deal with my issues, whether it be through family, friends, doctors, medication, websites, changing my life or writing a blog. I don't hurt anyone, nor do I try to. You somehow see that as wrong, as a weakness. You, on the other hand, deal with your own issues by not dealing with them at all, by pretending they don't exist, by living in denial, by taking it out on others, like me.
So, good luck with that.
Have a nice life (even though I doubt that's possible). I'm moving on.
My "audience" awaits.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

"Anonymous" Strikes Again

Good morning, sort of.
I woke up this morning totally expecting it to be a snow day. It snowed all night long, is still snowing, and the roads are a mess. But nooooo, its not a snow day.
My father went home from the hospital yesterday. They've changed all his medications around and added some new ones. He was told he has to slow down and start taking it really easy. That's funny because it isn't humanly possible to do things any slower than he does. But he does still drive over to the mall and go mall walking every day. I suppose he'll have to cut down on doing that. He passed all his tests. He is still like the "Energizer Bunny".
How pleasant to wake up to that Anonymous comment on yesterdays post. Bad karma? That's a new one. I knew you took everything literally, but I didn't realize you kept a running list of my supposed downfalls.
As far as the reason I gave you the address to this blog....you had sent me an email, in it you clearly misunderstood how I felt about something and I just so happened to have mentioned it on here. So, rather than try to explain myself to you, which is always quite frustrating, I sent you to my blog to read the truth. I honestly never expected you to keep reading. Apparently I was wrong. And once again, you are wrong. I'm not toothless. I'm not friendless. I'm not penniless. I don't know if my daughter hates me or not. She has her own issues. She's a lot like me, spoiled and emotional. She may even have some depression issues. As far as hating me, sometimes it feels that way to me, but only she can answer that.
Funny you should mention the toothless thing. It was just last night I had a panic attack when I started thinking about having the rest of my teeth pulled. My dentures are sitting there ready and waiting. I just need to get up the nerve to go have the rest of my teeth pulled and I'm scared shitless of doing that.
Friendless? How do you figure? I have people I talk to every day, people I can count on when I need them for ANYTHING, people I have fun with, people I would do ANYTHING for. That's friends.
And penniless, hardly. Yeah we had a couple of weeks that were a little tight because Hubby had no income, we got by. And pssssst, just between you and me, in just a few short months, I'll be a millionaire, heeheehee.
So here I am, defending myself when it just doesn't matter. Thanks for giving me something to yap about. And thank you for proving me right, once again, about the type of person you are and the reasons you read this.
In other news....we'll be getting the bike back up here in a couple of weeks. You know what that means. It's almost spring! It also means we'll have to make room in the garage. Again I wish the weather would mellow out so we could get out there clearing it out. We've acquired some stuff for my home business over the winter and it's sitting in there, taking up valuable space. The garage is an integral part of the business, I can't do anything until the garage is ready. So now I'm realistically shooting for next fall. That gives us all summer to get everything done and get all the wheels in motion.
The Freecycle thing, well, it isn't going as good as I had hoped. I've offered up a bunch of stuff, no takers, but it will be easy enough to get rid of. I can go to Kitchener today to pick up some stuff, but it isn't worth the trip, I was hoping to get more stuff to pick up to make it worth my while and that hasn't happened. So, it's not likely we'll be going. Besides, Hubby's knee started acting up again, so its not likely he'll be doing much driving. I'm not driving myself to Kitchener with the roads like this (it really is a mess out there).
As far as this blog, still undecided. I do actually have other blogs, I just don't use them, but I could. It has nothing to do with you "Anonymous". I don't do this for you. It has nothing to do with needing an audience either (I still can't figure out where you get that idea from). Like everything else, it's way off. I do this because its therapeutic, its FUN, it's a piece of me, it's something to do. There are millions of blogs out there, so I don't know why you would think my motives aren't just like all the other millions of folks with blogs. Manic people need to write. This is great when I'm feeling manic, I can go on and on and on, woohoo.
Sorry to disappoint, even when times are tough, I've had much tougher times. I have never been happier or more stable and secure than I am now. I am truly blessed and there isn't a day that goes by in which that slips by me.
I think I won the weekly race. Since I've missed him the last 3 or 4 weeks, I decided to get off my ass and put some garbage out last night, 3 bags of trash and 2 bags of recycling (my recycling boxes are buried and frozen solid). Doesn't it figure that it's now after 9 a.m and he hasn't come by yet! LOL Fucker.
It seems Little R needs a little extra rousting this morning, so I'm off.
Have a peachy day all.

Bla Bla Bla.....Yadda Yadda Yadda......

And then there's the fact that Hubby has been home for over a month now and it doesn't look like he'll be going back to work any time soon. He is now going for physiotherapy. Not sure that will help anything.
According to my stats, and yes I do check them once in a while, I have my little stalker back. What the hell? Why is my life so interesting to you? Whatever floats your boat I guess. Waiting for my father to die are you? Waiting for that moment of weakness so you can attack me again? You make me consider deleting this and starting over anonymously without your knowledge. Wouldn't you just be lost then? Gawd, you are so pathetic. I know you aren't here because of my exceptional writing abilities. I know you aren't here because you care. You're here because you are a human vulture. You're here because you have no life. You're here because you are a hateful, vindictive bitch. You're here because you get some kind of joy out of my downfalls. You're here because you're nosy.
Hahahahahaha.
Move along, keep it moving, there's nothing to see here.
The drama is over.
Just living my life.
It's pretty plain.
It's pretty simple.
It's pretty sweet.
My daughter hates me, that's nothing new. Hasn't it always been that way? I think so.
My other daughter loves me to bits.
My husband loves me to bits.
My dogs worship me.
I love myself today.
It's 7:30 a.m on a Sunday. I don't go to church, though I think about it, you know, just for something to do. I could walk to the nearest church. It's a United church, the same denomination I was married in.
Other than my precious doggies, I'm the only one up. It's too cold out to take them for a walk.
There's only so much laundry to be done.
It's so much nicer to throw a log on the fire and sit here browsing and blathering.
Did you know that manic people do a lot of writing? I'm only borderline manic.
Did you know that manic people obsess? I only borderline obsess.
Did you know that NO ONE is perfect? Even YOU. Maybe ESPECIALLY you.
Did you know that no one is happy all the time? Did you know that no one is depressed all the time?
Do you know ANYTHING?
Enh, I'm going to do some laundry, it's more fun.

Kids, Huh, What Are They Good For?

Good morning.
When I took the dogs out for a walk yesterday I was thrilled to find the sun was making it quite mild. If it wasn't for the footage of snow it would have been like a spring day. I even heard a bird singing and I'm pretty sure it was a robin. I was also surprised at how well behaved the dogs were on their leashes. I came home from it in a wonderful mood. I thought it was the perfect time for Hubby to drag out the snowblower to clear out the driveway etc. He disagreed, and thats when the foul mood started to set in. I couldn't believe he didn't want to be outside when it was so glorious out there. It must be PMS, by the end of the day I absolutely hated him. I felt trapped and enraged. He didn't want to do anything I wanted to do. I hate feeling that way. I'm sure Hubby hates it when I feel that way too.
To add to my foul mood, I called my father, since he is now in a room and has a phone, and he sounded very confused, which upset me. It took him forever to get to the phone and then told me it was beside his bed, so unless he was out of his bed, I don't know what took him so long. Then as we were talking he was saying things that just didn't make much sense. He said he was going home at noon, but it was 3 p.m when we were talking. He thought I was my sister at first until I told him it was me and then he said oh he thought it was me. He was just confused about everything. After talking to him I immediately called my sister but she was on her way to see him. So I didn't talk to her until later when she got back home. She said they are sending him home today. They didn't find anything wrong and are chalking it up to angina. Whatever, omg. I have a bad feeling about this. I have a feeling he'll be back in the hospital sooner than later.
And then the icing on my misery cake was Big R. Apparently no one had told her her grandfather was in the hospital. They are quite close and so she was not happy to find out about it by reading my blog. I just figured she knew. I was under the impression that she calls and visits him on a regular and frequent basis. I guess its not as frequent as I thought. So this is her new excuse for hating me and being evil and mean and hateful to me. According to her I didn't "have the decency" to tell her about it. Honestly, I haven't even heard from her since Christmas. Christmas was a big flop. I basically ended up throwing her out of the house when they were here on Boxing Day because she was being so ignorant and hateful.
I always thought as kids grow up and mature they figure out what's important and what's not. I figured with age and maturity and a little life experience they grow to appreciate their parents more. I guess I was wrong, it wouldn't be the first time. That girl has zero respect or appreciation for me. I don't know how to rectify the situation. I've tried being more involved in her life but she doesn't want that. I've tried giving her things I think she wants, she doesn't want that. I've tried just leaving her alone, she doesn't want that. I'm at the point where I know it doesn't matter what I say or do or don't say or do, she won't be happy with me. I've been told all kids go through this, especially in their twenties. They feel this need to tell you everything you did wrong as a parent. I've been told its a phase, its part of growing up, its part of the passage into adulthood. Well, whatever, I don't know about that. All I do know is, I'm in self-preservation mode. I can't take it to heart when she is hateful. I just keep telling myself some day she will grow up. I've tried talking to her. I've tried explaining my side of the story. I've treated her like a mature person who is capapble of understanding. I've apologized and asked her forgiveness for any perceived wrong-doing. She is my daughter, I love her unconditionally. But I am not a doormat. And I do have feelings, and I do have a brain, and I do have a heart. I have my own issues and problems. I'm tired of defending myself and I don't think I should have to with my own child.
It's kind of funny, I went through a similar scenario with my sister years ago when my father went to the hospital and she didn't tell me. But rather than freaking out on her and accusing her of not having the decency to tell me I just told her from then on, in the future, I would like to be informed. No big deal, and she has lived up to that. In this case, he went in for tests because his regular doctor felt something was wrong. My sister only called me, my brother and my other sister, and only after they decided they were keeping him in the hospital. She didn't think she should be calling everyone because he was in for tests. She told me she wasn't sure who she should call or not. I think my daughter is making a mountain out of a molehill and using it as an excuse for her own poor behaviour. Obviously, if it had been more serious, if he was seriously ill or dying, I would have contacted her about it. If she was as concerned as she is making it out to be, she would have found out when she tried to contact him, or me. We haven't really spoken in a couple of months. It isn't unusual to go that long with no contact. I used to send her frequent emails, they went ignored, so whats the point? I stopped doing it because it just upset me when she didn't reply. She reads my blog and thats how she keeps in touch. Too bad it doesn't occur to her that I don't discuss EVERYTHING in my blog. She has a blog also, and I read it, but once I comment or react to it in any way, she stops posting. It's been so long since she updated it, I'm down to checking it weekly.
Like I said, I'm in self-preservation mode. This is new for me. This is how I have to be to keep my sanity, to not get hurt. I guess it is unusual for me to be looking out for number one. Its true I never used to be like that, but that is exactly what has caused many of my problems. So thats why I've tried to change my ways and look out for myself. Deal with it. I'm not going to let anyone else hurt me or get under my skin. Simple. And that includes my own daughter. Sad but true. True, she still hurts me, but I won't let it get to the point of devestation.
Hopefully today will be a better day. Have a lovely Sunday.

One Item Down - Tons Of Items To Go

Good day.
First thing this morning I received an email from someone interested in taking my old chandelier, which I had posted on Freecycle. We made the arrangements for them to come pick it up. This gave us a little over an hour. We had just got up so we needed to get dressed etc. Hubby went down to the basement to get the chandelier, and as soon as I saw it, I knew, it needed a little cleaning up. The timing was perfect, just as Hubby was putting the last screw back in the chandelier there was a knock at the door. They were actually a couple of minutes early, but whos counting. And she was very happy with it. So yay, got rid of that damn thing, no fuss, no muss. I hated it from the minute I saw it and it was probably one of the first things to be changed when we moved in here. I had one of my own that I bought at an auction, which I love.
I've been rather domestic around here all morning. First I made egg mcmuffins for breakfast, and then I just finished making a fruit salad. We bought all the ingredients yesterday and I was stunned at the price of the strawberries. They were $4! When Hubby asked me how much they were, I told him $3, lol, that somehow seemed a little more acceptable. But I guess he'll know the truth when he reads this eh. The salad consists of cantelope, banana, peaches, bosc pears, kiwi and strawberries, yummy. And the egg mcmuffins consisted of fried egg and a cheese slice on a toasted English muffin, lol.
I've almost got the diningroom catchall, I mean table, cleared off so that I can start working on my curtains, yay. Hubby seems to think that table is a toolbox. I'm really into this de-clutter thing. I'm feeling unusually domestic today. I only wish Hubby would be more co-operative. The bugger is now laying down, having a little nap, grrrrrrr.
We were thinking of going down to see my father again today, but, I don't feel like it now. Haven't had any more news on his condition or what the problem is. I'll give him a call at some point today. I'm sure my sister will call if there is any news.
Oh yes, and if I haven't mentioned it already, Stewie did find a home, thankfully. And it wasn't with the folks who originally said they wanted him, go figure. He is with some nice people now.
Well, I'm off to do domestic things.
Have a lovely Saturday afternoon.

Free Fabric Scraps = A Quilt

Good evening.
Well I haven't been able to de-clutter my house at all, haven't got rid of anything yet. However, I did go make my first pick up of free stuff this evening. It was a big bag of fabric scraps and a small bag of knick knacks. The fabrics are mostly fleece and flannel. The colours are compatible. I'm picturing a nice warm quilt. I have never made a quilt in my life. The biggest obstacle I think will be figuring out a sewing machine. I have 2 of them but it has been so very long since I ever used one, I'll have to figure out and remember how to thread it and use it. I've been looking at patterns online. Seems simple enough. Now I'm thinking maybe I should start with those curtains I'm going to make for a bedroom with that material I got at the Restore. That should be easier than a quilt and will get me in the sewing zone. Boy I sure do have big plans. In my teens I did crocheting, which I realize has nothing to do with sewing or quilting, and I wouldn't have a clue how to do it now, but the point is, I could do it, I did it, I made several afghans back then and still have one of them left. In fact I have it wrapped around me right this minute because its so damn cold down here in the familyroom with no fire going. I once had a job where I did industrial sewing, when I was in my twenties. I'm sure it'll all come back to me. I'm sure it'll be a project to end all projects for me. But I know I can do it, if I put my mind to it. So the first thing to do is re-familiarize myself with a sewing machine. Then measure, cut and sew the curtains. If they turn out well, I'll dive right into the quilt. I'll stick with a pretty basic pattern. I'm quite excited about this believe it or not. I have no desire to get all fancy and start entering quilting competitions or anything. I just want to do it myself and use it. Use up all this free fabric and make use of it and be proud of my effort.
It was a little weird showing up at a complete strangers house to collect free stuff. She was nice and I was nervous. When I'm nervous I tend to babble. I just talk to much and don't really know what to say. It was a little awkward. She seemed to be a veteran Freecycler. She told me of getting a wheel chair for a friend through the Freecycle site and also car ramps for her husband. Cool! So I've got a couple of things up on the site but no takers yet. I'm kind of holding back pending my springtime yard sale. Whatever I don't sell will be put up on the Freecycle site, and if I can't get rid of it there, I'll donate it to the nearest thrift store.
One of the things I offered up is a chandalier. When I went down to the basement to have a look at it and make sure I know where it is, I came across other stuff I completely forgot I had. Its like Christmas! I found a purse I had bought to use for a wedding, it still had the tags on it and the paper stuffing in it! Cool! I don't even remember what wedding I bought it for. But there you go, I got a brand new purse. I have a box of purses in my bedroom closet and I do switch them around, I use them all. At my first and only yard sale I sold a purse for $1.
This whole de-cluttering, organizing and purging my house is going to be so much fun. And I know I won't regret it. And I will be ruthless.
Hubby had to go to town today. He had to promise I could go to Dollarama to get me to go with him. Including tax I spent like $26. I got things we need, things I wanted to try like their tin foil, treats and toys for the dogs, scented candles of course, some printer paper for flyers. It was great, he was pretty co-operative. Well then he wanted to go to our favourite thrift store, it was closed! Grrrrrrr. So we went to another one and just couldn't believe the prices on stuff. Well then we went to a small shop of Antiques and Collectibles, hmmmm. It reminded me very much of S.P.s store. In fact she had this dish, priced at $8, I bought the exact same dish at Dollarama, and yes, being her friend, I did tell her. Then in the store today, they had the exact same dish, priced at $12! I didn't tell them. Again, couldn't believe the prices on things and didn't really like the atmosphere in that store. It was too quiet and I felt like the two guys sitting in there were watching me like hawks. I hate that. They didn't say a word to each other and I felt like they were listening in on everything Hubby and I said to each other. Didn't like that. There was a radio playing quietly in the background, but it was too quiet. We did hear on that radio however, just as we were leaving, that we can expect more snow on Monday. Nooooooo!
It has gotten very cold again and the roads were very icy this evening. I still don't know why it was a snow day though, unless the roads were icy this morning too. Hopefully Monday won't be another snow day.
I talked to my sister again, it seems after telling my father he would be going home today they decided to put him in a room instead. Whether it has anything to do with todays tests or not we don't know. But I'm glad to hear he is more comfortable in a room and we can now phone him directly. We may just go down and visit him again tomorrow, we'll see.
Well thats it for now, the latest news from paradise.
Have a great night.

Snow Days And Yard Sales

Good morning.
Yes, its a snow day today. Now yesterday morning was nasty, it should have been a snow day, but wasn't. This morning it is sunny out there, but, no school. I don't understand the reasoning. Unless there is more snow in the forecast. But it sure doesn't look like it right now.
This freecycle thing is driving me crazy. Its such a great idea, but people are such nitwits. I've now had 3 people ask me to email them pictures of my TV stand and none of them have replied back saying they want it. I still have had no luck getting anything I am interested in. I would have been willing to drive all the way to Arthur for a box of pots and pans, but they were apparently taken already, well, pending pick up. Two people have simply not responded to my requests for the stuff they offered. I can't wait for yard/garage sale season. At least then its a simple process with no games. Unlike this freecycle business. And its the same idea, keeping good junk out of the landfills.
I can't wait for spring. We are really getting whollopped the last few weeks. Deep freeze cold and tons of snow. I am craving sunshine and warmth. I don't want to leave the house, because its so cold out. I'm slipping into a depression, sort of.
I fainted last night. Not sure what that was about. I have a feeling it was related to my PMS and whatever is going on with my womanly problems. Still haven't heard from the specialist with my test results.
I haven't talked to Big R since Christmastime. She hates me. Theres nothing I can do about that. I don't understand it. I don't know what she wants from me. I've heard through the family grapevine that she found another job and plans to move in the spring. I miss her.
Did I mention I can't wait for spring? I am determined to have my yard sale. Hubby doesn't seem very enthusiastic about the whole idea though. We've only had one before and it went very well. We have a lot more stuff now. I don't know what his problem with the whole idea is. He likes going to other peoples sales, so why wouldn't he like having our own? The one we had years ago was down in the city, we only had a fraction of the stuff we have now. We were living in a cheesy area and everything. But we did manage to sell the majority of the stuff and lots of people came. What we didn't sell we donated to the nearest thrift store. It was great. Oh well, if I have to do it without his help, so be it. I just wish the weather would mellow out so I could get out in the garage looking for things for the yard sale and things to throw away. Hopefully by this time next year the garage will be insulated, heated and have a door directly from the house. I have the spare bedroom full of yard sale stuff and the garage is such a mess, but I'm sure its full of yard sale stuff. Then there's the basement. I suppose I could start there. I plan on being ruthless, as difficult as that is, being such a packrat.
But its pretty sad when you can't even give stuff away via the freecycle site.
Have a peachy day.

Winter Wonderland AGAIN

Good morning.
I talked to my sister this morning and it seems my father got the results from yesterdays tests. It was good news, I guess. He does not have a blood clot in his lungs, yay. But they still don't know what is wrong, so he'll be having more tests today. My sister told me he did perk up after we left yesterday, he just needed some oxygen and his dinner. Also he did start reading the book I took to him. I'm very worried about him. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.
Its been such a joy dealing with the moderators of this freecycle group, let me tell you. Even they can't stick to their own rules for crying out loud. I don't think theres a lot of brain cells alive around there. I'm already, after less than 2 full days, ready to pack it in and never look back. There are other freecycle groups with intelligent people running them. So far I've had one request for photos of my great big huge TV stand. I hope I can get rid of it (without sending it to a landfill). Everything posted that I am interested in taking has been already taken but not posted as such, or I am just getting no response from the offerers. So whats your point people?
I guess its partly being preoccupied with worry about my dad and partly PMS, I just have no patience, especially when it comes to stupid or inconsiderate people.
So much for the spring-like weather and all the snow melting away. Got up this morning and there is like a foot of new fallen snow on the ground, sigh. It must have snowed all night long and was snowing heavily when I got up. The roads were terrible and yet school was open, go figure.
Today they are taking graduation photos at school. Little R will be graduating to high school. Its not like they're graduating high school, I don't remember such a big deal other than a dance when we graduated from grade 8. And besides, thats not until June. Anyhow, they want $25 for a certificate and little pictures of all the classmates. Whatever, aint gonna happen. We'll buy the portrait picture of Little R, thats all, and I have no idea how much that will cost. She had her father confused into thinking he was paying for her portrait picture and was very disappointed when we turned around and said no. She left the house in quite a snit this morning. She's lucky I buy her school pictures at all. Big R wasn't so lucky. I was so poor back then I only bought her school picture a couple of times.
Well, I'm off to check my email and see if anyone is going to respond to my freecycle posts.
Have a great day.

Freecycle Needs Some Moderation

Good evening.
Today was full of negative experiences. Some good stuff too. You know how I will buy just about anything if it only costs a buck? Well if its free, even better! I'll take it! The other day a friend told me about a site called freecycle. I had heard about this somewhere before, not sure if it was in the news or what. Anyhow, I looked it up. It turns out to actually be a Yahoo Group. Its a message board where you can post items you have or want and everything is free. For example I have this huge corner unit TV stand and I would give it away. There are different groups/sites for different areas, so I went to the one nearest me. You must "apply" to join. I applied, and waited. I told Hubby all about it so he applied also. This morning as I was still here waiting to be "approved", Hubby got his approval and was merrily checking out the site, grrrrrrr. Then my sister phoned. My father has been in the hospital for a couple of days and it looks like he'll be there for a couple more days, so she thought she should let me know. Apparently he had gone to his doctor for a follow up visit after his major surgery and the doctor found something wrong and called an ambulance. Obviously this upset me and Hubby and I immediately headed off to the city to see my dad and find out what is wrong. I took him a book. He was still in the emergency department, waiting for a bed in a room. I figured he may be a little bored and lonely. When we got there, he was in good spirits, he was a little weak, other than that, he was doing pretty good. I think he was very pleasantly surprised to see us, especially since its an hour drive down there. We sat with him and we adjusted his bed so he could sit up to eat his lunch, we were having a lovely visit. Then a nurse came to get him to go for some tests. Hubby and I slipped out for a smoke at that point. We were happy to see him in pretty good shape and good spirits. After about a half hour we headed back to his cubicle in the emergency department. He wasn't back from his tests yet. We sat there for a few minutes when another nurse came to tell us they needed the cubicle for someone else and my father would be moved, could we go wait for him in the other department he was being moved to. Sure, no problem. From what I could tell, it was just an extension of the emergency department. Then my sister and her son, who is a paramedic, showed up. My nephew still had his uniform on, which was helpful, because it allowed him to go where ever he wanted to in the hospital and to talk to people and get information. Now that they were there Hubby and I again slipped out for another smoke. After a few more minutes of waiting, my nephew went off to find out what was going on. He came back with my father and took him to his new cubicle. My dad seemed very much weaker and worn out after the tests. At this point we just said our good byes and left. We still had an hour drive to get home and Little R would be home from school and wondering where we were. There wouldn't be any test results right away anyway. I didn't hear anything from my sister this evening so I will call her in the morning. The first thing I do when I get home is check my email. STILL no approval from the freecycle site. So now, I'm just pissed off. Why does Hubby get approved right away and I'm still waiting? I'm upset and worried about my father, I don't need this. So I sent off a rather rude email. I had been looking forward to checking out this site. I have all kinds of things to offer and was really looking forward to seeing what was available, for free. I then went ahead and joined another freecycle group in another nearby town. And guess what? It was free to join. There was no applying and being approved. It was just simply join, no fuss, no muss. Cool. Unfortunately, this group doesn't have as many members as the other one and so not as many cool things to look through. Then I get an email from the original group saying oops sorry about that, and boom now I'm an approved member, yay. So I'm reading through all the rules and whatnot, ok, I get it, I can do this, great. One rule is your first post must be an offer, rather than a request. Ok, I can do that. I posted my huge TV stand, take it, please. Then I saw a bunch of stuff I'd like to have, mostly crafting type stuff, cool. I send off my email saying I am interested in all this stuff. There were several listings, but all from the same person, so I mentioned everything I wanted in my one email. Another rule, if you have multiple stuff, put it in one post. That was not done in this case, there were multiple listings from the same person. When I get a reply, its, sorry all but one is taken already. And of course its the one thing I didn't really really want, a bag of knick knacks, and upon reading the description it was all Dollarama stuff to boot, I'll pass, no thanks. You are supposed to post when things are taken. This was not done, and still hasn't been done. How disappointing! And how hard is it to follow a few simple rules, "etiquette" rules? The nature of the site, the idea behind it, even the reasons for all the rules, makes perfect sense. It's a great idea. In theory. How sad that people cannot follow a few simple rules and have a bit of simple etiquette to make the site work and flow. Now me being a newbie, and already blasting one of the moderators for the long waiting period before being approved to join, I just want to send another email to the moderator bitching about this. This stuff should be posted as TAKEN now, but it isn't. So I was duly disappointed and wasted my time. I should mention, another posting rule is, the only headings for posts allowed are OFFER, WANTED, TAKEN and RECEIVED. Like why have all these rules if you're not going to enforce them? I understand the rules and am prepared to live by them. I understand the reason for the rules. So now I'm just pissed off, disappointed, disgruntled with the whole thing. Its a great idea! Co-operate people! Help needy people get stuff they need for free. Save our landfills by keeping good, useful junk out of them. Reuse and recycle, for free. So being a newbie, I don't want to ruffle feathers just yet. But I'm having trouble refraining from complaining. Like its just not that difficult to follow these simple rules and etiquette, really. Supposedly, if you don't you will be booted from the group. Like I was booted from that gardening group, because of the rule about posting at least once a month. I was without a computer for a couple of months when mine crashed and it took a couple of months to get a new one. Sheesh.
So I don't know, the whole thing is leaving a sour taste in my mouth from the get go. And some of the stuff being offered too is a little bizarre, like, 3 Easter baskets. What? Easter baskets are a dime a dozen. Or broken speakers (for a computer I think). What? Who needs broken speakers? To me those are the kinds of things to go in the trash or to a thrift store.
Well, I definately plan on having my yard/garage sale in May, and was hoping to post anything I couldn't sell on this freecycle site. Not so sure now. Maybe I'll just do what I did before and donate my leftovers to the nearest thrift store. I love this kind of stuff. Its so true that one mans junk is another mans treasure. I love thrift stores, yard sales, auctions, the whole thing. That's one reason I NEED to have my own yard sale lol. But this site is just silly. Unless someone is going to step up and do some moderating.
Meanwhile, we don't know what is wrong with my father, other than it involves his heart and could be quite serious/dangerous. Please think of him and offer your prayers for him (and me). Thanks.
Have a nice night.

Have A Lovely Day!

Good morning.

I did find the bucket of flower seeds yesterday, but I didn't even look inside of it. Hubby and I went to town and I almost bought some more seeds. Dollarama has some, 3 packages for $1. But I decided to wait to see what I already have before buying more. I used to be in an online gardening group, but they kicked me out because I didn't post often enough. When I tried to re-join they wouldn't let me. I wouldn't have thought a bunch of gardeners would be so snooty. So I've been searching for other garden sites, for information and tips. Because I really have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to gardening. Sometimes I'm lucky and things work out, sometimes not. I don't want to waste my seeds doing it wrong if I can avoid it.

I got an email from my friend J.C. She says she's getting married in September and would like me to be there. I'm so happy for her. I'm glad that she is happy. She also said she finally got another computer and now she's just waiting for internet service. Yay! I can't wait to talk to her again, it's been so long.

We took the dogs to get their nails clipped yesterday. Bear is always so good about it. And surprisingly Eddie was pretty good too. Eddie is a pain in the car though. He climbs all over the place. Hubby was driving, so he was lucky to have me there to hold Eddie back. I can't imaging driving myself with Eddie in the car. The last I heard, my friend still hadn't got a hold of the people wanting to take Stewie so she still had him at her place. I feel so bad. I don't think she would have went and took him if we didn't say oh we'll take him. She would have waited until she had someone else to take him. Meanwhile, Bear and Eddie are getting along quite well these days.

We get the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets here in paradise. This morning was strange. It was milder yesterday than it has been in weeks, above freezing, woohoo. The snow and ice did start to melt a bit. I guess the temperature dropped during the night and this morning its around -3ish. I looked out and there was this strange low cloud or something hovering. I look out at a road and then a field and a small forest. You could see this low hanging cloud in front of the treeline. I took a picture of it....

Upon going through recent pictures I saw one of Eddie and Stewie together....

Stewie is the one whose face you can see.

I just went upstairs for a minute and looked out, that strange cloud is gone now. I just love living here. I've seen so many things I'd never seen before. I love having the view of the sunrise from my kitchen.

I'm off to start my day. Have a lovely day!

Tropical Vacations.....Sigh

Good morning.
Gawd, I can't even believe I missed the garbage pick up again this week! It's going to take weeks just to get rid of it all now. I heard the truck coming just as I was getting ready to take it out and I missed it. We have a small dumpster out back, but it's full to capacity. The problem is the recycling. I have 2 recycle boxes and they are over-flowing. Now I've filled a large trash bag and several boxes with recyclables.
The temperatures are supposed to go up all week. I was just outside trying to chase Bear down, he took off on me when I let him out back, and it does seem a lot milder. So for sure, next Monday, I'll be prepared to put as much as I'm allowed out to the curb.
Still no word from Hubbys boss. This is getting scarey. Hubby is getting a little too comfortable with staying home. I do believe it is getting to him as well though. He's ready to go back to work. Now if his boss would just co-operate.
I haven't been doing much of anything. I've been glued to reading the archives of the latest blog. It's like a very long, repetative book. But some of it is very funny.
This person claims to be Bipolar, along with other "mental illnesses". At one time I thought I may be Bipolar, but according to the doctors, my highs aren't manic enough and my lows aren't manic enough. Because apparently thats what Bipolar is, you have manic highs and lows. Apparently my depressions are just depressions. You may have noticed I haven't named my recent diagnoses on here. I'm just not comfortable sharing that here just yet. This blog writer also has some OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) issues. I think I have a bit of that too, but like the Bipolar thing, the doctors say no. It's like I have a hint of all these other things, but don't really have a severe case of it. They say either you have it or you don't, and apparently, I don't. It has all made for some very interesting reading though.
I'm very thankful for my recent diagnoses. Finally there is a name for the way I feel and the things that have happened to me. And best of all, there is medication which actually helps me. I've tried every kind of anti-depressant on the market, since I get depressed, but none of them ever helped me. Most of them made me feel sick, like nauseous and jittery, but did nothing for my depression. I finally decided I would rather feel depressed than the way those medications made me feel. That was many years ago.
Well then I got this new doctor a couple of years ago and started having episodes of depression and anxiety again. He sent me to this other doctor who pegged me with a diagnoses in our first appointment. He told me of a website to check out and as I was reading it I was just thrilled to see that yes this is definately me, this is what I have, this is whats wrong with me. And of course the medication he gave me did the trick, made me feel better. And yes, it does alter my brain chemicals.
What bothers me now is, why did it take so long? Why did no other doctor previously come to this conclusion? This was not the first time I had gone to a doctor about my depression and most recently anxiety. I've spent my whole adult life searching for a cure.
It's been a bizarre experience. I am thrilled to know I'm not the only one out there who has gone through some things and who feels the way I do sometimes. I'm thrilled to know there is a name for it and a medication to control it.
Reading this blog has helped me to see that I'm not Bipolar or Manic Depressive or OCD. It has helped me to understand my own situation better. Being depressed can make one feel isolated which makes the depression even worse. I don't feel isolated any more. I now know I'm not alone. I now know it isn't my fault. I now know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel enlightened and empowered. I feel calm and happy, and thats a change. I'm just thrilled.
So, that's where I've been, that's what I've been doing. I still have a lot of reading to do before I'll be all caught up with the writers life. But I may just take a break from it today and get some stuff done around the house.
My friend is still stuck with Stewie at her house. She has been unable to reach the people who want him. I sure hope they haven't changed their minds. One of her dogs is not taking too kindly to Stewie and it's been chaos at her house. She's been forced to keep them alternately in kennel cages. I feel so bad for her and for Stewie. But at the same time, she was happy to get him out of the house he was in.
I am here, just eagerly awaiting spring. Hopefully we'll get a taste of it this week and hopefully some of this snow will melt away. I have a little bucket full of different flower seeds. Some were bought, some were given to me, some were taken from my very own flowers. I can't find the bucket. I'm just not sure where I stashed it. I'll have another look around for it today. I'd like to get some things started soon. I've only tried doing this once before and it didn't work. I'd love to be able to plant flowers I started from seed myself. It would be nice to get some great deals on plants like we did last year too. I don't know if they do it every year or not as last year was the first time I had noticed them. At a farm down the road, they had a wagon full of flowers and plants for sale at awesome prices. The prices at the stores are just getting too high, it goes up every year it seems, like everything else. With my huge yard, the possibilities are just endless. Who knew I would love gardening so much? But it does stand to reason since my mother was a master. Its relaxing, calming and so rewarding. Plus I get an awesome tan being out it the sun so much. Oh how I'm longing for some sun. It never used to bother me. I used to love winter. But now I find myself dreaming of tropical vacations, laying on a beach with the warm sun beating down on me and warm breezes caressing my skin. Who knew? I've never ever been on a tropical vacation. It never interested me. But I am starting to see the attraction. Until this year, there was always a lot of drunken weekends during the winter. That was how I got through it. I think its in the future to plan some mid-winter tropical vacations. Though I do miss the drunken weekends too hehe.
I've been cooped up in the house for too long, can you tell?
Well, I'm off to get some laundry done and stuff. Have a wonderful day.

City Excursion

Well Stewie is gone now. My friend came and picked him up first thing in the morning. Fortunately there is someone else who wants him. I got upset, mostly because I felt like we were traumatizing the dogs by having them together and then splitting them up again. But also because I felt like such a loser for not being able to handle keeping him and putting my friend through all the trouble of bringing him over and then picking him up again. It was a lesson learned, wouldn't want more than two dogs.
So Hubby and I went down to the city to visit my father in the afternoon. That's always an experience. We exited the highway to drive through our old stomping grounds. So much has changed, yet it's still the same. Before heading to my sisters house, we made a little detour and drove by the house I grew up in. I was actually born in that house, as opposed to being born in a hospital. I spent my entire childhood there. I have many memories of that house. As we drove by there was a furniture truck in the driveway and there were people moving furniture into the house. It was a very odd feeling seeing that. But what struck me the most was how small the house was, all the houses, the whole neighbourhood, looked so tiny and squished together. That's not how I remember it. As we were approaching and I saw the furniture truck, I got strangely excited, thinking maybe the house was up for sale. But it wasn't, and like I said to Hubby, we probably couldn't afford it even if it was. It's funny how everything looked miniature compared to my memories, but I guess that's natural after living here in my sprawling country home on a half acre lot. It's funny too that I didn't get upset or depressed, longing for the past. It actually made me appreciate what I have now.
So we finally get to my sisters house and her driveway is full of cars, the street was lined with cars. We had to park a few doors away. Again this was odd. Hubby walks in the door saying "what, are you having a party here or what?" But no, just everyone was home and I guess neighbours had visitors as well, and again, everything was mini sized. In that tiny house lives my sister, her three adult sons and my father, they all have cars, plus one of my nephews had his girlfriend and his kids there visiting. So I finally got to meet his new girlfriend, she seems much more pleasant than his ex-wife, thankfully. And I got to see his daughter, my great-niece, who is a toddler now but I haven't seen since she was born basically. So that was a bonus. Of course I thought of bringing my camera as I usually take it with me everywhere, but didn't bother bringing it, sigh. My sisters house seems smaller every time I go there. After we left I told Hubby to remind me of how tiny it is any time I complain about my own small kitchen, because my kitchen is twice the size of hers. My father was in amazingly good condition, he always bounces back. I was very happy to see him doing so well, you would never know he just had major surgery. He is amazing. He is proof positive of what good clean living can do. We always feel out of place when we go down there in our parkas and arctic boots since there's never nearly as much snow as we have here and everyone is walking around in little jackets and running shoes. I didn't wear socks in my arctic boots, so I asked my sister if she had a pair of slippers I could wear. She brought out these knitted slipper/socks for me, very cute, very comfortable, and I think they are handmade. When we left she told me I could keep them, they were a Christmas gift and she can't wear them, bonus. Thank you! It was a lovely afternoon, I needed to get out of the house and it was great to see the family hehe. All the bad feelings from Christmastime flew out the window.
The drive home was uneventful, enjoyable even. It had been lightly snowing all day, was a very dreary, gray day, even more so down in the city. It was so nice to get home, with my new appreciation of it and all. We had stopped at a Wendys to grab some dinner on our way home, I decided to live a little, and tried the Tex-Mex taco salad. It was good but huge and I couldn't even eat the whole thing.
We had a lovely evening at home, enjoying our home. We had a few brewskies and played a few games of darts. We both won a couple of games. We gave the dogs tennis balls to keep them occupied and out of the way while we played. I guess Eddie wasn't happy to just chew and tear up the ball, he was actually eating and swallowing it. He later puked, twice. Two big blobs of tennis ball fuzz and rubber, ugh. Poor dumb guy.
Today is a new day, no plans.
Enjoy your day.

Enter Stewie

Good morning.
Wow, it feels like I haven't done this in ages. I believe my last post was ended abruptly when I had to take the trash out. As I was getting dressed, I heard the truck coming and I missed him! Three weeks in a row now. There is no way I'll miss him again this Monday, I have way too much garbage to get rid of now.
We were expecting a call from Hubbys boss this week which never came. I think Hubby expects to go back to work this coming week. We finally got a cheque from compensation on Valentines Day. So that was cool, we spent the day in town running around paying bills and shopping. Finally able to get our prescriptions filled again too.
The weather has been awful. Hopefully this deep freeze is coming to an end. Little R hasn't been to school much in the last couple of weeks. There were a few "inclement weather" days and a few ski trip days and a P.D day yesterday. We have a ton of snow out there. We have some rather deadly icicles hanging from our house.
Just as Eddie and Bear were getting settled, getting used to each other, we got Eddies brother, Stewie, delivered to us yesterday. My friend was telling me the owners were wanting to give up Stewie too and Hubby says "tell her we'll take him too". After thinking about it and sleeping on it, I decided it wasn't a good idea. I didn't want to go through the whole thing over again, so I sent an email saying nevermind let the other people have him. Apparently, my friend never got that email until AFTER she had delivered Stewie to us, ugh. Stewie is very submissive, Eddie totally dominates him. In fact Eddie is quite a handful, even more so with Stewie here. Especially with Hubby possibly going back to work next week, I don't want three dogs here. Unfortunately my friend has other more pressing matters going on right now, so it can wait until she is ready to come and get him. There are other people who want him, I think.
I did catch part of that episode of Oprah a couple of weeks ago, about the secret of happiness being uncluttering your home. I so know that. That is my goal. Tripping over 3 dogs is not in that plan. Having a yard sale in the spring is the plan. I've taken a couple of loads of clothes to drop boxes in town, but I'm sure I have a couple of loads to go yet.
The brilliant doctor who diagnosed me is leaving in August. That was a surprise to find out. I saw him the other day and I asked him if I would be on this medication for the rest of my life or what, and thats when he told me. He gave me a prescription for like a years worth of medication, and told me my family doctor can take over. Cool. I still haven't heard from the specialist regarding my biopsy results.
Valentines Day was lame. We didn't have any money until that day, and it was a snow day for Little R. So while we were in town we got a bunch of candy for her to take to school the next day, and we got each other candy. I understand Hubby had no money for the usual roses and jewels.
So, its been an uneventful couple of weeks, just waiting for this weather to let up. No plans other than keeping an eye on the dogs and maybe getting some laundry done.
Have a great day.

Too Much Information

Good morning.
Onto yet another blog. Now this one I am thinking has got to be fiction. Who lives like this? Furthermore who would want to tell the world this stuff? I mean, there is some information that is just way too personal, who would share this? I have a funny feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg. There is probably so much worse out there. They talk about being a writer too and that is just laughable. Yet I am sucked in, I keep reading the next entry. The sad thing is, some of it does ring true. I myself have memories of some very desperate times in my life. But I can assure you that in those desperate times, there is no way in hell I could have afforded a computer and internet service! Thats one thing that makes it sound untrue. It's more like some amatuer fiction writer. I don't know what to think of this one. I'll keep reading.
Its STILL flurrying.
Eddie kept me awake half the night. He's not happy to snuggle beside you, he has to be ON you. Ugh.
I ran out of my new medication about a week ago and haven't had $45 to get more. The doctor told me I could go there for more samples to tie me over in that case, but I haven't done that either. I don't want to be out driving on those snowy roads. Its the opposite direction of the town where we go shopping and everything. Maybe today. I really do feel the difference. And I'm not supposed to stop and start taking it. I wonder if a week without it will mean taking it like I'm starting over, once a day for a week and then twice a day? I don't know. Guess I'll have to ask.
This last couple of weeks has been quite Twilight Zone-ish. Suddenly having no money. Suddenly having Hubby home all the time. Having no medication. The constant snow. Suddenly having another dog in the house. Its been weird.
Little R finally came home from the sleep over around 6 last night, sheesh.
Aww shit, I JUST remembered its garbage day! I have 2 weeks worth to get rid of. I'll only be able to put some of it out as we are limited to 3 bags a week. Damn, I have to get dressed and go out to do that NOW.
K, have a great day.

You Know You're Old When...

Good morning.
I was up late last night. Yeah, I was up late, reading. You know you're getting old when, you stay up late on a Saturday night, reading. I think the dogs woke me up. I know Eddie was wrapped around my feet and it was uncomfortable. I subconciously knew if I kicked, I'd kick Eddie off the bed. They were both in the bedroom. So here I am. Lately I've been locking them both out of the bedroom, just too much fussing, they keep me awake.
Little R went to a birthday party last night, it was a sleep over. The last I heard, the kids were singing karaoke at 10:45 p.m.
The house doesn't seem quite so cold this morning. Whats up with that? Maybe for once Hubby left the heat alone, didn't run over to turn it down the minute I went to bed. Or maybe its not as cold outside today. Hubby went to bed before me, so thats probably it, he didn't get the chance to turn it down.
I stopped reading that book Hubby read in one day. I just couldn't get into it. I'm now reading a Mary Higgins Clark that Hubby gave me for Christmas. Ugh. Its one of the books I happened to see a review online for and told Hubby NOT to get. As I'm reading it I keep getting the feeling I've read it before, but its new. I think all her books are the same, she sucks. I used to like her, at first, but now, nope. So I probably won't finish this one either. It wasn't a book I was reading last night, it was a blog. What is it about reading about someone elses life? I love it. I get so into it, I end up staying up late. Lots of movie reviews on this one and I don't even watch movies, well rarely I do, but it is rare. I guess it's just like why I watch soaps, which I haven't been lately, but it takes me out of my own life for a while. Just seeing inside how other people live. I guess thats the attraction. And its real you know. It isn't a movie, it isn't fiction.
We went to town for some groceries yesterday. Thats the first time I was out of the house in ages.
I see its still flurrying out there. The flurries haven't stopped in a week. Sometimes they turn into an actual snowfall, sometimes its very light, but the flurries are ALWAYS there.
Ok I'm out of here. Have a great day!

No Eddie, You Are Not A Hat

Good morning.
Our company did pop by anyways last night, well, just S.W, to drop of a birthday gift for Hubby. How sweet. She also gave me a card and a plant to cheer me up. How very sweet and thoughtful. The plant...it's a "Money Tree". Oh and Hubbys gift....a big ass jug of Crown Royal whiskey, hehe.
It's too bad we've had to cancel everything lately. Just to let you know, once we get our shit together we will be having a party for no other reason than because we can.
I put the Money Tree in the windowsill above my computer, and I keep looking at it and thinking "yeah, I need money, bring on the money". Apparently, Hubby is going back to work on Monday (yesssss) on modified duties. Well maybe not Monday (ugh) sometime next week, his boss is gonna call him on Monday, or Tuesday.
I still cannot get warm. UGH. So its like the last thing on earth I want to do is go outside. If its this cold inside, with the furnace cranked, what must it be like out there? Though the sun is shining, and the icicles are melting, hmmmm. I have noticed its staying light longer too. Sure sign of spring. What happened to the predicted mild winter? I want it back! Hopefully this deep freeze will let up SOON.
The boys started their fighting crap again last night. I believe it was all for S.Ws benefit. I don't know how to think like a dog, so I don't know what the hell they are thinking when they do that. A lot of the time I think Bear is just trying to teach Eddie how to be civilized. Eddie has a thing for peoples heads or hair. He gets on the couch behind you and tries to climb onto your head. Poor S.W lol. I watched him the other day doing it to Little R and he actually did get all 4 feet on top of her head for a second at one point. All I could do was laugh my ass off.
Well, nothing else to say this morning.
Have a lovely day.

I'm Even More Boring Than I Thought

Good evening.
Oh wow.
I am so boring.
But you know what? It's hard to not be boring when you don't even leave your house. I need AIR. But I'm afraid if I breathe that air outside my lungs will freeze.
We seem to have some kind of flu-type bug happening here. Both Hubby and I feel it, Little R seems to have been spared. Could it just be from sitting inside the house for a week straight, chain smoking, living on second-hand smoke for air?
I don't know...I did go to the store yesterday and didn't feel any better while breathing the fresh, crisp, outside air.
And Hubby has been out more than me and feels just as crappy as I do.
It feels like a fever, cannot get warm. The furnace is juiced. I can tell it's hot in here, but my body still feels chilled.
We were supposed to have company this evening, but we cancelled, due to feeling like crapola. It was mostly Hubbys idea to cancel, I'm pretty much used to feeling yucky all the time. Nothing a shower and maybe a little walk with the dogs wouldn't snap me out of, I bet.
So, I've spent the last 3 evenings reading the archives of another blog I've begun to frequent. The archives go back to 2003, I'm in the middle of 2006 now. Pretty funny stuff. But I must admit, it's starting to become repetative. I love my dogs, they're so cute, pains in the ass, bla bla bla, I hate my job, coworkers are all fuckwads, boss is an ass, bla bla bla. But at the same time, its still funny.
Ok, here, I'll let you be the judge for yourself, heres the link...
I've been considering going over to the store and begging for my job back. Just to give me something to talk about on here! A dame came into the store today... But it was miserable when I worked there. The one girl who usually came in to work after me, after school, doesn't work there any more. She used to make mistakes all over the place, silly little things, like giving customers back their winning lottery tickets after cashing them in, thats a NO-NO. Even though she admitted doing it, I got blamed! The store owner always thought it was me fucking up, no matter what. There was no furnace. There were a couple of electric heaters, thats it. Don't think my old bones could handle that now. And the customers! All fuckwad asses. But I don't know, there seems to be a lot of changes going on over there now, maybe things are different. Besides we need some money. Enh....she didn't pay me enough anyways. Forget it.
The batteries in my camera completely died and I don't have any money to get new ones, ugh. Theres a ton of pictures to be taken. I've missed capturing many a Kodak moment folks.
You should see the path to the front door, pretty soon it'll be just like walking through a tunnel, the snow is so deep. And its still flippin snowing.
Yesterday was much more worthy of being a snow day than today was, go figure.
And so, have yourselves a cozy little evening.

That There Is Some Deep Snow

Good morning.
You know, I've hardly been out of the house in what seems like weeks, though its really only been a week I'm sure. I happened to look outside last night and was quite surprised by the size of the snow drift in front of the house. We haven't had to go anywhere, so Hubby hasn't bothered dragging the snow blower out at all. I think today that needs to be done. I have noticed it gets harder to open the front door each time I have stepped out to grab the mail or whip over to the store. Yesterday it snowed pretty heavily all day. Its pretty much been snowing all day every day for at least a week. There is a shitload of snow out there! I was surprised yesterday was not a snow day. I thought I better check the school bus site this morning, because you just never know, and sure enough, today IS a snow day, no school. After I stayed up late doing laundry for Little R. It seems Eddie is still peeing and pooing in the house and had peed on Little Rs coat. He was starting to do well with that, going on daily walks and doing his business outside. But the past week, its just been so damn cold out there and with all the snow and ice, we just haven't been taking them for walks. We let them out in the backyard to do their business and Eddie has started doing it in the house again. Ugh.
The no money situation is getting critical. We have to do something. We need to get some money to live. Hubby just takes the word of anyone that they will be sending a cheque. He filed for Workers Compensation but his boss is disputing his claim, which should make no difference, and they told Hubby he would get a cheque this week. Well the week ends today folks, wheres the cheque? Man this is brutal. Little R is going to a birthday party tomorrow, she needs to buy a gift. I'm hoping something will happen today so we can get some money.
So that will be my day, worrying about getting money and shovelling out a shitload of snow.
Have a great day.